A/N: Thanks for the kind words, reviews, and story/author alerts and favorites. I appreciate them! There are several more stories I want to write in this series. If there are any stories you, the reader, want to read, please let me know!
2015.
Throughout his years in the BAU, Hotch has studied his share of victims. Most are dead, some have died since their case closed, and the handful that are still alive keep him going in this job. He is used to staring into the haunting eyes of the deceased. He is used to cutting through the lucky few survivors' hysteria to find the facts he needs for the profile.
Hotch will never, in all his future years at the BAU, be able to erase the memories of the Douglas Howard case. He will never forget the way Douglas Howard's victim looked so still when they found him. He will never forget the deep feelings of rage left over by Foyet that were suddenly forced to a boiling point. And he will never forget the dread that overtook him when he looked into the victim's lifeless eyes.
Or shouted his name.
"Reid… we're here!"
Reid had been so still, propped up like a doll against the wall. Once the whole team had tumbled into the basement (once they knew where Reid was there wasn't one who was willing to fall back and check the rest of the house), the whole room became still. It couldn't have been for more than a second that the team was shocked to a halt, just enough time to sear the memory into the minds of the BAU.
Morgan had broken the stillness first, followed closely by JJ. He ran to Reid and placed two fingers on his radial pulse. Reid immediately jerked away at Morgan's touch, scaring Morgan more than Reid.
They had thought he was unconscious.
Hotch plays that memory in his mind every time he sees Reid. Every time Reid tentatively crosses a room, tightly clutches onto Hotch's elbow, or waits to be served food when the team orders Chinese, Hotch feels his stomach clench like it did three years ago when he realized that Reid wasn't unconscious – he simply hadn't heard them come in.
Every time Reid struggles to understand a conversation, profiles incorrectly because he can't see the evidence, or has to explain yet again to a new pissant agent that he didn't get lost and accidentally wander into Quantico… every time, Hotch's heart aches like it did when he realized that Reid hadn't seen them come into that basement.
Five days. Five whole, terrifying days. Hotch had told himself so many times that Reid had survived Tobias Henkel and now they would find Reid again, he would recover, pass a psych eval, and then be back on the jet. It had taken Hotch, practical, stoic Hotch, nearly three months after finding Reid to admit that that would never be reality. He hired Lanie. The team was reluctant but eventually warmed to her, Morgan especially.
Hotch is reminded of the Douglas Howard case every day. He will never be able to erase the memories.
It's Reid's birthday today. The entire team is celebrating in Reid's apartment. JJ and Garcia decorated a cake. It's a decorating disaster, a mix between JJ's class and Garcia's gaudiness. Garcia gives Reid the guided tour as his fingers ghost over springs and pom poms sticking out of the cake like a Dr. Seuss drawing. Reid has a huge smile on his face as he "accidentally" gets his fingers full of frosting and licks it off like a child. Garcia has to wait impatiently until Reid is done licking his fingers to reprimand him and Reid milks the moment. When he finally holds out his now sticky hands to cover hers, he can feel her choppily sign something about the empress of information technology getting revenge.
Morgan gets a lot of teasing for the present he got for Reid, but its only because of how insanely thoughtful it is. It's a 3D model of the molecule C8H10N4O2. It only takes Reid a second to figure out what he is holding. Another big smile.
"Caffeine," Reid says. Everyone is impressed by Reid's IQ, but Reid is impressed by Morgan and the thoughtfulness of the gift. He puts the caffeine molecule on his kitchen table as a centerpiece as everyone sits around the table sipping coffee. It's awkward, scientific, and only really funny in an ironic way if your IQ is 187 – classic Reid.
And as they sit, drinking coffee way later at night than they should be, Hotch is reminded of a time they were in New York so long ago, sitting around a table at a Chinese restaurant. They had chatted about serial killers knowing that it was their one safe topic: impersonal but interesting. Rehashing serial killer stories was the team's version of talking about the weather.
Elle's death had brought them closer together, but it was Reid's injury that forced them to band together to catch their fallen teammate. Haley's death had brought them to the support of Hotch, but it was Reid's injury that taught the team to support one another. Reid had been forced to be vulnerable, dependant, and everything that each member of the BAU fought so hard not to be. They had each opened up to Reid, and consequently to each other, to help Reid feel less alone. And they never closed themselves off again.
Now, as conversations swirl around him about Henry and Will, Morgan's most embarrassing moment, the new guy Garcia thinks she's in love with, and what happens when Rossi drinks too much vodka, Hotch can't help but think of the Douglas Howard case.
Amidst the heartbreak, Hotch smiles.
He's seen his share of victims at the BAU. Some are dead, some have died since their cases closed. The handful that are alive keep him going.
And some don't seem like victims at all.
