AN: So... this is M... near the bottom. Sorry about that. Well, I'm not really sorry.
Kim Dawson was an excellent couples therapist. Her track record was impressive, though if you were to ask the surgeons of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital they would tell you to avoid, not just herself, but the entirety of marriage counselling all together. And while Kim could see that they had a point, every couple made of surgeons that had entered couples therapy had ended up divorced, regular people had success.
Her first sessions with Dr.'s Arizona Robbins and Callie Torres were indicative of the pattern that she saw in most couples made of those kinds of people. Strong, Type-A, hypercompetitive, usually right, so self assured of themselves. When she told them about the two kinds of couples she saw, the first was where one partner desperately wanted out but didn't know how to say it, and the second was where they both wanted to fight like hell to stay in it. Four years ago she knew that they were the first kind. She even knew, though she had lied to Dr. Robbins about it in the sessions they had after, that Dr. Torres had wanted out. And while she was trained not to judge or become involved, she couldn't necessarily blame her.
Those two, god those two had so much stuff, bad, horrible stuff, that part of her almost couldn't believe they had made it as far as they had before they saw her.
Seattle Grace Mercy Death it was called. Still. And those two had their share of it.
And, she had to agree, that Dr. Torres was right. They needed to find themselves, separately, after all the shit that the universe had thrown at them. She didn't know any two people who could have withstood even a fraction of what they two of them had and remained together happily.
But she also knew that sometimes, two people were made for each other. She couldn't tell anyone that, because really she'd stop getting patients, but Dr. Robbins and Dr. Torres? Please, never in her life had Kim Dawson met two people more perfectly made for each other. Her husband, dear sweet Thom, was even rooting for them. Though it had taken them a bit longer to find each other after the divorce, longer than she thought it would take them, she had immediately phoned Thom after the call from Dr. Robbins asking for another few sessions for her and Dr. Torres and she and Thom had screamed like a couple of teenage girls at each other for five minutes.
He didn't know their names, or where they were from, or anything specific that could identify them, and she could never tell him because HIPPA and privacy and confidentiality and all that, but she and Thom had made their own language and he knew what she was saying.
She was so unprofessional about them, away from them, that she should honestly report herself to the board.
But now, six sessions and three months after they reconciled, she knew that she was almost done with them. And she hadn't really even had to do much this time around. She suggested they work on verbal and emotional communication, to build themselves a stronger foundation before they took that next step into a physical relationship, and they listened. This time. But they had been doing that before they even saw her again. They just took it as validation in themselves.
And Dr. Torres had been right. They had found themselves again. Different, but who they were.
It was fucking beautiful.
888*
"So, I think we might be ready. For sex. With each other." Callie started, a bit shyly. Her right hand gripped Arizona's between them on the couch. She always wanted to be touching Arizona. Even if it was just a finger while they were standing close to each other, or having her foot resting against Arizona's thigh while they were sitting on the couch with Sofia.
Something.
Anything.
Sex with Arizona was unlike sex with any other person that Callie had ever been with, and she wanted desperately to have that again.
"What do you think, Arizona?" Dr. Dawson asked.
"So ready. So, so, so ready. Almost."
Callie's head whipped towards Arizona, who was not looking back at her. Or even at the therapist. Almost? What did she mean by that.
"What do you mean by that?" Dr. Dawson asked.
Callie suddenly wondered if Dawson could read minds.
"I mean I am ready and I want Calliope, god it's painful sometimes, but there's one thing that she didn't ask me that I have left to tell her." Finally those impossibly blue eyes turned to her, and Callie felt the fear that had popped up at 'almost' disappear. Could see the desire and arousal on that beautiful face, the face that she loved so much. But could also see the way that her brain was working.
"Actually there's two things. One big and one little."
Callie could see that Dr. Dawson had something to say, or to ask, but she beat the other woman to speaking. "Start with the little thing."
"Oh." Arizona paused, one eyebrow raised in surprise. "Okay."
"I have a surgery scheduled tomorrow, one where I have to take the baby out, do the surgery, and then put him back in. I was wondering if you wanted to scrub in, to assist."
"Yes!" Ever since the night Arizona had drunkenly told her about taking down a dirty doctor and mentioned that she wanted Callie to scrub in with her once, Callie had been thinking about it. She didn't have any surgeries scheduled tomorrow, and barring an emergency she would love to help save a baby.
She hadn't been supportive of Arizona during the fellowship with Herman, but that was personally. When she hadn't been listening to her. But she'd kept up with the miraculous things that Arizona had been doing in Maternal Fetal surgery since then. Had heard the whispers of praise around the hospital, both the one in New York and back at GSM, about the amazing things that Arizona had been doing. She had always known that Arizona was world renowned as a pediatric surgeon, one of the things she had used maliciously in the final weeks of their marriage, but now she was world renowned as three different kinds of surgeons. As a member of the board she knew that one of the wealthiest families in the country came to see Arizona since she saved their son in the womb and every time he was sick since.
Had known that they wanted her to do the surgery on his tonsils, even though Arizona had sent them to Alex.
Had cashed the massive, multi-million dollar donations, they made in her name every time they saw her.
"I would be so proud to assist you in that surgery." Callie felt the way her heart did somersaults at Arizona's smile. "In my anger over the fellowship, I never went to watch one. Even after we were okay before New York I never gave into that curiosity. But I listened to the praise everyone was giving you. I was so proud, I am so proud of you."
"Thank you, Calliope." Callie gripped the fingers between hers. "That's part of the small thing, I have to thank you for taking the break from us. That night, the one where we slept together before the thirty days were over-" Suddenly Arizona's cheeks reddened and Callie felt her's warm as well, as they both looked at Dr. Dawson guiltily.
But Dr. Dawson had a knowing, indulgent smile on her face. "I knew you guys didn't listen. I've been doing this for a long time."
Callie released a sigh of relief as Arizona just said, "Oh."
"Please continue Arizona," Dr. Dawson said, and Callie was sure that the therapist was trying to stifle laughter.
"Anyway, that night I had been studying and practicing for a big surgery that Nicole wanted me to do solo, but then we… you know, and I messed up. I wanted to thank you for giving me space to throw myself into it. You were right about us needing space and time."
"I'm sorry, Arizona." And she was, if she had known she wouldn't have done that. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I think I thought that you were right, that I was using the fellowship to put some distance between us. I did want another baby with you, I still do. But you were so angry about it, rightfully at the time by the way, and then Nicole said she didn't think that I was going to be good enough and then you walked out and everything happened, I didn't want to tell you that you were right then. But what I'm trying to say is that I know you weren't wrong, except about me wanting another baby with you, but we did need time and space apart from each other. So that's why I want to share this surgery with you. You're an excellent surgeon, but you should get to see the miracle of a baby being born twice!"
They had talked already about the good things the divorce had brought them, and Callie knew that Arizona was genuinely thankful. She had since performed 76 successful surgeries on babies still in the womb, and had saved 76 mothers and 87 babies because of her work. And in the four years since the divorce she had been short-listed for the Catherine Fox award three times, and nominated once. She had gotten certified as an OB-GYN without a fellowship, but through hard work and practice. Callie could even remember the text where she said she needed Addison's number for some questions about OB-GYN stuff. Had made that wonderful OB Crash Cart that was now in hospitals across the world. Arizona was brilliant in so many ways, that Callie was continuously in awe of her.
"I am excited, what are we going to do?" Callie had forgotten that they were in therapy, that they were supposed to be working on them as a couple and not preparing for surgery in the morning. Had forgotten that Dr. Dawson was even in the room with them.
It looked as if Arizona had forgotten as well, but they both turned back to their therapist with guilty looks on their faces as she spoke. "Well, I'm glad that you are going to work together, but you can discuss surgery after."
They both nodded, and looked at each other with small smirks. Blue eyes caught hers and they shone with glee.
"Arizona, you said you had one more thing to say." Callie said.
"Right. Okay."
Callie watched as Arizona took a deep breath and smiled at her, felt the way pale fingers gripped hers more tightly, felt the way the thumb of the hands she love trembled as it wrote mindless patterns. So she gripped back and returned the smile, urging her girlfriend to continue.
"You changed me Calliope."
That was not what she was expecting.
"In all the best ways. We've talked about all the women I've slept with, you know about all my past partners. How I was a womanizer. In fact, that's just one of the things I have in common with Mark. But like Mark, I just had to find the one woman. The right woman. I think about him all the time. In fact, after the divorce I was having a hard time putting myself out there, and I wished Mark was there to help me. He wouldn't have, obviously, because I broke my promise to him, to take care of our girls. But because of how you changed me, it was hard. Before you, I was only ever serious about one other person. The rest were one or two nights, maybe even a couple weeks, but nothing that made me want to settle down with someone. I think the 17 months after we got divorced was the longest time I've gone without sex, in like forever."
Callie took a deep breath, she hadn't known that. After the cheating, Arizona had almost instantly jumped in bed with Leah. Callie had kind of expected it, had thought that the divorce would have been a similar situation.
"At first it was because I was so busy with Herman, and then finding a routine with work and Sofia. And then I don't really have an excuse. I said I was busy when people asked, or that I wasn't interested, which was a fraction of the truth. The rest of the truth is that I was waiting for you, even after Heather, I was waiting for you. It took me a long time to fall out of love with you. It wasn't until you brought Penny around that I realized that I had to try. So I went out, slowly and surely, and met a couple women, I didn't sleep with them at first. I was looking for that connection that I had with you."
"The first person I slept with, I cried the whole time. Oh god, it was embarrassing. I think I forgot was sex was supposed to be like when it was fun and carefree. That was one of the ways you changed me. When we were together, outside of the actual physical act of sex, it was amazing. I broke two of my rules with you, that first time. First I waited three dates, like you asked. There was something about you that told me you were worth it, and my god Calliope, you were so worth it. The second was that I stayed the night that first night. I tried to tell myself that it was because you were so close to the hospital, that it was just easier that way, but I knew the real reason. That it was because lying there with you, on those ridiculously blue sheets, was one of the best things that had ever happened to me."
Callie could only stare. Stare at this woman who was sitting beside her, working on them with her. Saying things that Callie had known, but never knew.
"And then, as I told Richard, I found my sluttly stride. I was back to the old Arizona, the player, the one who was hot and wanted, and I realized I didn't have to try that hard to get women to fall into bed with me. I didn't truly fall out of love with you until you left for New York. After court, I realized that I only wanted you to be happy, and knowing that someone else was making you happy, that's when I knew I wasn't in love with you anymore. I still loved you, but it was different. That's why I let you go. That's another way you changed me, you taught me how to be selfless. There were a couple women who I thought could have been another chance for me, but neither of them got that far. But part of it was monogamy, that was you too. Being with one person forever, or at least as long as we were together."
Arizona chanced a look at her again, and they said at the same time "Infidelity aside?" And they both laughed.
"Yes. But you showed me what a beautiful thing it was. One of them, no one liked, but I liked her. But she ghosted me. April had to tell me what that meant. I felt so old. The other, I stopped as soon as you and I started being friends again, well that and she said she didn't like kids." At that Arizona laughed, and squeezed Callie's hand again, and Callie couldn't help but laugh along with her. How the tables had turned.
"Anyway, Calliope, the point of all that was to say that you changed me. And not because you wanted me to be who you wanted me to be, but because being with you, being married to you, being in love with you, has done so much good for me. Yes, my life is different from the way I imagined it would be when I was younger, but what I dreamed of then and what I dream of now… there's no comparison. My life before Callie and my life with Callie and my life after Callie are all different versions of me, but I know now that the best version of me is the one that you helped build."
Callie couldn't stop the tears from spilling out of her eyes if she tried, and she didn't want to.
"Well," Callie jumped a little, and felt Arizona do the same, they had both forgotten that Dr. Dawson was there again. "I think you guys are ready. The strides you've taken these last few months have been amazing. You no longer interrupt each other, to talk over each other. Even when you are frustrated or frightened of what the other says, you sit and you listen. People try to be on their best behaviour when they come to therapy, especially people such as yourselves. But four years ago, I didn't see that. I saw two women who clearly loved each other, but were not committed to each other to make that marriage work. The tragedy the two of you have suffered is unimaginable. I know the whole story, I know all of it. I know what happened to each of you before, during, and after you were apart and I know the toll."
"Arizona, you are going to have to live with PTSD for the rest of your life. You've noticed that you'll be okay for long stretches of time, years even, but then something will trigger you. I've spoken with your trauma counsellor, with your permission, and you have the tools to combat the episodes when they come. You'll have to share those with Callie when you feel comfortable doing so. Callie, while you don't have PTSD, you've suffered immense trauma. I know you have the skills and tools to help, but again, share them with Arizona."
Callie nodded, and saw Arizona do the same.
"This is important. This is part of why I wanted you guys to share these stories. The building of emotional stability is important, and both of you have suffered so much. In your marriage you rarely let each other in, thinking that you and you alone were strong enough to handle it. And you weren't, and there is no shame in that. Now that you know though, about the past, and how it has helped you understand each other's pain, you have to remember this moving forward. Even if we don't see each other again, I want you to continue to be open and honest, completely honest with each other. That is what marriage is, tackling the hard stuff together."
The three women lapsed into silence, each thinking about the past, and more importantly the future. After a minute of silence, Dr. Dawson continued.
"So, yes, I agree that you are ready."
888*
Kim Dawson said goodbye to her patients and saw them out. Before she finished her session notes, she sent a quick text to her husband. They're totally gonna do it.
Before she was even able to sit at her desk to begin writing, Thom texted back, YASS QUEEN, and she laughed at him. When she had met the two of them for the first time she knew that the marriage they had then was broken. They were both too stubborn to lean on the other, acting in anger and fear about the other leaving or running away or bailing. She wasn't surprised when Dr. Torres had left the room.
She was kind of surprised that Dr. Robbins had let her, and then continued to let her walk away.
And she wasn't surprised when they found their way back to each other, even if it took longer than she thought it would. She'd followed them in the four years since she'd last seen them. She'd watched them grow as individuals, and then with others, but she knew that they were meant to be together.
It was hard to be a romantic in her line of work, seeing the way that people could destroy the people they loved, but when two people as meant for each other as Callie and Arizona were worked and got together and then back together, well that made believing in true love that much easier.
888*
They didn't have the energy to have sex that night, and that was okay with Arizona, because they did something, that while it wasn't better than sex, because honestly sex with Calliope was literally the best thing ever, was still pretty darn great.
They'd fallen onto Arizona's bed and just held each other. They hadn't done that part yet, every time they had shared a bed before then, or even a sleeping space, there had been a child involved. Either their's, or Meredith's, or April and Jackson's. They'd even watched baby Leo, Owen's foster son, once. But they hadn't shared a bed, just the two of them, in almost five years and Arizona couldn't have asked for a more perfect night spent with Calliope.
But now, after having spent the morning apart at work, it was all Arizona could think of. Ripping the clothes off of that amazing body, using her hands and her lips and her tongue to map and relearn every single inch of caramel skin that she used to know better than her own. Her fingertips twitched with the need to touch her, to caress her, to feel the burn that only Callie had ever ignited in her. Her lips were parched with need for Callie, and she had honestly never been more sexually aroused than she was right now than, ever in her entire life, even when she was with her before. It had burned bright and hot, but now it was if the sun had taken up residence in her chest and she felt ready to explode with desire.
They had plans to meet for lunch, with their dumb friends who insisted that they eat lunch with them, so she made her way to the cafeteria to eat stupid lunch with her stupid friends in the stupid cafeteria, when all she really wanted to eat was Calliope.
Her cheeks burned with the explicit image that contained. The way warm skin would caress her cheeks, and hard, muscular thighs would grip her ears, and strong hands would pull her hair when her head was between Calliope's legs. Her tongue between-
Dear god, she needed a cold shower.
"Whoa!" She yelped as strong hands gripped her arm and pulled her into the supply closet near the cafeteria.
She understood then as Callie pressed herself against Arizona and Arizona was held up only by the door and Callie's body pressed firmly against her. She would swear in front of a thousand judges that her prosthetic knee went weak at the feeling of being so womanhandled by Calliope.
Really, all she needed was Calliope.
A small whimper escape her as Callie's tongue worked its way into her open mouth, and her whole body shuddered as one of those strong thighs made its way between between her legs and pressed so rightly against her dripping centre.
She felt her orgasm rushing towards her from out of nowhere, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. "God, oh god Calli- yes, oh god, Calliope I can't-" She whispered. In the five years they had been together, they had mastered the art of coming quietly.
Once, early on in their relationship, they had walked out of an on-call room, hair dishevelled and scrubs rumpled, knowing smirks on the faces of the nurses and orderlies as they had left. Mark had given her a slap on the back later, and said "Good job, Robbins!" When she had looked at Callie to understand, all the other woman had done was blush and show her a text from the man, Robbins that good in the sack, eh? Right on Torres! And she had blushed as well. They had practiced, at home, being quiet. In the bedroom they were still vocal, and god she loved the sounds Callie made as she had her hands, and mouth, on her, but being quiet had it's advantages.
And she was so glad that she remembered, all these years later, how to be quiet. She had missed the way Callie's name got stuck in her throat, "Calli-Cal-Callio-pe" had missed the way that those strong hands held her tightly, had missed the way she couldn't control her hips because she was on her tiptoes with Callie's tigh pressed so tightly, so deliciously, reverently, and earth shakingly tightly against her core.
And now, in this new moment, loved the way that she could feel as her prosthetic hung limply to her left, the way that the rubber sole of the shoe on her left leg drug lightly on the floor as her hips undulated against Callie, offering just a slight bit of resistance that made everything so much better.
"Callie, oh god, I'm going to come, I can't-" She whimpered into Callie's mouth.
And when Callie gripped her back tighter, and moved her thigh closer, and roughly held Arizona's head to her shoulder, and bit her earlobe, Arizona's vision tinged white around the edges and the rushing sound of her orgasam blocked everything around her until all she could feel were the rolling waves of pleasure through her whole body, and everything around her was Callie. Her Calliope.
Minutes later, when she returned back to herself, still wrapped tightly in Callie's strong arms, her face tucked into Callie's neck, inhaling the spicy, citrusy scent of Callie's body wash, all she felt was embarrassment. The whole thing, from Callie pulling her into the closet to her coming absolutely undone in Callie's arms, had lasted barely thirty seconds.
"Are you crying?" Callie asked softly, placing a gentle kiss on Arizona's neck. And dear god, how could she need Callie to do that again, to make love to her again.
"No," she whispered through her tears. She knew why she was crying. Relief, at finally being back in Callie's arms like this, and embarrassment from coming so quickly. "Yes."
She could feel as Callie made to move away from, so she quickly wrapped her arms tighter around Callie's neck and held on. Because now that that had happened, she couldn't deny herself the safety of Callie's body wrapped around hers.
"I'm sorry Arizona, I didn't mean-"
"No, Calliope. Don't be sorry." She heard the apology in Callie's voice, but loved the way that the Latina wrapped her more fully into her arms. "I'm embarrassed." For coming so quickly.
Really, it had been a long time since she had sex, an even longer time that she had desired Callie, and really it had been ten years that she could come undone so quickly in Callie's arms. So she was embarrassed, sure, but she wasn't the least bit surprised.
"For coming so quickly. I wanted it to be special, our first time. Well our second first time."
"Hey," Callie said, pressing her lips to Arizona's forehead, and holding her tighter still. "I feel pretty darn special right now. I feel amazing! I took it as a compliment."
Arizona felt herself sigh, and turned to press her lips against Callie's neck. There she felt Callie swallow thickly, and she was comforted. She didn't regret that it had happened this way, it was kind of perfect actually.
At the same time, they moved to kiss each other again, and Arizona felt herself lifted as Callie moved them away from the door and further back into the closet. God, she always loved when Callie used her strength to lift Arizona like that. It turned her on more than anything else Callie did.
Just as she was slipping her hands under Callie's scrub top, the door to the closet opened and two scrub nurses walked in. They had forgotten to lock the door.
"Seriously, Torres being back is the worst. I'd been working on getting into Robbins' pants for like a year. She's so fucking hot, god." Callie snickered into Arizona's neck, and Arizona quickly placed her hand over Callie's mouth.
"Maybe they'd be interested in a threesome, I don't swing that way, but for Callie Torres? And Robbins, I mean… I get it. I totally get it." The second nurse said, and this time it was Callie's hand that covered her mouth. They stared at each other, and Arizona could only hope that the nurses would leave soon.
"You think she wears the fake leg during sex? I mean I'm not against it, but-" the rest of her sentence was cut off as the two women left the supply closet, and Callie and Arizona fell into each other giggling.
"Should I tell her that the answer to her question, is 'sometimes she wears the leg during sex?'" Callie said, and the fell into laughter again. "Do you even know who they were?"
"No!" Arizona replied immediately, loving the feeling of laughing about this while still wrapped up in Callie's arms. "I have no idea who either of them are!"
They kissed chastely again, and slowly disentangled themselves from each other. Forgetting to lock the door had that effect on killing the mood. By unspoken agreement they made their way to Arizona's office so that she could change her arousal ruined scrubs and underwear, and they walked through the hospital hand in hand.
"She's not wrong though, you are fucking hot." Callie whispered against her ear, and Arizona felt her desire for Callie building again. She was suddenly glad that her office door had a couch and a lock, and she would remember the lock this time.
