A/N I didn't expect to update so soon, but inspiration hit me like a storm tonight and well, there's one long chapter for you all. Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think!


Regina turned over to the other side of the bed, pausing for few seconds. While the cries continued, she tried to retrieve the pillow from under her head and placed it over her head instead. The sound was only little muffled but the cries were so loud she swore her eardrums will pop any second now.

It was 3 am sharp and she had not had a chance to even close her eyes for a second. Emma has been crying non stop and she thoroughly missed when all Emma did was sleep when she was just weeks old.

Now, apparently, with her babies knowledge more expanded in these 6 months she had Emma, she knew exactly what was happening unfortunately- Emma was teething.

"Good gods, will you STOP" Regina screamed back. Her patience could take so much. The kid hasn't given her a chance to sleep for entire week already but it was getting periodically worse. Tonight she didn't even stop. The gum gel applied, followed the instructions with baby paracetamol, 2 calls to the pediatrician. Nope, she couldn't take this any longer. After few tablets of ibuprofen, which were useless, she reserved to just endure the torture. This went on for at least an hour.

"Goddammit." Regina muttered rolling out of the bed, putting on her robe and slippers and walking over to Emma's room where she banished her when the noise started.

Emma was sat inside her cradle, her tiny untamed mop of blonde curls sticking to all sides, eyes closed tight, tears streaming down her face, her mouth open letting out all the screams. All Regina's anger was gone right that moment.

"Oh gods Emma" she let out the suppressed groan, picking up Emma from the cradle. "Come on baby" she tried to rub Emma's belly, but her cries didn't cease at all, Regina tried to rock her, shushing, didn't help either. She resorted to going over the music box and putting Emma's favorite melody, but it was still all vain.

She's not felt as this much useless as since long time ago.

"Okay Emma look" Regina placed Emma in a sitting position on a bigger bed, supported by the pillows so she was sitting alone. The cries increased.

"Emma" Regina said sternly.

Emma blinked her eyes little open interested in a tone she's never heard her mother use on her, but continued crying.

Regina levelled her head to Emma's head height. "Okay look. You know there are times like these when I think, what the hell was I thinking of even keeping the baby? One thing is feeling sorry for you and thinking okay, maybe I won't kill her, I'll spare her life. Another thing is to endure this endless torture I'm sure your…your…" she couldn't even pronounce it out loud "THAT thing put you up to" Emma ceased her cries a little staring at Regina curiously with her teary eyes. "Now you know what the problem is?" Regina was burning to get this all out now. There's so much she can go through and not go crazy. "I came here to have my own happy ending, how? I'm not entirely too sure, except the fact that…THAT thing will get what she deserves, that seemed a pretty good start, and I see what I can do while I continue. You" she pointed to Emma. "Were not part of my plans. At all. Taking care of you? Much less. So going back to the original topic" Emma was only sobbing now but still listening as if this was the most important piece of mind she'll ever get. "This was REALLY not part of the plan. When you vomited on me the first day? I thought this is it. When you insisted on keeping the blanket and scream your head off, I sucked in. The spitting, mess, peeing while being changed, to mention a few, I still endured it. This is the final straw. That's how much I can take it. A week without a sleep? With headaches? I've been TORTURED Emma, when those two idiots captured me, anyway, that's not the point, point is, IT WAS NOT AS BAD AS THIS. OKAY?"

Emma blinked her tears away, her lip quivering not liking her mother's tone at all. "And this would simply put the perfect excuse of…placing you somewhere okay? Like nice, I'm not even going to go evil on you, give you nice life, nice family, whatever okay? And I can go on with my life as I perfectly intended to" Regina thought out loud. She stared right at Emma. Her eyes now deep blue, tint of green, like a sea on sunny, calm day, her entire face developing some uncanny resemblance to Snow White's, except her hair definitely from Shepherd's side. And it pained Regina. It pained Regina so hard she felt her entire chest to constrict into some sort of pain.

It reminded her how she didn't believe she had any heart left, any hope. She didn't think she had any light in her life for a long long time. She made herself believe in absolute darkness, absolute emptiness. Emptiness was better option than feeling anything at all. When she killed her own father, she turned off all emotions, if such switch existed. She refused to acknowledge her actions, her feelings entire time. Every single day she'd wake up from the nightmare of her holding his heart she would stay still for few minutes, recollecting how it wasn't a nightmare at all, how it's not supposed to mean anything, but it does and then she thinks of nothing at all. She thinks of pain, she thinks of Daniel, she thinks of all these times she trusted her mother, she trusted Snow White. Her rage comes back and then there's nothing left there at all. She had no heart, that much she knew, maybe physically no one had ever removed it, but it was surely rotten, burnt, black. Nothing but an empty shell of something that once felt such powerful feelings.

And then she stopped. She stopped having those nightmares, she erased her entire past life and she believed she was okay. She was doing okay. She actually learnt to smile, genuine smile that didn't require of any pain caused. It seemed different, as if some sort of healing process where she made herself believe that nothing before this world, made her own with this curse, ever existed. Everything was supposed to be like it was now and she was okay with that.

And that was it. Regina stopped pacing, walked over Emma, once again lowering herself to Emma's height so she was looking straight into her eyes as Emma did the same.

"And you know? I can't do it" a tear welled up in Regina's eyes. "I thought of this so much times. Because I was scared mainly." She smiled to Emma. "I didn't want any of this, I never made this for this reason, my reasons behind this curse were entirely different and then you show up. I probably did dig myself the biggest hole ever and I know there will be times" she held Emma's chin "like now. That I regret this all. And there's nothing, nothing at all" she held breath not to cry. "I can do anymore" Regina let out of sigh, cries successfully suppressed and proceeded to wipe Emma's teary cheeks gently. "So, please, please, just stop, for one night, give me some rest. Please" she begged.

Emma completely clueless yet drained from all this crying yawned in response. Regina smiled widely. "That's my girl" she took a momentarily decision and took Emma with her, securing her with pillows and having her close by for the rest of the night.

For few peaceful moments when Emma slept, Regina instead of using them for her own rest, watched her. She thought of all this previously that went through her mind and truth is, that was it. The nightmares stopped, she did feel her heart beating occasionally, she even felt content, she even realized what was it to feel a hope. Her life did really feel to have some sort of purpose and there was that light in the darkness she's always had with her. And that entire light was Emma.