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Chapter 3

When they come back, it starts raining for no apparent reason outside. The drawbridge lowers and Impa and Zelda come riding out on horseback. Zelda throws the Ocarina of Time into the moat surrounding Hyrule Castle.

Link: The stripper!!

Ganondorf, on his stallion, smiles evilly at Link.

Ganondorf: Where did the white horse run off to??

Link: NO!!

Link draws his sword.

Link: You will not have my stripper, pervert!!

Ganondorf: …………

Tael: ………….

Directors *gaping*: ……………………………

The director in charge runs up to Link and whispers some more stuff in his ear.

Link: Ohhh. Okay.

Ganondorf: Ehem, anyway. Heh, heh, heh. You think you can protect her from me??

Link: No. I think I can protect her from your face.

Ganondorf: ………………………….

Tael: …………………………..

Directors: ………………………………………..

Ganondorf shrugs and throws one of his balls at him *everyone winces*. Ehem, let's rephrase that.

Ganondorf shrugs and throws an energy ball at him.

***

Tael: Link!! Is that….THE MASTER SWORD!!

Link walks up to the sword.

Tael: It is passed down, legends, about this sacred, powerful sword. Only the true Hero Of Time can pull it out of the alter in which it lies now.

Link: So if I pull it out….

Tael: Then you're the Hero Of Time.

Link: Hero Of Time sounds like a gay name….but my initials would be HOT. Oh sweet!! I must pull out this sword!!

Link makes a mad dash toward the sword and begins yanking and pulling it. After a few seconds he sits down breathlessly.

Tael: You're pulling from the wrong side!!

Link: Oh. Right.

Link goes to the correct side and the Master Sword slips out real smooth.

Ganondorf is visible.

Ganondorf: Heh, heh, heh. Thanks, kid. You have helped me get the Triforce.

Tael: Oh no.

A random guy from The Sword and the Stone: You are being sued.

Tael: Aw crap!!

***

Link woke up in the Chamber of Sages.

He sees Rauru reading the latest issue of Playboy. When Rauru sees him, he embarrassingly slips it into his pocket.

Rauru: Um….right. Awaken, Link.

Link: Hey. Where did the stripper go??

Rauru goes into a long and boring speech about Link's destiny.

Rauru: Do you understand your destiny, Link??

Link: Of course. To save the stripper.

***

Link awakens back in the Temple Of Time.

Tael: Hey, Link!!

Tael flutters to him.

Link: Yo Tael, my man!!

Link slaps Tael a high-five, causing Tael to fall to the ground, seeing as little as he is compared to Link's hand. He gets back up.

Tael: It's been seven years. Ganondorf has taken over the land of Hyrule. The place is a total dump. We let Ganondorf get the Triforce.

Sheik appears.

Link: AHH!! WHAT IS IT??

Sheik: Do not be frightened. Let's see. *Pulls out cue cards* Six temples, six sages, blah….just go awaken six sages. The first in the forest, the second in the mountains, the third in the lake, then fourth in Kakariko Village, and then fifth in the desert, blah.

Sheik disappears.

Link: Off we go, Tael. Into an epic journey to find the stri……I mean, the sages!!