A/N: Thanks for your continued interest in this story. Here's chapter 3 for ya. Read and Review. Who knows if I like your idea, I might try and include it in my story. Shout out to James the Vet. You suggested it, so here it is.


Chapter Three:

From: Park (SatCon)

To: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

CC: Montrose (Media Relations)

Subject: Rover… modification?

Attached: Pic 1

07:35

Um… remember how Mark removed the roof of Rover 1 7 Sols ago. Well he spent the day removing the roof of the Rover 2 (aka 'the General Lee') and replacing it with what I assume is Rover 1's roof. Um… well, I'll just let the picture explain the rest.

Mindy


From: Montrose (Media Relations)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

07:37

Mark paints a confederate flag on the roof of Rover 2 and I'm only CC'd on the damn message! What the fuck is wrong with you! Teddy, Venkat, Mitch: one of you dickless motherfuckers better get that prick in line! He is single handedly going to destroy our organizations reputation!

Annie


From: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

To: Sanders, Montrose, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

07:42

I'm still trying to figure out where the hell he got the paint?

Venkat


From: Sanders (Director, NASA)

To: Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

07:47

Calm down Annie. I think by this point the Press understands that Watney is a bit off a dark horse and that we have zero control over what he does or says. What are we supposed to say to him? Behave or we'll leave your ass on Mars? We can't do it and he knows it. Just play damage control. Chalk it up to stress or the 70's TV he's always complaining about.

Teddy


From: Montrose (Media Relations)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

07:59

This guy is going to give me an aneurysm. Have we made a decision on the HERMES U-Turn yet?

Annie


From: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

To: Sanders, Montrose, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:08

I thought you didn't want us to call it that? And yes, I think we have a plan in place. Bruce emailed me this morning… ironically this subject line works for this topic as well. He's going to send Mark specifications on how to rig "the General Lee" for a long distant trip to the ARES IV MAV once they finish putting it together. From there he can launch into orbit and rendezvous with the HERMES. Now that we have a way to get him off Mars, there is now no reason not to perform a direct-abort back to Mars. The HERMES will be back in orbit around Mars 150 Sols later. It can then orbit Mars until Mark gets to ARES IV. We predict it will take Watney 53.3 Sols to reach ARES IV, provided there aren't any delays. For safety reasons, we won't have Watney leave the HAB until the HERMES is back in orbit. The less time he has to spend in the Rover, the better. Too much could go wrong and there are no room for backup systems.

Venkat


From: Montrose (Media Relations)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:10

I don't give a flying fuck what we call this maneuver at this point. Anything to distract the Press from the atrocity that is Rover 2 is good enough for me.

Annie


From: Sanders (Director, NASA)

To: Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:13

Good news from Bruce. Pass on our appreciation to the JPL team, Venkat. Anything to add Mitch?

Teddy


From: Henderson (HERMES Flight Director)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

Attached: 4

08:16

Mitch


From: Sanders (Director, NASA)

To: Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:19

Anything besides a video of you laughing at the Rover pic?

Teddy


From: Park (SatCon)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:22

Um… excuses me. I know you all probably forgot I was on this email chain but… um, I thought he only had enough food for 110 more Sols. If it is going to take the HERMES 150 Sols to get back to Mars and then another 53 Sols for him to get to ARES IV, won't he be long out of food by then? And what if there is a problem along the way that delays him?

Mindy


From: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

To: Sanders, Henderson, Montrose, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:39

They had not thought of that.

Venkat


From: Montrose (Media Relations)

To: Sanders, Kapoor, Henderson, Park

Subject: RE: Rover… modifications?

08:41

Fuck. 11 fucking thousand Brainiac's working for us and they're all outsmarted by some glorified space paparazzo. Fucking idiots, all of you.

Annie


From: Park (SatCon)

To: Montrose (Media Relations)

Subject: Some feminist role model you are

08:48

A 'thank you' would have been nice. Maybe a 'Gee-whiz that was quite insightful Mindy. Why are we wasting your talents on intergalactic voyeurism? You deserve a promotion and a raise'. Bitch.

Mindy


From: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

To: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

CC: Sanders, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:00

Mark, we have a plan in place to rescue you but in order to do it, we need you to institute severe food rationing. We have been so caught up in trying to figure out how to get you home, that we didn't take into consideration how to keep you alive in the meantime. It's going to be bad but we need you to reduce food consumption to 2/3 a ration once a day. Also, we need a full inventory of your food updated daily.

We're so sorry for overlooking this. Hang in there Mark, we're get you home!

Venkat


From: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

To: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

CC: Sanders, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: RE: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:05

Really? You guys only thought of this now? I thought of this on day one. I've only been eating two rations packs a day sense the HEREMES left. So I got more food than you think. Not that this really matters. Once the potatoes are ready to harvest, I'll have a nearly endless (if somewhat boring) food supply. Though something tells me, I'm going to need more ketchup.

Anyways, what's this plan of yours? And when will I be getting the hell outta here?

Mark


From: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

To: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

CC: Sanders, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:12

Potatoes? What potatoes?

Venkat


From: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

To: Kapoor (Director, Mars Missions)

CC: Sanders, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: RE: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:19

The potatoes I have growing in the HAB's kitchen area. Now what was this about a rescue plan?

Mark


From: Sanders (Director, NASA)

To: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

CC: Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:22

Where the heck did you get potato seeds? How are you growing them? When did you come up with this idea? Why didn't you tell us about this before now? What is the status of your plants? How many do you have? How are you watering them? How are they even growing at all?

Teddy


From: Watney (Disco Music Hater)

To: Sanders (Director, NASA)

CC: Kapoor, Henderson, Montrose

Subject: RE: Food Rationing

Sols 41

09:24

Who the fuck cares about all that right now? I have potatoes. They're growing fine. The rest of your questions can wait. Now, how the fuck do you guys plan to get me off this god damn planet?

Mark