Now, let's continue.

Hermione stopped being cold with the boys the next day, probably on account of the Howler Ron was sent by his mother for taking the car. The Howler was a red enveloped letter that magically yelled out the letter's contents one hundred times louder than it needed to be. Neville covered his ears before Ron opened it.

After it was over, Fern, who was sitting next to Hermione, whispered "Well, will you stop punishing the boys for the flying car thing now? That was enough for anyone!"

Hermione gave a half-smile and nodded, which was good enough. By the end of breakfast, Hermione was back to normal with the boys.

Herbology was first, with the Hufflepuffs, but Lockhart collared Harry, apparently wanting to speak with him briefly, so he was a couple of minutes late. Fern tried her best to hang back, but she ended up going with the rest of the group, so she didn't hear much.

"So he was serious about taking that teaching post." she muttered under her breath. She wasn't that impressed with his books, really. He seemed to be more interested in himself than his discoveries.

In Herbology, groups of four had to plant Mandrakes in trays. The Quartet was together, which was nice.

Transfiguration was next, and Ron's wand showed that it needed replacing after it got snapped in the car. Fern heard Harry suggesting Ron wrote home for a new one, but the Howler was obviously affecting Ron's mood and he wasn't going to write home, only to get Howler No. 2.

DADA, their first lesson with Lockhart, was that afternoon, but lunch was when Harry got more fame thrusted upon him. Hermione was reading one of the textbooks, and the others were all talking about Quidditch, when they realized a first-year was watching them, holding a camera.

He addressed Harry, blushing, when he realized he'd been caught staring. "All right, Harry? I'm – I'm Colin Creevey. I'm in Gryffindor too. Do you think – it'll be alright if – can I have a picture? So I can prove I've met you."

Fern tuned out as Colin continued to babble on, and whispered to Ron "More like Colin Creepy. Seems like he's trying to open up the Harry Potter Fan Club." She giggled when she saw Ron go pink with the effort of trying not to laugh.

Suddenly, Fern was brought back to the ground with a thump. Colin had asked Harry if he could sign the picture at the wrong time.

"Signed photos?" Draco had overheard. "You're giving out signed photos now, Potter? Everyone queue up, Potter's giving out signed photos!"

Harry clenched his fists. "No, I'm not. Shut up, Malfoy."

"You're just jealous." Colin chimed in.

Draco had gotten half the courtyard's attention, and he was performing for the benefit of the audience. "Jealous, of what? I don't want a scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special myself."

"Eat slugs, Malfoy." Ron began threateningly, but Draco just taunted him about the Howler. Then he added another jibe about the Weasley family's wealth, and Ron would've tried to hex him if Lockhart hadn't appeaed.

"Who's giving out signed photos?" he began, then he saw the Quartet. "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!" Lockhart decided to get into Colin's picture too. "A double portrait, can't say fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."

Fern remembered something else Colin had said, and suggested kindly "Hey, Colin, do you want to get into the picture with them? I can take the photo. I know how these cameras work."

Colin gave her a shy smile and stammered "No, it's OK, I'll just take it now quickly."

DADA started five minutes after that. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny," Ron said. "They'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."

"Hey, you stole my joke." Fern pretended to pout. "I was the one who thought Creevey would start that."

"Shut up." muttered Harry. Fern saw his eyes flick to Lockhart, and understood.

The first thing they got in class was a 54-question quiz about "Professor Egotist" as Fern nicknamed him in her mind. However, since the books' most irrelevant points had sparked her sense of humour, she did do pretty well on the quiz, even remembering Lockhart's favourite colour. Some of them she faked, though, like she said Lockhart's ideal birthday gift would be "A Michael Jackson CD". She doubted he even knew who Michael Jackson was, since she'd learned that most witches and wizards didn't know of Muggle music.

Not many people had remembered Lockhart's favourite colour, so Fern got five points. Hermione got ten for getting Question 2 right.

For the last half-hour of class, Lockhart let Cornish pixies out all over the classroom, meaning that within seconds, they were creating chaos. A few even hung Neville off a candelabra.

When the bell finally rang, Lockhart caught sight of the Quartet and they were the ones stuck rounding up the last of the pixies.

"Can you believe him?" Ron yelled over the noise the pixies were making.

"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience." Hermione rationalized. But the other students knew that whatever Lockhart said, he didn't have a clue what he was doing. He was obsessed with himself.

Fern started to wish that her answer to the last question on the quiz had been 'a mirror'. She would've liked to know what he would've made of that.

But the students managed to subdue the pixies in the end, and made a quick escape.

How the hell did Lockhart land a job at Hogwarts? I know, he was the only one applying for it, but he has no idea what he's doing. Please review! The chapters will be a little slower coming out, since my hard drive crashed and I have to write them all again. Lucky I printed all the "Chamber Of Secrets" and "Prisoner Of Azkaban" chapters I'd written in advance. I've even got a a "Goblet Of Fire" chapter ready.