Hunny's Thoughts

Once again, I must consider myself a genius. I have finally finished working out the kinks in my new bunny projector. I makes hologram bunnies appear, and allows children to interact and play with them. All I need to do now is get it patented so that I can start making deals with toy companies for my latest engineering feat. Then, all of the children whose parents buy one can be happy playing with virtual bunnies.

Who doesn't like bunnies? They're so adorable and fuzzy, and most of all, cute!

Just the thought of making children happy, especially by sharing his love of bunnies and cute things makes me really happy! I think I'm going to buy myself a cake to celebrate. Takashi doesn't have to know that I'm cheating on the eating schedule he's enforcing on me. Seriously? I'm an adult now. If I want to eat cake, then I will eat cake!

I drove to my favourite cake shop and ordered myself a vanilla cake (a small one, of course. I don't think I can eat an entire large one by myself anymore). I was even able to order the cake with a pink flowery decorative pattern. It's my favourite because it's the cutest.

While eating my cake (slowly so that I can savour the taste), I started thinking. I'm really pleased to have finished working on the bunny projector, and I have Tama-chan to thank for being able to make it in the first place. No way was it Tama-chan that got me through my engineering program, but it was Tama-chan who taught me that it was okay to like cute things. He taught me how to be me.

If it wasn't for that belief, I wouldn't ever have been able to make something as cute as a bunny projector, for fear that it would upset my Dad. He's always been kind to me, but strict about liking cute things. "Cute things are for children! Not for older boys!" That's the sort of things he'd say, or at least, that's the general idea.

Once, my Dad told me that true strength was the ability to overcome weaknesses. Tama-chan had taught me that true strength was the courage to be myself, regardless of the opinions of others.

I"m glad I met Tama-chan. I'm so much happier now than I was before I met him! Without Tama-chan, I wouldn't like cute things anymore, like Usa-chan, or eat sweet things like cake all the time.

It's a little troubling to think about, but I can't help but speculate.

What would have happened if I had never met Tama-chan in high school?


"Okay guys, let's call a break for now." I said to my team, "That's some good work out there today. Make sure you keep working hard like this after the break."

That was the day I would have met Tamaki. Just a normal practice. It was shortly after I had given up all of my cute things and sweets. I had locked them away so that I couldn't tempt myself. I even started trying to use tougher behaviours and postures to make up for my short stature. It was against my nature, but I did my best. Truth be told, I needed the break too. It was exhausting, trying to keep up such a facade. I didn't mind being captain of the martial arts teams, in fact, I enjoyed it. I couldn't just keep working without taking a breather every once in a while. My guys were tired from the exercise, so I can give them a break and take one for myself while I'm at it. Win-win and no one notices that I' giving in a little bit to my weakness.

I wandered aimlessly around the field by the dojo, collecting my thoughts.

I am the heir to the Haninozuka legacy, Mitsukuni Haninozuka. That is my name. I am a genius in the field of martial arts, none are my equal. Except for my Dad. He's still a far better fighter than I am, despite my youth. I am 148cm tall, and I love sweets and cute things. I don't care that these things are girls or for children, I just like them. I must put them out of my mind at all times. I cannot ever be caught eating sweets again or holding anything cute. Even staring at cute things might be a bit too much. These things are my weaknesses and I must overcome them to become strong. For the sake of the family, I must tough it out and ignore my natural interests. I need to have control, to prove that I can be a great leader for the Haninozuka clan once my Dad retires. I must not give in to these temptations and weaknesses. Not ever, even for a minute.

With this in mind, I walk back to the dojo, feeling slightly nauseous. Maybe I'm training a little it too hard. I hope it's just exhaustion making me feel this way. Food poisoning or something would suck. It would mean no food at all for a little while, and even non-sugary foods taste good most of the time.

That was what I was thinking at the time.

I overheard my guys talking to each other on the break as I headed back inside.

"Man, we have a demon captain. He's being so tough in the training."

"It's hard to imagine he got this good in even less time than we have."

"I can slowly feel myself getting better under his guidance."

I felt proud to hear these things coming from my team. They really seemed to be appreciating my effort! They could tell that I was strong!

"Okay guys, time to finish today's training. Work hard and try to keep up with me." I said to them.

An hour later, we were done, and my guys headed home. I had to make sure that I was out last to lock up the dojo for the night.

Takashi stuck around to wait for me. We lived nearby, so we usually walked home together after practices. The nauseous feeling hadn't gone away. It had actually gotten slightly worse over the past hour. Hopefully it's just exhaustion.

"Mitsukuni, is there something bothering you?" he asked me.

I had to lie. I couldn't show my weakness, ever. Not even to Takashi. "Nope, nothing is wrong at all, Takashi!" I smiled, tried to look happy for my friend.

"You look a little anxious for some reason. It worries me a little." he stated. Why is he so observant? I guess this means I'll have to get really good at hiding my weaknesses. I'll be really strong by the time I can fool Takashi.

"I must have worked a little too hard during the practice. I'm just a bit tired." He can't argue that one.

I didn't think he would believe it anyways, but he didn't push the issue. I like the respectful silence he gives me, letting me come to him on my own when I need help. That's one thing that hasn't changed about Takashi, after all these years. I hadn't even considered the exhaustion from suppressing my natural urges to eat sweet things and hold cute things would show this much, or be so pronounced. I suspect that Takashi already knows something, but I can't tell him that I want to go against the beliefs of my family just for some sugar and toys. That's selfish, and that's the opposite of strength. I need to e strong, and tough it out like a man. This man I become will always be able to take the pain, not matter how intense it becomes.

We arrive at my house, and Takashi lets himself upstairs to my room. My Dad calls me over hen I walk in the door.

"Mitsukuni, may I see you for a minute in our dojo?"

"Sure thing, father. Please let me put my homework away in my room first. I will join you in five minutes, if that's alright."

"Not a problem. I will see you there shortly."

I followed Takashi upstairs and dropped off my homework, then changed out of my school uniform into some more comfortable clothes. I had figured that Dad wanted to test my strength again, and fighting in school clothes is more difficult than in training clothes. He will wish to see if I have surpassed him yet, as he surpassed his father, and his father surpassed his father before him. With any luck, I will have equalled him by now.

My stomach tightened suddenly, like it was cramping. I winced and bent forward slightly at the sudden pain. I'm sure that it was visible on my face, but I was lucky that Takashi was looking away because I was changing. He didn't see my brief weakness.

I couldn't help but think a piece of cake might make it better... No! I couldn't think that way! I was boycotting cake and sweets! I just need to ride out the pain. Maybe I could have told Dad that I wasn't feeling well, and that we should put off the fight for a couple of days so that he could get a better measure of my strength. Dad's a pretty reasonable man, so he probably would have been okay with it. But I didn't ask. I tried to "take it like a man."

I made my way to the dojo as quickly as I could, all the while wondering what it was that made my Dad so strong.

I entered the room and kneeled on the floor in front of him, as is the custom.

""Mitsukuni, I would like to test your martial arts skills in the Haninozuka style of fighting. I will be measuring your skills to be the next leader of the Haninozuka family. Get ready." We stood, and he came at me.

It was a simple and straightforward (literally) charge. He sent a punch straight into my stomach from the front. I'm sure that he expected me to dodge it, but the painful connection sent me flying across the room to the wall. It hurt, but it almost felt good to be beaten to the floor. A fitting punishment for such a pathetic reaction time on such an easy dodge.

"Mitsukuni, that was terrible. You should have been able to dodge the punch easily," He scolded me. I just laid there. My stomach was turning horribly, between the nausea and the punch it had just received. Poor organ.

Dad left, and after a few minutes, so did I. I went back to my room to do the homework for the next day.

"Mitsukuni, are you alright?" Takashi asked me. I guess it was easy to see how bad I looked. I decided to tell a little of the truth this time. No sense in lying about what was obvious.

"It's just some cramps. I'll be okay. My reactions were dulled, so my Dad hit me pretty good. A Haninozuka needs to be able to fight and defend himself at any time though, so it was a good wake up call. I'll need to train harder and work harder in the future. Stomach cramps shouldn't bother me."

"Does your father know that you aren't feeling well? I don't think he'd expect you to fight well if you're sick."

"No, he doesn't know, but that doesn't matter. I need to work harder anyways. That reminds me, though, I have a question for him."

I ran off to find my Dad.

"Father, I have a question I'd like to ask you." I stated.

"What is it, Mitsukuni?"

PI was wondering if you could tell me the meaning of true strength." Maybe he could give me a better idea about what I had to do to become strong.

"What a wise question, Mitsukuni. Maybe you do have what it takes to be the head of the Haninozuka family in the future. True strength is simply selflessness; to give up on one's desire to become stronger, and to overcome such weaknesses in your heart. The body is easily trained, but the mind is not. True strength is the strength of your mind and its ability to obey strict commands, to give up on the desires that do not benefit the family or that would bring disgrace upon oneself. True strength is to become strong enough in mind that only duty and strength are ever on your mind."

That sounded an awful lot like me at the time, but I was still not strong enough to surpass my father. Maybe I just needed to try harder, even if it didn't feel right.

However, I did have one question about his logic.

"Father, is it still true strength if that is not the nature of the one who wishes to become strong?"

"It is even more of a strength when it is not the nature of the individual. Conquering one's thoughts is difficult, but conquering one's nature is even more difficult a task. The one who would accomplish this would be truly strong indeed."

Maybe he was trying to make me feel better, maybe he was being honest, maybe it was both, I'll never know. All I know is that it felt wrong, but it must be the truth if it's what my Dad said. He did overcome his own father, after all. He has experience. He must know what he is talking about.

"Thank you for the advice, father." I left to go back to my homework. Takashi was waiting patiently for me to start. I wouldn't know for a few months that he had been listening to that conversation.

I tried to do my homework, but had difficulty focusing. The cramps had gotten much worse, and I was pretty sure I was going to be sick soon.

"Mitsukuni, what are you thinking about?" Takashi asked me suddenly. I wondered where that had come from.

"I was thinking about what father told me about true strength. He told me that I need to overcome my weaknesses, and by doing so, I'll become strong." I figured that that would be a safe answer.

"I see." he said pensively, "But you made an addition error. 7+6 doesn't equal 33. Do you still have those stomach cramps?"

"I do Takashi. They haven't gone away yet, but they will. I hope so, because it hurts so much Takashi!" I started tearing as I ran over and clung to him. I didn't care if I was begin weak. I needed a little comfort right now Who said I had to get strong all at once?

He wrapped his arms around me, trying to comfort me. It felt nice.

"Takashi?" I asked, "What do you think true strength is?"

"Why do you want this knowledge?" He replied

"I need it to..." I couldn't tell him that I needed to know so that I could prove to Dad that I'm strong. that would be childish. "To be a good leader of the family some day."

That answer seemed to satisfy him, although I couldn't tell if he believed me or not. He gave me one sentence.

"I think true strength means living your life honestly."

"I don't understand."

"That's okay. In my opinion, understanding it is the first step to becoming truly strong. But I could be wrong."

"Like knowledge is power? I wish I understood you I need to become strong as soon as I can! Ooooh!" My stomach cramped really painfully just then. I was definitely going to be sick.

"Mitsukuni? Are you alright?" Takashi looked at me with concerned eyes.

"Bath... Room..." I managed to say before feeling the vomit rise in my throat.

Takashi rushed me to the nearest bathroom and got me over the toilet just in time for me to let loose my lunch. I felt disgusting. I had just been sick, I was weak, and I was relying so heavily on Takashi when I should be able to take care of myself. I was already in high school, for goodness sake! I retched over the toilet again, coughing up more bile. The cramps disappeared, but I was left feeling dizzy and physically weak. Standing was a lot of effort. I thought I was going to faint. Looking back, it's quite impressive that I didn't.

Takashi caught me before I fell over and brought me to my bed.

"I'll let your family know that you will not be joining them for supper. Do not even try to leave this bed, Mitsukuni. Homework can wait. Training can wait. Just sleep. It'll help you feel better sooner." he spoke softly to comfort me. I am grateful for his kindness, even now.

When Takashi left the room, I fell into fevered dreams.


I woke up some time later, shivering, seating, and crying. I was frozen, despite being wrapped in several blankets. When did those get there? I was going to be sick again. I turned to get out of bed, but I saw a puke bucket on the bedside table. I reached for it and retched into it a few times. I continued to cry, feeling absolutely awful. I felt bad for Takashi too, taking care of me like this. It couldn't be pleasant.

Takashi, who was sleeping in a chair beside my ed, woke up when he heard me crying and retching.

"Mitsukuni, are you alright?"" That damned question again. Why does he have to care so much?

""You-you-you're so nice to me, Takashi. I don't know why, and I don't deserve it. I haven't earned it. I'm not strong enough. I can't keep sweets and bunnies and flowers and cake and anything cute out of my mind! It's too hard! It's making me crazy! It hurts! It really hurts..." I trailed off and dry heaved into the puke bucket. There was nothing left in me to throw up, not even extra water.

"It's okay, Mitsukuni. This will pass. You've been in bed for two days with a 40 degree (103/104 F) fever. You shouldn't push yourself so hard right now. Saying such things will make it worse. You will feel better, just give it some time. Maybe you will come to understand true strength y the end of..."

I passed out and didn't hear the rest of what he was saying. Apparently that had happened quite a few times over the few days I was in bed with a high fever.

My last dreams were of my grandmother and the bunny she knitted for me. I loved Usa-chan. He was my favourite of every stuffed animal I owned. He made me feel safe when I was a little kid. I really wanted to play with him again,

The next time I woke up, I felt a lot better. Takashi was sitting next to me, his hand on my forehead., probably checking my temperature. He had some dry toast next to him, and offered it to me when he determined that my fever had finally broken. When I tried to st up, I got really dizzy, probably because I hadn't eaten in more than two days.

Takashi caught me and helped me up so that I could eat. I was partway through the first quarter piece of toast when I noticed Usa-chan sitting in my lap. He must have noticed me looking, because he answered the question before I could ask it.

"He helped me break your fever, Mitsukuni. Once I put him in your arms, your ceased eyebrows relaxed ad your ravings quieted, You were ranting deliriously about true strength until I gave you Usa-chan, then you fell asleep. It's been four days since you got sick. You should drink some water while you can. You must be severely dehydrated by now. Just take it really slowly."

"Thanks, Takashi." I paused for a minute while I sipped the water and nibbled my toast. I stopped after a half of a piece. My stomach had shrunk, so I was already full. "I had a dream about Usa-chan. Grandma too. I missed him. I'm glad he's here right now. You too, Takashi." Even if Usa-chan won't be allowed for much longer, it's nice to see him one last time. "I'm going to sleep now."

I went to sleep, and was able to go back to school the ext day. I had missed the weekend, so it was a whole new week starting. As long as I didn't go to clubs until I was back to full health, my parents reluctantly agreed to let me attend class.. The week after, I was allowed to go back and train in the dojo and participate in clubs.


After club that Monday, Takashi tried to talk to me again during the walk home.

"Are you alright, Mitsukuni?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're looking a little pale.""

I couldn't tell him that I'd been stressing myself out too much about Usa-chan and trying to get stronger. It couldn't be all that bad to like sweet and cute things like Dad says. After all, Usa-chan did help me to get better.

Maybe that's what Takashi meant about true strength?

"Well, it's nothing to worry about. I think I finally started to understand what you meant about your true strength. It means that I'm allowed to like sweet and cute things, right? Just not a lit and not in public so that I don't embarrass the family. Imagine what Chika would say! Accepting that I'm allowed to like it sometimes is what makes me strong, right?" I inquired. That just had to be it.

"That's a good start, Mitsukuni."

So that's not it? It must be close, but what am I missing?

When we got home, I went straight to the dojo. Now that I'm able to participate in clubs again, Dad can test my abilities to be the next leader of the family again. I fought him with ll of my skill and strength, even thinking about the cute and sweet things that will sometimes make me strong, but I was still not strong enough to beat him. We fought for a long time, but I eventually lost. Even if Dad said that I was improving greatly, I still felt inadequate and worthless. Why was it taking so long?

And this is where my speculations severely diverge from the truth. With Tama-chan helping me to see what true strength is, I was able to beat my Dad that day. Without Tama-chan's help, I would have surely lost and continued in my depressing ruminations, still unable to become the head of the Haninozuka household if my time were to come so soon.

These thoughts of inadequacy would severely depress me. I would go back to trying to become strong the way that my Dad had told me to. I would turn my head if I saw bunnies and hearts. I would shy away from desserts and sweets. Sugar would be taken completely out of my diet. Every time I threw away that sweet substance, my stomach started to cramp, almost as if it were craving those delicious white crystals.

I would spend those days in a haze, trying to be strong, but not being able to focus on anything else because true strength would be taking up all of my thoughts. That's what Dad said, right? The only thing on the mind of someone who is truly strong is strength and duty. I would have strength and duty constantly on my mind, though probably not in the way I needed it.

After two weeks of barely eating anything (the cramps would get so bad that I couldn't stomach anything), I would challenge my father again. A truly strong person shouldn't even need that much nourishment. Food could be seen as a weakness, something that the body is dependant on.

Takashi would have been watching me closely,, especially seeing me grow thinner every day as I continued to starve.

I would have wanted to be proud of my strength. My Dad would acknowledge me as the next heir as soon as I had beaten him that night.

When I challenge my Dad, he always looks at me first, to measure my health (especially after I got sick that one time), and to measure my confidence. I know that if I had challenged him in such a starved state, he would deny it immediately for the sake of my health. A broken and bruised leader is no good as a leader.

He would probably confront me about it the second I asked.

"You have gotten frail, Mitsukuni. Where is the strength that you had the last time we fought? You were progressing marvellously back then. Right now, Yasuchika would probably e able to beat you, and that has never happened before." he would tell me

This would just raise my stress levels, and mess with my blood pressure. I wouldn't have any reserves left to balance all of the fluctuations in my body.

Likely, I would collapse on the floor in front of him, scaring him and the always watchful Takashi who was probably waiting for me in the room over.

"Mitsukuni! What's wrong?" my Dad would worriedly shout.

Takashi would rush in to save the day.

He would shake me roughly and try to wake me up. "Mitsukuni, wake up now! Can you hear me?"

Turning to my father, he would probably ask permission to save my life.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Haninozuka. Mitsukuni hasn't been feeling well lately, despite what he has tried to make you believe. He has secretly been throwing up the light meals he's been eating because, for some reason, he can't stomach the food. I imagine it has something to do with his extreme desire to become strong. I knew that there was something wrong, but he refused to give me any information.

"Will you let me take him to the hospital to prevent further starvation and sickness?"

I might hear some of it, but I would have no energy to move or respond to any of his statements about me or my health.

I would be happy to hear these things from a friend, to know that he was worried, but at the same time...

"Very well then." Dad would consent, "Please, Takashi Morinozuka, save my son."

"Thank you, sir."


There is no way that I would have remained conscious all the way to the hospital, and so I would wake up attached to machines, trying to keep me alive despite my malnutrition.

Since Usa-chan helped me last time, there is little doubt that Takashi would bring him to the hospital for me while I was sleeping. I would wake with him in my arms and scream

"Mitsukuni! Are you alright?" Why does he keep asking me that?

"Why is Usa-chan here? Why? It hurts! Everything hurts! My tummy, my chest, my heart, and my head! It all hurts! I can't have Usa-chan here! He's cute and I need to be strong and he can't be here because I like him and he's cute and I need him! Take him away! Get him away from me! Make Usa-chan leave, or I can never be strong!" I would cry.

Takashi would just gaze at me with tear-filled eyes. ""Mitsukuni, you aren't making any sense. You are telling me to take Usa-chan away eve though you need him here to help you get better? You don't need to be strong right now."

"I must always be strong! I am a Haninozuka! I must always be on my guard! I... Haha.. Always need to... Haha.. Strong... Ahahahaheehee!" I would be laughing uncontrollably. Insane laughter. The type that means someone has lost his mind.

I wouldn't really be aware of my surroundings, just the stress of Usa-chan. I wouldn't notice the slight pinch on my arm or the doctor talking to Takashi.

"This is a very mild sedative, and we only gave him a child's dose. He should only be out for half an hour at the most. If he continues to pull the cords and harm himself, he may need to be strapped down or relocated.."

I would pass out in the hospital bed, only to wake up (probably half an hour later) without Usa-chan. With any luck, I wouldn't even remember the last time I had woken up.

"Mitsukuni, how do you feel?" I guess he's moved on from asking if I'm aright, because I clearly am not if I am in the hospital.

"Absolutely fine." I'd reply.

Too bad I'd be past the point of Takashi accepting my lies.

"Don't bullshit me! You haven't been eating, and what you have, you've been puking up. I know you aren't bulimic because you fit none of the other symptoms, but why didn't you just tell me about whatever is bugging you so that I could help you? Why did this happen in the first place? You're on IV nutrition to prevent any further damage to your system and to keep you alive. I'm sorry that I couldn't have been there for you. If you couldn't trust me, then I must not have been a very good friend to you." the normally stoic boy would be crying, holding my hand, and trying to gain my forgiveness while simultaneously being angry with me. One of those problems, I could solve.

"No no no, Takashi! You have it all wrong. It's my fault. I didn't mean to not eat, but I just wouldn't keep the food down. I tried! It was always hurting, and I always felt sick after I ate. Sometimes, I felt so sick that I threw up afterwards. I'm sorry I couldn't rely on you, but I needed to be strong. I still need to be strong, The only way to be strong is to do it by myself. I can't have any weakness, and getting help from other people means that I'm too weak by myself. I need to be strong to become the head of the Haninozuka household when it is my time." I would explain. I can't let Takashi keep thinking that this is his fault in any way.

I know that saying this would hurt him, but he deserves the truth. He would start to cry at my bedside and I would fall asleep in exhaustion after admitting all of that.

"You don't prove strength by doing everything yourself. It takes a much stronger person to trust someone else."

Once again, I wake up in the hospital bed. Takashi was gone, probably for the bathroom or to get himself some food or coffee. He can sleep anywhere, and would probably stay in the chair as long as the hospital staff let him.

I would decide to use the temporary lack of supervision to move around, get my muscles working again. What a bad idea that would be. I'd collapse after only a few steps and bleed a little from removing the IV. I would be weak. Physically, very weak. I had never been that before. It would make me feel absolutely pathetic.

I would begin to laugh at how ridiculous it all was. How could I be so useless that I couldn't even walk on my own anymore? I couldn't control the insane laughter coming from me when Takashi came back into the room, coffee in hand.

He would rush to my side, worried, and try to snap me out of it. "Mitsukuni..."

I would be laughing and crying at the same time. "I can't help it! I'm so pathetic! I can't even make it halfway across the room on my own anymore! I can't live without these fucking tubes in my arms! And I never swear! I shouldn't be alive! I don't deserve to live! I should probably just... just... Hahahaha!"

The doctor would walk in with straps and order the nurses to restrain me.

""I thought with out Usa-chan..." Takashi would cry.

"He has more triggers than just a stuffed bunny, It would seem." The doctor would tell Takashi. He would then turn to me, smile, and begin using a cheerful voice, "You're going to get a new room, Mr. Haninozuka. Isn't that good news? This one will even be painted a nice colour for you. Does blue sound nice to you?" I would keep laughing while the doctor explained to me about my new rooming assignment. I would be too far gone to take it in.

"He is a threat to himself, so we will need to relocate him, with or without his parents' permission. It is unfortunate, but we have no choice at this point. We can't continuously sedate him and hope for the best."

I would continue to laugh until I exhausted myself and fell asleep, hoping that I would never wake.


Wow, that's pretty dark. Especially for me. I like being happy! Bunnies and cakes and PINK! Because I'm a boy, they'd give me a blue room, even though pink is my favourite colour! How ridiculous is that?

If I'd never met Tama-chan, maybe something like that would have happened, but maybe my thoughts are just being too dramatic since they're safe inside my head. Tucked away in a safe place, never to come true.

Either way, I'm glad that things turned out the way that they did. I was so obsessed back then, that I didn't even realize that it was unrealistic to expect myself to be prepared to take on the family name at the age of 15. 15! For goodness sake! That's just ridiculous. Right now, I'm just glad I'm me. I'm happy the way I am. I like sweets. I like bunnies. I like the colour pink. Most of all, I LOVE EVERYTHING CUTE! No one can take me away from me. I am honest with myself, and that is what makes me truly strong. Tama-chan and his host club helped me to see that when I wouldn't listen to Takashi.

I will forever be grateful for the friends I made in high school and all of the experiences that we shared. not just Tama-chan, but also Kyo-chan, Haru-chan, and Hika-chan and Kao-chan. They are all really important to me, and Tama-chan is the one that brought us all together (even though Haru-chan was an unplanned addition to our group).

I'm glad I know them all, and I'm glad I'm me.

Now to get rid of the bill and all of these cake crumbs. I don't want Takashi on my case about eating a whole cake before supper again. That just isn't fun.