Three: The Curse of an Aching Heart
You made me what I am to-day,
I hope you're satisfied . . .
And though you're not true,
May God bless you,
That's the curse of an aching heart.
- Henry Fink
Jude stirred in her sleep, as a concerned Sadie watched on, trying to decide if she should wake her. Just as Sadie reached out to shake her, Jude's restless movements ceased and a small smile crept across her face.
"You let Jude pilot your ride, and I can barely scam shotgun. What are you now, her party planner?" Kwest said to Tommy. She could barely see them from where she hid around the corner. She had been on her way to ask Tommy for his opinion on her dress when she'd seen Tommy coming. She'd ducked behind the wall so that she could compose herself. She wanted to be sophisticated, cool, mature. But God he looked so hot in that leather jacket. And those aviator sunglasses – sexy – even if they did hide his gorgeous blue eyes. Ugh! Get a hold of yourself, she thought.
"You got something to say, just say it." Tommy sounded pissed. She smiled and softly started to hum I Wear My Sunglasses At Night. It was like Tommy's personal theme song.
"Well you wouldn't be the first producer to cross that line." Kwest shot back at Tommy. No way. No WAY! Kwest thought there was something going on between her and Tommy?
"I'm not even going to answer that." Tommy replied. She was willing to bet anything that he was smirking right now. Kwest laughed. Yup, he was smirking.\
"Listen man, I know you, alright? You're falling for this girl. Now I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to hit that in another few years." Kwest said, as they began to walk towards the where she was hiding.
"Look, that's not even what this is about!" Tommy protested. Jude's smile fell away from her face. So he didn't care about her. What had she been thinking, anyway? Like Lil Tommy Q would have a thing for plain old Jude Harrison.
"Kwest, man, you think I'm okay with this?" Tommy continued, "Huh? That the coolest chick I know, the girl who gets me the most, is sixteen? Give me a break man. She's out of bounds, and I'm not that guy." Jude was stunned. The girl who gets him the most? Her?
"Good." Kwest replied, "But if she was twenty-one?"
"In a split second."
In a split second.
Jude sat up in bed. It was just a dream. All just a dream.
She wasn't sure if she preferred dreaming of the day where she had her heart broken twice in one night or of the night where she'd lost everything. In a way, it was easier to dream of the Fan. He wasn't Tommy. Tommy, the man who'd held her heart since she met him at fifteen. The man who'd stolen kisses from her with such passion and reckless abandon, forgetting the consequences and getting caught up in the moment. The man who'd asked her out, and left her screaming his name in the street. The man who's absence drove her to run to Berry. To the Fan.
She hated him.
"Oh good, you're awake." Sadie's voice rang through her room.
"Ugh, what do you want?" She groaned, becoming aware of the pounding headache.
"Hangover much, Jude?" Sadie taunted her, but then held out a glass of water and some aspirin. "Here, take these. It'll take the edge off."
"Thanks, Sades." She took the glass and pills.
"God Jude, what were you thinking!"
"Save it Sadie. I'm not in the mood for lectures.
"Fine, whatever Jude, I'm not your mom. By the way. This came for you. Considering a second career in porn?" Sadie thrust a plain manila envelope at her as she stormed out of Jude's bedroom. A few seconds later, Jude heard the slam of the front door.
Jude didn't have to open it to know what it contained, but she did anyway. Her jaw dropped in shock as she read the note that accompanied the photos. I have plenty more where these came from. Did you enjoy it as much as I did? $50,000 or I'll ruin you.
She snorted at the threat. Or he'd ruin her? How much more could he do, that he hadn't already done?
She needed to write. Finally, some inspiration!
Jude screamed. Where was it. She'd torn her room apart, searched the studio, and dug through the Mustang. It was gone. That journal held every song she'd written since she one Instant Star. All her lyrics, all her memories, all her heartache, all her pain. And she'd lost it. How much more irresponsible could she be? One of the only things in her life that couldn't be replaced, and she'd lost it.
Yet another in a long string of Jude Harrison's greatest fuck ups.
Get drunk. Check.
Get raped. Check.
Get assaulted. Check.
Have compromising photos taken. Big Check.
Get drunk again. Check.
Try Coke with Patsy. Check.
Enjoy trying coke with Patsy. Check.
Receive blackmail notice from the Fan. Fucking Check.
Lose her journal. Check.
Her chest tightened, her heart was beating faster and faster, oh God, she was going to throw up. She had to do something to make this feeling go away. Anything.
Impulsively, she reached for an exacto knife that was left over from some project. She had no idea why she picked it up off the floor, or what her intentions were.
It was as though someone else was in control of her body, and she was simply watching from the outside. The metal of the blade felt cool against her wrist. She hestiated as she pressed down on it.
No. Not there.
Then where.
Automatically, she moved it up to the inside of her bicep.
Here.
Jude was slouched against the door to the bathroom. There was blood on the floor. She held a wash cloth to her arm. Where had all the blood come from? It hadn't hurt. No. It had helped. She felt calmer.
"Patsy? It's me." Jude's hand was shaking, the feeling of panic was creeping back, she needed to try another way to get it to go away. Something a little less emo, and a little more rock star.
"Well if it isn't Saint Jude. Good to see you survived the night."
"Yeah. Whatever, anyway, I was wondering..."
"Say no more. I'll be there in ten."
I just wanted to thank everyone for the positive response to this. I was worried that it might be too much since IS tends to be a rather light show. But everyone knows that artists tend to have a 'tortured' side. I'll continue to update as often as I can. Oh, and standard disclaimer applies.
