Chapter Three
That Tuesday, they'd got home early. Kurt suggested meeting after classes so they could walk together to the Anderson's apartment, and Blaine agreed gladly. Every hint of Kurt looking out for more of his company always made him happy, especially if he could compare it to the time Kurt would spend with Cooper. It was pretty absurd, but Blaine would sometimes weigh how many hours he spent with Kurt versus how many hours Kurt spent with Cooper on any given day, and felt as if he was ahead in the race every time. Except there was no race, only Kurt, and whether Blaine would ever manage to catch his attention in a romantic way.
They bought some cookies on their way home, chatting about things here and there. Kurt was a bit tired, since finals were coming close and he still used a lot of his time for lessons that didn't help him at all, but Kurt was nothing if not gracious in the way he managed. Blaine couldn't help but admire that about him, although he really hoped Kurt would get tired of it soon. As handsome as Cooper was, surely he wouldn't be worth getting in trouble with Kurt's studies just to pursue a crush, right?
When they got to the apartment, Blaine knew instantly that something was off. Cooper was walking around the living room while talking to himself, and as often as that happened, this time his voice sounded urgent and a bit worried, like that time when he had to admit to Blaine that he'd sat on his keyboard and broken it.
When he finally realized Blaine and Kurt were there, he made a small jump of surprise (and seriously? They had been standing there for over a minute), but smiled broadly, in a way Blaine knew well as his 'charming' smile. Blaine wondered exactly what had his brother broken this time.
"Hey! You're here. You're both here. That's fine; I should probably talk to both of you anyway. How are you guys? Kurt? Everything going well?" said Cooper in quick succession. In Blaine's experience, this was the closest thing Cooper ever got to being nervous.
"I'm… fine, yes, thank you for asking," answered Kurt with a confused look on his face.
"Hey Coop, what's up?" asked Blaine, not knowing if he should be worried or amused. He was sure it wasn't bad news, because those times Cooper usually got serious, but it was obviously important for his brother, or he wouldn't be so skittish.
"I need to talk to Kurt," rushed Cooper. Blaine barely had time to notice Kurt's matching surprised face before Cooper went on. "I mean, you should stay here to talk, too, shrimp, but it's mainly with Kurt. Hear me out before you say anything, okay?" he continued, this time looking directly at Kurt.
"Sure," Kurt agreed softly, looking to Blaine before putting his attention back on Cooper. Blaine felt his throat tighten up at Kurt's suddenly-hopeful expression, and had to look to the other side of the room.
"Right, so we've had lessons for what, like, three months now? It's a lot! You know, you're one of the students I've had the longest, although this teaching thing is pretty new. So yeah, the thing is, you are really talented and I sort of hope I can be there to see how things work out for you, even if Broadway is dead, but… I don't think we should be having these lessons anymore."
He said everything so quickly that Blaine could mostly only catch the last part. He managed to catch Kurt's startled and rather hurt expression (and Blaine felt a pang of anger because nobody had the right to make Kurt feel bad), but then Cooper was talking again, even before Kurt could say anything.
"I'm probably sounding a bit crass… I hope you don't take it in a bad way because it really isn't meant that way. You're good, even if you are hard-headed and don't always follow what I tell you, which is by far your biggest flaw. But the thing is, I don't really feel comfortable with this anymore. Like, you come over all the time and we hang out and you're a friend of Blaine's, too, and I can't even remember the last time we had a complete lesson because we always get distracted talking about something else and it's not fair, don't you think? I mean, for you, because you're paying for this and all, but it also makes me look unprofessional.
"So I've been feeling really bad about this, except then I realized, it's probably not something bad! It's because we're friends now. And friends don't charge each other for these things, especially if the lessons are never complete, and that must be why accepting your money feels so wrong now. But if I don't charge you, then there's nothing to be unprofessional about, so I figured the best option was to just stop with the lessons altogether."
While listening to Cooper's little speech, Blaine looked dumbfounded at how Kurt's face went from surprised and slightly hurt to surprised and really hurt.
But then Cooper, in all his emotional upheaval, walked towards Kurt and grabbed his shoulder in a friendly gesture, and seeing Kurt's eyes lighten made Blaine's feelings go from surprised to dreadful. He couldn't really process what was happening, though, since Cooper just went on talking like he usually did.
"Of course, I had to tell you first. And really, you're a great actor and if you ever need help with anything, I'll be more than glad to do it or help you practice, but these full-out lessons are really bothering me right now. And since you never seem too upset whenever we don't finish them, I figured you wouldn't mind stopping about them completely? And so now, every time you come will be just to hang out. Like all the times you come over with Blaine, only more, and to hang out with me, too. As friends. What do you think? I don't want it to be an inconvenience… I mean, I know losing my guidance is going to be tough, but if we're friends, you wouldn't lose it completely. I would still be there for you."
The grin that Kurt's face had now turned into was something he hadn't seen before. And Kurt had laughed plenty with Blaine, all the time, but the way he was smiling right now, like the most precious and exciting gift had been presented to him, was something that knocked the air out of Blaine while making him feel like someone had dropped ice-cold water on him at the same time.
It wasn't fair. How was it fair that he kept pining for Kurt and Cooper was the one who got those smiles?
Blaine clenched his jaw in an attempt to not let his eyes water. He was not going to cry. This was not the time to feel sorry for himself.
"I… Actually, that sounds perfect," said Kurt. Cooper still had his hand on Kurt's shoulder and Kurt was looking like he might burst of happiness and god, was this really happening? Cooper was just saying they were friends, so why did Blaine feel like he was interrupting a declaration of love?
That single thought left him breathless again, and Blaine had to look to the other side to control his breathing, trying to reprimand himself for overthinking things.
But oh god, what if…?
"I've been thinking about that too, actually," Kurt continued, and Blaine tried to pretend he didn't see Kurt's face starting to blush at Cooper's closeness. "Because finals are coming up and I'm on a much tighter on schedule, but I really don't want to stop seeing you guys." Kurt was blushing completely now, and dropped his look to the floor.
Cooper smiled widely as well, but before he could say anything, Blaine grabbed the bag of cookies and made his way to the kitchen. He couldn't see this anymore.
Kurt and Cooper's voices followed him, ringing loudly in the apartment while he left the cookies on the counter and opened the water tap to splash his face. He heard Cooper telling Kurt he could probably keep coming over the days they had lessons to hang out, if he had time, and how relieved he was that this hadn't turned into a misunderstanding. Which really wasn't true because Blaine didn't understand anything right now, and he was pretty sure at least one of the three of them were misinterpreting what was going on.
Kurt, Blaine knew, was seeing this as an advance in his relationship with Cooper. This was probably what he'd been aiming for from the very beginning, and now that he'd gotten it, he would probably reinforce all his attempts at wooing Blaine's brother.
But what if… what if it was Blaine who got it all wrong? Cooper had never done this with any of his former students, so it meant Kurt actually had gotten to him in some way. And even if it was entirely possible that Cooper saw him just as a friend as he said, who was to say he couldn't fall for Kurt eventually, like Kurt was hoping? Blaine knew his brother was hard to engage even in friendships, so if Kurt had already managed that, why wouldn't he manage to do the other?
What if Cooper and Kurt got together and Blaine got to see the whole process from the outside, feeling his heart breaking every time Kurt smiled at his brother and not him?
He was shaking now, and god, stop it, Blaine, this is really not the time. The two people who mean more to you in the world are right outside and they are not going to see you like this.
Blaine breathed deeply and urged his body to calm itself.
Back in the living room, Cooper and Kurt were now seated in the couch, Cooper talking excitedly while Kurt kept smiling at him. Blaine felt once again like he was intruding something, and wondered if Kurt would still want him to "interrupt" their not-lessons from now on.
"… and I'm telling you, I had them all eating from my hand, except this one woman who looked like she wasn't very convinced and I couldn't understand because I'm obviously perfect for the role. But then I remembered what you said about it, that despite how the character does everything in his own way he still wants to be trusted, because he has good intentions. And how that gives him vulnerability and all that crap, and women are all for that, right? So I asked to say the lines for the next scene, and you know, changed a bit the confident front, and it worked! After that she was eating from my hand as much as the others! And I got a callback not a day after!"
"Oh my god, Cooper! That's amazing!" Kurt exclaimed, looking like he was about to hug Cooper. Blaine managed to avoid thinking about this in favor of focusing on his brother.
"Coop! You got a callback? That's great!"
"I know, right?" said Cooper. "I knew it was a matter of time until I found the perfect role for me. And this show would be completely shot here, so I don't even need to think about going back to L.A."
"Did they tell you more about the process?" asked Kurt. "Are there going to be many more auditions?"
"They said they were going to send a couple of more pages from the pilot script for me to read before they tell me the actual date. Probably next week or the one after," said Cooper. "You know, Kurt, once I get those, you could help me go through them? I know it all about being awesome and sexy, but there are times when this guy is supposed to be vulnerable…" he said, his face crouching like he didn't understand why a character should ever be like that. "They're tricky. Maybe you could give me a hand with those."
Kurt's smile got even bigger, if that was possible. Blaine, as much as he wanted, was finding it hard to be happy for his brother right now, seeing how every little word he said made Kurt beam.
"It's great for a guy to be in touch with his sensitive side," answered Kurt. "I'll do my best."
Cooper thanked him and kept on chatting about how perfect he was for this show and how the world would finally see his talent. Kurt agreed with his head over and over again, that smile that made Blaine ache permanently attached to his lips.
Blaine wandered in and out of the room for the rest of the afternoon, feeling uncomfortable and out of place – a feeling he had never felt with his brother and Kurt before.
That afternoon dragged on Blaine impossibly slowly. He didn't know what to do, didn't feel at ease with just barging into his brother and Kurt's conversation like he usually did, and it wasn't as comfortable to just sit and listen to them as it used to be. His focus would inevitably land in Kurt's shinning eyes, which were inevitably looking at Cooper, and he would have to do his best to just pretend like everything was normal, like his heart didn't pang painfully every time.
Blaine went to bed that night with a knot in his throat.
He didn't know what to think about this. It had never happened, for Cooper to reach out to one of his (now former) students, and Blaine didn't know how to handle it. If it had being any other person, he would probably find it amusing and even sweet, and be happy at the idea of Cooper reaching out to someone, maybe even getting into a relationship that would last more than a couple of weeks. But this was Kurt. How in the seven hells could he cope with that?
Maybe he should have seen it coming. Seriously, he had seen how Cooper and Kurt could talk for hours and hours and be comfortable about it. He had seen how Cooper didn't mind having Kurt around, and how he would sometimes ask Blaine about him. Those things, which could be absolutely normal coming from other people, meant a lot more coming from Cooper. Hadn't Blaine relished on those very things when they'd started to get back in touch? Hadn't he used them as a reassurance that he wasn't a nuisance to his brother – that he actually cared? How could he forget that any small act of affection, coming from Cooper, meant a lot more than mere sympathy?
It meant that he cared, and getting Cooper to care about someone… well, it wasn't nothing. Even Blaine found it rough to make things matter to him, and he was his brother.
The fact that Cooper had actually used someone else's advice on one of his auditions… it was huge. Blaine had tried to give him tips forever. Even if he wasn't a professional, common sense said that you didn't need to shout in every scene to make a point. And maybe Kurt had told him in a different way, or he had a more professional point of view since he actually studied acting, but the fact was that Cooper only ever took advice from people he trusted. Whatever else could happen between them, Cooper already trusted Kurt.
Blaine wondered if Kurt knew what an achievement that alone was.
What was more, Cooper had asked Kurt to help him again. As much as it was an off-hand comment, Cooper usually hated to rely on other people.
Still, did it have to mean something more? It wouldn't be the first time for Blaine to read too much into things. Cooper had only talked about friendship with Kurt – about acting and auditions and not wanting to take his money. It didn't have to mean anything else and yeah, maybe Kurt was also reading a lot into things, but he had been reading a lot into everything from the beginning. He could be wrong.
Besides, Cooper wasn't looking for a serious relationship. He'd told Blaine as much when Blaine had moved in, and Blaine had no reason to believe that had changed. And even if it had changed, Blaine always imagined Cooper settling down with a girl. So even if Blaine knew about a long list of male hookups in Cooper's record, he probably wouldn't go for a guy in a serious relationship. And Kurt wouldn't accept anything less than serious.
Part of Blaine couldn't help feeling guilty for thinking like this – Kurt was his best friend and he seemed to really like Cooper. But Blaine couldn't really bring himself to hope it would work out for him. He didn't know what he would do if Kurt and Cooper got together.
It wasn't the end of the world, though. Kurt and Cooper would be friends, and that was it. Even if Kurt thought for a while that he had a better chance, it didn't mean it was true. They would be friends, and Kurt would still be Blaine's best friend, and yeah, maybe it would take longer for Kurt to realize that Cooper wasn't for him, and Blaine would have to keep hiding his feelings even longer, but everything would work out in the end. Somehow.
Blaine was well aware that he had been infatuated with Kurt for months. Even before they properly met, Blaine had spent so much time looking at and learning about Kurt that it already felt like a second nature.
So he was surprised to realize that, as much as watching Kurt was one of his favorite hobbies, there was a lot from him he had been missing. When he finally started to pay attention to his interactions with Cooper, Blaine had to wonder how he thought they were just teacher and student anymore.
It was particularly ridiculous because Blaine had been the one who made it all happen like that. He had been the biggest reason why their lessons easily turned into friends hanging out, and it was because of him that Kurt spent almost as much time in their apartment as in his own. He was pretty much the one who had encouraged becoming friends – he had been glad at the thought of Kurt and Cooper becoming friends before. Hadn't he realized they already were?
Next Friday found them with take-out and a movie again, Blaine over-aware of Kurt's and Cooper's exchanges.
Kurt had arrived with a cheerful smile, looking even more carefully groomed, if that was possible. Blaine forced himself to not think too much about it and tried to just behave like he always did, but it proved hard when all he could do was watch Kurt and his brother interact, wondering if there was more to them that he had seen before.
There was.
For one, Blaine had never realized how comfortably they seemed to touch each other. Even if Kurt blushed a bit here and there, there were a lot of pats in the back, arm-grabbing, even half-hugs. Watching the movie, Cooper leaned into Kurt to comment something and remained there, most of his weight on Kurt, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Also, they kept mentioning these inside jokes that made Blaine feel lost and out of place. For some reason, he had thought that their interactions as friends only happened when he was also present, but this showed just how wrong he had been. They talked about auditions and possible roles, even plays, which Cooper had always said were boring and dated, but he discussed them with Kurt with as much cheer as any other topic.
They even finished each other's sentences. Well, Kurt finished Cooper's sentences, sometimes. Usually while rolling his eyes, like he knew what Cooper was thinking and didn't completely agree with it but found it endearing all the same. It made Blaine a little sick to see.
Blaine couldn't tell if it was something new or if it had been happening all along. Kurt, despite his blushing, seemed completely at ease, and Cooper was always an enigma to some degree. So for all Blaine knew, they had been like this for a long time and he had just missed it, thanks to his stupid notion that nothing could happen between them.
It was a notion that was fading away with every moment. If he was honest, he didn't know what to think anymore.
Blaine tried to be as optimistic as he could, even though his emotions were constantly all over the place.
He liked seeing Kurt so happy, but knowing it was because he thought himself closer to Cooper shot down his mood again. He liked seeing Cooper so excited about his upcoming audition and so focused on getting it right, but his new tendency to look for Kurt to talk about it made him feel jealous and defeated at the same time. So really, Blaine didn't know how good he was doing at 'acting normal.'
But if they noticed, neither Kurt nor Cooper said anything about it. Part of Blaine wanted to think it was because he was good at keeping appearances, but there was also the fact that Cooper barely thought about anything beyond his possible new role these days, and Kurt… well, he was otherwise distracted.
Though they had a lot of schoolwork, Blaine and Kurt saw each other just as much as they ever did. It was one of the few things Blaine could still hang on to – his (frankly absurd) competition of how much time he spent with Kurt versus how much time Kurt spent with Cooper. He still felt the smallest spark of achievement when the day ended and he knew he had won once again, but most of time he just felt like he was losing everything.
It was a big contrast to Kurt's mood. He was happy and smiling and sunny, and talked cheerfully about his classes and the play he was helping with as a backstage staff member, in addition to whatever he and Cooper had talked about lately. And Blaine didn't know what to do with himself anymore because of it – he couldn't help but being infected with Kurt's good mood and giant smiles, but every other second he remembered why Kurt was this happy and his chest would deflate like a busted balloon.
It hurt a bit that the two people who knew him best couldn't tell that he was going crazy. But then, it was probably for the best that they remained ignorant.
Just a week into this new order of things, it all took a turn for the worst.
Blaine and Kurt were drinking coffee at the Valdez as usual, their conversation light because Kurt's mind was somewhere else. Blaine tried his best to not feel hurt after having to repeat what he was saying again, but it wasn't working very well. Maybe Blaine was just sensitive lately, but feeling that Kurt distant made him desperate in a way he couldn't explain.
"Penny for your thoughts?" said Blaine in a slightly-above-normal voice after Kurt blanked out again. Kurt finally focused on him, an embarrassed smile on his lips.
"Sorry. I guess I'm not much fun to hang out with today, am I?"
"I just wish you'd tell me what's going on. You've been like this for days," Blaine sighed, only lying a little, since he sort of knew what was happening – he just hated not knowing where he stood in it anymore.
"I just… I've been meaning to talk to you about something," Kurt started, a determined expression on his face. Blaine gulped, his hands shaking. He was pretty sure he wouldn't like what was coming, but he kept a smile for Kurt, trying to look reassuring.
"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" He hoped he didn't sound as nervous as he felt.
"Just… don't take this the wrong way, okay?" Blaine felt his heart drop a bit. He just nodded, and Kurt took his cue to continue. "I've just been thinking… umm… you know how we spend so much time together? Like, we see each other pretty much every day, and I love that," he assured in a hurry, "but, um, I also really like the time we spend with your brother. I mean, he's really great." Blaine gulped but nodded again, because he didn't trust himself to talk.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is… well, I know you pretty well. You're pretty much my best friend, after all. But… I kind of want to get to know your brother more, too." Kurt was now blushing, though trying to look normal.
Blaine just felt dread all over his body.
"You'd think you'd know him fairly well by now. We hang out with him all the time," said Blaine, trying his best to keep his face straight and his voice slightly teasing.
"Well, that's kind of the thing…" said Kurt, nervously playing with a paper napkin. "We hang out a lot together, but I won't get to, ahem, know your brother unless I hang out with him. Alone." He gave emphasis to the last word, sending cold waves along Blaine's body.
He had to bite his lip hard. Would Kurt miss him having a nervous breakdown?
Blaine was unable to say anything, so he just formed a perfect O with his mouth, like he had just understood what Kurt meant. There was a minute of silence, Kurt thinking he was giving Blaine some time for the meaning of his words to sink in but actually just giving Blaine enough time to swallow down his feelings.
Of course he had known all along that Kurt wanted his brother. But hearing it from his lips, even if he didn't say it outright, hurt Blaine in a way he didn't think was possible.
"So I was thinking that maybe… maybe you could… god, this sounds so awful," laughed Kurt, sounding embarrassed. "I thought maybe you could… not be there? I mean, of course I'm not trying to throw you out of your own house or anything like that, but school's getting busy and I'm sure you have a lot of things to do. And really, I do want to hang out with you, too, of course I do, but I thought, maybe once or twice, maybe when Coop wants help with his audition and all… maybe I could go meet him and… and it could be just the two of us?"
Finally, Kurt stopped avoiding Blaine's eyes and looked at him with so much hope, with such beautiful anticipation, that Blaine knew he would do anything for him. He would ignore the emotional hurricane that was building inside of him and do whatever he had to because he could never say no to Kurt. So he found himself agreeing, even if he felt like he was signing his own death warrant.
"If- if that's really what you want," Blaine said carefully, taking a lot less time in finding his voice than he thought he would need, but the look in Kurt's eyes – how could he deny him anything? "I mean, Cooper can get a little intense when you're alone with him, but yeah, I can make myself busy for – sometimes."
Kurt let a little sigh of joy at Blaine's words and promptly got up to give him a tight hug. Blaine's own smile was so fake it almost hurt to keep it there, but of course Kurt didn't notice. He went back to talk excitedly about his day, oblivious at the fact that Blaine was crumbling down inside.
And the big irony was, the smile that Kurt gave him for the rest of the afternoon was the closest Blaine had seen to the smile he gave Cooper every day.
