Chapter 3: Reunion
(Edward PoV)
Nothing.
That's what my existence consisted of. Nothing.
My mind had not absorbed anything in the world so there was not much to remember besides the nothingness. And the pain. The never-ending pain that had begun as soon as those words left my lips, the blasphemed words that should have even been thought, let alone uttered.
My love was gone. Gone forever, my love, my angel, my Bella.
Even thinking her name caused another round of pain to envelope me. Pain on top of pain. My existence was nothing but nothing and pain.
I felt a new pain at the back of my mind. A physical pain, aside from the endless emotional one. Out of old instinct, my mind focused on it momentarily, dully hoping it was something that would end my misery. My mind forced my eyes upon an odd sight. Three women stood above me, their eyes fearful and shocked. A small spark in my mind told me I knew them. I stared at them stupidly and they continued to speak at me, but I could not hear their words. I turned away from them, both mentally and physically, before I felt one of them grab my arm and spin me toward them. Her face was scared, horrified, and angry. Her eyes were a deep amber, the golden tint matching her long, golden hair. I knew I should know her, but I don't. I continued to look at her and saw her lips form one word.
"Bella."
Suddenly, my mind snapped to attention. Everything came back to me, slowly but gradually. I was South America, somewhere in Brazil, in some rundown hotel. It had been nearly four months since leaving my love and it was just after New Years, 2006. My eyes focused on the three women. I recognized Rosalie, my adoptive sister, and Esme, my adoptive mother, and our cousin, Tanya, all standing in front of me. Confusion came over my features, the first time an emotion was there at all in months. Esme kneeled besides me next to Rosalie, her hand going to my cheek.
Their thoughts came to me in one big gust; I was so out of it I couldn't even hear them. I gripped my hair with my hands, my head pounding from the onslaught of foreign thoughts. Slowly, very slowly, I processed it and my head snapped up.
"What's wrong with her?" I said, my voice raw from disuse. They all exchanged glances.
"What's wrong with her?" I repeated, my voice nearly a snarl. Esme sighed then rubbed my arm before answering softly.
"She….she tried to kill herself, Edward. She nearly jumped off a cliff."
I jumped up and nearly fell over from lack of balance. I suppose not moving for months does that to people, even vampires.
"Why?" My voice was strangled.
"She couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle the pain, the grief, and she couldn't handle…." Rosalie stopped short, exchanging a look. I turned toward them, desperation in my eyes.
"What? You're hiding something from me, all of you. Tell me what's wrong with her!"
The three female vampires said nothing for a long moment until Rosalie looked at me, her face hard yet terrified.
"Bella's pregnant, Edward. With your child."
I was stunned, completely and utterly shocked. I stared at her stupidly as a thousand emotions attacked me: shock, confusion, fear, terror, anger, desperation, all of them hit me at once and I crumbled to my knees, gripping the sides of my head with my hands. Shock at the pure impossibility of the prospect of Bella being pregnant with my child. Vampires could not reproduce sexually! It just wasn't possible or Rosalie and Esme would have figured out a way already. But Bella would never lie about that, I knew her well enough to know that. So it did not matter how, not now, when I found she tried to kill herself. Why? I'm not sure. She promised to not do anything stupid or reckless; why would she go back on that? Was it because she felt no obligation to keep her promise to me? Possible but not probable; Bella's nature made the idea unlikely.
I felt fear and terror for my mate's health, and for my child's health. She must not be in the completely right state of mind and who knows how that affected her, physically and mentally? Anger was directed inward; I could not believe I was stupid enough to leave her, leave her and my child. Granted, I did not know about her pregnancy, but that's no excuse. I needed to get back. I needed to fix what I did.
Underneath all the negative emotions, though, I also felt other emotions: awe and hope. Awe that my love was pregnant with my child, a product of that first night we spent together. Awe as I thought of her abdomen swell with my child within her. The picture in my head must not do the reality justice. I felt hope that I may be a father, despite that the past ninety years of my life I have been told differently. And hope that Bella, my angel as well as the mother of my unborn child, would forgive me.
"I need to go back," I said, my voice sounding revitalized with strength. I looked up at the three women, who, though seeming a little confused, simply nodded and made toward the car. I followed.
The hotel was on the distant edge of civilization from downtown Seattle; it was late night when we arrived and the lights of the city shone bright in the distance. I, however, was consumed with thoughts, both mine and of my mother, sister, and cousin. They had given me a rundown of all that had happened, as well as Bella's present condition. Her fear of my family, though not completely odd as regard to a normal human-vampire confrontation, worried me. She even was afraid of Carlisle, backing away from him and cringing from his proximity. She seemed to be protecting herself and the baby from them, perhaps partially from fear of danger but mostly from what had happened when we had left. I had resolved immediately that leaving was the worst decision that I ever made; it did nothing but hurt Bella and me and my family. I would face those consequences now, hoping that I could mend what had been done.
We reached the room, greeted by the rest of the family, Carlisle excluded. Alice wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me and mentally greeting me before backing into Jasper's embrace. My two brothers nodded their heads slightly in greeting, as did the Denali coven.
No one spoke; no one knew what to say. Instead, we all focused on the gentle breathing from inside the room and the slightly erratic heartbeat from within. Carlisle was with her and that alone made her slightly nervous. Carlisle, as well as the rest of the family, kept their thoughts strictly words; no one showed me images of Bella. They had decided to allow me to see for myself. This both scared me and intrigued me; I wanted very badly to see her, both to assess her condition myself but also to see the miracle for myself.
"Bella?" Carlisle asked, his voice soft. There was a slight catch in her breathing at her name. I imagined she looked up at him, curious and expectant.
"Bella, he's here," Carlisle informed her. Her heartbeat stopped and we all held our breaths for one long, agonizing moment before slightly relaxing as it began beating again, although irregularly.
"You don't have to see him if you don't want to. I'm leaving the decision to you," Carlisle told her, voice gentle, soothing. I closed my eyes, the moment hanging in the balance as Bella made her decision. A long moment passed where no one but Carlisle knew her choice.
It was silent for what seemed like an eternity; finally, though, the door opened, Carlisle slipping through. His eyes met mine and I saw the haunted, pained look in my eyes reflected in his eyes. He put his hand on my shoulder, mentally expressing his disappointment, fear, desperation, and my eyes downcast at the shame. Carlisle squeezed my shoulder and I met his gaze again. He nodded toward the door, as if to tell me make this right. I gulped and slowly slipped through the door, closing it behind me.
The hotel room was spacious, double king beds lining the inside wall, a by window right across from me, a bathroom at my left. Two lamps were on, one at the desk and the other on the nightstand. Bella sat cross legged at the end of one of the beds, furthest from the door. She was looking down, her hair falling to hide her face from me. She had a blanket wrapped around her body, only her shoulders and head not covered. She was playing with her hands, obviously nervous; I was too. I took one long, steadying breath then stepped up to her, making my presence known.
She stiffened slightly but made no other move to acknowledge my presence. I continued my advance until I stopped as I was standing in front of her. I knelt down to my knees; she did not move but I felt her eyes were on what she could see of me. I made no move to touch her as I knew she did not want to be touched. As I knelt before her, I made the first move.
"Bella?' I said, my voice soft. She didn't say anything, seeming too scared to move.
"Bella, I….I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said and, as I was kneeling before her, I felt the need to let it all out, to beg.
"Bella, I'm so sorry for this. I never meant to hurt you like this. I didn't know, though that's no excuse. I should have stayed; I never should have left! It was the worst decision I ever made and I'll never be able to make up for it. You must despise me, I've ruined everything." I looked down at my hands, at myself, responsible for this horrible situation.
"I…don't…." Bella's voice was rough from misuse but still understandable. Her head tilted toward me and I saw her for the first time. Her chocolate eyes were dull, scared, even terrified, and pain was etched in them; pain was etched in her whole being and I felt another wave of anger at myself and despair for hurting her so badly. Bella wet her lips and tried again.
"I...don't…want you to stay…"
My heart trembled before cracking and breaking. I was too late; I had done too much damage. My face crumbled and I felt for the first time since becoming a vampire that I may actually shed tears. I did not know what to do.
"You…feel obligated…to stay…" Bella's voice continued and I clung to every word, because I believed I wouldn't hear her voice for much longer.
"You know..." she said, "You're…only staying….because you think…you have to…and I…don't want you….to be unhappy…"
My face mirrored the shock I felt and her response quickly fell into place.
"Bella, sweetheart, I'm not staying because I have to. I love you, I always have, I always will. Nothing I said in the woods that day was true. It was all a lie to get you to move on. You were unsafe in my world I couldn't allow myself to put you in danger anymore. I had to leave, all of us had to, to make you move on and live the human life you deserve. The plan obviously didn't work and I hate myself for saying, for deceiving you that way. But I didn't think you would believe me! I've told thousands of times how much I love you; I didn't expect you to believe me so easily!"
She looked down and I saw fresh tear tracks roll over her older ones.
"It never made sense for you to love me; I always knew that."
My heart broke and I ached to reach out and hold her; I stayed fast, though, and tried to explain to her through my words.
"No, Bella, no. That's not true. I'm the one not deserving of you. You are amazing, perfect. You're kind, selfless, caring, and absolutely perfect. I am a monster, and that has been proved by both leaving you and lying to you." Her eyes were confused and I pleaded with her to believe me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. It's even worse now that I am asking your forgiveness, even though I am not at all deserving." I turned my face down, not wanting to see her face twist in disgust at my request, turn to furious as she ordered me away.
I felt a warm hand touch my cheek and I looked up, shocked as her hand moved to my neck, tangling her fingers in the hair at the base of my neck. Her eyes were full of tears, tracks streaming down her cheeks and neck.
"I love you, and I forgive you. I always have, and I always will, and there's nothing you can do about it." She said. My heart, which had just felt like it was going to shatter into a million pieces, soared. Her hand on my neck tightened slightly, trying to pull me closer. I inched a little bit closer toward her and she didn't flinch. I made to return her touch when she spoke and I froze.
"Just…" she began before stopping.
"Just what, sweetheart?" I probed, searching her eyes, desperation in my eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, more tears escaping, before meeting my gaze.
"Just stay….I can't….I can't deal with this….if you leave….I just can't," she began to ramble. I reached out gentle and fit my hand to her left cheek.
"Shh, Bella. I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you order me away. I swear to you that." I promised. Our eyes were locked and the intensity in them sealed that vow. She nodded, her eyes pooling in more tears. We moved simultaneously, our lips touching. The kiss was long and sweet; nothing else mattered. I was back, we were reunited. That was all that mattered in that moment. We broke apart at the same time, allowing her to breathe and she leaned her face into my hand that still lay against her cheek and I saw her body relax, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her eyes closed and even I could sense her exhaustion, even though I wasn't an empath like Jasper. My eyes traveled over her very malnourished form and I already made lists of food to get her back to a healthy weight. My eyes fell to her abdomen, hidden beneath the large blanket. Unintentionally, I reached forward to remove it, to see the proof for myself. I hesitated though, looking at Bella for approval. She had been watching and she leaned back on the bed, supporting her own weight with her left hand behind her slightly while the other held mine. She nodded slightly and gently removed the blanket from over her stomach.
My breath stopped.
Her stomach was small, fitting her petite size, never noticeable in anything less form fitting than the tank top she wore now. Her bump was distinct though against the white cotton and it was purely incredible, even in its simplicity. Proof of the life within in her would have brought me to tears if I could cry; but I couldn't, and I reached out tentatively and laid my hand against her belly. Her stomach moved up and down in time with her breathing and I was surprised by how rock hard it felt. My hand curved around her belly, rubbing it gently. Bella hiccupped suddenly and I looked up to see her on the verge of tears. Immediately, I panicked.
"Bella, what's wrong? What is it?" I asked, looking her over carefully. She shook her head though, wiping her eyes uselessly. I placed my hand against her cheek, my eyes wide with confusion and worry.
"I just….I never thought I would see you do that," she murmured, her eyes meeting mine. I understood, nodding. I leaned up and kissed her forehead delicately, before placing my forehead against hers.
"It will be okay, I promise. You'll both be fine. I will protect you. Everything will be okay." I swore to her. She nodded against my forehead.
Then she broke down.
She started sobbing uncontrollably. Swiftly, I pulled her into my arms and sat on the bed with her half in my lap. She curled into me, holding onto my shirt and arm for dear life, crying her eyes out. I wrapped the blanket around her, rocking gently and whispering to her soothingly. Outside, I heard Carlisle recommend that the family go hunting and they left me and my mate to our reunion.
Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long!
I just got situated at college so I didn't have much time to update! Plus, I had different ways I wanted this chapter to go and I'm very happy with the way it turned out!
Ask any questions you may have and I'll do my best to answer them! Next chapter should be coming up soon, along with a new story similar to Analissa. Please check it out!
You know I love reviews!
~Melinda :)
