Chapter Three
I Miss You
"Gakkun~!" I cried out, leaping onto Gakkun's back and looping my arms around his neck. "Morning, Gakkun," I breathed into his ear, ruffling his purple hair. I smiled when I caught his shiver but didn't let on that I'd noticed. Like every morning, I left him pull me off and put me back down just so I could feel his big, warm hands on me.
"Kagamine, go away," Gakupo sighed weakly.
"Gakkun says the same thing every morning," I sighed, wagging a finger at him to let him know I didn't approve. "Len's feelings are going to be hurt soon. He might start to think that you don't like him."
"I like you well enough, Kagamine, but as a student."
"Gakkun's a rotten liar," I sung, smiling at him. I stood on the tips of my feet to poke his blushing cheeks, making his face go bright red. "Gakkun wouldn't be blushing if he didn't like Len as more than a student."
"Stop it, Len," requested Gakupo, unable to even look at me. He was so cute. "Seriously, if the principal caught us—"
"So it's us now?" I cut off. Gakupo froze. I giggled. I'd caught him. I knew Gakkun liked me. How could he not?
Gakkun sighed, trying to portray annoyance, but, as usual, it was a feeble attempt. "Len, just leave me alone."
I felt anger spark in me. Stupid Gakkun. He was so mean. He was a mean, mean man. I snapped at him, "You made Rin leave you alone, and she did, but Len's not going to give up as easily as she did." My anger wavered as I thought of my twin. "But I'm sure she's still thinking of you, Gakkun, so you should feel bad."
"I feel awful, Len, you know that," Gakkun told me. I could see him struggling. He wanted to give me some sort of comfort, but he was too afraid to touch me, to let me know the truth, that he liked me too.
"Len doesn't feel bad," I murmured, staring at the ground as the scene of Rin leaving played over and over in my head. "Len's terrible. Len still loves Gakupo, even though Rin did. Len never told Rin how he felt. It's all his fault."
"Len . . . ." Gakkun wasn't sure what to say, but I was too busy thinking to notice.
I remembered it so well. That night. It had been a terrible night. We'd never fought much as siblings, but that night, we'd been at each other's throats. It hadn't ended well. Rin had left that night. She'd been covered in blood, just like me. We'd been dressed in our school uniforms, formal-looking black blazers paired with pants or a skirt. Those blazers had been dyed red. Deep, dark red. I'd stared at her, stared right into her eyes, as we'd both gone silent. I'd washed the blood off us both, and then, she'd gotten dressed, and she'd left. She'd murmured a soft goodbye, terrible grief in her eyes, then she'd left. Rin was gone, and she'd never come back again.
I gazed at the sleeves of my blazer, wondering if the blood was still there, embedded in that fabric. Was it Rin's blood? Was it my blood? Or was it someone else's?
"Len hurt Rin very badly," I murmured absently, unaware for once of Gakkun's eyes on me. "Len can never, ever make up for it."
"I'm sure your sister still loves you, Len," Gakkun told me, drawing me away from the image of red coating a knife that had been taken from the kitchen.
I smiled softly at him as I shook my head, anger in my eyes, despite my attempts to keep it hidden. "Rin hates Len. She'll never forgive him for being so terrible. She hates him very, very much."
"Len, you know Rin would never hate you," Gakkun said reassuringly, hesitantly taking my hand. "It's just not possible for someone like her."
"Rin and Len are both capable of very bad things," I told him. "They act good, but they're just as mean as Gakkun."
Uh oh. I was confusing poor Gakkun. I smiled at him, expelling all the darkness and skipping backward, away from him. I smiled and said, "Don't worry, Gakkun. Len will be a good boy for you." Gakkun was even more confused now. I turned away. "Len's gonna go be a good boy and be nice to Miku-chan. Bye bye, Gakkun."
Gakkun was watching me as I left. I could feel it. But my mind had fallen into a state that it did very often in the last month since Rin had left. All I could think about was Rin's last night with me. I felt so bad. All that had happened that night shouldn't have ever happened. It had all been one rash mistake. But there was no taking it back. I'd just have to make sure no one ever found out.
I slid into the school washroom and gazed at my reflection. We both had the same face. Did it really make a difference what gender we were? We were both human, weren't we? Stupid, stupid Gakkun. It was all his fault. We were only human. It didn't matter what gender we were. He should've just given Rin a chance.
I shook my head. No remorse. Rin was gone now. There was just me and Gakkun. Len and Gakkun.
My eyes fell from the mirror. Poor Rin. Never even had a chance.
. . .
"Len-kun!" Gumi, a girl from a different home room, called as she came to my locker after school. I felt a twinge of irritation. Why in the world did she want to talk to me?
"What is it, Gumi-chan?" I wondered politely with a faint smile that was all I could force myself to give.
"When's Rin gonna be home?" I flinched at her question, bracing myself in preparation for the next time she spoke. "I, uh, really need to talk to her, and she won't answer my e-mails or texts."
I tilted my head curiously to the side, noting the redness in her cheeks and the nervousness in her expression as she fidgeted uncomfortably. Then, I said, "Huh. Len gets it."
Gumi froze. "What?"
"You like Rin," I informed her, a flame of anger gently sparkling in my heart. Her expression told me I was right. "Would you like Len if Len was Rin?"
Gumi blinked at me. "What?"
I rolled my eyes. "If Rin were a boy, would you still like her? Or are you like Kamui-sensei, who says he can't like a girl?" I was incredibly serious, and I felt myself leaning closer to her, though I wasn't sure why.
"I-I don't know!" Gumi, taken aback, exclaimed, her face and ears burning.
"What if Len were to tell you, right here and now, that he's passionately in love with you, and that he's loved you for a while now? Would you go out with him?"
"B-b-but, Len-kun, we barely ever talk!"
"So you'd say no then? What if it were Miku-chan?" Gumi took a little longer to respond, and I lost all control of myself. I grabbed onto her wrist sharply and pulled her down to my eye-level. "You won't like Len because he's a boy, then? You're terrible, Gumi-chan, and Rin never wants to see you again. Try to talk to her again and Len will get very, very angry."
Gumi ripped herself away from me and stumbled backward. I watched her speed off into the crowd, tears in her eyes. No remorse. Never look back.
Rin was gone.
. . .
"Gakkun, Len is bored," I said as I entered Gakkun's classroom. He had a prep period, so I knew no one would be there. Still, Gakkun just had to overreact. At least he looked cute while doing it.
"Kagamine, don't call me that!" he insisted, flustered. "And why aren't you in class?"
"Len was bored," I repeated.
Gakupo sighed then said, "Fine. Come here, I want to look over this test with you."
"Did Len do bad?" I wondered, smiling at the invitation and promptly leaning over his shoulder, making sure my hair bushed his shoulder.
"Yes, Kagamine, this is awful for you," Gakkun scolded. "Math has always been your best subject, but I can tell that you were struggling a lot with all of this."
"Len's just a little off since Rin went away."
"Kagamine, you've always been one of the top students in the school. You've fallen terribly in the last month, in all your subjects."
"Len doesn't care. It's just school."
"You've always said that, Kagamine, but you've also always gotten top grades. What's wrong? Why are your marks falling so low? It's obvious that you're trying, so why does it seem like you just don't understand?"
I pulled away and scowled down on him. "What do you want Len to say?" I questioned angrily.
He looked to me worriedly. "I want you to let me help you."
"Then call Len by his first name, and go out with him," I demanded.
"I can't do that, Kagamine!" Gakupo growled, exasperated, as he fell back in his chair. "You're my student! The principal would fire me the moment he caught wind of it!"
"Len doesn't care! Len made Rin go away so that Gakkun could be with Len, so just let Len be with you!" I shouted at him, unable to believe how incredibly stupid he was.
"What do you mean you made her go away?" Gakupo questioned. "You said she left!"
"It's Len's fault, though! Len made Rin go away!"
"Len, it's not—"
"Why is it that you like Len so much more than Rin, yet you refuse to go out with him? It's obvious that you love Len, so why can't you just be with him?"
"Len—"
"No, stop it! I hate this, Gakkun! I just hate it!" I doubled over into a fit of sobs, images of myself in the mirror, changing to the image of Rin, switching back and forth between the two of us, running through my head. The images were covered in blood, soaking through them and filling our blonde hair and drenching our black blazers, soaking into our skin and drying itself on the carpet and on our sheets. I felt my breathing grow constricted as Rin's smiles came into my mind, and fresh sobs overflowed. Tears stuck to my face and fell onto the ground as the image of blood on our bed surfaced, joined with angry shouting and screams of pain ringing in my ears.
But it all vanished in one brief moment, because Gakkun fell to his knees in front of me, lifted up my chin, and kissed me. All thoughts of those bloodied twins vanished, and I let myself fall into Gakkun, hoping that, maybe, his love would save me from everything, save me from my blood and my twin's, mixing together, and one of us leaving, never to come back.
Author's Note: There'll only be two chapters left after this (it's supposed to be a rather short story). If you noticed, when Gakupo's worried about Len, he stops calling him Kagamine and calls him Len. M'kay, please review!
