The Other Shoe

--3--

He was being interviewed by Charlotte a.m., the local--off post--daily morning show. He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to do any of them. But as the public affairs officer had so clearly informed him, he didn't have an option otherwise.

He hated the publicity, he hated all these cameras being shoved into his life, he hated how closed off he felt to every single person he came into contact with, he hated that damn question that every single person seemed to insist on asking him; and most of all, he hated himself. He hated what he was becoming just because he had all this rage and confusion piling up inside him. He was furious at himself for taking it out on Roxy, for letting all the anger and frustration make him say those things to her. He was pissed at himself for hurting her, the most important thing in his life. It was something that he knew, that much he could be certain of, even if he knew nothing else, he knew that--but that somehow, he just forgot along the way.

There were no microphones being shoved in his face this time, no crowds of people standing around waiting. Just this blonde woman, and a camera crew, the public affairs officer, and his guilt. But that was enough to fill the room a few times over. It was similar to a few other shows he'd done except for one thing, Roxy wasn't there.

"Then maybe you're right!" Trevor yelled, not caring, not caring at all.

"Trevor, what--what are you saying?" Roxy asked.

"Maybe we didn't know each other at all. Maybe this was all a big mistake. Maybe we don't really know each other at all." Roxy not being there…he couldn't picture a life like that. He didn't want to.

He still could feel it when he bumped into her on his way out the door, still heard the clanging of the screen door echoing in his head. He heard the words echoing over and over and over in his mind.

"So tell us Specialist, what is it like to be a hero? What was going through your mind when you made the decision to save all those people?"

Did I lie to my family when I promised them I was coming home?

"Ma'am I'm not the hero. I'm not a hero at all. I was just doing my job. But the men in the unit, my unit, all the units, all the men serving, and women, they're the heroes."

"So, your heroes are you comrades. Your unit?"

Trevor nodded his head. "Yes, but its not just them. I mean, yes, they're heroes, heroes to all of us. Any of them would have done the same thing I did, its just what we are trained to do."

"I'm sorry specialist but I'm feeling a bit confused, are you saying they are your heroes?"

"Yes, ma'am, but they aren't the only heroes. You see, my hero its my wife. And I forgot that. I think we all forget about out families in one way or another once we're deployed. We go from one family; our wives, our children, to the family that our unit is. Now my wife, all of our wives, they're the ones who deserve some kind of recognition, some award. We couldn't get through what it is we do without them."

"Right, but specialist if we could direct the interview back to yourself…" She motioned towards him, attempting to put the interview back on track.

"See, ma'am, if I may. That is what you're missing. That's what its all about. If I'm a hero, if all this is so…its because of her, and my kids. Anything, everything I do, its for them. I was scared as any person in their right mind would be when I made the decision to shoot…but for them…I did it for them. My wife, not me, is the bravest person I know, and I was just trying to do the right thing."

Trevor pulled off his microphones, and tossed it onto the table. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"But, where? We're um-we're still in the middle of an interview." She leaned in closer, whispering. "Specialist, we're live." "I'm sorry." Trevor told her, and he was. "But, turns out…I have to go and do the right thing."