It's later on in the day, in the afternoon. Everyone is sitting around outside. Some of them are just lying around talking, others are playing soccer, but the one thing about the picture that was odd was Eridan Ampora. Sitting alone on the branch of a tree.
The sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the scene, and the Author sits on the porch, sipping Lemonade and looking at her computer screen.
So Eridan Ampora sat there, glumly kicking his legs back and forth and observing the game going on down below, which was now interrupted by an argument because Vriska had begun to use her powers to foil the other team.
Nimbly, Sollux Captor slipped onto the tree branch. It was a smooth manuever, making it look almost as if he had been practicing this exact movement for a long time. How else could he have sprung himself off the spot he was balancing his feet on to climb up and swung them swiftly over the branch Eridan was sitting on?
The Prince of Hope turned to look at Sollux, who smiled goofily with bright, perfect fangs, making Eridan blush profusely. He always did that to him. Always.
Eridan: did you...mean it? wwhat you said earlier today?
Sollux: why wouldn't ii mean iit? the dare wa2 two not hold back, 2o ii diidn't.
Eridan: oh.
Eridan: cool.
Sollux: *mocking him* "oh. COOL."
Eridan: *punches his arm playfully*
Sollux: you wiimp, that diidn't hurt what2oever.
Eridan: *smiles slightly, tittering* Hehe.
Simultaneously, their hands move to the side, and for a brief second, their fingers touch.
Vriska: oh hey looooooook! :)))))))) it's the fishy prince and caaaaaaaaptoooooooor!
Vriska: Eridan and Sollux sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Sollux: you know, ii'd be really pissed off at you riight now iif you weren't telliing the truth...
Quickly, he kisses Eridan on the cheek.
Eridan: O_O...:D
Sollux: heheheheh
Author: HEY GUYS!
Eridan jumped, being pulled back into the real world by the voice of the Author, calling them over to the porch. This same jump sent him backwards, and within seconds Eridan was dangling off the tree by one leg upside down.
Sollux: oh my god ED...hold on... *smiling at his stupidity...but he actually looked kind of cute hanging upside down, looking all surprised down there*
Sollux held out a hand to Eridan, who gratefully accepted it and pulled himself back up on it. After he had returned to safety, balancing on the branch, they both slid off together to the ground and went to join the others, most of which who were already seated on the porch.
Author: well holy shit, I just released the one from this morning and I already have, like, seven new reviews. So, I figured I'd just do another round today.
The group nodded and made themselves comfortable around the porch.
Author: first off, from mellosgoggledgamer
eridan: dare ya to call kankri and ask what triggers him. good luck eri!
sollux: you need to lick karkat's horns. ;)
tavros: are you... flushed for anyone? hmmm?!
john: are you very sure you're NOT a homosexual?
karkat: enjoy the amount of... 'special atten-
Author: MOTHERFUCKER I SAID NO SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL! *calming down, after everyone did a startled jump. doing deep breaths* I will allow the ones that are not rated M to be carried out... so...thats like...two?
Tavros...they want to know if you're feeling red for anyone?
Tavros: yES.
Author: WELP, YOU DIDN'T ASK WHO NEXT QUESTION!
John, are you SURE you're NOT a homosexual?
Karkat: OH...HE WENT TO GET ME GRAPES.
Author: why did you need grapes?
Karkat: BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY AND HE'S MY PERSONAL SERVANT...DUH.
They wait around for several minutes until John returns, scowling and giving Karkat the grapes.
Author: nice tux John.
John: I hate you all.
Dave: when did you turn into Karkat John?
It is clear that Karkat is holding back an array of insults he wishes he could direct at Dave, however, he has been dared to only say positive and kind things for two rounds.
John: *scowl*
Author: anyways...are you SURE you're not a homosexual John?
John: yes. I'm pretty sure.
Author: what about bisexual...hm? O_o
John: …
John: that wasn't technically part of the truth. I don't have to answer that.
Author: aww...I guess you're right. *calling up to the sky* WHY MUST I HAVE SUCH LIMITED POWER? WHYYYYYY!?
Author: ahem. *dusting herself off* this next one is from Deranged Shadow Fangirl...again.
John: YES! THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE PICTURE! MY OTP KISSING IS JUST SO...I
CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW CUTE THEY ARE TOGETHER! *turning cartwheels while squealing
happily, getting stares from everyone* Ahem...None of you saw anything, okay?
So, John, as a reward, and a HUGE thank you...Here's a box of the ULTIMATE
pranks! *hands you box* You all think I'm crazy now...
Author: Why, yes, I did comment! Very cute! I also squealed in Chapter 2 of
this when EriSol happened!
Dave: You're welcome for the apple juice :)!
Eridan: Who's you're favorite Harry Potter character?
Everyone: Listen to the English version of "Alice of Human Sacrifice."
~Deranged Shadow Fangirl
Author: John, you have been thanked for taking the picture.
John: finally! something is going well today!
Author: so, as a reward...
A small portal appears in the middle of the porch, glowing and floating in the air. Without warning, a box drops through it labeled: "TEH BOX OF ULTIMATE PRANKS"
Karkat: HOW COME I DIDN'T GET A REWARD? I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO KISS HER!
Nepeta: :33 mew! :((
Equius: *pats her as gently as possible*
Nepeta: :33 ow!
Equius: D- sorry.
John: whoever you are, thank you for making today not suck.
Author: also, I'm glad It made you squeal? maybe?
Author: Dave, she says you're welcome for the apple juice.
Dave: that was the best apple juice I have ever tasted.
Author: Eridan, DSF wonders who your favorite Harry Potter character is?
Eridan: wwell...I havven't seen many a these human movvies...but Rose showwed me a feww a them. I havve a particular fondness for the character of Snape. Alright so, he has red feelins for this one girl...and basically, theres this guy at the human teachin facility of magic that they all go to wwho he really hates...so this girl ends up not likin him and runs off wwith this guy he hates...and then swweeps later they die, and their son starts goin to the same teachin facility wwhere the snape guy ends up teachin...and so he decides to make the sons life hell. And throughout the wwhole thin, evveryone just thinks he's this really bad guy and that he's a really horrible person, but the wwhole time he's been tryin to savve the son of the guy he hated...and they all didn't like him! I just think he's a really deep character an stuff...evveryone hates him just because life let him dowwn again.
Author: interesting...well...DSF wants you all to listen to a song next called Alice Human Sacrifice...
She hits play on her computer, and a eerie tune begins to play.
The first Alice was a wrathful woman of the spade.
And righteously she held a sharpened blade within her hand.
Never hesitating to slay all within her way.
Creating paths of blood that followed her through Wonderland.
Deep into the darkened forest, Alice walked the line.
Captured and imprisoned as an embodiment of Sin.
If it were not for the murderous wake left behind.
No one would have suspected that she had ever been.
The second Alice was a fragile man of the diamond.
The broken echo of the lies within demented words.
He sang his twisted melodies to all in Wonderland.
Creating the image of the sick and the disturbed.
Deadly, yet so beautiful a voice just like a rose.
Was shot by a madman who silenced him to death.
all eyes turned to Equius, who looked petrified by the words.
A single rose bloomed in his place with no music composed.
With twisted grin this dying man lay breathing his last breath.
The third Alice was an innocent young girl of club.
An enchanting, graceful figure in the world of Wonderland.
She charmed the people in the land to her beck and call.
A peculiar country answering to each command.
So she rose into the throne to be the country's queen.
Consumed by paranoia of her own impending death.
Soon the queen succumbed to a dark and nightmarish dream.
Disguised in kindness, loathing fate, she secured her regime.
And as this past two children walked in the woods.
Partaking in tea underneath the trees they'd never part.
They found an invitation to the queen.
It was the Ace of Hearts.
The fourth Alice was a duo of curiosity.
Both were lost and could not find the boat where they began.
And so they ran through countless open doors so recklessly.
A brother and a sister running wild through Wonderland.
A stubborn elder sister.
A witty younger brother.
But they had strayed too far into Alice's Wonderland.
They were never woken from their terrifying dream.
Forever they would wander this twisted fairytale.
At the end of the song, words appear on the screen that read "Who will be the next Alice?"
(( Fun Fact From the Future: I later performed this at my camp talent show with my friend.))
Equius: D- excuse me... I need to.. 'get myself together'...elsewhere.
He hurries off, Nepeta getting up to follow but him making her sit back down.
Equius: D-I'm fine Nepeta. Stay here.
Nepeta: :33 why would you make us listen to that?
Author: Hey, don't shoot the messenger! But otherwise, I don't know. Did you not realize that connection, DSF? Madmen shooting people to death, dying with a smile on their face, Diamonds? SERIOUSLY?
Author: anyways, now for the next review. This one is from TheWingedHourglass
Ooo, me too!
Okay,firstly; Author/Eridanisnotonfire, good job. This fanfic, although
common, is awesome. And by common, I mean people write truth or dare fics like
it's going out of style. I don't know how, but you make yours really stand
out.
Now for the dares!
KARKAT: I dare you to steal one of Kankri's sweaters and give Terezi a hug.
Just to see what she does with all that red.
GAMZEE: Bring back the horn pile and pester Eridan and Sollux until they get
in. Don't take no for an answer.
KANAYA: Spend an hour at a human Wal-Mart. Take care to notice human fashion
while there.
Author: aww! thank you! you're too kind! Okay...Karkat. hehehehe
Karkat: WHAT?
Author: do you have one of your ancestors sweaters by any chance?
Karkat: NO. WHY WOULD I HAVE HIS CLOTHES JUST LYING AROUND?
Author: just a question. Hold on.
She walks out onto the grass near the teleporter and flips the lever again. A red sweater lies crumpled near the bottom.
Author: you have to wear this and give Terezi a hug.
Karkat: … FINE.
He pulls it over his head, then walks over to Terezi and wraps his arms around her.
Terezi: K4RKL3S? YOU SM3LL...B3TT3R TH4N USU4L!
Karkat: THAT'S GREAT.
He tries to release her, but finds that she has sunk her teeth deep into the fabric of the sweater.
Karkat; O-O FUCK.
And so he just kind of stands there with a blank expression on his face, allowing her to continue trying to eat the sweater. It was just for a second, but if you looked close enough, you could see a tiny smile begin to form, but then force itself back into a completely blank expression.
(( must draw this later))
Author: *smiling* hehehehe that's adorable. Next! Hey, Gam, did you prepare that horn pile?
Gamzee: aW yEaH...
Author: cool. It looks like TheWingedHourglass wants Sollux and Eridan to get in...
Sollux: ii don't have a problem wiith that. *smiling*
He pushes Eridan into the pile and then sits down next to him.
Karkat: *sounding rather pleasant, due to both his dare and the fact that he's trapped in a hug with Terezi* WOW, WHAT A WONDERFUL DISPLAY OF UTMOST AFFECTION, NOW CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? *he doesn't sound nearly as sarcastic as he normally would have*
Author: that was easy. Kanaya, you're going to Wal-Mart. *opens a portal and pushes her in* TA TA! See you in a few hours!
Rose: *drunk* NOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOO! *falls to knees, then falls over on her face, and falls asleep*
(( that was a lot of falling...))
Author: rose, stop drinking.
(( Go read Happy Endings NOW lazy, otherwise you won't get this reference))
Author: these next few are from livvykitty. again.
Yay! Thank you for both the funny chapter and answering my review and
questions! Is it okay to do crossover dares? (pissing off Death the Kid, for
one) Also, is Aradia god tier? I only ask these questions because, well, it
should be fun for the authoress too! Speaking in which...
Eridan: Hurry up and kiss both the author and Sollux! *shoves a bit*
Karkat: Since I ship you with everyone here (minus the author) does that make
everyone your bitch or are you everyone's bitch?
Dave: Hm... get in a closet with smuppets and three versions of Lil Cal.
Hehehehehehe.
John: Choose a number between 1 and 95! This will have relevance next review!
:3
Thank you yet again and have a good day!
Author: aw, LK! it was no big deal! yes it IS okay to do crossover dares...I can probably find Death the Kid wandering around here somewhere...and Aradia appears to be God Tier currently.
Author: So...Eridan...um...you got this dare...and uh... *blushing*
Eridan: wwell wwhat is it then?
Author: heheh
Eridan: oh for fucks sake. *gets up to look at the screen*
When he reads the dare, his eyes automatically widen and he starts blushing as well. He shrugs and leans down, then kisses the Author on the cheek, who automatically smiles like a creep. He then walks back over to the horn pile and kisses Sollux on the mouth and Sollux begins to make a loud and happy sounding buzzing noise and returns this kiss.
Eridan: and you didn't havve to shovve me...
Author: that was pretty enjoyable for me. Both ways actually. *mouthing: OTP! OTP MOTHERFUCKERS!*
Karkat: *gagging*
Author: Karkat, if you're choking on something, feel free to get a glass of water. Or..I guess have John get it?
John: *scowl*
Author: Oh, and livvykitty wonders that if you were shipped with everyone in this room, would that make you everyones bitch or everyone your bitch?
Karkat: *as politely as possible, but gritting his teeth* I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD MAKE ME ANYONES BITCH BECAUSE I AM NOT A FEMALE, AND EVERYONE HERE IS NOT FEMALE EITHER. ALSO, IF EVERYONE HERE WAS FEMALE, THEY COULDN'T ALL BE MY BITCH BECAUSE THAT'S JUST IMPRACTICAL...*mumbling this* AND ANYWAYS, I ONLY HAVE ONE PERSON THAT I COULD EVER CALL "MY BITCH" AND SHE IS THE LEAST BITCHY PERSON I KNOW.
Oh yes, and Karkat had sat back down after Terezi let go of him. Terezi was attempting to look as if nothing had ever happened and Karkat was staring into his lap and playing with the spit-covered part of the sleeve of the sweater, which he had taken off and now was just lying in a wrinkled mess in his lap.
Author: Okay...uh...Dave, lk dares you to get in the closet with smuppets and three versions of Little Cal.
Dave: *he stares at her in horror*
Author: they are waiting for you Strider. *directing him to the closet*
Dave: *he stands up and trudges inside. You can hear the closet door close and then a high-pitched scream and the thump of a bunch of things falling*
Author: that would be my weight collection.
Jade: why do you have a weight collection?
Author: in case Equius, you know, wanted to lift some weights.
Equius: D- oh. uh... those were for me?
D- I may have...broken one this morning.
D- I swear I just touched it!
Author: thats okay...John, pick a number between 1 and 95
John: 47
Author: cool. That apparently will have relevance in her next review. Moving on! These next ones are from GrimdarkPrincess.
*laughs evily*
*reads the part that says Karkat has to 'play nice' *
Karkat: I dare you to say something positive about everyone
Dave: I dare you to rap about cocconuts, while wearing a dress
Gamzee: I dare you to try Fanta
Dave: *suddenly reappears, looking pretty chill for having been in a closet with a bunch of puppets and looking over the Authors shoulder*
Dave: I dare you to spell coconuts right.
Author: Oh, hey Dave! Did you have fun?
Dave: No. I was scared out of my fucking mind until I realized they never told me how long I had to stay in there.
Author: sounds great.
Dave: I hate all the reviewers. All of them. Except for the one who gave me Apple Juice, you're pretty cool.
Author: Karkat, GrimdarkPrincess dares you to say something positive about everyone.
Karkat: OH MY GOG.
Karkat: ARE WE HAVING LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING CLICHE PARTY HERE.
Karkat: I'VE DONE THIS LIKE 6 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY. AND ANYWAYS, ISN'T HAVING TO BE NICE TO EVERYONE PUNISHMENT ENOUGH? NOW I HAVE TO SAY THINGS THAT I LIKE ABOUT THEM?
Karkat: YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE! ARADIA, YOU'RE REALLY EASY-GOING, TAVROS, YOU'RE REALLY FORGIVING, SOLLUX, YOU'RE GOOD AT GAMING AND GOOD WITH COMPUTERS, NEPETA...YOU HAVE *struggling, seems to be holding back vomit* A...GOOD IMAGINATION...KANAYA'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW BUT SHE'S REALLY SMART...UH...VRISKA...YOU ARE REALLY CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF...EQUIUS...YOU'RE GOOD AT BEING QUIET...GAMZEE...YOU'RE REALLY CHILL ABOUT EVERYTHING...ERIDAN...
He stares at him for a moment.
Karkat: OK, I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT SINGING-
Eridan: wwhen did you hear me sing?
Karkat: I DUNNO...YOU'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND ROSE A LOT...YOU GOT DRUNK...YOU SANG.
(( READ HAPPY ENDINGS NOWWWWWW!))
Sollux: ooh, 2exy. *snicker*
Eridan: … *under his breath* cod damnit Rose.
Karkat: FEFERI YOU'RE ALWAYS REALLY HAPPY, JADE...YOUR KIND OF FUNNY...DAVE, YOU'RE KIND OF GOOD WITH MUSIC...ROSE, YOU'RE REALLY CALM...JOHN...
Yet again he stops and stares, but this time it lasts for about 4 minutes before he says...
Karkat: JOHN...YOUR FACE IS REALLY SLAPPABLE.
He then slaps him.
John: *rubs his red cheek*
Karkat: PHEW, GLAD THAT'S OVER.
Author: what do you mean? you haven't done Terezi yet.
Karkat: OH. OH YEAH.
Karkat: UH...TEREZI. *deep breath out while closing his eyes* YOU'RE KIND AND BEAUTIFUL AND FUN. AND...YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE ME SMILE FOR REAL.
Terezi: *blushing turquoise*
Karkat: AM I DONE NOW?
Author: uh huh...*smiling a bit at what he said*'
Author: Dave, it's your time to shine!
Dave: I can't BELIEVE this. WHY COCONUTS? Of all things!
Everyone stares at him, awaiting his performance.
Dave: *reluctantly begins as John beatboxes*
"You're trapped on an island far, far away
You're alone with no food, god, you're having some day
you look up to the sky and what do you see?
a coconut hanging out of a tree.
a C-O-C-O-N-U-T."
(( don't ever ask me to do that again. I felt so stupid writing that))
Dave: And THAT's how you spell coconut. my god, some people... *crossing his arms and rolling his eyes*
He exits to change back into his normal clothes and returns a few minutes later.
Author: okie dokie lokie!
Equius: D- Pinkie Pie.
Author: what was that Equius?
Equius: D- N-nothing!
Nepeta: *stifling a fit of giggles*
Author: and last on this particular list, Gamzee, you've been dared to try Fanta.
Gamzee: wHaT?
Author: it's a soda. And it's in the fridge.
The brief moment that Gamzee goes inside leaves Rose time to wake up and she sits back down on the porch, looking a lot more sober now.
Gamzee returns, holding Fanta Grape.
Gamzee: oK...hErE gOeS... *he takes a quick swig*
Immediately, his nose begins to bleed randomly. He rushes back inside screaming.
Gamzee: HooooOOOOOOOnnnnnnKKKK! :O(
Jade: *covering mouth* Oh my gosh!
Tavros: gAMZEE!
Karkat: HOLD ON, LET ME TRY THIS SHIT *takes a sip*
Immediately, Karkats nose begins to bleed as well, which is rather problematic because he still is acting really secretive about his blood, even if everyone already knows about it. He rushes inside, covering his face and returns minutes later with Gamzee, looking better but their upper lip slightly stained.
Author: well...now we know what Fanta does to Trolls.
(( i'm sorry. I was inspired by a random nosebleed I had.))
Gamzee: HOOOOONNNNNKKK! :'O(
Tavros: *walks over and pats him on the back along with Karkat, who is only doing it halfway because he is still staunching the blood with a tissue in the other hand*
Author: okay, we have time for one more. Just to let you know, "person" and "guest" I have recieved your reviews and they will be featured in the next chapter as the Dares were kind of lengthy events. And we've all tried on enough dresses today I think.
The last one is from Keybladeauraofpie.
yess now my wildest dream can come true, I dare Gamzee to cuddle up to dave
while Nepeta Sings defying gravity with Rose, while both are in costumes to
represent their lands
Author: you know what to do...but I think we'll need a little help from someone.
She stands up and walks over to the teleporter, then flips the switch. With another blast of light, a certain troll in a pink sequined suit and top hat appears.
Broadway Karkat: DID SOMEONE CALL FOR ENTERTAINMENT?!
Karkat: OH SHIT.
After perhaps an Hour of preparation, Nepeta and Rose were dressed in lantern and teacup costumes. Gamzee had sat down next to Dave, still keeping the distance even though the dare said otherwise. And they begin to sing Defying Gravity from Wicked, which is what the Author found when she looked up the song. The whole thing is basically led by Broadway Karkat and the regular Karkat mysteriously disappeared right after he arrived.
When they're done, they all retire to their rooms for the night.
Author: alright guys, thanks for reading! See you in the next update!
