Title: Memory

Author: BlazeorFade

Rating: M

Summary: Set around 'Home' in S1. John can't hold on much longer.

Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts

Disclaimer: No I just play with them.

AN: See Author's Note from 'Game'. Its basically the same deal.

John sat on the grass next to Mary's grave, with a bottle of liquor in his hands and a straight razor in the other. He drank and contemplated that razor. He felt it like a phantom limb over his wrist, the cold metal slicing expertly through fragile skin. He'd do it the right way. Make sure there wasn't any hope of being saved.

He looked at Mary's grave and his eyes filled with tears. He loved her so much it killed him. It drove him to the very edges of his sanity when he lost her. He wished he could say he's left that dark place, but the truth was that he'd enveloped himself in it, used grief and rage to hold himself together.

But it was when he tried to remember her without thoughts on revenge and couldn't that he knew it was all over. From here on out it was just a waiting game for death. He'd spent so much time and anger on this hunt that he couldn't see his wife any other way but pinned to a ceiling. Her laugh, her voice, the way she smelled were lost to him.

Now John just waited to die, wishing he could do it himself.

-Fin