I do not own Naruto nor will I ever. I do wish that I did though.

This story is based on the yaoi manga, "Okane ga Nai – No Money" by Hitoyo Shinozaki and Tohru Kousaka (best yaoi manga ever). My title is taken from this yaoi manga. Please note that I will use a few of the ideas and quotes of Okane ga Nai in my story. I'll try not to make it too similar.

There will probably be some grammar mistakes in my story so don't hate me for it, please. There is also a sad attempt at humor. At least, I hope it's humor.

Itachi will occasionally be OOC in this story and the other characters in this story will be as well. This is also an AU (for modern time era) as well as yaoi (male on male relationship) story so please make a note of it. If you do not like either, please go back now instead of bitching about it to me. Thanks.

Please note that in my story, Itachi is the cousin of Sai and Sasuke. Sai and Sasuke are brothers. Also, Kyuubi is Naruto's cousin.

Ages: Itachi 26, Sai and Sasuke 23 and Naruto 18.

Remember:

'Words' equal character's thinking

"Words" equal character's talking

No Money

By Kichou

Chapter Three – Not My Daddy!

"L-l-lover? No. No. Oh no no no no. Huge ass no. Nah. No way. Not on you life. No, as in you must be out of your damn mind to think that I would allow you to do anything involving my ass and your dic-"

"Please, Naruto, language." Itachi stated as he removed his hand from Naruto's mouth.

"You know, you could have just told me to shut up instead of putting your hand on my month. I want at least a ten foot distance between the two of us you psychotic rich bastard!" Naruto yelled as he backed up from the brunet's body.

Itachi grinned as he suddenly appeared besides Naruto's body, his arm wrapped around Naruto's waist.

"I believe that you are confuse my sweet little Naruto. Due to the fact that I bought you, I can do anything I please to your boyish yet feminine body. I can stand beside it like this, touch it like this and even ravish it like I will later when I don't have to worry about going back to work." Itachi stated as he stopped caressing Naruto's waist with one of his hands.

"Feminine body? Did you just say that I have a feminine body?" Naruto asked as he pushed Itachi's body away from him.

Itachi walks toward the closet, pulling out a long, black trench coat. Naruto watched as Itachi put on the coat, angry that the man took his time in replying.

"I believe I stated that you had a boyish yet feminine frame." Itachi said as he walked out of the bedroom towards the front door of the apartment.

"It's practically the same thing ass-wipe! Boyish means that I look like a prepubescent girl!" Naruto yelled as he ran after Itachi.

"Your words, not mine. Now Naruto, daddy has to go out and work to make money for us to spend so be a good boy and stay here quietly, while looking pretty, okay? Now give daddy a kiss." Itachi said as he presented his cheek for Naruto to peck.

"You got to be out of your mind! Please don't call yourself my daddy because that just makes a cold shiver run down my spine." Naruto said as he pushed Itachi's cheek away from his lips.

"I still get a kiss though, right?" Itachi asked as he waited at the doorway.

"How about hell no!" Naruto yelled as he ran towards the bedroom and locked himself in it.

"Okay then. I'll see you later sweetness! Keep the house warm with your ever-growing warmth of love! When daddy comes back we will spend some quality time together. Just you, me and the bed!" Itachi yelled out to Naruto as he closed the door behind him.

"You're not my daddy you pervert!"

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After waiting an hour before leaving the bedroom (because with a bastard like Itachi, who knows if he really left for work or if he is actually hiding in the living room just so that he can jump him once he left the bedroom), Naruto began to snoop around to see what type of person Itachi really is.

In the living room he notice that the only furniture there was a large, white L shape sofa that took up two walls, a rectangular shape glass coffee table, a large entertainment system (that included a television set, game systems, dvd player and the like) and a floor lamp. Nothing unusual about the room except that it was awfully white and that it was really affecting his eyesight.

'This place needs some orange color to liven things up,' Naruto thought as he snooped some more.

After looking though the kitchen, the entrance closet and bathroom, he didn't find anything of interest, so he went back to the bedroom hallway that he came from from before and began to look through the rooms beside the master bedroom. Four of the five rooms, however, proved to be nothing but guestrooms.

'The guy must be anti-social seeing how the guestrooms are filled with dust.' He thought as he went to the last room.

Opening the double doors, Naruto saw that it was a large office. The office had two black, leather couches facing each other with a table made with wood and glass between them located a few feet from the doorway. A few rectangle, wooden tables were placed against two of the walls closes to the door that held a few plants and expensive vases. The walls were coved with paintings that Naruto didn't bother to notice. Across the doorway stood a large mahogany desk, a computer, a laptop and a desk lamp. Behind the desk, instead of a wooden wall, contained a large glass wall that one would see from movies where a spy would break into a millionaire's home office to steal their safe and then escape into the night after the deed was done.

'How rich is this bastard?' Naruto thought as he sat on the leather chair and opened Itachi's laptop.

After successfully entering the password, Naruto finally was able to see what Itachi kept in his laptop.

What he saw there was anything but welcoming.

"Why is there a picture of me bathing on his desktop?"

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Location – Weasel Industries (Itachi's workplace)

"Why is there a picture of me bathing on his desktop?"

Itachi and his two subordinates turn towards the faint sound of yelling outside Itachi's office window.

"What was that?" One of his workers asked?

"Nothing. Get back to work you two." Itachi said as he waved them away.

The two workers just shrugged and left through the office doors.

Itachi smirked as he rested his elbows on his desk, interlocking his fingers together as they held up his chin.

"Quite an amazing feat for me to hear your voice from half an hour away from home, sweet little Naruto." Itachi stated as he closed his eyes to think of said blond.

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Pictures. Hundreds of thousand of pictures. They were pictures of an adorable blond (IT'S HANDSOME YOU BASTARD) from every position, every type of background, every type of situation and every type of place. They were pictures with the cute blond by himself, with his family, with his friends, with an old lady that he said hello to just two days earlier on a bus before he gave her his seat to rest on. There were so many pictures of the blond from his earlier years to now. Some were blurry, some were normal and some were just so close to him that he was amazed (and scared) that someone was able to take it without him knowing. Many of the pictures were of him at his apartment, in the kitchen, the living room, the balcony, the bedroom and even (gasp) the bathroom. There was even one where he was in his closet sleeping (don't ask questions please).

When he opened the laptop and had to enter the password, in which he just typed in password1 (after two tries he was successful) and luckily it was correct, he saw little pictures of file folders all over the desktop. Some were labeled vacation pictures, some were labeled family pictures, some were labeled regular pictures and crap pictures, but one caught his eye. One folder wasn't the same manila color folder like the rest. The other folder was red with what looked like three black comma like images on it with a barely noticeable winking happy face on the corner of said folder.

The pictures that he found in that red computer file labeled "Uke's Galore" should have been labeled, "Private Good-looking Pictures of the one and only Naruto Uzumaki at home and then some" or PGLPOTOAONUAHATS for short (Shut up. He wasn't good at making up file names thank you).

'What the hell is a uke? I was wrong. This bastard isn't a pervert, he is a mega, super duper, colossal pervert! I feel so violated' Naruto thought as he continued to look at the other pictures.

From what he has seen, the laptop only contained pictures and nothing else besides a link to the Internet. Not feeling up to surfing the net (he was afraid that this guy would have a Facebook account dedicated to him as well), Naruto turned to the Apple computer. Turning it on he was asked to put in the password. It seemed that this computer's password would not accept password1 as well as any other password and number that he could think of. After putting pervert, bastard, flaming homo and other colorful language that he could think of, Naruto finally admitted that the computer totally kicked his ass so he turned it off and checked Itachi's desk for anything else that he might want to burn.

'Besides the photo's of me on his computer, this guy seems like a boring loser that doesn't get out much and probably works to damn much' Naruto thought as he took out another book with scientific mumbo jumbo.

After the last drawer that he checked that contained another set of pens, Naruto decided to call it quits for the office.

'Oh wait! I haven't looked through his bedroom yet!' Naruto thought as he ran to the master bedroom.

Why didn't he snoop in the master bedroom when he hid in there for an hour waiting for Itachi to leave you ask? Well, this is Naruto. He basically spent the hour with his ear pressed against the door to hear if any odd sounds could be heard to tell him that Itachi was still there in the living room.

Anyway, back to Naruto.

Once he entered the bedroom, he ran towards one of the two end tables that stood beside the bed. Opening the drawer he saw magazines to Zillionaires monthly (which had the bastards face on it), Chap Stick, pens, notepads, a flashlight and matches. On top of the table were a tissue box, a big round candle, and a telephone. Walking over to the other end table, Naruto found a small bottle of clear liquid labeled LUBE (what the hell is that), a martini stirrer, balls on a string (does this guy play with kids toys) and something that looked like a silver egg on a remote. Thinking that this guy probably didn't have a childhood and liked to play with odd old timey kids toys (he liked playing with the ball in a cup game so he couldn't be ragging on Itachi), Naruto closed the drawer and observed what was on top of the table. He saw silk scarves, dozens of them.

'What does a guy need with that many scarves? Why would a guy even have scarves anyway?' Naruto thought as he walked towards a dresser on one side of the wall.

The dresser held the typical items like clothes, socks and the like, but a few of the drawers held odd stuff that a normal guy wouldn't have.

'Why does Itachi have women's underwear and stockings in his drawer?' Naruto thought as he left the dresser to walk towards the walk in closet.

Once the closet door was open, Naruto notice all the expensive men's clothing on one side of the closet. Clothing made from companies like Giorgio Armani, Prada, Gucci, Versace, Brioni and a few more brands that Naruto couldn't even pronounce. There were men shoes that took up the bottom half of the closet that looked like expensive leather and many ties, hats and other men items around the closet.

'Hasn't the bastard ever heard of the Gap?' Naruto thought as he allowed his eyes to turn towards the other side of the closet.

"What the hell?" Naruto said as he saw the other set of expensive clothing.

What's the difference between the expensive clothing on the left and on the right? Well, the other set of clothing were women's clothing. Made from the same brand, but in different shapes and styles. The clothing also seems to be for someone smaller.

'I guess that means that Itachi isn't a cross dresser.' Naruto thought as he looked from one side of the women's clothes to the other.

There were evening gowns, dresses, skirts, shorts, shirts, blouses, pants, shoes, hair accessories, hats, and a large jewelry dresser that was empty.

'Why is there an empty jewelry dresser? Well, I guess the satin nightdress that I'm wearing must belong to the lady. Why didn't he just let me borrow one of his shirts and shorts instead of this shit?" Naruto thought as he scratched his head.

Looking at the wall across from the doorway of the closet between Itachi's clothing and the unknown lady's clothing, Naruto saw something quite odd. The wall was filled with outfits. Theme outfits. Naughty outfits. There were costumes for all occasions. Bunny costumes, nurse outfits, maids uniform, school girl uniforms, short kimonos, cat girl outfits with bushy tail, gothic lolita outfits and much, much more.

'Man, Itachi and the lady must be a couple of freaks.' Naruto thought as he left the closet, towards the bed.

As he stood beside the bed, Naruto couldn't help but wonder where the unknown lady in Itachi's life was. Was she on vacation, at work, at a friend's house or were they divorced.

'If he is in a relationship, what the hell does he want with me? I am not a home wrecker! He better not be screwing around on his girlfriend or wife! Damn pervert can't keep his pecker in his pants!' Naruto thought angrily as he stomped his foot only to hit a box that was hidden under the bed.

Pulling the box out (it was a very long box that spanned a few feet by a few feet), Naruto found a few more kid toys. He saw some fruit scented liquid lube (this again), a kid's jelly ring that was a few sizes to big (almost the size of his small wrist), more egg things attach to remotes, a few clap things (does he use this to close chips or something), more martini stirrers of different lengths, fuzzy handcuffs (how can you play cops and robbers with that) and a few other toys, but a few of the items shocked him. The one he picked up looked like, looked like, it looked like a man's thingy.

"Why does Itachi have a man's manhood in a box! This is not cool! Not cool at all! He must have killed someone, cut it off, did something to it to retain its shape and kept it here with his toys so no one would find it!" Naruto yelled out as he threw the "thingy" back into the box.

"Or he could have went online, bought a "vibrator" on a site and had it delivered for a special someone that came today" A voice said from behind him.

Naruto looked over and saw Itachi smirking as he closed the bedroom door, while locking it.

"Daddy's home, Naruto." Itachi said.

"Not my daddy! Wait. Vibrator? Oh god! The other things, they are not kids toys, right? They are YOUR toys, right? Naruto asked as he looked at Itachi.

Itachi nodded.

"OH GOD! I touched it!" Naruto yelled as he wiped his hand on his dress.

After calming down from realizing that no, the items he found in the end table and under the bed were not kid's toys but adult toys, toys that Itachi must have used with his wife or on himself, Naruto decided to find out where the unknown lady was.

"Itachi, were is she?" Naruto asked.

"She who?" Itachi asked.

"Hello, your wife or girlfriend." Naruto said as he looked at Itachi as if he was stupid.

"I don't have a wife or girlfriend." Itachi stated as he looked at Naruto as if HE was stupid.

"Okay. Boyfriend or husband then." Naruto said as he continued to stare at Itachi.

"From what I remembered, I wasn't in a relationship before today, but if you want to know who my lover is then go look at a mirror" Itachi said as he sat on his bed.

"I'm not your lover, idiot! If you weren't in a relationship before then were did the girly clothes and toys come from. You might be weird, buddy, but you can't fit into those feminine outfits." Naruto said as he sat on a chair far away from Itachi.

"Those clothes and toys are for you. I bought them a few weeks ago. I even bought you some male clothing in there somewhere. Aren't I a good lover to be so considerate? I must not turn too soft after this. I have an image to uphold outside of the apartment." Itachi stated as he grinned at Naruto.

"What male clothes? If you are talking about those too tight pants and short shorts then you and I have a very different opinion on what is male clothing and what is whore wear for guys. Do you want me to get ass raped by beefy guys or butch women when I'm walking down the street?" Naruto yelled as he glared at Itachi.

"Raped, yes. By other people, no. No one is allowed near or in your delectable ass besides the occasional proctologist and me." Itachi said as he laid on the bed with his arms behind his head.

"You idiot! You are mistaken if you think I am wearing any of those outfits!" Naruto screamed as he stood up from the chair and stomped over to Itachi.

"That alright." Itachi said.

"It is?" Naruto asked as he stared in disbelief that Itachi wouldn't force him into those god-awful clothes.

"Yes. You don't have to wear them if you don't want to. You can run around naked if you like. I don't mind." Itachi said as he smirked at Naruto.

"As if! I'll just wear your clothes." Naruto said as he stared to walk towards the closet.

"Go ahead, but for each time you wear one of my clothing, I'll rip it off you and add another thousand to the debt that you owe me." Itachi stated as he used his elbow to lift himself halfway off the bed to look at Naruto.

"You bastard." Naruto said as he sat back down on the chair he previously vacated.

"Don't worry, Naruto. I'll let you wear my shirts any time you want without charge, but only the shirts." Itachi stated as he laid back on the bed.

"You don't care because those shirts will look like dresses on me." Naruto grumbled.

"True." Itachi said as he got off the bed to take off his shirt.

Naruto blush as he saw the abs on Itachi's stomach. Quickly turning around to face the wall, Naruto did not notice how Itachi laughed at Naruto's face.

'He looks quite cute with a blush on his face. I should embarrass him more often.' Itachi thought as he continued to undress.

"Hey, Itachi, why do you have an empty jewelry dresser in your closet?" Naruto asked.

"I figured that I'll buy you a few pieces of jewelry each day that we are together so you know how much I love you, sweetness. By the way, I forgot to give you this." Itachi said as he walked towards Naruto in his black boxers.

In his hand laid a diamond necklace on a silver chain as well as a feminine gold watch.

"Don't call me sweetness and what the hell, jewelry for me? I'm a guy, Itachi. A guy with all his guy parts, thank you very much." Naruto said as he tired and failed to stop Itachi from putting both items on him.

"Oh, I know. No matter if you have the parts, small and cute as they are, it doesn't mean I can't spoil you like any good lover would do for his girl." Itachi stated as he looked at Naruto with his new accessories.

"I'm a guy god damn it! And there is nothing on me that is small! Everything on me is huge, bastard!" Naruto said as he glared at Itachi.

"The only thing huge on you is your eyes. Perfect for an uke." Itachi said as he caressed Naruto's face with his right hand.

"I don't know what an uke is, but I don't like how you said it." Naruto said as he kicked Itachi's shin.

Itachi didn't even flinch.

"You're so cute. That was like a little kitten swatting at a large tiger. Cute and ineffective." Itachi said as he grabbed Naruto around his waist and lifted him onto his shoulders, walking towards the bathroom.

"Where are you taking me?" Naruto yelled as his body bounced on top of Itachi's shoulder.

"You are going to satisfy me now by bathing with me." Itachi said as he entered the bathroom.

"I didn't agree to anything. I am still against being your lover to pay off my debt to you. Put me down! I'll think of another way to pay off my debt!" Naruto said as Itachi let Naruto slide off of his shoulder gently to the floor.

Grabbing Naruto around the waist with his left arm, Itachi ran the back of his right hand slowly across Naruto's cheek.

"Naruto, that is impossible. You said so yourself that even if you lived for a long time that you wouldn't be able to pay the debt off so be a good boy and cater to my needs." Itachi said as he gently pushed Naruto towards the tub.

"Fine. I'm not agreeing to be your lover, but you have helped me so I'll help you bathe. Only that! I'm not doing it cause I want to, but because you are technically making me. Only bathing and only in safe places, nothing more you get me!" Naruto said as he crossed his arm in front of his chest.

"Oh, I understand. No need to worry, my darling little Naruto." Itachi said as he smirked at Naruto.

Itachi needed to do one more thing before entering the bathtub.

And then his black, silk boxers fell to the floor.

"AH!"

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NOTE

-Hey everybody! I actually updated again, aren't you happy? I figured that it's almost Christmas so I should give all of you a gift so here it is. I made chapter 3 (and made it longer then usual) for all of you for your Christmas gift. I hope you like it!

Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you all get what you wanted! Also, have a happy New Year! Good health and love to all of you!

Review please. That can be your return Christmas gift to me. It would make me happy and might make me want to put out another chapter before New Years (hint hint).