I own nothing.

Atrophy

Chapter 3

a/n: edited July 18, 2017


Naruto Uzumaki just knew how to poke and prod at someone's buttons to piss them off.

Sasuke (the bastard) got pissed off when Naruto insulted his family. Or his brother.

And Kakashi-sensei (the other bastard) was hard to piss off. But he pissed Naruto off. So, Naruto made it part of his nindo to peel off Kakashi's stupid mask. Believe it! He'd figure out Kakashi-sensei's weak point soon enough. Maybe he had a huge ugly mole or uglier teeth underneath his mask.

And then was finally Sakura-chan.

Naruto didn't really know what buttons he pushed to make Sakura-chan mad. Maybe sometimes he said the wrong thing. Maybe he made her angry, because he fought with Sasuke. But the bastard didn't deserve Sakura-chan, even if Sakura-chan loved Sasuke.

But his team-mates were his alone to piss off. No one had the right—his right.

So when Kiba and Shikamaru looked at each other—one giving the other a reprimanding look, the other scoffing—he had a vague feeling about what was going on.

"Why did you say that to Sakura-chan?" Naruto hissed. He turned to his most obvious target—Kiba.

"What the hell do you mean?" Kiba snapped. "I didn't say anything. Shikamaru did. Look, I get that she's your team-mate and everything and no offense but the girl is a bitch."

"What did you say about Sakura-chan?" There was a snap of his chopsticks.

"That she's a b—"

"Kiba, drop it." Shikamaru interrupted the conversation, before Teuchi looked over.

"And why the fuck would I listen to you?" Kiba snapped at him. Teuchi got interrupted by another customer who was waiting for his order.

"I outrank you. Don't make me pull rank on you."

"Bullshit."

"It's true." Chouji nodded. "Shika became chuunin. And Naruto—" He turned to the seething blonde, unperturbed "—Haruno was sick. Ramen is just not agreeable with her."

Chouji usually never lied.

Naruto stared at him. Chouji continued eating, albeit faster.

"Liar," Naruto said.

"You can't force someone to stay," Chouji said through another mouthful. A thick accusation of denial was still present and veiled.

Naruto remembered Mizuki-sensei lying to him with pleasant smiles. But then again, Sakura-chan was smiling too. Just like Mizuki-sensei. His lie-detector went off with dozens of tiny itty-bitty alarm bells in his head. They echoed each other, and they bounced off each other.

Like she was being all fake. Like she was lying to him. Like Mizuki-sensei.

In Naruto's memory, Sakura was always sweet to whoever she wanted, and she could be mean to everyone else. But to Naruto, angry Sakura meant Naruto got past her defenses. Angry Sakura meant that Naruto got her full throttling attention. Flushed face and a harsh reprimand, but for that one second she was all his.

And suddenly, Naruto felt very unhappy and confused.

Now, Naruto, he told himself, this and that are two separate things. Sakura-chan is not your enemy. Mizuki-sensei was a bastard through and through.

The more he stared at her bowl of ramen, Naruto felt like he was sinking into his own thoughts. Team eight and Team ten shared looks over him. Shikamaru gave Kiba a warning look.

"I'm not taking it back," Kiba said with all the pomp of the Inuzaka clan son. "She treated you so badly stupid Naruto. Have some self-respect."

Akamaru cocked his ear at Naruto when he snapped his head up to look at Kiba.

"Ano…" Hinata squeaked. "I have something to say."

"She's my team-mate," Naruto snapped. "Your sister treats you like crap and you are always complaining about her. What if someone insulted her?"

"Um…" Shino sent Hinata an encouraging look as Naruto and Kiba glared daggers at each other.

"But that's different, she's family. Family is different." Naruto flinched at the word. "Do you remember how she treated us in the academy? Do you remember how she treated you in return for Sasuke?" This and that were two separate things, Naruto reminded himself.

"UM! Excuse me!" Hinata said.

"BOTH OF YOU!" Chouji roared. He startled the entire ramen shop. "Quiet."

Both boys fell silent, and Hinata breathed hard. Chouji settled down. Hinata sent him a grateful look. He grinned back at her.

"Kiba-kun, Sakura-chan was just mean to everyone because she had no…friends." Hinata said. She looked up at the group and winced when she felt the weight of five sets of eyes on her. "I think…she just wanted to show Ino-san and Ami and those mean kids that she didn't need their approval. But she just…just went about with things the wrong way with everyone else…"

The thing about children is that they didn't completely understand Sakura's bullying, and it didn't really matter to either of them. All that mattered is the fact that she was mean. She did say mean things. She did do mean things to Naruto, and she was annoying. But what children (and sometimes adults) don't understand is the intricacies of the civilian pecking order—the disparity between the rich and poor civilians. They didn't understand why people picked on Sakura's forehead or called her dirt poor or insulted her parents.

But not everyone had Hinata's heart of gold to try, and there was an unconvinced silence.

"No excuse to be a bitch. Shika's smart. Don't see him trying to make you feel stupid." Kiba hissed.

"Kiba-kun." Hinata frowned.

Shino remained silent, and his head tilted in Shikamaru's direction. Shikmaru heaved a sigh. Naruto was still seething. Chouji continued munching. And Kiba looked between all of them, trying to find someone who would agree with him.

"Let's change the topic," Shikamaru said.

Then Naruto looked down at his sandaled toes. They hovered over the ground.

"I know Sakura-chan doesn't like me…" Naruto said. "I'm not going to push her to like me. It's okay if she likes Sasuke-bastard…I just want my team to be happy. My team is my family. And you aren't allowed to say anything about my team-mates, Kiba! Or I'll pummel you."

He fixed a searing gaze on Kiba's face, and Kiba held his gaze.

"Have some self-respect," Kiba replied.

Something feral rose up in him, protective, angry like the day when Sakura held a bloody Sasuke, and Zabuza insulted them. An itty bitty feral voice in the corner of his head spoke up then, in the way it always did. He'd show him. He'd fight all of them.

How ironic, the voice continued. Taking advice about pride from a dog. You've really fallen far, haven't you brat?

"Shaddap," Naruto sneered instead.

And then Naruto thought—as the silence spread across the table—that even if his team wasn't okay lately, they would be alright in the end. There was nothing to back that thought up apart from the fact that it gets better. Iruka-sensei always said so. One day the villagers would understand him, and one day people would acknowledge Uzumaki Naruto.

It would happen.

"Let's change the topic," Shikamaru repeated. "Please."

"Bah." Kiba resigned himself with a loud thump on the table surface. Sakura's untouched ramen bowl rippled lightly. "Let's talk about something else."

They all agreed.

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"Congratulations. You now know what genin and most children—born around the time of the Kyuubi attack—don't know. Naruto Uzumaki is the host of the nine-tails fox. You'll no doubt be researching that, won't you?" Jiraiya said.

Sakura nodded, briefly, listening with rapt attention as he spoke.

"Furthermore, his Uzumaki heritage also provides him with large reserves of chakra and more energy than most youth his age. Naruto does not rely on the fox's chakra. But he is genetically inclined to bear the fox. The moron doesn't have the training enough to control it."

Sakura frowned. "But he…"

"Oh no, don't get me wrong about healing. The Fox is taking care of the boy." Jiraiya said, he continued to walk. "Because the fox knows that if Naruto dies then he dies."

Sakura absorbed the information, carefully.

"How…how do you know about the fox?" She asked. She caught onto that single, sharp detail.

Jiraiya grinned at her.

"I knew the former host."

"Who was that?"

"Curious, aren't you?" Jiraiya raised a bushy eyebrow. "Not even Naruto knows about his parents. Why would I tell you?"

"Then that means it's kept a secret." Sakura widened her eyes in horror. "Why would you hide the names of his own parents from him?"

Whenever she had a nightmare, she would be crawling through the opening of their rooms for comfort. They would stroke her back and remind her that everything was alright. 'Mama' and 'Papa' were soothing words of comfort.

What would it feel like to wake up to the lonely dark and the sound of lonelier ticking clocks?

Jiraiya seemed to know what she was thinking about. He scratched his cheek and averted his eyes.

"Which direction is your house in?"

"You…" Sakura said. "Even if you don't tell me anything. I will find out. And I will tell him. He deserves to know the name of his father and his m-mother."

She strode ahead of him.

"And what good would that do?" Jiraiya said. He fell into step with her easily. "Go ahead, tell him that the Fourth Hokage was his father. And he would be awfully, terribly, incredibly"—he punctuated each adjective with a step—"upset that his own Father—his idol, the Fourth, the great hero—cursed him to this fate."

Sakura pursed her lips up. "What does that matter?" Sakura asked. "How could the Fourth Hokage do that? There's not enough explanation."

"Hmm…" Jiraiya pretended to think. "Well kid, I'd can't tell you everything," he said. "One day you'll learn that there are some sacrifices that have to be made for the sake of the village. No matter how cruel and unfair."

"Okay," Sakura said. "First off, I understand that. But I don't understand why you wouldn't tell him!"

"The boy dreams darkly and clings to the light. So any validation that he can get, he'll take. Now imagine if you told him the truth." The words were bitter on his mouth. "What would it do to him if he knew the truth? You are a smart girl, aren't you?"

Then it occurred to her. Naruto felt like a ticking time-bomb.

She felt her eyes prick with tears. His sunny grins filled her head, and the way he riled her up with his antics, and how he accepted her no matter what. He warmed her on the inside, because Naruto was selfless. His utter selflessness as he tried to save her, countless times, filled her head. And then the way his eyes went red and stormy when Sasuke's breath was faint, lying down on that cold, wet bridge.

When Zabuza nearly killed Sasuke, she remembered the look on his face, feral.

When Gaara attacked her, she remembered an inhuman scream as the world around her went dark, as she clung onto Sasuke's bloodied shirt.

"You are so cruel!" She said feeling angry and confused. "It's not fair. No one deserves Naruto's fate. Not him of all people!"

"Nothing is ever fair if you are a shinobi," Jiraiya mumbled. "God, kid. I'm not responsible for this shit." Sakura wasn't listening to him. She smoothed down her dress, and she gritted her teeth at the ground.

"Even Kakashi sensei knew…" Sakura whispered. "And he said nothing."

"It is the law." Jiraiya sighed. "He was under orders. Not his fault."

"And how am I supposed to feel about the village that I grew up in, being the source of ruining my team-mate's life? How am I supposed to feel about all of this?" Sakura yelled, suddenly—startling the group of shinobi. She turned to Jiraiya. "Tell me!"

They stood in the middle of a street. Sakura directed her angry look at Jiraiya, and Jiraiya remained thoughtful. He tried to think of a proper response. He understood her question, but what could anyone do? Perhaps the Third didn't want to get his hands dirty by babying the village Jinchuuriki—who was abhorred by the village and the people? Jiraiya himself distanced himself from the boy.

But she was too young to understand the intricacies of these politics, of the civilian population and the clan's stilted silence on the matter of Uzumaki Naruto. They all got a significant fright when a huge fox—a henge of Gambunta—showed up to fight Shukaku.

Jiraiya waited until the shinobi were out of sight.

"And how is any of this my problem?" Jiraiya then asked her. His usually casual, friendly tone had a frosty touch.

"B-because…."

"You dug for the truth." Jiraiya said. "I said nothing. You found out everything on your own using your smart head. It's always up to you what you want to do with the truth."

"Because it's not fair, alright?" Sakura blurted out. "And now I know, and now I feel so terrible for being mean to him. And now I feel horrible for something I didn't know! This is unfair! This village is unfair! I feel…bad for hurting him." She murmured.

Jiraiya remained silent for a minute.

"Do you think the Fourth wanted it?" Jiraiya asked her, and his tone softened as if he suddenly realized her age. "But it was necessary for the sake of Konoha. Some sacrifices have to be made. But the thing is, you feel this way about Naruto, in the way many grown men and women don't. He's a twelve year old boy—not the demon."

They kept walking. Some people gave the two of them looks, because it was odd seeing the Legendary toad sage with a very angry girl.

But neither of them cared.

"But I think, the village had lost a lot too, on that day." Jiraiya said, lowly.

His mind seared with familiar bitter emotions which took him years to supress.

Sakura stared at him. Her hands felt weary, as if she was holding a shovel, raw and bruised and feeling very cheated as she found nothing but ugly bones underneath Konoha's earth.

The village was a tomb, a tomb of dirty secrets.

And you could see the ghosts in the eyes of it's people.

Sakura wiped her eyes and her snot.

"s'not…fair." She mumbled once more.

"But if there's even one person, one person who wants to do good in this village. There's hope," Jiraiya told her. It was something a little boy told him, who wore goggles and made wild excuses about helping old ladies cross the road and saving cats from great and terrible villains. A boy was also the clan pariah.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and neither of them didn't felt Sakura's pursuer. Why did the kid have a pursuer, Jiraiya thought. He glanced at her from the side of his eye. A civilian kid too.

Sakura glared at the ground, like it had done her some disservice.

Besides that, their conversation got him reliving memories of his, and he thought of what Sarutobi-sensei told him.

'If the boy lets his emotions get in the way—the fox will be released. We are raising a weapon. Not a child. Imagine me assigning him a care-taker. But what if they abuse him. Then he knows how hurtful warmth and human touch is. I cannot control people's actions. And the emotional trauma of 'losing' and of being 'cheated', I can't control that. It is better that the boy doesn't know it."

And on that day, he walked out on his Hokage—feeling very much like his teammates who left the village—all those years before.

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A tense minute passed, and Sasuke grit his teeth. Then he looked away, over her shoulder at her bland walls illuminated by the red, evening sun.

She gripped his collar.

"I'm not a Hyuuga," he repeated more forcefully. "I'm an Uchiha…we are the strongest in the entire village."

"All the more reason to pluck out your eyeballs." Anko snickered. "And no, there are stronger, better, greater shinobi than the Uchiha—" She had a gleam in her eye as Sasuke squirmed angrily. "—but that matters squat—" She cut him off as he was about speak "—we all die the same way. So let me repeat my question, kid. What makes you think you're so special?"

"You are right. That's why I want to get strong."

"For what?" Anko drawled. "Do you have a purpose? Is it to maintain your position of being the strongest in the entire generation? Uchiha Sasuke. Here's your shiny medal for all your bloody achievements. You can hang it up on your wall with the rest of your family's bloody achievements."

Sasuke winced. Why was everyone so patronizing to him?

"I want to get strong to protect my family…" he said. "My mother, my father and my brother…and my team-mates and my clan. I want to be strong to live."

"No," Anko said. "You rely on the curse seal, just like I did. And you will continue to rely on the curse-seal—a taste of power that Orochimaru could give you. You remind me of me, kid. You are weak for power. You don't know when enough is enough."

And that set off a fire in his throat.

'They don't know you like I do. I understand you.'

"No! You don't!" he yelled. "You don't know anything about me or my family!"

Because they didn't understand how he felt. People envied the prized Uchiha eyes. They didn't understand it. His clan-members looked at him enviously, and his father like he was incompetent. Itachi had always had positions. He was twelve and finally chuunin. Itachi had been chuunin at ten.

It was always Itachi this, and Itachi that.

But Itachi—he didn't care for the clan. He cared for Konoha.

Sasuke wanted something. He wanted anything. He wanted to one-up his brother. Then his team happened, and shit he thought he was good. They crushed him again.

He wanted to be first.

'There's nothing wrong with wanting to be strong.'

"What do you know?" He said, and his eyes bled into red. "You and the entire village. What do you know about the Uchiha?"

'That's why I left this village, Sasuke. Because it was pathetic under the old-man's hand. I got stronger, strong enough to crush them all and crush anyone else in my path.'

Anko merely stared at him like he was some sort of piece of dirt on her toe.

"What's wrong with wanting power?" He hissed. "I don't care what I have to do to get stronger."

'Wanting more. Take everything, Sasuke. Take whatever you need to take. Step higher and higher. Show the world what the Uchiha can do.'

"And you sound exactly like him." Anko said. There was a crinkle underneath her eye. It highlighted the baggy eyes as her face contorted in fury. "Do you ever listen to yourself? Or do you just listen to him?"

"I am." Sasuke bit out. "I'm sorry that somewhere along the way, y-you didn't want to get stronger to kill your own sensei for revenge—" Anko's head was reeling. She considered hitting him. But what did he understand? "—but I'm not your Hyuuga team-mate. I'm stronger. I'm better."

'That's right, m'boy.'

Anko merely stared at him.

Like he was a difficult puzzle that she didn't want to solve, but at the same time, she could. She didn't want to navigate that emotional, conditioned labyrinth that was an issue and quite possibly a mine-field for her many of her own memories.

She dropped him. He fell on the futon. He felt the searing effect of her killing intent loosen on his limbs.

"Okay," she said. "Okay let me try to figure this out. You trust Orochimaru of all people, to give you the power you want so you can come back to Konoha—who will totally embrace you with open arms."

He stared back at her.

She sighed.

"Did his mother drop him on his head as a baby? Itachi?"

She shifted her eyes to the window.

There was a light cough, a raspy, wet cough, and Sasuke went still.

Sasuke twisted around to look at the silhouetted form of Itachi—who entered the room—soundlessly.

He leaned languidly against the window-sill. There was something unreadable on Itachi's face. But Sasuke read it as condescension, of 'not now Sasuke'. A touch of fingers against his forehead, and a 'maybe later Sasuke.' And then Itachi would slip on his sandals, he left Sasuke every Saturday morning watching his back.

Sasuke felt younger, smaller and more foolish, and when you were Sasuke Uchiha—you got angrier.

"To answer your question, Mitarashi-san. I think our mother always had a firm grip on him. Too firm."

And he let out a hiss of frustration. He tore off the blankets and pushed past Anko. He picked up his discarded shoes from the floor, slipped them on and slammed the door behind him.

Itachi merely stared after him.

"What? Aren't you going to go after him? You heard what he said. Frankly, I think the entire bloody apartment complex heard him."

Itachi moved into the room, and picked up Sasuke's discarded headband and bag pack.

"He's been spending too much time with father." He coughed again, stuffing the head-band into the bag-pack. "I think you may have kicked his pride down a notch or two...and that might be enough for today."

"You mean I did him a favor." She licked her lips. "You all really don't know what you are up against, do you? What Orochimaru wants, he will be annoyingly persistent about. But he's just one-half of the coin."

Itachi slung the bag over his shoulder. He spared her a glance.

"And here's the thing, he didn't want me. I begged him to take me with him, before I learned about his experiments. But he didn't want me. But if he wanted to, he would have. I'm trying to drive a nail through your brother's head—he has a choice."

Itachi felt a spasm, a twitch of pain, and he placed his fingers over his ribs.

"He's always been given too many choices."

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"And give me one reason why I shouldn't be arresting you right now, on the spot."

"Because if you die, Godaime-sama, I'm the only one available for the position of Hokage apart from Shimura Danzou. And given what we both know about the War-hawk, that won't end up very well." Kakashi crinkled his eye. "Itachi Uchiha is too young."

Tsunade stared at him, with a severe look.

"And the only one in this village who can think of saying that to me and live. Tell me boy, does your head feel too big for your shoulders?"

"Too heavy with the Leaf Head-band which has been wrapped around my forehead for the past twenty-something years," he replied bitterly. "It's been too long since I was interrogated like this, Godaime. Twelve years in service for ANBU and as a Jounin."

"You didn't answer the question," Tsunade said. "I never said you were disloyal to the Leaf, but given what we 'both know about the War-hawk'." She made quote marks in the air. "What made you think that he could be a better Hokage than the Sandaime?"

Kakashi was silent.

"Are you unreasonable?" Tsunade raised her brow. "Really, given what we both know about the War-hawk."

She didn't know what he knew. But she knew what she had seen during the Second Shinobi War. Danzou was a military commander. He was cruel. She was lucky not to be on his battalion. But…her little brother had been under his command.

Her brother who shouldn't have even been on the frontlines.

She remembered barging through the Hokage's office saying, screaming, "Include medics on your squads. Sensei. You shot down my proposal to train them!"

Maybe then boys like Nawaki would be saved!

And Danzo, who was present at the time, said, "You are thinking with your emotions, Senju. We cannot afford such luxuries."

The Sandaime agreed with him, without even considering her proposal.

Only Dan…

Then Kakashi spoke, interrupting her thoughts.

"There's no easy way of saying this…" he said. "But yes, I believed that the Sandaime wouldn't make a good candidate as Hokage. He was too…soft-hearted. At the time, Danzo approached me whilst I was in ROOT with the knowledge that the Wood-release would have been able to restrain the Nine-tails. This is what your grandfather used."

"But the Hokage outlawed the practice of recreating the wood-release. We had tried and…"

"Because…" Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "Because Orochimaru had already attempted it. And Orochimaru had failed, how many children were killed for the sake of this experiment? Kakashi, he failed."

"Sixty Children," Kakashi said without a beat. "Sixty children were killed for these experiments, no I understand this. But Orochimaru had not failed."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes.

"There was a ROOT agent. His name was Kinoe. He could use the First's technique. I informed the Third but we don't know the whereabouts of this agent."

Tsunade thought of her clan, one of the founding clans of Konoha, proud and strong. There were remnants today. Now an old, aging clan of hags and old men who sent her withering glances for not wanting to carry on the Senju line. It was for the sake of the prized wood-release nature transformation kekkai genkai. But Tsunade was uninterested in any man but Dan, and Dan was dead.

The Senju clan had eventually integrated into the civilian population. In the years that she left the village, she heard that the elders of the clan rescinded the compounds down for Konoha's expanding population. However, they weren't too perturbed, because she gained the position of Hokage. It's still something for the Senju clan to have three Hokages. The village was their home.

But what if Dan lived? What if they had children, little happy, tumbling children. If one of those children bore her grandfather's mokuton. Would Orochimaru have taken that child?

"Impossible," she said. "I heard about Orochimaru's experiments and I heard that he desecrated my grandfather's grave. But it feels…"

"It's hard to believe, I know. But I saw him use the very technique. Danzou told me that Minato-sensei wouldn't have died if they continued with experimentation. When I saw this boy…Kinoe, I believed Danzou. But when I spoke to the Hokage, he told me of Orochimaru's experiments. Every detail…Minato-sensei would have never wanted that to ever… continue even if it saved him and his family."

"Orochimaru had always been intelligent," Tsunade murmured.

"He was too intelligent. And he was very cruel…and Danzou agreed with Orochimaru. I decided that I wanted a soft-hearted Hokage." Kakashi said. "Danzou would be too cruel. The War-hawk is loyal but…"

He didn't know when enough was enough. Tsunade thought. The lengths, the obnoxious lengths that the War-hawk would go to in order to strengthen Konoha. So Konoha could be feared.

"Konoha's ROOT dips deep into the dirt, into the dark, cold places and has nothing but cruelty. I told him I was going to leave him because I didn't agree with his ways of doing things, of siding with Orochimaru. He told me that I was trash." Kakashi breathed. "He said he would do anything to make Konoha great even hurt Minato's son. That's when I fled ROOT before I could slit his neck."

Kakashi spoke with no tremor.

"I think that sums up my experience with ROOT." He continued.

She thought of Sakura.

"What are you willing to give up for this?" Tsunade's eyes hardened. "Everything?"

"Everything."

"Okay." Tsunade said. "Dismissed. Oi—" she thought of something. Kakashi waited. "—listen, with Sakura, when you try to make things right or whatever you do. Keep in mind she's not Rin. She's very different from Rin. Team Seven is not your team seven."

Kakashi stared at her.

"And you aren't Minato either," Tsunade continued. She didn't know of what she was trying to drive out. It felt like she was on the right track. "So uh—try not to bust a brain-cell thinking too much."

Kakashi waved his hand over his shoulder. Her paper-work lifted lightly as he left her office, in one swift seal. Tsunade stared at the spot where he disappeared from, before looking at her mounting paper-work.

Because thinking about emotional baggage was for night-time, surrounded by a bottle and drowning in cushions.

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Mikoto stirred her cooking, back to the table. She didn't look back when Itachi entered.

"Kaa-san."

"Welcome back, Itachi. Your father has some business with the elders to attend to. Dinner will be ready shortly."

"Aa…" Itachi seated himself and stared at the wall. Itachi always hid his emotions well, but Mikoto was a mother, she knew her boy better than anyone. She turned and wiped her hands off her apron.

"Did you take your medication?"

He nodded. The Hokage had begun his treatment. She prescribed him a few drugs to keep him in line.

"Good," she said. "Now tell your kaa-san about what is bothering you." She began to braid his hair.

"Sasuke," he said with no hesitation. "Has he been talking to father?"

Mikoto blinked. An age-old dread that had hung over the household for years reminded her of the familiarity of contempt, of cousins and brothers and uncles and fathers who fought about the future of the clan. But she had plenty practice with these situations.

Women usually had no say.

"Perhaps. Fugaku is your father. Sasuke is his son as well. I however, do not know of their affairs."

She looped a thick collection of strands around her finger.

"Sasuke he…he speaks like Father. He speaks like the clan."

Itachi was too young to remember the animosity and the discord of being detained underneath suspicion in the center of the village. Mikoto had lost him and Sasuke in the crowds that day—and her brother, Kagari told her that he would find him.

Shisui followed his father.

She closed her eyes. Those were memories she didn't want to remember.

"And what does the clan speak like?"

"You know what I mean, kaa-san."

She left the rest of his braid, loose. She brought a comforting hand around his arm and pulled him into a hug.

"Itachi. Don't worry so much about the clan. Worry about your own health. You are going to get better. I believe in the Godaime."

Itachi didn't say anything.

"And as for Sasuke, I'm his mother too, you know?" She continued.

And neither of them, not Mikoto nor Itachi noticed Sasuke—who had come to retrieve his pack and masked his signature—listening in on their conversation and holding a little bottle of medication between his clamped fingers. He glanced wordlessly at the kitchen door.

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Itachi was sick.

Itachi Uchiha of the great Uchiha clan, was sick. The brother that Sasuke had idolized for years—was sick. And he was taking medication for it. But Itachi's spars still hurt him, and he could barely graze his older brother. Sasuke felt like in those two seconds when he found the bottle of pills on Itachi's nightstand, his entire world crashed down around him.

Like little tiny glass shards.

And it fell apart.

And he couldn't fix it. Somewhere else

'What if I told you, I could?'

"Liar," he breathed. "Liar Liar Liar."

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The day Naruto left came faster for all of them. Sasuke had heard of it from Kakashi—but he assumed it was just some kind of reassignment. His cousin, Shisui had gotten some reassignment too in a different part of the Land of Fire. Konoha shinobi often also worked at the border.

But then he heard it from the dobe himself, he was going to train.

"You are leaving the village," he said.

Naruto grinned, holding up an odd pink and blue bracelet around a fist. He suspected that it was from Sakura.

"Hell yeah! I'm going on a journey with ero-sannin here! You better take good care of Sakura-chan!"

Sasuke scoffed. Sakura was currently talking to Kakashi. He looked over at the two of them, curiously. Sakura's face was blank. Kakashi's face had crinkle.

But both of their shoulders were tense.

"What do you think they are talking about?" Naruto asked him.

Sasuke averted his eyes. "Nothing I care about."

"You never care about anything. What do you care about, Sasuke?" Naruto snapped.

"And you care too much!" Sasuke shot back. "It's not our business. We don't listen."

"But they are our business—Sakura-chan doesn't look too happy. Something is going on, right?" Naruto asked. He narrowed his eyes at the duo."

"We're not a team any more."

"You are wrong." Naruto said in a low voice. "Did the last few months mean nothing to you? Or do you just care about your clan? We're team, we are your family too, y'know?"

Sasuke snapped. "Stop trying to be all sentimental, dobe. Cry-baby ninja get killed."

"I wasn—"

"And I wouldn't expect you to understand the concept of family," he drawled. Naruto stiffened. "Dead-laast."

And then in a flash, he felt fingers around his neck. He was faster. He brought his knee up to the dobe's stomach. The dobe took a moment to recover, and dobe resorted with a punch to his cheek-bone.

He tasted blood.

Oh of all the—

Sasuke stumbled backward, wiped his mouth and began to work through a series of seals. His wrist was held back. Naruto was being held back as well by a very disgruntled Ero-saanin. His eyes were narrowed.

"Shut up! Shut up! Let me go!"

He stared around at his surroundings, at Sakura who was staring at the two of them with a horrified look. She then turned to Naruto and flinched at the look on his face.

"Well then…" Kakashi chuckled. "Wouldn't want either of you killing each other, would we?"

Sakura turned to him once, giving him a cursory glance. She then glared at Naruto and at him. The dobe flinched at her look. He was mildly surprised. Sakura had never ever reacted like that—

"Stop fighting!" She yelled at them even though they were six feet apart, and they pulled back by their mentors. "Both of you!"

"Okay, Sakura-chan!" Naruto said. He winced.

Sasuke—in his surprise at her distress—nodded.

Jiraiya shared a look with Kakashi. He let go of Naruto. Kakashi let go of Sasuke. The Uchiha scoffed. He watched as Sakura, eyes still on a very disgruntled Naruto.

She almost looked…scared?

She stomped over and put her face so close to the dobe's, that Sasuke thought that the dobe would go into cardiac arrest.

"You'll come back to the village," she whispered, loud enough for Sasuke to hear. "And you will get stronger, okay? Don't do anything stupid."

"O-Okay!?"

Sasuke itched the skin near his neck. Kakashi slapped his hand away and grabbed him by the shoulder, steering him in the direction of his teammates.

He was standing right in front of them.

"You both need to say sorry to each other." Kakashi piped in, cheerfully. "Come on now."

Sakura watched her teammates with bathed breath.

"Hell naw!"

"Never!"

Then Kakashi pulled him in, by the grip of his shoulder—before he could react. Naruto and Sakura were dragged into the—was that a hug? He smelled the mud off Kakashi's shirt. He smelled Sakura's wet hair and the dobe's sweat.

"—WHAT THE HELL, KAKASHI-SENSEI!?"

Sasuke thought he burst an ear-drum. Sakura looked horrified. Naruto was still yelling at Kakashi to let go. But Kakashi held his grip.

"What?" he asked, cheerfully. His cheerfulness creeped Sasuke out—somuchomygod. "You mean all those months of sticking together out in the cold for warmth wasn't enough for you all? Here's a hug to make it all better."

Sasuke's cheeks felt warm. Sakura was squealing. Naruto fumbled and fidgeted.

"Naruto you elbowed my rib!"

"S-sorry Sakura-chan! Kakashi-sensei let go—"

And Sasuke felt that sense of warmth in his belly. Like they were going to be alright. Like how they felt when Kakashi stepped in front of them, pushing up his headband and gazing at Zabuza with a single, terrifying glance.

Back then, things were simpler, and the skin on his neck was clear and his mind was clearer. And the future looked so great. And his brother wasn't dying.

And Sasuke remembered that it would be team against the world. And Sasuke felt inspired.

"Can you let go now, Kakashi." Sasuke hissed. "We get the stupid point."

Kakashi only chuckled and gripped them tighter.

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.

.

Shizune remembered the uncertainty she felt when Tsunade had told her about Sakura. About how she was interested in the girl.

"Think we should buck up her training, no?"

"Tsunade-sama, I don't think she can handle that level of—theory."

"She's only in the class for formalities," Tsunade said. "Also because I don't particularly care to teach her the basics when she can sit with other medical nin her age. But as far as I can see, she has an aptitude for the medical side of shinobi life."

So Shizune kept an eye on the girl.

She had talent, no doubt, a head full of bookish knowledge and fumbling fingers as she answered questions. Every single answer was textbook quality even where Shizune managed to twist the questions around. Shizune watched as the girl leaned over, and helped her partner.

"It's not very hard…" she said, pointing at the textbook paragraph. "It's like how Hyuugas use their kekkai genkai to look at people's chakra-pathways. We hone chakra to look at people's physical organs."

They were learning how to examine the internals of the fish. The class was buzzing with questions, peers were helping each other and Sakura seemed to be the popular-go-to for answers. But it was a break-time and everyone was interested in how to hone medical chakra. They were all huddled over a textbook and a fish. They were reading the theory.

Shizune really didn't expect anyone to get it this early.

She was about to bring the class back into session.

Someone knocked on the classroom door and Shizune got up. She opened it.

"I'm sorry, this class is in—" she paused and stared. "I b-beg your pardon, Danzou-sama! How may I help you?"

And the old war-hawk glanced at her. His ROOT attendants behind him. Then the war-hawk then gave her a twitch of a nod.

"I assume you are the child that Tsunade took on as an apprentice."

"Yes sir," Shizune said.

"What's your name?"

"Shizune."

"Shizune, just Shizune? No family name?"

As long as she remembered, she never had one, so Shizune shook her head. "No sir. I was too young when my parents died. I lived with my sickly uncle."

"My apologies," Danzou said. "May I come in? I would just like to inspect the class."

Shizune stepped aside, and he scanned the classroom. They all rose up to greet him. He waved it away.

"Please continue," he said. "Don't mind me or my attendants. We're just here to observe."

Shizune's eyes fell on Sakura. Sakura looked at her. Shizune glanced away as the war-hawk looked to her. He strolled over to her desk, observing the books. He picked up one of them.

"So this class is to train new medical shinobi."

"Yes sir, specially implemented by the Hokage herself."

"Ah…" Danzou said, flipping through the pages, his eyes scanning the contents. "The leaf hasn't had proper medical training since our respectful Hokage left the village."

Shizune thought she felt a hint of condescension in his voice, lacing in his words.

"Revolutionized the medical world, that woman. Prior to her, medical shinobi were not allowed on the frontline squads. She was the only exception. Still is," he said, his words, far-away and drawn out. "I'm going to assume that she wants to implement medical shinobi on every squad? How's that going?"

"I believe we don't have the resources or people to implement that plan on the squads," Shizune said. "But we will be working towards that, sir. Many of these graduates will go on to work on the hospital, on high-profile missions or just in some of our towns."

"Interesting," Danzou said. "Unfortunately, medical shinobi can also be a liability, another resource to protect. But we have our differences on village funding and administration."

Shizune smiled.

He put down the book.

"I don't mean that medical shinobi are not inherently useful. They are vital," he hummed. "I believe that the Leaf could use this change in tact—"

There was a soft sound of an explosion, an explosion of people chattering, looking over a certain pinkette's shoulder at her work. Her fingers ghosted over the scaly skin of the fish.

"Sakura-chan! How did you manage to do that?"

"Hehhhh?"

"Please be quiet!"

Then Shizune's breath caught when she discovered the source of the disturbance.

Sakura's fingers flickered green. She closed her eyes in concentration, biting her lip. Shizune watched with wide eyes.

"Impossible…" she mumbled in disbelief. "She's already managed to hone medical chakra? But it's only been two weeks…" She covered her mouth. "Oh sorry." She said, looking at Danzou. "I didn't mean to be so rude."

"That's fine." Danzou said, waving his hand. "It was only a short visit."

He gave the pinkette a cursory glance. She opened her eyes, breathing hard. She then stared at the fish angrily and then up at Shimura Danzou. Something alight. Something hard. Something challenging. The war-hawk held her gaze—before her neighbour slung her arms around her and cooed.

"Sakura-chan is the youngest of all of us and so talented. This is so unfair!"

Sakura felt her cheeks being pulled as the other medics cheered and mussed her hair. She spluttered.

"Awwh! Sakura-chan show me how to do it! I promise to buy you treats at the Summer Festival!"

"That's Sakura-senpai to you! Ahhh—wait—keep your fish hands off me!"

Danzou's face revealed nothing, not a twitch of emotion as he folded his arms behind his back and hobbled to the door. His fingers clenched the staff.

"I'll be going then. May the rest of your class go well." He paused at the door. "I have high hopes about Hokage-sama's program."

Shizune bowed, blinking, as she tried to register the past few minutes.

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.

Itachi coughed. The sound wracked against Sasuke's nerves. He flinched and curled around his knees—tightly like he was in pain. Now that he thought about it, Itachi always did have a cough. Sasuke assumed it was because Itachi overworked himself. His mother always told him

'Come now Sasuke-kun. I know you've shut me out since Naruto left the village. Look at him getting stronger. And look at you.'

"Liar." He said again. "Itachi, my brother, he's sick. He was—nothing matters now. Not you."

He stared at the walls of his bedroom. He hoped it would go away—because Itachi was sick and he was going to die. And it would only be Sasuke. And it would be all the dreams that Sasuke had, of his parents acknowledging him, and him alone.

And suddenly all those dreams felt foolish.

"Sasuke?"

He turned around, looking at his mother who was leaning against his door-frame.

"Are you okay?"

'I can fix him.'

"Sasuke?"

'I can prove it to you.'

"I'm okay mom." Sasuke smiled. "Really. Uh—Iforgotsomething at Kakashi's place! I'll be back soon okay?"

'If you give me the chance.'

Mikoto nodded, feeling very weirded out at the thick smile on Sasuke's face. She didn't say anything else, however. She closed his door.

"How." He whispered, feeling very vulnerable.

And he heard a chuckle, a deep, unearthly chuckle—the kind that filled up the forest when he first saw Sasuke—and Sasuke, was terrified, all over again. But he wasn't at all at the same time. Because he would do anything for his stupid, perfect older brother—even sink so deep into darkness that he couldn't find himself anymore.

'Follow and listen.'

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.

.

And all of Anko's warnings, all of Kakashi's lessons on suppressing the seal, all of Itachi's warnings, all of the thoughts of Konoha, of his clan, of the streets—of the memories and of the life he could have led in another time with a happy team seven—flew out of his mind.

He trudged the streets, wearing a hooded sweatshirt—even at nighttime Konoha was lively because of the upcoming festival.

And Sasuke wanted no one to see him.

But Sasuke moved past the lights, the sounds and the smells of the three-day Konoha Summer festival. He trudged on, aided only by the sound of the voice in his head.

And Orochimaru spoke.

It was ten years ago.

In the now torn down laboratory, Orochimaru had been given a challenge, in return he got funds. He was to take Hashirama's DNA and recreate the Moukoton jutsu. Children—no subjects from all villages—including his own student, a Hyuuga. Perhaps an inbred child like a Hyuuga would be an ideal candidate for the experiments.

So the experiments began.

Child after child were disposed off. Sixty subjects dropped to fifty-five and he was elbows deep in their guts. But with each passing death, his twisted, sadistic indifference grew.

And finally—when he was down to his last thirty, and the Hyuuga was lying down on the ground, twisting in agony and pain—he realized what the Hyuuga branch-seal could do.

And he realized what his former student was doing.

"Saizo," he murmured, realizing that it was already too late—he couldn't gouge out the eyes. Because the Hyuuga branch-seal destroyed the eyes on death.

He was staring at the gaping holes in his former student's skull.

Saizo was his sixtieth subject.

There was a poisons expert in Suna, someone who had taught him the art of internal paralysis, shrivelling up the insides—to clean up the insides. But it would destroy his work lest Konoha tried to recreate it.

It was a complex formula of poisons.

One copy of it was in the laboratory—probably destroyed and turned to ash by now.

The other copy was sealed—hidden in Konoha's library, aisle two, top shelf, second bookcase, sealed inside the flap of a book on 'Konoha's founders and their Raunchy Romances' written by Madam Shinji—Usually dubbed as the book equivalent of toilet paper for people who were especially into Madara Uchiha's star-crossed yet one-sided love on Mito Uzumaki—and how it led to the great battle at Konoha's Valley of the End.

Mostly untrue, but still a fun-read.

Sasuke opened the flap and stared at the names of people who checked out the book.

Exactly ten years ago—

Below a roughly scrawled 'Tenzo' and after a beautifully written name of 'Rin Nohara' was the single ink-splattered was hurriedly scrawled—'Orochimaru'.

Sasuke peeled off the flap of the book.

And he released the seal.

The light filled the dark library, leaving him staring at pages and pages of sealed information. The words twisted into notes. They fell out on his lap, all of them neatly labelled from 1-20.

Only pages 15, 12, and 14 were missing.

'Did you think I would really make it easy for you, Sasuke?' Orochimaru drawled.

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.

Two days after Danzo's visit, the festival was in full swing.

"I haven't been able to visit the summer festival! Shizune-senpai, please let off on the homework!" one of her fellow medics whined.

It was evening, the sun was setting and Sakura was helping the class with clean-up. Shizune herself, who was prepping for her evening shift at the hospital, pulled on her coat. She wrapped it around her waist and laughed.

"Well, I haven't been to Konoha's infamous summer festival either!"

Sakura's class-mate, Toudou, if she remembered correctly—was one of the older chuunins in the program who decided to try his hand at medical ninjutsu. He had a bulky physique and top-knot. He pouted and Shizune laughed.

"Clean up quickly and lock up all the doors, I don't think Iruka-sensei would appreciate it if he found fish-guts lying around!" Shizune waved and walked out.

"Mou, she's such a slave-driver!"

"But you haven't seen the Godaime." Sakura giggled. "She's even scarier."

Toudou giggled too. "I heard she used Akira-sensei's pay-check toward her gambling debts! Because he made a mistake in treating one of his patients."

They both continued cleaning, wiping the counter-tops. Sakura then wrung out the rag into the bucket. They continued to work in silence. Somewhere between cleaning, Sakura gazed at her wet fingers and thought of the way chakra could be used.

What if, like medical ninjutsu which could be used for good, she could use it for harm, reversing the process of healing?

What if she could hone her chakra into a blade—like a kunai?

Like Shizune's chakra scalpel—you could make cuts inside the body without actually opening the body. Sakura stared at her fingers.

What kind of devastation…

"Haruno?" Toudou asked her. "Mind finishing up?"

She turned around to look at Toudou. He smiled at her. "Let's go see the Summer festival?"

She nodded with a smile of her own.

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.

.

His ankle was thickly swathed in bandages as he rested it on a pile of cushions.

"You sprained your ankle?" Mikoto asked him. "Couldn't you get it checked at the hospital?"

"They told me to come home, and they'll probably heal it tomorrow," Sasuke said. "It will go away. I just need to rest."

"Ah." Mikoto nodded. "I guess that means that you won't be attending the clan-meeting?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"I'll inform your father," she said.

And then, his parents, bid him good-bye. Sasuke was glad that he didn't have to see Itachi. Because Itachi would never forgive him for what he was about to do. Even if it was for Itachi's sake.

The moment the front door closed. He slid his ankle off the cushion. He walked over to the window and pulled it up—watching his clan-members leave.

Then he pulled out a bag pack from underneath his bed.

If all clan-members were attending the clan-meeting, there was no police force to guard the village, and since the Konoha Summer festival was happening simultaneously—he could easily escape everyone's notice. He waited until the Uchiha leaving their houses were out of sight—then he telelported from his bedroom, without looking back.

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.

.

"I know this village since I was born, Toudou-san!" Sakura laughed. "I would know where the summer festival is—"

"Oh really?" Toudou asked her. "Well then stay close, Haruno-san! I'm scared that I'll get lost!" He clenched her shoulder and cowered.

"Then you have to buy me treats!"

"No way!"

They continued walking. Sakura thought it was a nice change of pace, she was here, walking shoulder to shoulder with a medical peer, occasionally making jokes about their class, about what Shizuka snuck in, about what someone else did—

She breathed in and breathed out.

The summer festival brought back memories. Memories of her—daydreaming about Sasuke as she walked the buzzing streets—hand in hand. Back in those days, she thought of nothing but Sasuke. These days she didn't think much of him at all.

Probably because loving him hurt.

And she only imagined him, covered in blood, looking so pale and unearthly.

Sakura was so caught up with thinking about Sasuke, she didn't notice the way Toudou fell behind till he whispered into her ear.

"I lied about not being from Konoha. I lied about a lot of things." Her blood ran cold. "But I lie for all the good reasons. If you can spot your teammate, Sasuke Uchiha, you need to know that he's in trouble. You need to go save him before he's gone forever."

Sakura jolted. She whipped around, but Toudou was gone. "Toudou—"

Fingers trembling—she spread her senses then, looking for that familiar spike of black hair and blue shirt and white shorts. She then saw him. The back of his clan-symbol half visible with the bag-pack he shouldered.

He moved through the crowds.

She followed, being pushed here and there.

"Sasuke!?"

He only moved faster.

She pushed her way past the shouts of—'Hey!' and 'What the!?'

"Sasuke!" She hollered.

Before they stopped right before the west gate of Konoha—which was currently open but unguarded. He then turned, and raised a brow. But the area was deserted. Sakura would have noticed that the gate-guards were missing, if she wasn't so focused on him.

"What is it, Sakura?"

"Where are you going?" She asked, breathlessly.

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He was standing on the rooftop, facing the west-gate of Konoha. He stared at the two lone individuals with a frown, debating whether or not he should inter—

"Now, now Yakushi." He heard a soft voice. "You know the sharingan cannot leave Konoha."

And Kabuto turned to look at the person behind him. He couldn't recognize the signature but he knew that deep, raspy voice anywhere. He stood against the wall, leaning back, so casually as he folded his arms. He was staring at him.

"What do you mean...Tenzou?" Kabuto asked him.

And the henge of Toudou fell apart, peeled off his skin like wood chips. And he stood there, hands in his pockets. And the man grinned at him, the top-knot fell into a tuft of brown hair and a lean physique as opposed to the henge's bulkier one.

"Those were Danzou-sama's orders." Tenzou said, as if it was all that mattered. "And to eliminate the snake—and any of it's eggs."

Kabuto pushed up his glasses.

"We should have done away with you a long time ago, Yakushi."

"And he's willing to risk losing one of his talented medics for this—cause?" Kabuto laughed, and it came out like the sound of clattering knives. "Come now, Tenzou, surely that order isn't fabricated. I've only been loyal to the leaf, what have I ever done?"

But his hands bled into a green, into a chakra scalpel and Tenzou only watched him—face revealing nothing. He brought his fingers together.

"The village sure is unguarded while the Uchiha are away at their meeting, aren't they?"

And from the roof's surface shot out a wooden beam curving and sliding through Kabuto's legs. Kabuto sliced through the wood. He narrowed his eyes.

"Don't be so cocky, Yakushi. You should know this—even you are replaceable. Faceless," Tenzou told him, lazily. "In fact, I might not be too good with medical ninjutsu but I myself know the little icky bits and pieces of it. This a battle you can't win. I'm stronger than you, Yakushi."

"Is that what Danzou-sama told you? How sad, you were always his favorite toy, Tenzou. Did he lie to you?"

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.

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"Liar!"

And Sakura thought, if she were born a boy and if she were stronger and if she didn't havesomanyfeelings when she talked to him—if she was stronger, emotionless, commanding respect and authority—Sasuke would have turned and looked at her.

He would have listened to her.

"Liar." She whispered.

But the thing about watching your teammates and their backs was that you knew things about them that they didn't even see. Like the way Sasuke's shoulders tensed when he lied, like the way he told her he was fine when she was worried, so worried—

"You have to tell Kakashi-sensei about that strange mark, that woman—in the forest—she wasn't human!"

"…lay off, Sakura."

"Or I will!"

Just like the way his shoulders tensed when she continued—

"Liar! You are leaving the village? Aren't you?"

He froze.

"And it's none of your business," Sasuke drawled. "Don't get in my way."

It was always protect Tazuna, Sakura. Stand back Sakura. Do this, Sakura. Don't—

"No," she hissed. "No, I won't let you leave the village. You—Orochimaru wants you? Is that where you are going? He said, 'Come to me Sasuke' and you are going? Stop this! Why are you listening to him? You have everything here!"

And he growled back. "You know nothing."

And that single scene with Itachi, sitting beside a comatose Sasuke came to mind. She was fitting it all together, in her frenzy of emotions—

"Maybe I shouldn't be the one you should be apologizing to. Maybe you should be apologizing to your team for being a sorry excuse of a kunoichi."

"I'll scream." Sakura clenched her fists. "I'll scream till the entire village knows it. Because I wont let you give your body to him, because I wont let anyone hurt my teammate!"

And he was behind her, with a swift flicker—his breath tickled the strands on her neck. And Sakura twisted around catching his wrist before he could knock her out. Because she was the copy-nin's student too, and she had seen Kakashi use the same technique so many times before.

"Let go."

"No! I don't care if I—" because Naruto would have said this to him. "—have to cut off your limbs or if you have to cut out mine. I'm not letting you leave this village! I'm not letting you go to Orochimaru!"

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.

"Man, that Uchiha kid is taking too damn long!"

Tayuya looked back at him.

"Shut up, S-Sasuke will show up. Orochimaru said he would. Till then you listen to me."

"And you supposed to be our leader?" Jirobo asked. "Tayuya-san, no offense, but you aren't leader-material."

"Shut up fatty! Didn't you hear me? I'm leader till Sasuke arrives."

The duo glared at each other.

"Where's Sakon anyway?" Kidomaru asked. He stuck a finger up his nose and twisting it. "I hope that two-headed freak is not—"

He froze. They all froze. They turned around to see a man, standing atop a branch, looking down at them with red, terrifying but amused eyes. But it set the hair at the back of their necks on an end. He twirled a kunai around his ring finger.

"Yo." He tilted his head. "Nice day, isn't it? By the way, did you guys say something about Sasuke Uchiha?"

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a/n: 12345 Juggling multi-char is hard. It's like cooking. Just a little bit of this, just a dash of that and whoa—that was a dash not the whole bottle!

If anything, I learned to stop clinging to bad results and dump them.

And I know Shisui was supposed to make a bigger appearance. I planned him out but the chapter got too long.

July 19, 2017

My gosh, I'm editing out these chapters like a slug.