A/N: A moment is fleeting, but a memory lasts a lifetime. And it haunts you until the moment you can relive it.

DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters. TStabler© owns this story.

Olivia was silent, contemplating something, as she twisted the stapler around on Cragen's desk.

Elliot, readjusting the papers and forms, cleared his throat. He, too, could think of nothing to say.

Olivia bent down and picked up a pearl button, one of the many that had been pried from her shirt in the heat of the moment, and she rolled the bead around in her fingers, closing her eyes. "What happens now" she asked, breaking the silence, cutting through the tension-thickened air like a knife.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, dropping the pile of papers into the bin on Cragen's desk, making sure to pocket the ones they were there to retrieve in the first place.

Olivia, unable to look at him, said, "You know what I mean." She buttoned up her blazer to conceal the torn shirt beneath it, knowing they soon had to be seen in public. "You know exactly what I mean," she said harshly.

"I don't," Elliot said, shaking his head.

Olivia scoffed. "We're not gonna ride off into the fucking sunset, Elliot," she hissed at him. "I'm not gonna put my life on hold, I told you that, and you're not gonna walk out of here tonight and leave your wife in the morning."

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "You've gotta be kidding me," he said. "I thought we just…"

"We just fucked on our captain's desk," Olivia interrupted. "It was fucking incredible, but it wasn't a damned binding contract." She bit her bottom lip and said, "I know from experience, Elliot, men will say anything to get…"

"Is that really what you think I did?" Elliot asked softly. He sounded wounded. Deeply wounded.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath. "No," she whispered.

Elliot took a step toward her. "Stop trying to make this hard," he commanded. "Stop trying to convince yourself this isn't happening! What happened in here…shit, you were right, okay? We can't just walk through life settling for second best because we're terrified of going after what we really want, afraid of the consequences!" He glared at her, almost sneering, and said, "What happened in here tonight should fucking tell you something, Liv. I wouldn't have done it if..." he paused and shook his head, then said, "I'm not sure what it's gonna take to get things on some kind of even keel here, but we'll figure it the hell out."

"Dean," Olivia said, rolling her eyes and folding her arms.

Elliot held up his left hand and yelled, "Kathy! What's your fucking point?"

Olivia straightened up and put her hands on her hips. "El, he's expecting to come out here and give me a ring and…"

"And if he knows anything about you, he's not gonna be surprised when you tell him, yet again, you can't marry him," Elliot said, turning away from her. "Just tell him that you thought you could. But you just can't. You're not ready."

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't think I'm ready to get married to someone who worships me, but you think I'm ready to have an affair with someone who…"

"Worships you," Elliot said, turning toward her. His eyes were red, as if he'd cry at any moment. "I worship you, and I love you, and I would die for you right now if I had to. Can he say that? Would you even believe him if he said that?" He stared into her eyes and asked, "Do you believe me?"

Olivia had to catch her breath. The look on his face was one of pure devotion, but shattered hope at the same time. She opened her mouth to say something, but a swift knock on the door stopped her.

They were silent. They looked at each other. Elliot made the move to the door. He opened it, slowly, and smirked when he saw the rookie detective on the other side. "Yes?" he questioned.

The young detective looked up at him and said, "There's a package for an Elliot Stabler out here. I don't know many of the lead detectives, but I'm pretty sure that's you."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "A package?" he asked. "Now? It's three in the morning!"

The kid nodded. "It's been in the mail bin all day, but with Detective Munch's…"

"Yeah," Elliot said, not wanting to hear anything about Munch. "Thanks," he said, closing the door. He looked back at Olivia and made one last plea before they left the office. "Liv, if you love me, at all…if what happened here means as much to you as it does to me, then please, baby, just wait. Wait for me."

Olivia sucked her lips into the slit between her teeth and bit down, unsure of whether or not she was feeling actual pain. "Okay," she heard herself whisper.

Elliot pulled her close and kissed her, letting his tongue trace over the red, angry lines her teeth had made on her lips. " I love you," he whispered.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at him, and knew she couldn't lie, and she had to answer him. "I love you, too."

Elliot took her hand and led her into the squadroom, still thankfully ignored by everyone but the rookie who had known they were there. He saw the package on his desk and when he read the return address, he furrowed his brow. "Liv," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "This is from Munch."

Olivia shot a hand to her mouth, stepping up beside Elliot. She watched over his shoulder as he peeled off the tape, slowly freeing the flaps of the cardboard. She reached out a shaky hand and spread the top open.

Elliot pushed the tissue paper aside and gasped at the framed photo. "It's engraved," he said. He ran a finger over the silver edge and read, "Live, Laugh, Love. Happy Thirtieth Birthday." He sighed as he looked at the picture, which was of Olivia and him in the middle of a particularly funny conversation. They were beaming at each other, faces bright with laughter, and eyes reflecting pure love. "Munch must have taken this," he whispered.

"El," Olivia said, sniffling. "There's a card," she pointed out, tilting the box toward him.

Elliot ran a hand down his face, as he did when he didn't want to show emotion, and flipped the card open. "Stabler, another year has come and gone, and another year awaits. Take my advice, and stop living like you're as old as I am. You're getting up there, pal. Soon you'll be up here with me, and when you look down, I don't want you to see the 'could have beens' the way I do. Use the time you have to fulfill every fantasy, live out every dream, and for the love of God, tell Benson you love her because if a half-blind idiot like me can see that, then it's obvious to her, too. Go with God, my brother. Happy birthday. Yours always, John."

"He knew," Olivia said, sniffling. "He knew he was dying," she whispered, absentmindedly squeezing Elliot's waist.

Elliot nodded. "He knew a lot of things," he said. He turned and looked at her. "I'm taking his advice, ya know. Every fantasy, every dream," he whispered, peering into her eyes. "They all lie with you, Liv."

Olivia's head dropped to his, and she was about to kiss him when she remembered where they were. She nodded, then turned away. "We should go," she said, pulling on his sleeve.

Elliot grabbed the box, his photo, and the card, and followed Olivia out of the bullpen. They walked out to the lot, then drove her home in silence. He walked her inside, holding her for a moment before he kissed her goodnight, and left, hoping that tomorrow would bring with it a new hope for them.


The next morning, Elliot walked into the squadroom to see a very different Olivia than he had left at the apartment. Her eyes were sunken in, but her smile was bright, plastered on. Fake, he thought. He knew she hadn't slept because neither did he. "Liv?" he questioned, looking at her.

"Hey," she responded, not looking at him. "I brought you coffee," she said stoically, gesturing to his desk.

"Coincidence," Elliot said, placing a styrofoam cup in front of her. "I did the same for you." He looked at her, really looked at her, and he knew she was hiding something. "What's up with you?" he asked, tilting his head.

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes flashed as she had a brief image of his face as he thrust into her, she could almost hear the growls and grunts. She needed to see him make that face, she needed to hear those sounds from his voice, she needed to feel him inside of her again, because the memory, she feared, was already fading. It had happened too fast for her to hold on. She shook her head and looked back down at the file in her hand. "I, uh, I was up all night," she told him. "I had to finish packing," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Elliot leaned over and dropped his voice. "Packing?" he asked, his heart thudding. "I thought we talked about..."

"Yeah, well, we talked after I broke my lease," Olivia said. "I have less than a week to find a place, El, he already rented mine out. I haven't talked to Dean yet, I'm sure you said less than jack-shit to your wife, so right now...I'm stuck," she explained. "I need to move," she shrugged, "Even if I'm not going anywhere." She looked up at him, hoping the metaphor would hit him.

Elliot scratched behind his ear and said, "Um, you're wrong, actually."

Olivia looked up at him, one eyebrow up and the other dangerously low. "I'm not stuck?" she asked, defying him to find a way out of her situation.

"No, no, uh, you're pretty much stuck," Elliot said, teasing her, "But...I said a little bit more than jack-shit to Kathy," he told her. "Only problem is...she was asleep," he said with a shrug. "I'm trying to think of it as practice," he said, trying to get a laugh from her. "The words came out so easily, like it didn't matter what she thought," he said. "Screw everyone else, right? Well..." he shrugged and smiled.

Olivia didn't smile back.

Fin, however, did smile as he looked up and said, "Hey, Baby-Girl, we got a time. Six-thirty Saturday morning. You sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah," Olivia said, nodding. "I think we owe it to him," she shrugged.

Elliot looked at her, smirked, and asked, "Owe who what on Saturday morning?"

"I finished cleaning out Munch's desk," Olivia said, "And I found this." She handed Elliot a list. "Things he wanted to do before he died. There's only three things left, that he never got to do, so Fin and I...we're gonna do them. For him."

"Liv, I am not letting you do any of this," Elliot said, looking at her with wide-eyes. "At least, not without me," he added. Leaning closer to her, he whispered, "We live for us, each other, you can't do something like this without me."

Olivia looked into his eyes. "Be honest with me, El," she said in a whisper. "I'm gonna be doing a lot of things without you, aren't I? You're not..."

"I told you," Elliot said, his voice taking on the dark, domineering tone she'd heard last night, "That I will."

Olivia sighed, and took the list back from him. "Okay, then," she said, shaking her head. "Fin, call them back, add one more. Seems Stabler here grew a pair and wants to jump with us," she said.

Fin smirked, looking at his two friends, and shook his head. Munch's last great conspiracy was proving true, he realized, as he picked up the phone.

"You wanna jump out of a plane?" Elliot asked, sitting behind his desk, looking at Olivia. He was beginning to think she was taking this "Live for the moment" thing too far.

Olivia looked at him; suddenly her eyes had a new, dark quality to them, and she said, "You wanna see how soundproof the interrogation room on the second floor is?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "The second floor is..." he paused and his eyes widened. "Hey, Fin, can you tell Cragen we'll back in about twenty minutes? Gotta, uh, talk to the people in the lab about some cases so we can finish that mountain of paperwork," he said, getting out of his chair.

"Yeah, sure," Fin said, nodding. "Keep your cells on. If anything comes in, I'll call..."

"Thanks," Elliot interrupted, practically pulling Olivia out of the room. He led her to the elevator and pushed the button.

Olivia folded her arms. "You're getting really good at that," she said, her eyes watching the digital numbers change as the elevator came closer. "Too good."

"At what?" Elliot asked, stepping into the metal lift.

Olivia, shaking with fear and anticipation, knowing what they were about to do, and why, said, "Lying."

A/N: What happens in the empty interrogation room? Was Kathy really sleeping? If she heard him, what will she do about it? Where does Olivia have to go, and will she finally call Dean? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212