Dinner with my parents went fine, but all too soon Monday morning rolled around. Dimitri kissed me goodbye and headed for work, and I got out my clarinet and began to practice. My plan was to attend a blind audition at the Washington Heights Chamber Orchestra in a few days. I knew I'd be competing against many other clarinet players, so my chance of winning a spot on the first orchestra I auditioned for was very small, so I'd decided to just start with the closest one to where I lived.

I practiced clarinet all morning, then took a break for lunch. After lunch I did some light housework, then practiced clarinet until it was time to start dinner.

It would be the first meal I would prepare as a married woman. I found spaghetti and sauce in the cabinet, and in the refrigerator was the pound of ground meat I'd taken down to defrost earlier, so I made spaghetti. I'd boiled the pasta and was stirring the sauce into the ground meat when Dimitri entered the apartment.

"Hello, beautiful," he said as he kissed me. "How was your day?"

"It was all right," I replied. "I cleaned house and practiced clarinet. How was yours?"

"Tiring." He yawned. "The camera ran out of film halfway through a shoot, a couple pieces of equipment broke down, and a notebook or two went missing - and that was just this morning." He snorted. "Later someone threw up on stage, and we discovered we were low on cleaning supplies. Somebody, probably me, will have to purchase more tomorrow, and that will cut into the production schedule."

"Sounds terrible." I waited for him to sit down, then began to massage his shoulders. He groaned in appreciation.

I served up the spaghetti, and we both dug in. I watched Dimitri's face as he took his first bite and saw his eyes close halfway as a smile spread over his face.

"Delicious!" he said. "What's your secret?"

"Not telling," I giggled, and he joined in.


On the day of the blind audition, I took the subway to the building and entered a large room full of black chairs with a stage up front. To one side of the stage was a black curtain, and sitting in the chairs were dozens of people of both genders and various races and ages. I searched for a vacant chair and finally found one in the back row.

I saw I was sitting beside a tall, willowy blonde with her hair pulled back in a clip.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello," she replied, appraising me with her eyes.

"I'm Rose," I told her.

"I'm Selena," she said.

"So, how many auditions have you been to?" I asked.

"Oh, several dozen, over the past couple of years or so." She chuckled. "I'm getting to be a pro at that."

"Several dozen?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Oh, yes. You?"

"This is my first one. I just graduated." In my mind's eye, I saw myself in two years' time, still trudging around from audition to audition while life passed me by.

"This is a very competitive field," she told me. "Unless you're extremely talented and possess a reservoir of persistence as well as patience, you'll never make it as a professional musician."

One by one, the contestants were called up to perform for the judges. Hours passed. My stomach began to rumble. I took out the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'd brought along and, out of the corner of my eye, saw Selena doing the same thing.

We ate our sandwiches and chips and waited some more, until finally, Selena was called up to perform.

"Good luck," I told her.

"Thanks, and to you as well," she replied.

I watched as she walked to the stage, got out her clarinet, and began to play 'Adagio' by Mozart.

"Very good," came a voice from behind the curtain when she was finished.

It was my turn next, and trying hard to keep my knees from knocking together, I somehow made my way to the stage, where I cleared my throat and then began to play 'Andante Un Poco Adagio' by Brahms.

I was hardly a third of the way through the piece when a voice spoke abruptly from behind the curtain. "Thank you. We'll be in touch."

Tears filled my eyes as I left the stage, nearly stumbling off it in my haste to get away. I'd practiced for days, then waited hours for the chance to perform, only to be given the brush off, dismissed as if I were a curious insect at a picnic.

I'll never have a paid position as a clarinet player! I told myself as I boarded the subway for the ride home.

Later, I remembered what Selena had told me about all the auditions she'd been to, and it made me feel ashamed about what a baby I was to cry over just one audition with a discouraging outcome. Of course I'd have to keep auditioning if I wanted my lucky break to come, and until it did, I'd just have to be patient.

By the time Dimitri got home from work, I'd composed myself and prepared dinner.

"How did the audition go?" he asked as we were eating.

I sighed. "I don't think I did very well. I wasn't even halfway through my piece when they thanked me and said they'd be in touch. While I was waiting for my turn, I talked to this woman sitting beside me, and she told me she'd been to a whole bunch over a couple of years, so obviously it can take a really long time to get chosen." If you ever are, I added to myself.

"Actually, one of the girls who worked in the box office walked off the job today. Would you like me to recommend you to the manager?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You might as well. I have to do something - I can't just hang around here all the time."