Chapter three
Authors note: Wow you cannot believe how sorry I am that it's taken this long for me to update. I've had people staying for weeks at a time, work, back to school and just to make things harder we got a new computer, and I couldn't transfer my files to it straight away because the cpu is fucked so we need to take it in to get it fixed, so I had to re hook up our old computer just for the sake of this chapter, and maybe the next few to come depending on what's up with the new hard drive. This chapter is more focused on helping you understand whats up with Jasper and Alice, but I think really all I need to tell you is, Alice can see the future right? I tried to make it as unheartbreaking and sad as possible, but I'm not sure if its possible at all. I love Alice a lot. OH! And thank you to everyone that has reviewed, every email I get makes me so happy, and all the favorites and alerts too, you are all wonderful and I'll try my best to reply to you from here on in.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but wow, cool, being the creator of Jasper Whitlock, well, I'd be proud of myself.
As soon as I left Bella's house I started running. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I ghosted into the forest lining her backyard and let my legs make the directional decisions from that point. The only thing I knew was that I wasn't going home.
Not yet.
Home could wait. I was in no rush to return. Edward would have a few things to say and they could wait. I didn't doubt this would be one of the times where Edward's language was much more colorful than usual. Unlike Bella, no one at my home would be going to sleep anytime soon, so I didn't see the harm in my delayed return, unless Edward was that angry.
Another thing that I was indirectly putting off was returning to Alice. We'd been walking on glass for months now that it was almost natural and comfortable, but it didn't make me any happier.
Alice was keeping things from me. Her visions, her thoughts, and if she could, her feelings too. When Edward was in one of his more charitable moods he had confessed that Alice was practicing a meditation technique that kept her in a constant calm. It didn't always work; sometimes her grief would slip through. On the odd occasion I'd even feel sheer joy radiating off her in waves, crashing over me in the most unpleasant way.
I didn't understand what she had to be so happy about but I knew she wouldn't tell me.
For the benefit of everyone else we kept our relationship to its usual constraints. Holding hands maybe if we ever ventured out in public, which we had to when I wasn't 'away at college' and spending the silent time together we usually did. Esme was worried about it, and because Esme was worried Carlisle worried too. Rosalie didn't take much notice, and Bella certainly hadn't caught on as far as I knew. The only person I worried about was Emmett, but I knew if he had realized something was wrong he'd do his best to ignore it.
Emmett hated knowing that someone in the family was unhappy. Emmett was the one person you could rely on in this family to always be happy. Even when things were falling apart, he could always find something to smile about.
I often wondered if I wasn't empathic if I would be able to achieve the same sort of inner happiness he seemed to have. Even Alice and her bubbly nature couldn't compete with Emmett's knack to find the silver lining and the funny side to everything.
I ended up in the clearing I'd been in before I left to Bella's under Emmett's orders, crouched in the same position, sitting on my ankles. I remember Bella mimicking the position once, but she said it was much too uncomfortable for her to stay like that. That and the fact that she was human and prone to gravity unawareness meant the position was hardly one that agreed with her.
I don't know how long I sat there mulling things over about me and Alice. It was hardly something I should expose myself to thinking about, but for once in a long time I was on my own, experiencing my own feelings, left to the privacy of my own thoughts. How could I turn down the simple idea of taking advantage of the opportunity?
I was in the middle of several thoughts when a mass of limbs came barreling into the clearing stopping only feet short of myself.
Emmett, of course. Sometimes I wondered if he was tuned into my whereabouts or something because he always found me.
I wasn't even mad this time, once I was taken out of my pity party by his abrupt appearance I realized I didn't want to stay in it.
Emmett hunched over with his hands on his knees, gasping in breaths almost as if he actually needed to.
"You need to come home" He started, "I was talking to Alice and I know things haven't been right for ages, but she told me what's happening and you need to come back now. We need you right now, if you can't calm Edward down enough for us to talk some sense into him then you better be ready to pack your stuff and get to stepping."
"Packing, are you serious? He's that upset over this whole thing?"
I couldn't believe it! Upset, enough to yell at me, swear at me, and maybe dismember me, understandable; but pack up and live Forks upset, well that I didn't understand at all.
"What can I say?" Emmett joked, though still sounding as pissed off as I could sense he was. "It's Edward, master of overreaction."
I stood from my crouched position and dusted my clothes off. If I was going to see Alice I best make sure my clothes were tidy. I hardly needed to give her another reason to be upset with me, on top of almost killing her best friend.
"Right, go, Alice knows I'm coming to get you so I'm sure she expects you home shortly. I need to go get something" Emmett told me, looking in the other direction.
"At a time like this you need to go get something?" I narrowed my eyebrows at him, wondering what on earth was so important that he had to go get it now, when it seemed our family was about to cause collateral damage. What did he have to go get that was making him fill to the brim with excitement?
"Look, I can't tell you, just go home" Emmett ordered me once more, his strict tone warning me this was the last time he'd tell me.
I took off in the direction of our house without a second more of hesitations, seeing him take off in the opposite direction.
I made it back in five seconds flat, almost slamming right through Esme's front doors, not the best idea. As soon as I stepped through the doors I was hit with everyone's emotions in full force. Esme's grief, Alice's annoying calm, Edward's determination, Rose's complete anger, and Carlisle's steady contentment.
"…Leaving, I finally get out of high school, for god knows what time, and now I'm going to have to start over. Thanks a lot Edward, you had to fall for a fucking human girl."
Rosalie was pacing from what I could hear, in her and Emmett's room, cursing Bella and Edward alike.
I walked through the house at a human pace, unsure if my presence had been realized or not. I found Esme packing up kitchen utensils and bowls. Stuff she'd finally had a reason to use after so long.
Her body was shaking with grief, a sad smile on her lips as she taped a box up and moved on to the next.
"Esme," I called out to her, stopping her packing for the time being. "Esme, I'm so sorry, I would never, I should have been more careful" I trailed off, unsuccessfully apologizing, but communicating my remorse all the same.
"Nonsense, Jasper. I'm fine. You know what Edward's like, this is best for everyone I'm sure" she replied, turning her golden eyes on me and forcing her smile to stretch more across her features.
Grief did nothing good for Esme. It aged her. She had never looked so old and fragile as she did now for all the time I'd known her. Her beautiful caring face faltering with the simplest movements.
"Jasper, we need to talk."
Alice's voice filtered down the stairs to me, her tone reflecting Esme's grief, almost as if she were about to cry.
I made my way to her without a second thought. Alice was folding clothes away into boxes when I entered the room. Our room, HER room. I had long since spent most of my time in the study Carlisle and Esme had put together for me.
"I guess I don't need to tell you that we're leaving; that much is obvious."
She paused in her packing and made her way over to me, clasping both of my hands in hers and tugging me over to the arm chair in the corner. She gestured for me to sit, so sit I did and she clambered her way into my lap, nestling her head into the crook of my neck, my arms unsurprisingly finding their way around her waist. It was like older times, but it felt all wrong, because it wasn't the same.
"It wasn't meant to happen like this you know? I've seen all the events leading up to this in perfect clarity for months, years even. Do you know that I had a vision of Bella the day she was born?" Alice mused, sounding so sadly happy. "I didn't know what it meant, but I had visions of her all the time, she's always been around, it wasn't until a few months ago that it all began making sense."
She shifted around, making herself more comfortable before she continued. "Edward wasn't meant to push Bella into the table, that's what set everything off. Rest assured Jasper, despite what you may think this isn't your fault. I know it, Emmett knows it, Rose blames Bella naturally, and even Esme and Carlisle know it. You need to stop feeling guilty because it won't help."
I opened my mouth to argue, thinking it was the logical thing to do. Regardless of this or not, it was still part my fault. I was the liability in this family. If I hadn't been around Edward wouldn't have even needed to worry about defending Bella at all. Alice clamped her hand over my mouth before I could get a word out.
"When we first met I think I was the happiest I have ever been. You have no idea how valuable a puzzle piece you are, you made so many things make sense, and one day you'll get to see how, but for now it's not my place to tell you. Everything will fall into place just like it should. Even if we leave I can still see it all happening, but it's better if we stay. The situation is a lot easier to salvage if we stay, a lot better."
Alice repeated the last sentence in different variations a few times over like a mantra, trying to convince me, and perhaps even herself that it was true. I wanted to reassure her, but I had no idea what she was actually talking about. I trusted her though. If Alice said things were meant to go this way, then they were meant to go this way; no matter the hurt feelings they put everyone through.
"Jasper, you do know I love you, right?" she asked me quietly, nuzzling my neck with her nose.
I didn't say anything. I hadn't felt her love for me in months, I didn't know if I could be sure of her feelings for me at all.
"I know things have been tense with us, and I've been keeping secrets. But I know you understand that sometimes I can't tell you things, and trust me, these things are the ones I wish I could tell you the most. It makes me so happy to see where you're going in the future, see how much better things are going to be for you. You're going to be so happy, Jazzy."
It was times like these I wish I had Edward's power, though I often debated over which of our abilities was more undesirable. I found mine was probably easier to live with. If everyone was in a good mood, as was I. But no one ever stopped thinking. Edward's mind had to sound like a high school hallway almost constantly. I could never be bothered putting up with that. It would have been straight to the Volturi to plead for death after the first month, I surmised. If I even lasted that long.
"I'll always love you Jasper, whether you believe it or not; whether we can be friends now, later or never, I'll never stop loving you, but you need to know that we aren't meant to be. We never were, and I think even you know that. We were bought together because I needed to bring you to this place, to this time, to this situation. We had to help each other, and you've been wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better companion throughout the years. You're the most loyal, handsome, caring man and one day someone else is going to realize it too. But that person for you isn't me. Do you understand? I don't want to hurt you, but you know we're not right."
My grip on Alice tightened instinctively. She was right, and I knew she was, but I really couldn't accept the fact that we had reached our goodbye.
It was saddening to say the least, to really be parting ways with Alice. She had been my confidant for years. My support system. She had faith in me. No matter what she had always loved me unconditionally. But she was right, we weren't meant for each other.
This was true just based off the fact that if it weren't we wouldn't even be doubting ourselves. When a vampire mates, they mate for life. They form the deepest, strongest connection. A connection so strong it cannot be severed. Well, that's what Carlisle had said. But Alice and I, no matter how much we loved each other had never wanted the things people in love want.
We married because it seemed right. We shared a room because that's what couples do. But we really just loved each other in a way that we were comfortable to help the other out, be there when needed, provide relief, and always be happy for the other. Our relationship was purely one of beneficial basis. We could provide each other with what we wanted in a form that almost seemed so real to what we desired.
But if what Alice said was true, there was someone that was going to really love me, do everything she had done and Alice was stepping aside to let it happen. My heart broke for her own selflessness. She was sacrificing her marriage so that I could find the person I was destined for? I felt immense dislike for this person already for causing Allie such grief these past few months.
"Jasper I may not be an empath, but it doesn't take an idiot to figure out how you're feeling" Alice chided me, leaning back in my embrace to look me in the eye. "Just like there is someone for you, there is someone for me, and for the record, I very much like the someone there is for you. She's going to be perfect, you'll be amazed that it's possible, and you'll possibly even laugh at how absurd an idea it is, but trust me, go with it."
"I trust you," I told her honestly.
