Pop Can ~ What if it fizzes over, leaves me sticky, but thirsty? And what if I don't really want it? What if it pinches me, snaps off, leaves tin, blood, and a crack to make the rest go flat? – Secret Vespers 08-07-18

*

A heart of Ice, a heart of Water

*

The dreams never went away, but they did take on a darker tone. He would reach out, and they would disappear. Or morph into something else. It wasn't exactly more restful than the first alternative had been and Matsumoto had started asking him questions he couldn't answer.

It was a never-ending plague and even in meetings with the other taichou he found it hard to concentrate. Headaches, something he had never been prone to, were now constantly there. He was in more pain than he had been for decades, but Hitsugaya Toushiro was not a man to give up because of such a trifle.

No, the thing that had him yelling at Matsumoto over details and nearly loosing to Hyorinmaru in training for the first time in decades… was the memory that overlay the ever present visions.

He could've sworn he'd heard her choking back tears, that night. Which was stupid, because Karin didn't cry; in all the years she'd been here, come broken bones or fallen comrades, she had never cried. Everybody knew that.

"Hitsugaya-san, may I join you?"

"Kyoraku-taichou. You may." His thoughts were elsewhere, anyway.

"I have a little problem with one of my officers, one I think you would be able to assist me in solving."

"Hm?" He didn't particularly care, but he had enough respect for Kyoraku's age and wisdom to be marginally polite anyway.

"You see, she has been rather out of spirits lately, probably because she's having these horrible nightmares. Now, I realise that must sound like a petty problem, but I assure you that imagined terrors can be at least as bad as real ones. Especially since the poor soul is best at ease with things of this world, much like yourself."

"I know that nightmares can be a nuisance," Hitsugaya admitted grumblingly, "but I don't see how I should be able to help anyone with such a thing…" And the words 'when I can't even help myself' practically hung over his head.

"Because, apparently you feature rather frequently in them." That jerked Hitsugaya back to uncomfortable reality and onto his feet.

"I don't know what I have done to earn it," he growled.

He had been so distant lately. The truth was that he might actually have scared some blameless, low-ranked officer without even noticing it. It couldn't go on like this anymore. He would have to find a way to get rid of these feelings before they suffocated him.

"Now, now, don't let it upset you." Kyoraku; always the same. "If you don't feel adequately prepared, I'm sure I can think of another way to help Kurosaki-chan, I merely wished to…"

"Kurosaki… Karin?" Was she one of Kyoraku's officers? He hadn't even known.

"Yes, you have met her before, Hitsugaya-san, haven't you? She's such a sweet girl and it's so sad to see her in pain."

"I doubt she'd welcome my interference, even if I could make a difference."

"Ah, but in this, I think you are mistaken, my friend." Kyoraku said with that infuriating smile. Hitsugaya just glared wordlessly at him. "You see… well, perhaps it would be best to show you. Will you come with me?"

What could he do? The man wasn't giving him much choice.

"As you wish."

His senpai sure didn't waste any time as they headed for the Eighth division barracks. They only stopped to wait for the main gates to open; as taichou of another division, even accompanied by the taichou of this one, it would have been impossibly rude to come storming in any other way. Hitsugaya may have left sense at the door weeks ago, but his manners when dealing with division regulations were still impeccable for the most part.

"This way, Hitsugaya-san."

Kyoraku led the way through the corridors of Eighth and around back to where the seated officers had their rooms, his pink robe billowing behind him. This area was relatively sheltered from the rest of the division. Two of them were standing in the corridor, whispering to each other with obvious discomfort before hurrying out of the way as they approached. He didn't have to ask why.

The door they had reached was well closed, but the sounds of someone tossing and turning in a nightmare were familiar to him; Matsumoto had been pained for years after Gin's defection. The older taichou put a hand on his shoulder.

"I shall leave you here. If you want to talk to her, that's your own business."

Something occurred to Hitsugaya then, brought on by the darkness and the fear.

"She's alone, right?"

"I thought that was the talk of the town, really," Kyoraku said with a sigh. "She hasn't been out a single time in much too long. The last, I heard, was that evening when she and Rangiku-chan went to… but that's a story for another time, I'm sure you are busy, Hitsugaya-san. Suffice to say, she has been performing her officer duties as well as always, but it is a taichou's privilege to worry, is it not?"

"Hm." Considering she was a Kurosaki… she wouldn't lose her mulish determination to keep her workload up unless she was dead already. "Kyoraku-taichou…" he turned his head, but this time he was alone. People seemed to be doing that to him a lot, lately.

Uncertain of what he was supposed to do, Hitsugaya settled by the wall of the empty corridor. The sounds through the door were slightly muffled, but he had sharp enough senses that such would be all he needed.

She was whimpering in her sleep, mumbling incoherently. For quite a while that was all there was to it. He was just considering that maybe Kyoraku blew this out of proportion when the whimpers became stifled cries and the mumbling somewhat more audible.

"Why are you… … …no, I just wanted to… … …wait! Stop! You deluded little…"

He had to laugh ironically at that. Even in the midst of a nightmare she was spunky; defiantly alive, no matter the circumstances… but she was afraid, that much was clear. Afraid of what, he couldn't exactly put his finger on, but it made his heart ache.

"Karin… I'm sorry, I don't know what happened."

"Toshi…" There was no way she could have heard him and she didn't sound content at all. There was pain and fear and anger in her cry. "Toushiro!" Mostly pain.

Before he knew what he was doing, Hitsugaya was on his feet and through the door, shaking her. This wasn't the kind of nightmare you woke from easily and he couldn't take it any longer. Her eyes snapped open, almost wider than he thought possible, and a moment later the palm of her hand connected with his jaw, making him stumble backwards.

"Ow!" She packed a mean punch.

"Ah! I'm sorry, Toshi, I just…" she sat up, dumbstruck for a moment. "Toushiro?"

"Yeah. I came to apologize."

Now, that wasn't exactly true, but if it would ease her nightmares, it was the very least he could do. She sat there, emotions of awe and relief fluttering across her face, but it only took her a minute to revert to stony disdain.

"Right. Breaking into my room and scaring the shit out of me seems like the best way to do that, I'm sure. You've apologized, you're free to go. No pressure."

"I said I'm sorry. I don't know what went wrong, but…"

"What went wrong, eh? I take it you were absent during the part where you accused me of whoring myself out for fame?" It was rude and crude and below the ice he could hear a hint of how badly she was hurting. He had never meant to hurt her.

"I never said that."

"No need to."

"I never meant that."

"Then why the fuck did you…" Her breath caught in her throat and he watched as she had to straighten again. "Whatever."

Hitsugaya let his hand fall from his still-hurting jaw and just looked at her. She looked fragile like this, though he knew very well that wasn't true in any sense of the word. Occasionally sensitive, perhaps, but not fragile. It was just the silvery moonlight through the window that played tricks on his eyes.

"Come on, Kyoraku-taichou is worried about you." He could have added 'as am I', but that wasn't his style. So he simply extended a hand that she looked at for several moments before ignoring as she rose.

"Right, mister, I think you've spent more than enough time in here."

O-wah, that was cold.

"I can't pretend to understand why you live the way you do, but it doesn't matter. I hope you find whatever… whoever you were looking for."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He couldn't answer that question, because he didn't have the answer to it. It was something that had slipped past him, apparently without taking the route through his brain. She huffed at the heavy silence and pulled the kimono tighter around her body. It was meant to be a prudish gesture, that much was obvious, but the way the cloth slimmed around her hips and waistline at the tug reminded him of how it had all started. Hitsugaya could feel his cheeks burning. The window. That was a good place. He walked over and stood there silently, hoping that she hadn't noticed his blush in the darkness.

"Were you serious?" Karin's voice was cold, but curious.

"What?"

"That you never meant to say it like that."

"Of course." He would have thought that to be obvious. He wasn't a complete bastard, after all.

Then something touched his back, high up in the middle, right between his shoulders. He shuddered involuntarily, drawing in breath sharply, but he couldn't move an inch. Did he want to? With her earlier fury there for all the world to see… he had expected her to rage on for weeks, maybe even years, before they could even try to be friends again.

"I should punch your stupid face," she mumbled.

Her arms closed around his body as she pressed herself against him. He had been so sure that he had suppressed his need for her, this fire in his cold blood; and the dreams had even become a little less troubling… but it couldn't be very well suppressed, if just a simple touch like this made his knees feel weak. Taking one of her hands in his, he lifted it to his lips and bushed a light kiss over it. Why? He wasn't sure.

This feeling was absurd, not to mention that it made him do things without thinking first. He had already promised himself not to be just another man in her bed; there was no need to indulge in that kind of infantile games. Yet, when he kissed her hand… the shudder that ran through her made all his promises seem pointless. He turned, careful not to touch her more than necessary; his senses were already overloading. Something, at least, remained of the cold logic that was his own essence and not the desperate, needing monster she roused in his chest. A question, perhaps a tiny bit of irrational hope.

"Once all this is over… will you be gone?"

She shrugged. That was not the answer he had hoped for. This could get complicated if…

"I don't think so, but it's not like I can predict the future."

It still wasn't the answer he had preferred, but for now it was good enough. He took hold of her gently, one hand at the small of her back and the other holding onto her arm.

"This is senseless," he stated as he pulled her close, into a soft first kiss.

"Completely insane," she agreed as soon as she could breathe again, one of her hands finding its way to his wild, tousled hair.

"I'll regret it later." He caressed her back, rubbing gentle circles with his hand.

"Yeah, especially if Ichi ever finds out."

She laughed at his surprise, leaning in closer to breathe on his earlobe, which made his eyes widen even further for a moment, then close with a shiver of suppressed pleasure. Her hands were tugging gently at his hair while her lips moved downward, trailing light kisses along his neck.

"See?" she mumbled. "Why would anyone want to refuse this sensation? I mean, I know it's possible to go through life without knowing or caring that it exists, I've done that already… but holding back once you've felt it?"

She pressed them closer together, her kisses turning into little nibbles, shooting white lightning up his spine and out into every hair on his body.

"Because it might do… ah, more harm than good, Kurosaki."

She stopped instantly then, her lips leaving his neck, her hands failing their explorations.

"'Kurosaki', Toushiro?"

"Hm? It's your name."

"Go outside of this division and ask any Shinigami who 'Kurosaki' is and they'll say Ichi. Besides, I wasn't planning on…" her hands resumed their earlier actions and she trailed the tip of her nose along his jawline with a snicker, "…calling you Hitsugaya-taichou tonight."

"Tonight?" He froze. Admittedly, he hadn't thought that far. She went still and blinked a few times. Then, she laughed again.

"I'll say. If Kyoraku-taichou hasn't come to a few conclusions on his own already, I'll gladly eat his hat, so we might as well prove him right."

"I just… those rooms…" He blushed. Even in the gloomy light of the moon, that much was visible.

"A-ah, yeah. Didn't think of that."

Despite that nuisance, neither of them had let go. Karin absently teased the rogue lock of hair that fell down over his eye, while he was content to watch her fingers move playfully around the white strands.

"The warehouse?" he suggested.

"No way. Some memories don't mix, Toshi. It's not like Eiji's a completely bad memory, he's just… not as cool as you."

"'Cool', huh?"

"Yeah. But your quarters… the only adjoining ones are Matsumoto's, right?"

"And the office. What were you thinking?"

"That you could be killing more than a few birds with one stone, there."

"How so?"

"I doubt you'll ever feel comfortable telling her about, well… how loud it is between those two quarters. Or how she won't need to implement some of the more radical ideas she's been sprouting over tea; she's been getting really anxious to see you with someone."

"Matsumoto?"

"She cares a lot, you know. Knowing would make her happy, but being the only one to know would make her feel really good. We would just have to point her in the right direction to make sure that the gossips of Seireitei discard any rumour about us. You wouldn't have to worry about Ichi for a while."

"I hear you've been spending too much time with my fukutaichou. When will you start skipping paperwork?" She punched him for that, but he didn't budge, just looked smugly at her.

"Let's get over there and we'll see who's the novice after what I was planning on doing to you." The tug on his shihakusho was light, but firm.

*

Kyoraku Shunsui watched with an amused grin from beneath his favourite sakura tree as the two youngsters slipped out through the window and then the door in the wall. The young man had needed to lighten up since he first became captain a hundred or so years ago. Now he was sneaking about in the middle of the night holding hands with a young, but promising officer. Of course, their plan to take advantage of Matsumoto's incredible talent at socialising had been quite brilliant.

Ukitake would be thrilled at this little piece of news.

*

A/N: I've finally been able to find a logical basis for why they can't just "jump over stuff" inside Seireitei. Unfortunately a little late, so my "servants' gate"/"Seats' own entrance" was the best save I had the energy to come up with.

Apparently "the Sekkiseki (殺気石, spirit reducing stone/"bloodstone") /…/ negates all Reiryoku, preventing the ability to gather Reishi underneath your feet to walk in the air."

I used the bleach dot wikia dot com-wiki for this information.