Chapter 3

Anthony felt the weight of guilt and remorse pressing down on his shoulders. He was almost delirious with confusion and happiness. He was flushed but cold; he shivered and his limbs felt like lead.

Edith cradled him in her arms; shocked at how frail and thin he felt.

"Anthony my darling, what have I done to you? When was the last time you had a decent meal or night's sleep?"

"I don't know," his voice was strained, "I really can't remember. Since that day, "he had no need to specify further because they both knew what 'that day' meant,"I just stopped caring about myself. You did nothing wrong my darling. I was the one who had the arrogance to think I knew what was best for you. I actually thought I could live without you but soon found I couldn't. I suffered because I failed to see what I wanted when it was right in front of me. I humiliated you in front of your family and broke your heart, how can you forgive me for that?"

"I love you, Sir Anthony Strallan," she breathed. She looked into his eyes as her own filled with tears.

"I forgave you that day," she said softly, "I never hated you because I think I understand why you did it. You wanted to set me free but I never felt freer than I did every moment I was with you. You lit up any room you walked into and I would never have seen myself as tied to you because you let me be myself and love me for that."

"God, how I have suffered but I considered it just punishment for letting you slip through my fingers. I am so thankful that you turned up before I..."

He began to sob again and she held him tightly, stroking his back and kissing the top of his head.

"I need to look after you, Anthony my beloved; I want to take care of you and it is every woman's right to care for the man she loves. You are a war hero after all."

"I haven't lived up to that," he sighed, "I won a VC and I certainly have not lived up to that. What I did on that day and what I contemplated this morning are the actions of a coward, not a war hero."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she said, "You are better than that"

"I really don't deserve you," he protested, "I am not good enough for you,"

"Anthony, how can a man who holds a VC claim not to be good enough for an Earl's daughter; albeit his second and least favourite? I will never love another man while you draw breath and that is God's honest truth."

"Oh Edith," he sighed deeply, "I have always loved you and I need you more than I have ever needed anyone. I was too weak to stand up to your family, to stand up for us,"

"That's in the past now," her lips gently brushed his, "You need to eat and to rest; build up your strength. I would like us to try again but we will go at your pace and only when you are ready will we go forward together. We can get to know each other and spend time together. If my family try to force me into choosing then they will lose."

He held her close with his good arm and she tingled in every pore.

"Lady Edith, I need to sleep but I want you by my side, however I have no desire to compromise your reputation. If a bed could be made up for me down here for the day and tonight I promise I shall go to bed and rest."

"That sounds a fair compromise. Should I call Dr Clarkson? He may be able to give you something to help you sleep."

"I certainly need that although I fear he may try to have me committed if he learns how you found me and what I was intending to do."

"We needn't tell him that; just that you have had trouble sleeping," she soothed.

"I've been having terrible nightmares," he breathed, "I dream that somehow you died that day and I dream that your family are after me trying to get me hanged for murder and sometimes it gets as far as the scaffold before I wake up in a cold sweat."

Edith shivered; seeing him like this was absolutely breaking her heart. She slipped her arms around him.

"One thing at a time," she said, "Firstly we'll get some blankets brought and make you a bed here, secondly we will get you some food and thirdly I shall telephone Dr Clarkson."

"Thank you my love," he breathed

He tried to get to his feet but his legs felt heavy and weak so he swayed. Edith grabbed hold of him and helped him to sit down. He noticed that she had no problem attending to him.

He rang for Johnson. When the butler arrived Anthony said.

"Johnson I need you to get me some pillows and blankets. I need to rest but without compromising Lady Edith's reputation."

"Very good Sir Anthony,"

"Then I need something light to eat and plenty of it."

"Very good Sir; there is chicken stew in the kitchen."

"That will do fine; please bring that and some buttered bread. Please bring enough for Lady Edith too."

"Very good, will that be all?"

"I want you to telephone Dr Clarkson; just tell him you are concerned about me. There is no need for now to mention...how I was when you showed Lady Edith in or even that she is here."

Johnson nodded, clearly understanding, and departed to carry out his master's orders.

OO

A maid brought in a quilt, pillow and a couple of blankets.

She quickly made up a bed on the longest sofa; taking her master's height into consideration.

"Thank you," Edith smiled at her and the maid smiled back.

"Look after him, my lady. I think you are the only person who can bring him back to us."

She left the room. Edith supported Anthony's arm so she could take off his sling and she removed his cravat and waistcoat, enabling him to be more comfortable. It took her a while as she was inexperienced in such matters. He lay down on the couch and she tucked the quilt and blankets around him before arranging the pillow and a couple of cushions behind him so that he was half lying half sitting. He smiled at her and took her hand in his.

"I feel so much better now you're here, Edith my love. I will never regret anything more than what I did that day."

"We must put that behind us, my love."

"That will be easier said than done," he said. He released her hand and gently placed his hand on her cheek as he looked into her eyes.

"Did you mean what you said, about wanting to try again?"

"Yes I did and I also meant what I said, that I would choose you above my family. They have driven us to this point Anthony. Tradition failed us."

He was incredulous.

"You mean you still want to be my Lady Strallan after all I've done to you?"

"Yes I do, my darling. You have suffered so much for love so I want to be here for you and look after you, as a wife should."

He drew Edith to him as he nuzzled her neck. She shivered as his stubble tickled her. She could smell stale sweat and guessed he had not bothered washing either but hopefully he would pick up. He already seemed a lot calmer because she was here but she knew she was not likely to forget in a hurry. How could a woman forget the image of the man she loved standing there holding a gun to his head? If she had got there ten minutes later...well that really did not bear thinking about.

Johnson brought in a tray with two bowls of steaming chicken stew and a large plate of buttered bread and a kitchen maid followed with a tray bearing milk, sugar, cups and saucers and a teapot.

Anthony ate slowly but seemed to enjoy the food for its simplicity. It really was very good and Edith was glad to see that Anthony had finished his and was on his second cup of tea; she laid her spoon in her empty bowl and took Anthony's hand.

"You look so much better, my love. You have got some colour in your cheeks."

"I feel much better," he sighed. He let her hold his hand.

"Will you stay until this evening?" he asked her.

"Yes my darling," she gently grazed his cheek with her lips, "I will stay as long as you want. It's too long since we spent any time alone together and if you ask me that was the problem. There was always someone around so we could not talk about what really mattered. If you had told me you weren't ready I would have waited so I can only ask your forgiveness for that."

"You have it," he whispered, "I could forgive you anything."