Powerless: Chapter Three

Magnus turned and looked at Alec as he reached the Institute entrance. The furrowed brow and drawn expression he saw on his partner's face mirrored Jace Lightwood's perfectly. At one time Magnus would have felt a twinge of jealousy knowing that Alec had once thought himself in love with Jace but no longer. The days of Alec hiding behind the safety net of 'loving' Jace were gone what Magnus saw now was purely the bond that the parabatai ceremony and a life long friendship brought forth. He reached out and gave Alec's hand a gentle squeeze, "Call me if you need me," he said meaning not just concerning Clary's condition but for himself as well.

"I will," Alec returned with an embrace. A large part of him wanted to slip out and spend the night with Magnus in Brooklyn far away from the goings on between the walls of the Institute yet he wasn't able to bring himself to leave Jace, not until Clary was fully recovered.

"She should be fine," Magnus said as if he were reading Alec's thoughts. "You know as well as I do that there are times when a irtaze can only do so much when it comes to a demon's poison."

"I know," Alec's voice rang of exhaustion.

"Get some sleep," Magnus instructed. "I can't have my boyfriend looking like hell." He grinned his cat like eyes glinting with amusement.

Alec shook his head and smiled despite trying not to. "Thanks for coming."

"Anything for you." With that Magnus turned and headed out through the iron gate disappearing into the night clad streets.

Slowly Alec made his way back to the infirmary, stopping short in the doorway to study Jace his forehead resting on Clary's arm and if Alec hadn't known Jace as well as he had he would have sworn he could hear the soft sounds of sobs coming from his lifetime friend ~ brother. Instantly he felt the other man's pain wash over him like a wave breaking against the sand. He knew that there was nothing he could say or do to ease Jace's anguish especially when it came to Clary. From the very beginning Clary Fray had brought out something in Jace that in all the years he had been with the Lightwood's none of them had seen before. He came alive that fateful night when she haphazardly entered all their lives at Pandemonium. There had been a time he hated her for it too when his feelings of jealousy and being territorial had gotten the better of him but not any longer. Alec could see now that Jace was made for Clary as much as she was for him. They were two pieces that fit together perfectly.

He resisted the urge to enter the infirmary part of him knowing that Jace wouldn't even recognize his presence he was too caught up in his own thoughts and musings of what he could have done differently to have stopped this from happening in the first place.

"How is she?" Isabelle's soft voice startled him. Alec hadn't noticed his sister come up behind him.

"Magnus said there was still demon poison in her blood. He made something for her to take."

"Weren't you going in?" Isabelle asked when Alec turned beginning to walk away from the doorway.

"I don't know if Jace really wants company at the moment."

"What do you mean?" his sister gave him a rather odd look.

"I just think it's better if we leave him alone for now."

Alec couldn't put his finger on it but something in his gut told him that Jace wasn't ready for their company. And if he was honest with himself, he couldn't bare seeing Jace looking so despondent. This wasn't the Jace he was accustomed to seeing. Even when the odds were stacked against them Jace was always the one fighting his way out to get to the other side but now Alec didn't see that determination and that frightened him more than he cared to admit.

"Alec?" Isabelle's tone questioned him. "What is it? Is there something you aren't telling me? Did Magnus say something?"

"No. Magnus said with rest she would be fine."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I don't know. Probably nothing yet something about the way Jace is right now just tells me that," he paused for a second. "Forget it." With that he turned and disappeared into the dimly lit hallway that lead to the private quarters of the Institute leaving Isabelle to do nothing more than stare after him.

She peered into the infirmary and like Alec all of the sudden felt as though entering wasn't the right thing to do. The Jace she say there wasn't the version of him she had grown to know and love. Normally he was one of confidence and surety yet what Isabelle was seeing now was anything but those things. What she saw reminded her of what she looked like and felt when the Greater Demon had nearly fatally wounded Alec. However Magnus had been able to heal Alec and she knew that he was able to heal Clary too, but that didn't take away the panic of it all while it had been happening. She thought that's where Jace had to be right now; in fear for the girl he loved more than himself and fear wasn't a place Jace Lightwood was accustomed to living in.

Jace heard the faint sound of Isabelle's heels clicking off in the distance. He had sensed the both she and Alec were outside the infirmary earlier but he was relieved that neither had decided to enter. The last thing he wanted was to hear them ask again how Clary was if for no other reason than he hadn't answer. Picking up his head his eyes glanced at the small white bowl sitting on the bedside table. Magnus assured him that the mixture would cure her, so why couldn't he believe that? Magnus was The High Warlock of Brooklyn and had been around for eight hundred years he certainly knew his way around demon poisons.

The pale pinkish hues of dawn filtered through the arched windows of the infirmary casting bright shadows against the stark white walls and lit up Clary's pale features with an iridescent glow. Jace studied her carefully recalling the first time he had ever seen her. She had been beautiful then but he hadn't allowed himself to see it concerned more with what made her different from the rest of the mundane world. He hadn't been able to ignore her beauty for very long or the way he felt when she was near. As hard as he tried, Jace hadn't been able to break the hold that Clary Fray commanded over him. "I love you," he whispered quietly brushing his fingers across her forehead relieved that her skin felt cool beneath his digits. Maybe the worst was over he thought lacing his slender fingers through hers.

"Jace," her voice faint however his eyes were instantly drawn to her where he saw her thick lashes flutter as she squinted against the intense morning sunlight.

"Morning," he returned with the same soft tone moving her scarlet hair away from her face. The words to ask how she was feeling didn't easily pass his lips. Jace had asked them far too many times already with results none to his liking. For the moment he was content to sit quietly beside her reveling in the fact that to the naked eye she appeared to be fine.

"What time is it?" Clary questioned as she pressed her frame upward.

"Easy," Jace immediately stressed expecting the worst but it never came. A bit of relief tugged at him however he wasn't about to give in to it just yet. "It's early," he said finally answering regarding the time.

"How long have I been sleeping?" she asked rubbing the sleep from the corners of her eyes.

"A while." He paused for a moment hesitant to allow the next words to filter into the vast openness of the room. "How do you feel?" he finally forced himself to ask.

Clary paused for a moment to study his face and to choose her words carefully. She actually felt rather good but worried that no matter what she said Jace wouldn't readily believe it.

"Clary?" She sensed the panic that her silence had brought him by the alarm in his tone. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Easily she reached up and stroked his angular features with her hand. She felt Jace lean deeply into her touch. "I'm fine," she assured him as her fingers played with his bronze curls. "Really I am." She could tell by the less than reassured look playing across his features that it was going to take far more than just her words to convince him.

"I've heard that before," Jace said wearily.

"Please relax," Clary directed feeling his body tense as she turned to her side propping herself on her elbow to look at him better.

"You really feel all right? Not dizzy or queasy, nothing at all like that?" he questioned caressing her cheek softly.

"Yes, I feel good. Whatever Magnus did seemed to take care of whatever was happening," she replied eyes drawn to the small white bowl recalling the faint bitter taste of the liquid that The Warlock had prepared for her.

"He said there was still a far amount of demon poison in your blood."

"But the healing rune," she gave him a questioning look knowing that not all demon poison was easily taken of by an iratze, especially that of a Greater Demon, like the one that had attacked Alec but it seemed strange even to her that a Croucher Demon's poison would be so resistant.

"Perhaps I took too long in applying the original rune. The poison could have spread further than anticipated." Guilt hung on Jace's words as did the look of responsibility for what had happened clouded his golden features.

"It wasn't your fault. You can't protect me from everything."

He wanted to though. That's all he had wanted to do since the first time he had saved her from the Ravener Demon in the ransacked apartment in Brooklyn she shared with her mother. He had done what he could to cover his need to be near her, watch over her with words of finding The Mortal Cup but somehow that quest became secondary to her well being and his desire to be close to her.

"I should have known better. I have spent my entire life being schooled in…."

"Stop," she pressed her finger to his lips. "Please, stop. I don't blame you. What we do, what we are doesn't come without risk. You were the one who told me that in the first place."

"Yes," he agreed, "But that was before."

"Before what?"

"Before I had something to lose," he whispered dropping his forehead against the crisp white bed sheet wanting to shield his glassy eyes filled with unshed tears from Clary.

"Jace, look at me, please," she pleaded. He remained still as if trying to regain his composure before lifting his head to meet Clary's gaze. "There's a good chance this won't be the last time that I get hurt." She heard the sharp breath he drew in at her words. "This is my life now. A life that includes all of the things nightmares are made of but I wouldn't go back to being in the dark, not for a second. That would mean living a life where there was no Jace Lightwood. So if that means I have to fight a demon or two so be it. I love you and you are so worth the risks."

Jace had a difficult time wrapping his mind around those thoughts. He had never had anyone in his life, except for maybe Alec but he was his parabatai so Jace wasn't sure if that actually counted or not, who had ever meant the things that Clary had just said to him.

He leaned in and pulled her into his arms. He had no words to express the depth of his feelings for her. He could say I love you a million times and it would never be enough to truly convey what coursed through him since the day they met. She was a part of him and if he allowed himself to believe he too was a part of her.