"...and so then, that ogre of an ex started making out with her, right on the yacht! To make it worse, we didn't even go to the island! Just a crummier version of the Playa!"
Tyler repeatedly bashed his head on the steel cage that confined him. "I... just... want... my last stand... back."
"Shut up and listen!" Courtney grolwed. "And so then, we made bets to see who'd be season finalists, and I lost! Me, the CIT!"
"That's what you get for voting the she-jock instead of Cameron," came a snide an nasally voice.
Tyler gasped. "Whoa! There's someone in the cage next to mine that's covered by a tarp that I didn't notice until now!"
"Oddly specific, Tyler."
"How did you know my name? Did you steal my last stand?! Give it back or I'll fight you! Unless you're a girl, in which case I totally respect your privacy. Are you a girl? You kind of sound like one."
"I'm Noah, you moron," he scowled, pulling the tarp away to reveal everyone's favorite bookworm.
Tyler blinked. "Noah...?"
"Oh, come on. I'm like the most popular with the fans; the shippings with me in them are more popular than Duncney!"
"Which is not and will never be a thing anymore," Courtney remarked, seemingly fine with this bout of exposition.
"The only two I know of are NoCo and Nawn," Tyler said to Noah.
"Not Nizzy?"
Tyler shook his head.
"Gwoah?"
Tyler shook his head.
"Notie-well, that one's just a TKN fanon one like Bridgezekiel."
"You're losing me here."
"Obviously," Noah sneered, rolling his eyes. "The point is, I don't deserve this 'unknown' routine when I'm the most iconic contestant on Total Drama."
"No, I am!" Courtney snapped. "And I'm not done ranting!"
It was then that a semblance of an idea formed in the very bruised brain of the lovable jock. And as if he had won the million, he gave a sharp gasp. "You could just let me go and leave Noah behind!" he said, very pleased with himself.
Noah snapped his head, glaring to mask his partial confusion. And also glaring due to the fact that Tyler pretty much threw him under the bus. "Dude, not that I don't understand wanting to save your own skin, but you once rammed a steel door because you'd never leave a man behind. I think I speak for everyone when I ask; the fuck?"
Tyler shook his head, still giddy about his ingenious idea. "Don't worry! I've got a plan! See, when she lets me out, I'll use my extreme finger strength to bust you out!"
There was a silence, which Courtney was happy to break. "I'm right here, you know. I heard everything you just said."
"...Oh."
Noah smacked his freakishly large forehead.
Fortunately, Tyler's brain was on a roll. With another gasp, he said, "Hanon! I think i've got another idea!"
"What, really?" said Noah, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah!" Tyler nodded vehemently. With a dramatic gesture, he positioned his finger next to one of the bars. Mere centimeters away, Tyler's focus was that of phenomenal; truly, that was one of the gifts of being a jock, however klutzy. His eyes narrowed, he roared out his favorite word of all time.
"EXTREME!"
And with the lightest of taps, the cage immediately disintegrated.
"That's a first," quipped Noah, though even he couldn't hide his astonishment at the feat.
As Tyler climbed up to Noah's cage, he locked eyes with the bookworm. "Never leave a man behind," he said, his sentiments traveling for miles. With another tap, Noah was released.
Courtney snapped her fingers in disappointment. "Drat. Well, who needs you anyway?" With that, she produced a butterfly net, walking off and mumbling something about capturing Zeke and Cody.
Noah scoffed. "So are well really letting her get away with keeping us in a Hawaiian shack against our wills for six days?"
"I was here for five days!" He paused. "Five is less than six, right?"
"Obviously," Noah drawled. "Otherwise six wouldn't be afraid of seven."
"Why was six afraid of seven?" Tyler asked innocently, apparently not knowing the joke in the slightest.
Amazed at how unknowledgeable he was, Noah opted to answer without a snide remark. "It's because seven ate nine."
Suddenly, Trent appeared, though this wasn't our normal Trent. His pupils, noticably, were shaped like nines. "No one disrespects the Ninth Gods" he snarled, grabbing Noah in a choke hold.
"Uh, Tyler?" Noah asked, his voice only partially revealing just how freaked he was. "Mind helping m out here?"
All Tyler did was shrug.
As Psycho Trent picked the little bookworm up, Noah could only give Tyler an incredulous look. The nine-atic ran off with him, and Noah's nasally voice rang out,"THE FUUUUUuuuuck..." His screams echoed until they could be heard no more.
Once they were gone, it was just Tyler, just as it should've been. And then he started monologuing. "Little does he know that I'm actually planning on saving him, though I need my last stand to do it. With my awesome skills, I, Tyler, shall find my last stand and save my new buddy. Look out, world! Nothing's in my w-oh hey, another note!"
It was true. Another scrap of paper was floating in front of him, and he was sure it was another note. Luckily, it was. "'Glad to see you're still reading thing. Or actually can read! Go to Paris for your next note.'"
Eyes flaired with determination, Tyler balled up the note in his fist. "Tyler is coming for you!" And as he started to walk onward, he tripped, falling flat on his face.
A/N: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU EXPECTED NOAH WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS I KNOW I DID
But did you expect a ranting Courtney or Psycho!Trent? It's like everyone wants to kidnap Noah. Speaking of him, oh no! He's kidnapped! For Tyler to save him, he'll need his last stand. But why? And will he forget about it? For the sake of comedy, I want to say yes, but no. Tyler's good for a lot of slapstick, but when he says he's gonna save his buddy, he's gonna.
So, next up is oui oui mon Paris! There, Tyler will get the surprise of his life. But what? Or who? And will there be songs? Possibly! I like songs, so I might add some in later chapters! Raise your hand if you want Tyler solos!
Stay tuned!
