Chapter Three
(Bella's point of View)
I woke slowly, feeling more rested then I had in months. This couldn't last. I kept my eyes screwed shut, waiting for the pain, or at least the numbness, it always came back. But this morning felt different somehow. For one I had dreamed last night, not the usual nightmares of me wandering around the forest looking for Him, feeling the pain rip through me, but a strangely comforting dream about a wolf, about Jacob; for another I was hot, like, sweating hot. My eyes flew open, and I was looking at the deep russet skin of Jacob's bare chest, his arms loosely wrapped around me. I noticed with a little embarrassment that my arm was flung across his body and I had one leg draped in between his. He was sound asleep, his deep breaths a comforting sound in the early morning. I took a moment to really look at him. My feelings towards Jacob had always been tinged with guilt. He had been like my drug, the one thing that kept me going after that night in the forest. I knew how he felt about me, that he thought he would eventually change my mind. I remember thinking it was impossible but I had let him try anyway, he was my best friend and I loved him dearly but I had known it would never, ever be enough. It didn't feel that way this morning. I inspected my emotions closer. Yes, I still had that hole in my chest but was it as large as it had been yesterday? I didn't think it was. It felt like it had knitted up a little around the edges, like it wasn't as raw. I could still feel the love I felt for…. Edward, my mind shied away from thinking his name usually, but this time it seemed a little easier. I could feel that love but it felt a little distant somehow, not as ever present as it usually was. My eyes travelled up Jacob's body to his face. It was relaxed and innocent in his sleep, his dark eyelashes making half-moon fans against his skin. What had changed? I remembered feeling shocked and a little scared when I had seen him change in front of me, until I had recognised him. The feeling of rightness and balance that had followed confused me. It was like my world had stopped spinning out of control and for that one moment had balanced on the perfect axis. He was my Jacob and in that moment, I had felt that he truly WAS mine. On closer inspection I realised I still felt that way, like he belonged to me in a way I couldn't explain. I felt traitorous having these feelings, didn't I love… Edward, love him like no sane person could possible love? Yes, I realised, I still did but my feelings for Jacob had intensified and it seems to be dampening the Edward feelings somehow, seemed to be pushing them to the side, where, until yesterday, Jacob had sat in my heart. I shook my head, confused and a little alarmed at the direction of my thoughts. My movement must've roused Jacob because he rolled over suddenly, taking me with him, until he was nearly lying on top of me, our legs intertwined, our faces only inches apart. His eyes flickered open and closed again slowly, his mouth curling into a slow smile. I stopped, stunned; he was breathtaking.
"Good morning honey" he said, nuzzling his face into my neck, his eyes still half closed.
"Morning" I mumbled, embarrassed. I tried to sit up, feeling a rush of emotions I wasn't prepared to feel, my face flushing bright red. It was no good, we were so entangled I couldn't move. He seemed to sense how I was feeling though, because he gave a small chuckle and released his arms, allowing me to put a little distance between us.
"Well, aren't you quite the goddess in the morning?" he smirked at me.
My face flushed again and my hand shot up to my hair. Oh god, what do I look like?
I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, followed by the sound of Jacob's quiet laugh. Looking at myself in the mirror I sighed, my hair was a mess and I had lines creasing my face where I had laid against Jacob's chest all night. Aside from the obvious though, there was something different about me this morning. I stared at myself, trying to figure out what it was. I was still my usual pale self; my eyes still had a hint of blue under them from all my sleepless nights. But the eyes themselves, they looked – different, still brown but they seemed to… sparkle? No, that wasn't quite right. They looked bright, yes, but there was a faint glow about them too. In fact, taking a closer look at myself, I noticed that my entire body seemed to have the same glow. Weird, it wasn't like I had gotten much sun lately. I shrugged it off and picked up my brush, starting the mammoth task of taming my hair. After a rigorous brushing it looked smooth and somewhat presentable. I brushed my teeth, twice. I looked at myself in the mirror; trying to look at myself objectively. It will have to do I guess. I turned and slowly made my way back to the bedroom. Jacob was still lying on the bed, his hands linked behind his head, looking relaxed and happy. His eyes met mine as I entered.
"Better?" he asked, his eyes dancing with mirth.
"Much" I agreed as I sat down next to him. He automatically opened his arms to me, pulling me to the one place that I honestly wanted to be.
"So what's the plan for today?" he asked
"Well, I have work this morning at Newton's" I said, "but I'm free this afternoon."
"That works," he said. There are a few things I have to get done before tonight's council meeting. Plus I will probably have to take Sam's shift on patrol this morning" he mused. He gave me one last squeeze before sitting us both up.
"I'm assuming you want me to leave before you get dressed?" he asked waggling his eyebrows at me in a suggestive way.
"Yes!" I said in a mock outraged voice, "You can go now, thank you very much" I huffed.
He laughed and pulled me in for a quick hug.
"I'll see you after work then" he said as he kissed the top of my head. "Did you want me to meet you here or at my place?"
"I'll meet you at your place" I said quickly, I had the feeling I would need the time to organise my thoughts before the meeting, besides; he didn't need to be running all over town for me. He had enough on his plate as it was.
I walked with him down the stairs, his hand clutched firmly in mine. I couldn't explain it, but I didn't want to be separated from him, even for this short period.
I noticed that Charlie had already left. Weird, he was being very casual about the whole Jacob staying over thing.
"Can I make you breakfast before you go?" I asked, I didn't think he had had dinner last night as he had gotten back to me so quickly; he had to be starving. Just then his stomach rumbled, as if in response to my question.
"I'll take that as a yes." I laughed, leading him to the kitchen.
"Sit." I commanded. He did exactly as he was told and sat at the table, looking at me expectantly
"What would you like?" I asked him.
"Whatever is going" he responded, watching me closely.
"Bacon and eggs with toast it is then" I responded, heading to the fridge to grab the ingredients.
I made short work of it and in no time at all the delicious smell of bacon was wafting through the house. I caught Jacob's eyes following me from the corner of my eye. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable as it usually would, it made me feel… desired, I realised with a jolt. What was going on? I shot a look at him from beneath my lashes as I turned to serve the food. His eyes widened slightly and his mouth slackened. What a gratifying response. I set his plate in front of him and his stomach rumbled again in approval.
"Well eat up." I chuckled.
I set my plate with my toast down across from him and sat, watching him eat with gusto. I had been right, he was starving. I picked up a slice of toast and began chewing.
"Wow Bells" he said between bites, "this is amazing, you really know your way around the kitchen."
I laughed, "It's just bacon and eggs Jake, not a three course meal."
"It's still amazing." He said, wiping the last bit of grease off his plate with a bit of toast.
He sat back with a satisfied sigh, rubbing his stomach in an appreciative way.
"Thanks Bells, that's much better." He said.
"Jeez Jake, did you inhale it or something?" I was astonished to find he had in fact, eaten the lot in the time it had taken me to eat a piece of toast.
He just laughed, "Something like that."
I finished off my toast and got up to clear away our plates.
"We'll I better be off then," he said, walking over to me.
Again, I felt that strange twinge of distress at the thought of him leaving. He must've felt it because he automatically pulled me in for a hug, stroking my back rhythmically.
"I'll see you soon honey", he whispered. He pulled back from me to look me in the eyes. "This afternoon" he promised and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I felt this bizarre urge to turn my head towards him; a kiss on the cheek didn't feel like it would be enough. As soon as I thought it though, the traitorous feeling hit me. This was Jacob, not Edward. Did I want to let go of my feelings? Did I want to move on from him? I couldn't answer these questions with complete honesty so I kept my head still, putting my arms around Jacob to return the hug instead. It would have to be enough for now. He released me and headed for the door. He turned on the threshold and gave me a wink, and then he was gone. I sat down heavily at the kitchen table, my head in my hands. What was going on? Hadn't I put Jacob through enough already? Did I want to look at him that way? Did I have a choice? It seemed that despite my reluctance to let Edward go, my heart was pushing forward, moving towards the sun, my personal sun, Jacob. A quick look at the clock showed me I had enough time to have a shower and get dressed before work. I dragged myself up and headed for the bathroom. It was going to be a long day.
I had showered and dressed in record time, not wanting to be home alone with my thoughts. I walked into Newtons fifteen minutes early to find Mike stacking the shelves quietly.
"Hey Mike." I said brightly, hoping he had forgiven me for that night at the movies.
He turned and stared at me, obviously wondering at my cheerful mood. I mean sure, I'd been a little out of it since Jake had started ignoring me but I hadn't been that bad had I? Surely I had talked to Mike before now? I tried to remember the last two weeks and failed. Wow, maybe I was more out of it than usual. I would have to make an effort to fix that. My zombie days were behind me, I reminded myself, time to come back to the land of the living.
"Uh, Hey Bella" he said, getting up. "Didn't my mum call you this morning?" He asked a little awkwardly.
"Umm, not that I know of," I replied honestly. "Didn't you need me today?"
"Oh Bella sweetheart, I'm so sorry" Mrs Newton said, as she came around the corner, "I tried calling this morning but the phone was engaged." She looked a little flustered.
"Oh, well that's okay," I said cheerfully
"I'm sorry you had to come all the way in, it's just been a little quiet of late" she said, looking around.
My eyes followed hers around the store, she was right. Aside from a couple of backpackers perusing the aisles of camping gear, the place was empty.
"No, it's not a problem Mrs Newton" I assured her.
"Thank you for understanding Bella love" she said sweetly, and she returned to the office.
"Sorry Bella" Mike mumbled, looking at his feet.
"Hey," I said, "It's really no trouble; I have a thousand things to do." I lied.
"How are you feeling anyway? I never asked you how you went after the movies." I asked
"Oh yeah," he answered, "I had the 24 hour flu. Nasty but all good now"
"Well that's a relief." I said honestly. Thinking about it now, I felt terrible that I hadn't checked on him. Where have I been these last couple of weeks?
"So, are you still hanging around with that kid from the Rez?" he asked, breaking my train of thought. He sounded irritated.
"Jacob" I corrected, "Yes, I am actually."
"He's got a temper that one, you should find better friends." He told me with a surly expression.
I was shocked. How dare he say that to me? Who was he to judge Jacob? I was instantly on the defence.
"Perhaps I just need to find some less judgmental friends" I shot back at him with acid in my voice.
He looked hurt and a little shocked. To be honest, so was I. As a rule I was never sharp or angry, I was just placid Bella, comforting Bella, beige Bella.
"I'm sorry" he replied quickly, looking shamefaced.
"Don't worry about it," I answered, "Look I'm sorry for how he acted that night, but he's been going through a lot lately. He is usually the nicest person you'd ever meet."
"Yeah, okay" he said, not looking convinced.
"Anyway, I better get going" I said, this was getting uncomfortable. I had never been one to react rudely before, but his attack on Jake had riled me for some reason.
"I'll see you Monday?" he asked hopefully, obviously trying to smoothing things over.
"Sure sure" I replied, and then smiled. It was a saying I had picked up from Jake.
What was I going to do for the rest of the day, I wondered as I got in my truck? It roared to life as I turned the ignition, and then idled at top volume. It didn't bother me, I was used to it.
By the time I had made the short drive home, my anxiety was back in full force. Tonight I would meet the Elders and the pack. As Jake had pointed out last night, I already knew most of them, so I had no reason to be so worked up, and yet, this would be the first time I would see them, knowing the full story, knowing about the wolves.
I decided to throw myself into some housework to keep my mind occupied. I gathered the sheets off my bed, looking at the pillow cases. On an impulse I couldn't quite explain I dropped the sheets in my hands and picked up the pillow. Bringing it to my face I inhaled, breathing in the scent he had left behind. It was woodsy and manly and smelled of him. I didn't want to wash it; I put it back on the bed, running a hand over it one last time. I blushed at my silly thoughts as I picked up the sheets. Well it does smell good. Shaking off the thought I rooted around my room for any clothes I had missed then went to the bathroom to retrieve mine and Charlie's clothes from the floor. I washed the sheets first; it gave me some time to sort the rest of the laundry into colours and whites. Next I hit the kitchen, cleaning up after the breakfast I had made for Jacob. I laughed, remembering his appreciative look as he devoured the meal. He could really put it away; I wondered where he stored it? I mean, it didn't look like he had a spare bit of fat on his entire body. He had shot up in height in the last two weeks and his muscles were more defined, he looked more like a man these days than a teenager. I shook my head, this line of thought was not helping I decided.
It was nearly four by the time I put the last set of washed and folded clothes away. The house was spotless and I had managed to distract myself almost the entire time. Charlie had called around lunch time to let me know he was out fishing but he would be back for dinner. I let him know about the bonfire at Jake's place and he agreed easily. I had promised to have dinner waiting for him but he had waved me off saying he would grab something from the diner.
With that all done, I had nothing left to do except get ready for tonight. What did one wear to a tribal council meeting? Obviously it wasn't a formal occasion but I didn't think it would be acceptable to wear my sweats either. In the end I settled for my most flattering jeans, a blue blouse and my hoodie, after all it was going to be cold tonight. I looked at myself in the mirror and shrugged, it would have to do. I took a deep, steadying breath and headed out the door.
As I was driving, I could feel my anxiety lessening, as if the closer I got to him, the stronger I became. It felt like something solid inside of me, as opposed to merely a feeling. How was that even possible? I could feel my excitement building too, had it really only been a couple of hours since I had seen him? Perhaps it was because of all the crazy I had witnessed yesterday that made me feel like this was all just a dream, like it could vanish any second. And I remembered feeling like that once before, when I had first been introduced to the world of the supernatural. That time it had been vampires, not werewolves, but I had had the same feeling then too. Like if I closed my eyes it would all disappear. The hole in my chest throbbed a little, but it faded quickly. I pulled up beside Jacob's place. It was a little wooden house with faded red paint that gave it the appearance of an old barn. I jumped out of the truck and looked around. I couldn't see Jacob anywhere, perhaps he was inside? I walked up to the door and knocked.
"Come in" called a deep voice.
I let myself in and saw it was Billy, Jake's dad and head of the tribal council.
"Bella" he welcomed me with a huge smile. He looked genuinely happy to see me. "How are you honey?" He had a warm voice that matched his eyes.
"Hey Billy" I said, feeling a little self-conscious.
"Now, don't look at me like that" he said with a chuckle. "I'm still the same old Billy you've always known. Don't let the title put you off." He waved me into the house. I obligingly sat down at the kitchen table.
"I can't tell you enough how grateful I am that you know now Bella, Jacob has been going out of his mind these last couple of weeks having to stay away from you." His face fell as he said this.
"I'm glad I know too Billy" I responded, "I've felt the same way. And I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you on the phone the last time I called." I said, bowing my head in shame. I had been very abrupt with him the last time we spoke. He had told me Jake wasn't well enough to come to the phone for the seventh time and I wasn't having any of it. Billy laughed.
"I understand Bella, it's okay. It was a hard time for both of you. But that's behind us now." He smiled at me again.
"Thanks" I said, feeling a little better.
"Jake's still out on patrol" he told me, "but he should be home soon."
"Oh, okay then, I might go for a walk to the beach in that case. Could you let him know when you see him please?" I asked as I stood.
"Of course" he replied.
I gave him a wave as I left, feeling much better about tonight, I had Billy on my side and Jacob would be with me. I could do this. I made my way down the track to La Push beach. At first sight the rocks that make up the beach looked uniformly grey, but, on closer inspection, you could see that they are every colour you could imagine, terracotta, sea green, lavender and so many others. I walked along kicking them aside with my boots. I had time to kill while I waited for Jake. I idly considered collecting drift wood just so I could see the gorgeous blue flames again. It reminded me of the first time I had seen Jacob, the day I had come to the beach with Mike and the gang. That was the day he had told me the legends of his tribe, back before he himself had even believed them. I shuddered, remembering that was also the day I had found out that Edward Cullen was a vampire, a Cold One. How much had changed since that day? My whole life had been turned upside down and inside out. It was funny how it had started with Jacob and it had come full circle back to him. And now, my Jacob was a werewolf. How did I manage to get involved in all things supernatural? How long could I keep up with it? I was just a weak human after all. At one point in time I had believed that I was destined to become a vampire, one of Jacob's Cold Ones. That seemed like a lifetime ago now, and as I thought about it, not as appealing as it had once sounded. Edward was the only reason I had wanted that life and he had left me. He couldn't fathom spending an eternity with me as a vampire. I could understand that. I mean, I wasn't as beautiful or as talented or as interesting as they were. I had never understood what he saw in me. I could still feel the empty hole where Edward sat in my heart. Jacob seemed to be mending it somehow, stitching me back together. I smiled, perhaps he would succeed. I hadn't believed it possible; then again, I had never really stopped to imagine my life without Edward.
I heard a clatter nearby and turned to see Jacob walking towards me. His smile was blinding as our eyes met and he broke into a graceful run, swooping down and swinging me around in his arms when he reached me. I whooped in surprise and clutched at his arms. He made it look like I weighed nothing at all. Slowly, he lowered me to my feet, sliding me down his body so I could feel every muscle. I felt a little light headed and giddy as my feet touched the ground.
"Hey" he said with a smile, as if this was how he normally greeted me.
"Hey yourself" I replied, a little breathlessly. Now that he was here, I felt my anxiety fading away. I felt - whole. And by the look on Jacob's face, so did he.
He took my hand, his warmth like that of an open flame, and we strolled along the beach.
"I saw Billy." I said causally
"And how did that go?" he grinned at me, knowing just how much I had dreaded that meeting.
"You don't know?" I asked genuinely surprised. "Didn't you see him before coming here?"
"No."
"How did you know where to find me then?" I asked nonplussed.
He shuffled his feet, not quite meeting my eye.
"Just a good guess" he mumbled. I didn't believe him, but I could sense he wasn't ready to tell me the truth, or perhaps, it was me that wasn't ready to hear it.
"It went well," I continued, "He made me feel a whole lot better about tonight."
"Of course he did, he's really happy to have you in on the secret Bells" he smiled at me, his white teeth standing out against his russet skin.
I couldn't help smiling back at him. My fears seemed silly now. What did I have to worry about? I knew these people, except for a couple of the guys from the pack.
"So, what happens tonight then?" I asked, "I mean I know it's a council meeting and all, but is there anything I could do to help set up or something?"
"Na, Emily has the food under control and the guys have set the bonfire up already." he told me, gently rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. "Actually, the only thing we have to do is turn up on time, so we better start heading back. It's getting dark."
I looked up with surprise, he was right of course. The sun was slowly sinking towards the ocean, casting gorgeous oranges and reds over the sky and water, reflecting it back so the waves looked like they were on fire. It was beautiful.
"Beautiful" Jake whispered, as if he had heard my thoughts, but out of the corner of my eye I realised he wasn't looking at the sun set, he was looking at me. I could feel my face warm as the blush spread across my cheeks.
I turned to face him, really looking at him now. He was the beautiful one. My heart started racing, so loud I was sure he could hear it. He took a step towards me, until we were nearly touching, his other hand coming around to grasp mine so he held them both between us. I tilted my head up to see him, gazing into his eyes, so similar to my own, and yet so different. His were a dark brown, so dark as to be nearly black, but like the rest of him, they had warmth about them. I could feel that elusive pull again, as if my body was drawing me forward, drawing me to him. His hands let go of mine, running up my arms, over my shoulders and settled in my hair. Slowly he lowered his face, his lips just inches from mine. I didn't stop to think about what I was about to do, didn't even consider my feelings for Edward. This felt… right. It was Jacob, my Jacob, and I needed him like I needed air. Our lips were so close now I could feel his breath on my face, could smell his woodsy scent.
"There you two are." Seth Clearwater shouted to us from up the beach.
The sound jolted us out of our moment, my mind clearing and the guilt pouring in. I took a quick step back from Jacob, heat suffusing my face once more. Jake let out an audible sigh of frustration then took my hand once more. I swear I heard him whisper "bloody Clearwater's".
"Come on you two, it's nearly go time." Seth shouted, barely able to contain his excitement. I realised that it would be his first meeting too. Jake waved at him to let him know we had heard then turned to me.
"The kid has terrible timing." He grunted.
We walked hand in hand back towards Jake's place, following the faint indents of Seth's footprint in the sand.
A quick update:: thank you to those who have left me reviews :D I have replied to those who have personal messaging enabled. You guys make writing worthwhile. Any input on where you would like the story to go is always welcome and don't forget you're more than welcome just to drop me a message telling me what you like/ don't like etc. I will reply to each and every one. As always though, please keep your comments to constructive criticism rather than just plan negative. It all helps me to become a better writer ;)
Until next time
Wild Runner xx
