Title:- Twice the headache
Pairing:- Chikage x Shizuo x Izaya
Rating:- M
Warning:- language, violence, yaoi
Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara
Summary:- It was a joke.
Requested by:- Tachumare
He thought one nuisance was enough. The flea was always bothering him and now there was another. Shizuo sighed as Izaya slinked in through the window. "Shizu-chan~I'm here." The raven announced loudly.
The faux blond sighed. So much for a peaceful evening. "I know. I could smell you coming a mile away."
"Aw, that's my Shizu-chan." Izaya beamed snuggling against him.
"I'm not yours." Shizuo grumbled. Sure the flea wasn't trying to kill him any more but he wasn't leaving him alone either. No, Izaya had become clingy and declared they were going out. They weren't. He had no intention of doing anything except getting his old enemy to Shinra. Clearly there was some brain damage.
"Sure you are." Izaya moved to kiss his cheek. Shizuo shoved him away. "You've always been mine."
"And you've always been crazy." He murmured hearing a knock at the door. "Maybe that's your doctor to take you back to the mental hospital."
"So Shizu-chan can make a joke." Izaya clung to his arm. "Don't you want to know why I came?"
"Not particularly." Shrugging the raven off he opened the door. Standing in his doorway with a cheeky smile was the same guy who came after him. Brown hair, a stupid hat, red pin striped shirt, black hoody and bandages across his face.
"Evening, Shizuo." The guy greets politely enough. "Can I come in?"
"No, you can't." Izaya is back at his side and now he knows why he's here. Izaya and Chikage don't get along.
"Might as well." Shizuo sighs. It's not like either of them would leave if he asked. "How's your injuries?"
"Shizu-chan!" Izaya shakes him a little. "I'm right here."
Chikage shrugs closing the door. "My girlfriends don't seem to mind."
"See he has girlfriends. Plural, Shizu-chan."
"Don't you claim to love all humanity?" Chikage asked.
Shizuo pulled away from both of them. He didn't need this.
"I haven't touched a single one. Shizu-chan is my one and only. You had ten girls yesterday." Izaya pointed out.
Chikage shrugged. "I like girls. But I'm interested in you, Shizuo."
Shizuo scratched his head. "Did Shinra say anything about brain damage?"
The flea laughed. "He doesn't have a brain, Shizu-chan. He thinks with his dick."
"Are you two going to stop bickering?"
"Sorry, Shizuo." Chikage crouched to take off his shoes, placing them neatly by the door. It was followed by a red and black weapon set on top.
Shizuo looked down pointedly at Izaya's feet. "I can stay?" The flea grinned skipping over to the door. He kicked his shoes off leaving them like a child.
"Leave your knives at the door." Shizuo turned away leaving him to it.
Chikage followed him into the living room looking like a puppy had found its owner. "How did you become so strong?"
"That's none of your business." Izaya was back without his knives and coat. "Shizu-chan has nothing to do with you."
"I stood up to his punch."
"So did I!" Izaya smirked.
"Four of them." Chikage declared.
"So did I." Izaya agreed. Technically he hadn't. But Shizuo stayed silent. "I've dodged signs and vending machines."
"Shizuo carried me to a doctor."
"Shizu-chan gave me a nickname." Izaya shot back.
Chikage blinked. Shizuo sat down on a new sofa Kasuka had brought him. "Shizuo, call me Rocchi."
"Rocchi?"
"See, he has a nickname for me too."
"So what? I took his first kiss."
"Flea!" Shizuo growled horrified.
"So? I'll take his first time."
"What? I'm not a fucking woman!"
"I of all people know that, Shizu-chan." Izaya winked ogling him.
"Of course not," Chikage fiddled with his hat. "I don't hit women."
"Really?" Izaya asked with a smirk.
"I knew you weren't a woman!" Chikage rounded on the flea.
"Hah?" Shizuo was tired. He had the urge to throw both of them out of the window. He knew Izaya would climb back in but it might be worth it.
"Nothing." Chikage shook his head.
"I don't have any secrets from my Shizu-chan." Izaya grinned flopping down next to him. "I was worried this one would hurt you, so I infiltrated his little harem."
"You kissed me!" The woman lover looked like he was going to be sick.
"My acting was thorough. You'll take any woman that throws herself at you."
Shizuo looked between the pair. Was he interrupting something? "Should I leave you two to it?"
"No!" The pair declared in unison.
"I'm here for you, Shizu-chan." Izaya nuzzled against his side.
"Hey! Get away from him."
"Go play with your girlfriends." Izaya waved a hand. "Shoo."
"Go play with your humans."
Shizuo sighed. "Do I get a say in this?"
"No. You're mine, Shizu-chan."
"No, be mine." Chikage moved quickly cupping his chin. He was pretty sure their lips touched before Izaya hissed holding out a small knife.
"Didn't I tell you to leave your weapons at the door?" Shizuo sighed.
"Not in words." Izaya shrugged. "I'm protecting you."
"I don't mean any harm." Chikage didn't look in the least deterred by the knife.
"Shizu-chan, don't believe anything this one says."
"Hey! I have a name."
"Sure," Izaya crawled onto his lap, straddling him. "You're a bug. Go away."
"Flea, off."
"Sounds like you're the bug." Chikage moved to his side placing a hand on his knee. "Give me a chance, Shizuo."
"Shizu-chan, don't let him deceive you."
"Flea-" Shizuo growled his words swallowed in a kiss. Izaya rolled forward capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. It wasn't the first and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. The flea stole control with surprise, cunning and speed. Shizuo knew he should just bite down...
Izaya backed away licking his lips like the cat got the cream. "That's not how you kiss!" Chikage dived in almost slow motion. Polite but not polite enough to ask him.
Shizuo growled as he was kissed chastely, his cheek cupped as if he was made of porcelain.
"I'm not a fucking girl." Shizuo growled.
"See, you're not wanted."
"I never thought-"
"Bye bye." Izaya smirked waving happily.
"No! I'm not leaving."
Shizuo sighed. Just like their first altercation, Chikage came back for more. He was still a gentleman but now there was a tongue wiggling in his mouth.
"Too bad. It's not doing anything for my Shizu-chan." The flea grinned nipping at his throat.
"Let me try again."
"Seriously?"
"He got up four times before I knocked him out." Shizuo sighed.
"Persistence isn't attractive." Izaya tutted shaking his head.
"Neither is stalking." Chikage accused. He was right of course. The rumours of Izaya following him around were true. For whatever intentions, he was always being followed around or led somewhere.
"It's not stalking when Shizu-chan is mine." Izaya clung to him.
It was getting crowded and now he was developing a headache. Chikage kissed him for the third time, using a little force this time. Shizuo reminded himself to brush his teeth thoroughly before eating next.
Izaya stayed perched on his lap. Chikage swished his tongue, one hand sliding through a gap in his shirt. "So, you two aren't leaving then?"
"Don't worry, Shizu-chan. I'll get rid of him."
"And yourself whilst you're at it." The blond grumbled.
"You're not honest at all, Shizu-chan."
"I promise I'll make you feel good." Chikage touched his bare chest.
"What are you doing?" Izaya slapped the guy's hand away. "Stop cupping my Shizu-chan like he's one of your girlfriends."
"He has nipples."
"Not breasts you idiot."
Shizuo sighed.
"See, you're not doing anything. You can't satisfy Shizu-chan like that."
"I've only ever slept with girls. I'm just getting the hang of it."
"Well get the hang of it with someone else." Izaya growled. He was sure of it.
"Flea, Rocchi." Shizuo was ignored.
"I want Shizuo."
"Stop calling him without a honorific."
"What does he want then?" Chikage challenged. Shizuo sighed reaching for the remote. Leaning back he switched on the TV.
"I thought that was obvious. You have to do more than scratch the surface." Izaya grinned. Shizuo looked past him watching advert after advert.
"I can be rough." Shizuo glanced down at fingers poised at his nipples, his shirt had been torn which he wasn't happy about. But this was one he had brought himself, he wasn't about to lose his temper.
On the screen was a news broadcast. Shizuo flicked it over finding something interesting to watch. Izaya looked over his shoulder and smiled. The flea knew he couldn't feel a single bloody thing.
Chikage cupped him like a damn girl again. Apparently it was a reflex. Shizuo found he didn't care. He watched his nipples being pinched and tweaked. He didn't get why the guy was doing it.
Izaya was on his lap with a gleam in his eye. The flea was bad news. "You'll be here all day if you do that."
"Hey!" Shizuo stared at his belt in Izaya's hand. How he managed it was beyond him. His fly was open, showing off his underwear.
The damn flea kissed him, biting down on his lip until he felt a sharp sting. "It'll feel really good when I do it."
Shizuo licked the drop of blood away and went back to watching the screen. He wasn't much of a music person. Flicking another couple of channels he found one of his brother's films. It was nearly finished so he turned it over.
Glancing down he could see Chikage had given up on his nipples and moved to cup his dick. Izaya the sneaky flea, had managed to get his pants down past his knees. It was a little worrying that he couldn't feel that.
"Stop staring at it." Izaya whined.
"I'm admiring it."
"Take a photo and get lost."
"Flea!"
"Don't worry, Shizu-chan. I'll delete it later."
"It's okay if I use my mouth, right?"
Shizuo sighed. "Are you going to leave if I say no?" He already knew the answer.
"No, I'll just try harder."
"Do what you want."
Visually what the pair were doing probably looked really dirty. Shizuo didn't feel anything. It looked like his dick was now in Chikage's mouth. Izaya held his chin kissing him again. Their tongues entwined, a small moan escaping his mouth.
The damn flea did nothing but kiss him. Shizuo felt a tremble in his arms, Izaya didn't give him time to breathe. The raven was all consuming and he found he fucking loved it. Izaya's kiss did things to him he'd never felt before.
"That's how it's done." Izaya grinned licking his lips as he backed away.
Shizuo felt hot, he was sure his face was flushed, his breath coming out in short pants.
"I made him feel good." Chikage declared sitting up.
"Your worthless blow did nothing." Izaya jeered looking satisfied. "It was my kiss that made Shizu-chan erect."
"Like a kiss could-"
"You're in the way." Izaya moved from his lap, spreading his legs apart. "You know what comes next Shizu-chan."
"Hey!" The remote slipped from his fingers. His eyes narrowed on the small tube flaunted between Izaya's fingers. Shizuo jolted feeling the digits brush over his entrance. "Flea."
"I know." Izaya cooed kissing his cheek. Shizuo threw his head back feeling Izaya's fingers push inside.
"I get it." Chikage announced. Shizuo panted glancing at him. "You can only feel what's inside you. You're a bottom?"
The blond growled.
"Shizu-chan doesn't like that term." Izaya chided. The flea was taking his sweet time.
"Give me that. This isn't a fair fight."
"There's nothing fair about love."
"Since when is this a fight?" Shizuo asked. "What are you doing?"
Chikage slathered some of the vanilla lubricant on his fingers. "I'm going to win."
Shizuo gasped stretching just that little bit wider. There were four fingers inside him. Izaya as always went to kiss him in distraction. This time his head collided with Chikage's.
"Shizuo, do you remember my nickname?"
Shizuo swallowed. "Rocchi."
"That's it. Call my name."
"Don't Shizu-chan. There's only one name you're allowed to call."
"Izaya." Shizuo moaned. Izaya thrust his fingers with a smile.
"That's it. You like my fingers inside you, don't you? Especially when they touch this part of you."
The blond writhed, small electric tingles speeding along his nerves. His dick was up and straining. "Izaya."
"That's it. You only get like this when I play with your ass, don't you?" Izaya slid his fingers out. "This isn't enough for you, it never is." Chikage dropped his pants pushing Izaya out of the way. "Get the hel away from my Shizu-chan."
Shizuo moaned finding himself filled. Chikage was a tad smaller than Izaya but it felt good.
"Shizu-chan, don't worry I'll get it out." Shizuo grabbed the knife before it could be used. His hips bucked finally feeling something. "Fine. This might hurt a bit of a lot." Izaya grabbed his shoulder pushing him down.
"Ow fuck." The blond cursed. His hole was stretched to the limit.
"I'm moving now, Shizu-chan."
"So am I, Shizuo."
Both of them held his body in a strange angle forcing themselves inside. Shizuo growled. "Flea, Rocchi. Enough."
"Soon." The pair grunted in unison, then glared at each other.
Shizuo pushed them both away. "You both suck. Are you trying to break me?" He grabbed Izaya by the scuff of his neck and Chikage by his shirt. Striding to the door he threw both of them out, followed by their shoes, weapons and Izaya's coat.
"But Shizu-chan-"
"Shizuo-"
Shizuo slammed the door, dead locked it and did the same with the windows. Flopping down on the sofa he stared mournfully at his erection. Picking his pants off the floor he took his phone out and scrolled through his recent contacts. Selecting the one he wanted he pressed the call button. The person on the other end picked up immediately. "Sorry Tom, could you come round? Thanks."
End
