And we move away from tomatoes! This one ends less jovially than the previous two, but honestly, the previous way it was written was horrendous. Lfish can attest to this.

Also, if there was any continuity to this, this chapter would be placed before "Smoothies" and "Capellini..." We just keep going back in time, don't we?


Plum and Chocolate Ice Cream

or

In Which Kratos Reveals that He Has No Sense of Taste (And Not Just in Clothing)

"What is this?" Kratos examined the icy lump sitting atop a cone with some interest.

"It's ice cream, silly," Anna said, nudging him good naturedly in the arm with her elbow. "Don't tell me you've never had any before; I mean, the way you describe Derris Whatever makes it sound like you've got plenty of ice to spare up there." She took a large lick of her own scoop, looking very content.

"It's Derris Kharlan," he said pointedly. "You would do well to remember that name."

"Well have you had any or not?" She made it a point to ignore what he had just said.

"I was just getting to that," Kratos said with a scowl. "And yes, I have had ice cream before. It was long ago." He remembered the lone parlor in Meltokio eons ago; he was a younger man then, still with his future presumably ahead of him.

"Well, then you shouldn't act like there's a spider there instead. Enjoy something for once; you're always so sour," Anna replied. She was almost halfway done with her ice cream at this point; he marveled at the rate she was consuming it.

"Hmph." He took a lick to satisfy her.

"At least tell me if you like the flavor. I thought it might be appropriate for summer: plum and chocolate!"

"I can't." He sorted through the textures of the dessert: there was a smoothness to the whole thing (no doubt because of the cream), although he could still sense the minute ice crystals on his tongue. And then there was the chocolate. Well, identifying that was simple: it stood out with its brittle chunks.

All the same, he could not taste it, only attempt his feeble "system" of tasting by texture, carefully constructed over four thousand years.

She frowned. "What do you mean, 'I can't'?"

"I have no sense of taste, Anna." Might as well tell her before a more awkward situation arose…

Anna looked at his clothes for a second, noticing the horrid amount of fabric everywhere. (They were in need of a good shopping trip, it seemed.) "I can see that," she said in a slightly patronizing tone.

Kratos sighed in exasperation. "Not in that sense. I cannot taste foods."

She stopped mid-lick and regarded him with widened eyes. She'd known that he didn't seem to need basic things like food or sleep that much thanks to the funny rock in his hand, but…"Really?"

"Yes."

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"Truthfully?"

"Yes."

"Verily?"

"…Anna." He was giving her that look again, she noticed, the one that clearly read, have you any intelligence at all?

"All right, all right; just having a little fun at your expense, you know."

"I can see that." Kratos looked a little offended.

"No need to act like I've just stabbed you in the heart." For someone apparently emotionless, he sure could be melodramatic.

"No need at all." He echoed her words back to her, like a dutiful parrot.

Seconds passed. Finally, she couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Hurry up and take another lick, fool."

"But I just told you—"

"—that you can't taste things. Yes, all right, but it's still a nice gesture, considering I bothered to get you a cone. And I don't think you want it melting all over you. Which it's starting to do."

Kratos nearly returned with a smart remark, but caught himself when he noticed the trickle of melted ice cream cascading down the side of the cone. A hasty lick and it disappeared.

"So what do you taste then?" Anna asked. "I mean, what does it feel like?"

He considered this carefully for a minute or so before answering. "It's hard to explain. I can feel the food in my mouth, but there is no other sensation. I imagine it would be something like tasting ashes, or perhaps water. I wouldn't know." Feeling it appropriate, he added, "I normally try to 'taste' based off of textures."

Anna frowned. "But don't a lot of foods kind of feel the same? Like, uh, oranges and grapefruit."

"There are slight variations in texture that I have trained myself to pick up over the years." He stopped himself from saying "centuries". "To use your example, oranges are generally juicier to me than grapefruit, which are 'meatier'."

She considered this. "That sounds way too complicated."

"Complicated is the best I can manage."

Anna's face fell. "You know, I wish you had told me this earlier; I wouldn't have bothered with the ice cream if I knew that you couldn't enjoy it to the fullest."

Kratos hastily tried to reassure her: a sad Anna quickly degenerated into a storm cloud that engulfed them both. "No, I appreciate the sentiment, truly. We've only known each other for a matter of months. I didn't think—"

She waved him off. "It's all right; you don't have to try to cheer me up." She gave him a sad sort of smile. "You tend to be a little pathetic at it, if you don't mind me saying."

Well, wasn't that a dagger in the back? "…right."

Anna sighed. "Don't give me that hurt look. I'm all good- really! I just thought that, you know, since you're kind of uptight a lot you'd be able to loosen up if we just did something fun and simple, like get ice cream. I didn't think there were going to be all these problems." She finished off her own scoop.

"I didn't mean to neglect telling you about the effects of my Cruxis Crystal." Kratos rubbed the surface of the stone out of habit.

"But I've got one too, and I'm not that affected..." She held up her hand for emphasis.

"Yours is incomplete; it is only natural then that you do not feel the full effects," he pointed out.

"Maybe if you removed your crystal thing just temporarily…?"

Kratos didn't have the heart to correct her. "I'm not sure that would be a wise course of action. My tastes might not return instantly, and even if they did, I do run the risk of possible sensory overload."

She pulled a face. "You sound like a robot when you say that. Are you sure there's no other way?"

He pondered this while absentmindedly taking a lick (old reflexes?); surprisingly the answer was not too difficult.

"You can taste it for me." And she was suddenly graced with a shy, brilliant smile, presumably due to his stroke of genius. A grin of her own blossomed, and, taking the assumed hint, Anna swooped in to kiss him soundly.

She reveled in the taste: the chocolate lingering on his lips, the tart taste of plum, and the sensation of ice cream dancing across her tongue even as it met his- or was it truly the ice cream? He was so cold, she realized, so numb. There was a certain mechanical element to his passion, as if it was being fueled by feelings that were still slowly emerging from winter's hibernation.

It was several seconds before they broke apart. "How did it taste?" The smile had faded slightly, but it was still there, barely hanging on.

He needs to smile more often. His mouth looks out of shape. "Like plum and chocolate, as it should. Um…tart with a rich dulcet tone, if you want to be more eloquent." It was hard, she realized, describing something whose taste came so naturally that she couldn't find words to properly convey it.

Kratos processed this, trying to summon from his memories anything that could for but a moment trick his tongue into relaying the appropriate signals to his brain. "And how did it feel?"

Anna blinked, taken aback. "Like…ice. Like you." She blushed violently as he stared. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to—"

"—imply that I feel like ice? No offense taken; I have been compared to worse things," Kratos said wryly.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could say.

"Don't be. You can't help it." Kratos replied bitterly. "Four thousand years is an unimaginable span of time for the human mind. A man cannot deny his desires for long, yes, but he can deny his heart forever, to the point where it no longer pains him."

"Then melt," Anna said.

"What?" He looked at her in disbelief.

Anna face palmed. You had to be patient with this one. "I know you heard me. Melt, Kratos Aurion. You already want to; I could feel it in that kiss. You can't feel anything by your own power, so you try so desperately to recall what you felt in the past, even though it's beyond you. There are cracks in the ice." One last coy grin before she was done. "And high time, too: summer is already here."

By now the ice cream was a liquid ruin; Kratos resigned it to a trash bin. "But summer will end," he began carefully, taking her hand in his, his thumb moving in slow circles over the top of her hand. "And winter will come. What then?"

Anna glanced at the trash can. "That ice cream I bought you was your warning, I guess."

Kratos frowned, thumb slowing to a halt. "Explain."

She smiled. "Silly, I'm summer."


Can you tell that I'm terrible with romance? Bah, I have no experience in these matters.

And in case any of you were wondering, plum and chocolate ice cream is actually something that Lfish and I practically lived on this summer. Excellent stuff, wot.

NEXT TIME FROM LNR: Wine tasting!