A/N: So this is chapter three. Uh, it's kind of short, but longer than the first too. I have now decided that all of these chapters are probably going to be short for the beginning half. The first five or so. I think the entire thing will be ten--and they will get longer on the way. Hopefully. Anyway. R&R! Thanks! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek.

Chapter Three

Decisions, Decisions

"I have to go." I whispered against Derek's lips.

We were in our house alone this Saturday night. My mom and George had taken the kids to a movie--G-rated and too childish for Derek and me. Or so we said. We were currently in our livingroom, on our couch. It had started out innocent, like all of our encounters. We were watching TV, but I don't think either of us were focused on it. The next thing I know, I'm on my back with Derek on top of me--making out like crazy. It was amazing as usual, but I had a date with Sam in an hour and I had to get ready.

Derek pulled away so that he was looking me straight in the eyes. "Why?"

"I have a date with Sam." I answered.

Derek immediately sat up and rolled off of me. I sat up as well. He hated talking about Sam--especially when we were well...doing what we had been doing. He said it was because it killed the mood, but I knew better. It upset him. I don't know why. I was the one cheating on her boyfriend.

When I was pretty sure Derek wasn't going to say anything else, I stood and headed for the stairs. I didn't have much time to get ready. Then at the last second, as I was about to leave the room, he spoke up.

"You can't have us both Case."

I turned back around so that I could see him. He hadn't moved. He was still sitting on the couch, with his back to me.

"Funny how you're the one who says that." I responded.

He stood up and walked over to me, "I'm the only one who knows you're playing us both."

"I'm not playing..." I started.

"Then what do you call it? Huh?" Derek cut me off. "Unless Sammy boy knows you're sneaking off to see me behind his back."

"No."

"Then what is it, if it's not playing?" Derek asked.

"Cheating." I said.

"Then you've got to choose. You can't go on messing around with both of our heads." Derek replied. "It's not fair to Sam. It's not fair to me. And it's not fair to you."

"Does it even matter to you?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Derek responded, a scowl setting in on his face.

"Well does it?" I countered, "You could have another girl in a split second. You don't need me. You don't have to have me."

"Casey..." Derek started.

"I could choose Sam and it wouldn't make a difference to you. There is no choice to be made." I continued, ignoring that he had spoken.

"Is that really what you think?"

"Yes."

Derek let out a laugh, then stepped closer to me as he spoke, "If it didn't matter to me, do you think I would be wasting my time on you? If I could have any other girl--if I wanted any other girl--do you think I would be with you? Do you think I would be having this conversation if it didn't matter to me?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't find any words to say. Derek shook his head as made to move past me. As he reached the foot of the stairs he spoke again--this time to the back of my head as I refused to look at him.

"Whether it matters to me or not put aside, either you make a choice or I'll make one for you." Derek said.

"Derek, wait." I replied, turning around. "That's not fair."

"It's about time you figured out what you really want, who you really care about. If you can't do that, then you don't deserve either of us." Derek responded and climbed up the stairs away from me.

I stared after his retreating form. I couldn't help but find the truth in his words. It was a rare thing for Derek to be so absolutely right, but this time he was. I had tried so hard to keep Sam and still have Derek too. I didn't deserve either of them. I am a terrible person.

The fact that I knew I had to make a choice didn't make the choice any easier. What I had with each of them was so good when I had both of them, but could either of them be that good when they stood alone? What I had with each of them was different, and it was hard to base a choice off of two things that were hardly similar. I could choose Sam fro companionship or Derek for chemistry. But which did I want more?

I guess that was what Derek had meant. And it was a good question. It wasn't like I didn't have an idea about what I wanted, I did. The problem was they each gave me something I wanted--but not everything I wanted. I have to give up one thing to have another. How am I supposed to choose when I lose either way? How am I supposed to decide who give me the most when neither of them do? How am I supposed to choose when what I want is both of them? God, I don't know what to do.