The meeting of Dumbledore's Army were a huge success. There were more than a dozen members and no one ever missed a session. Like Hermione, they all were of the opinion that Umbridge was crippling them by neglecting to allow them to conjure in class, leaving everything to theory. Ana could not have been more proud of the leadership Harry had displayed. Even she was getting better at spells she had mastered long before, firing with more accuracy and more power. But there was one thing she could not smile about when they were in meetings: Harry hardly ever took his eyes off Cho when they would practice spells as a group. He gave her extra help, more attention. Granted she needed it. Smart as she was she was not a good defensive spell caster. Still, it bothered Ana more than she could have described.
It was the final meeting before the holidays and Harry was addressing everyone before they left. He praised their progress and dismissed them. Cho was standing at the mirror they kept photos on; pictures of people who had been affected by the doings of Voldemort before. She was staring at a photo of Cedric. Harry waved off Hermione, Ron, and Ana saying he would catch up.
They left and outside the room Ana waved Ron and Hermione on herself. She wanted to wait for Harry. It was always late when they left from the meetings and no one should ever go back to their house alone.
It was several minutes and neither Harry nor Cho had emerged. Ana waited more, but when another several minutes had passed her by, she decided to poke her head inside. What she saw caused her to scurry away with tears in her eyes.
Harry was standing before the mirror with Cho. He was kissing her. And he kissed her far more passionately than he had months ago when he had kissed Ana.
When Ana returned to the common room she rushed by everyone who was there, determined not to be seen. In her dormitory, no one was there. Everyone was down in the common room as classes had finished. She sat on her bed and cried. The tears swelled over her eyelashes and fell onto her cheeks, hands, and robes. To calm herself she picked up a spell book she had been given by the Ministry in Russia. It had been left to her by her grandparents among a few other small items. She flipped mindlessly through the pages, scanning the various charms and spells. When she came to the potions she read more fervently. Potions came easy to her. Wands were not a requirement.
She came across one recipe that intrigued her, piqued her interest in the most peculiar way. It did not bear a name, only a heading that read For Those Who Wish to Escape Pain.
Ana read on. So much was the pain she was feeling now, she would do anything to banish it. The ingredients were something that could be found in any common ingredient kit. Any student might have them. In fact, she had them. And there was no need for flame or cauldron. Merely a glass phial and something with which to measure the limited amount of the various components. Ana promptly wiped her face and set her book aside so she might get up and retrieve her potion making kit from her trunk. Upon returning to the bed she closed her curtains and opened her potions kit. She searched through her vials for the extracts required: hectate, hawthorn, and sage. She took the dropped from its place and a clean, empty vial. A dozen drops each, and three swirls of the uncorked vial before immediately consuming. It was perhaps the simplest potion she had ever seen.
Ana did as instructed and packed away her kit. She replaced it in her trunk and returned to bed. Inside the curtains she undressed herself, slowly, paying attention to how her heart felt. Nothing seemed to have changed. She pushed her school robes to the edge of the bed and slipped into her pajama pants and a grey tee shirt. Something was happening to her. But it was not in her heart. It wasn't anywhere specific. She felt tired, almost sluggish, and very lightheaded. It was as though she was fading, she felt. Like she was becoming as ghostly as Professor Binns.
The feeling continued so she lay herself down among her fluffy pillows and closed her eyes. The door opened and Hermione came in saying excitedly, "You will never guess what just happened." The curtains were opened, Ana could hear, but she could not open her eyes to see her friend. Her eyelids felt too heavy. A second after they had opened, the curtains closed again and Ana could hear Hermione say, "I'll tell her tomorrow."
Ana wanted to call to her. Something was very wrong. But her voice would not obey her will. She could not move. Something was very wrong. But there was nothing she could do.
Ana did finally awake to someone stroking her hair. She was able to open her eyes. When she did, she saw her cousin Bill sitting in a chair. Ana was in a bed not her own. She wasn't even in the school anymore.
She laid her hand over his, stopping it mid stroke and shook it. The man looked up from where his chin was resting on his chest and gazed upon Ana with a relieved sigh. He leaned in closer and smiled wearily.
'What happened?' Ana asked, thankful that Bill was the only person in the family aside from Aunt Molly and Uncle Arthur who had mastered wizarding standard sign language to have a conversation.
"You tell me," Bill answered. "You're in St. Mungos. The healers said there was a mixture of herbs in your system that almost killed you. They said no one from Britain would have known how to mix them like that. What did you take?"
Ana was highly embarrassed. She could feel a blush spread over her face as she answered. 'It was hawthorn, hectate and sage. I put twelve drops of each elixir in a vial, swirled it three times and drank."
"Where did you learn that?"
'It was in the book my grandparents left me. There was no name on the recipe, only a heading. It said it was to ease pain.' She hesitated before continuing. 'I…had just seen Harry kiss another girl. I felt like my heart was going to break. I just wanted to pain to go away.'
"I think the writer of that potion meant for it to be a potion for suicide, Ana." He paused for a moment. "There's something else. Dad's here. He got hurt doing work for the order. Got bit by a snake. The healers are doing everything they can and Mom's with him now." He stood up. "The healers said you can go home as soon as you were awake. We'll be staying at headquarters for Christmas. Get yourself up and we'll check you out."
They didn't speak much on the way to Grimmauld Place. Ana felt as though there was more to say, but that Bill was holding back. When they were standing before the door, Bill let her inside and was gone before he had even said goodbye, on his way back to the hospital to be with Molly. So Ana walked into the sitting room alone. When she did everyone was there. Her cousins, Harry and Sirius. She received hugs from everyone and Harry translated what Ana told them happened (which of course was not the truth. She said that the healers though it was some contents of a jar she had touched gathering ingredients in potions class earlier that day. Some elixir that had gone bad, probably.)
When everyone had settled once again into their somber states, worrying over their father, Harry pulled Ana aside. He told her what he had experienced, seeing the attack on Arthur through the eyes of the snake. 'I don't think it was a dream, or a premonition. I was there, somehow,' he signed so no one would be able to interlope. 'I feel terrible.'
Ana reached up and stroked Harry's cheek. He was frightened. Worried that he was losing his mind or else some evil streak in him was coming through after all these years. Either way, he was convinced he had been the cause of what happened to Arthur, and had taken no great amount of time to start blaming himself. Ana pulled Harry into a strong embrace. Or as strong as she could give, as she still felt a little weak. He melted into it as she always imagine it would be. But in the back of her mind all Ana could see was what she came across in the room of requirement. The scene she had stumbled on. As Harry moved away and slid himself down the length of the sofa so as to rest his head in her lap, Ana reminded herself that she was not Cho Chang, and she never would be. She made a silent promise to herself that she could never reveal her feelings to Harry. She wasn't who he wanted. Wasn't the one who would make him happy. And in the end that was all she really wanted for him: to be happy. Even if it wasn't with her. So she would remain silent. Not a difficult task. Ana had been the silent type her whole life.
