A/N. Thank you so much for all of your support in the last chapter. I was really nervous publishing it, so I was happy to see that people liked it^^ I'm... um... sorry that I'm so slow to update though (. .) And JayLawliet how you said about we all know that Light had a boy crush on L made me giggle so much! (so true!^^) A thank you goes out to MindMess for this chapter for looking over and checking it before it was published ^^ ~DF


Chapter Three


Light closed the door of the living room before turning around to face both L and Matsuda. The young officer was still having an understandably hard time grasping the situation and he stared at L in bewilderment. This was the great detective who, until just yesterday, had led them all in solving the Kira case. Matsuda had been there at the time when the doctors had pronounced him dead- when Light had broken down in front of him; holding onto the mans cold hand, questioning why this had to happen. The teen had said that he was sorry, over and over again until Soichiro had pulled him from the room and they had all returned to head quarters solemnly, where he had refused to leave that night. Matsuda had left, as the other officers did, a little worried. Those two had seemed to be close after all, and it was obvious that a deep friendship had formed between them both. He couldn't have imagined the pain that Light was going through. It had kept him awake most of the night thinking about how awful it must have been before weariness caught up with him, and he had finally managed to fall asleep.

But now, it was like he was seeing a ghost... was L a ghost? He was sure that he never really believed in things like that, although, if someone had told him that such a thing as a note book that could kill by only writing a persons name in it existed before the Kira case, he wouldn't exactly have believed that either. He knew there were some things now that just couldn't be explained, but seeing the detective again was an obvious shock. One that he couldn't quite get his head around...

Light walked over with his arms folded, looking at them both before his gaze settled on Matsuda. He had never expected anyone else to see L, because, well, he wasn't quite sure if he was being honest, but he thought that it had something to do with his feelings for the detective, and... their feelings for each other. Somehow it had made sense. But... Matsuda? An awkward silence followed as they stood there. L could pick up on Light's uneasiness, however after a moment, the brunette sighed, slumping in his posture a little. "You can see L too, huh?" He stated more than asked and the other young man nodded hesitantly. "Y-yeah. But what's going on? How did, I mean, is it really you, Ryuzaki?"

The detective considered the young man in the corner of his vision, inclining his head slightly. "Yes, I'm sorry to cause you such an amount of distress, Matsuda-san. I truly thought that no-one else would be able to see me."

"Th-then," Matsuda paled, and he felt his legs starting to weaken from underneath him. He took a step back, and sat on the lounge, his eyes wide as he processed all this. "How did you come back?"

Light felt his cheeks flush slightly as the detectives lips tugged up into a smile, shuffling closer towards the young man, and crouching to take a seat beside him. "It's quite simple." He explained. "There was something that led me to have regret in my life, and because of it I was unable to move on. Although where that was too exactly, I'm not quite sure... There was darkness, and I thought that I could feel someone holding onto my hand... and then, I could see Light-"

The teen beside him visibly flinched as L finished saying this and Matuda's eyes had grown wider as he stared at the detective, who took his thumb away from his face and blinked at them both. "What... did I say something odd?"

The young officer recoiled into himself for a second before he glanced back up at L hesitantly. "When you were in the emergency ward, Light was holding your hand... do you think... it was-?"

"Light-kun was holding my hand?" L repeated, looking back over to the brunette who was staring at the floor; a red blush dusting his cheeks. He hadn't wanted to let go back then. He had been afraid to. He knew that L was dead long before they had taken him to the hospital, but the detective had been lying there, on the bed as if he were just asleep; like he would wake up at any moment. His lips had been parted, his dark eyes closed. If Light had only looked upon his face, he could have pretended that there was a steady rise and fall of his chest. Why had it taken it so long for him to realize that he was truly in love with L? Why couldn't he have just brought himself to acknowledge those feelings sooner? If it hadn't been for Kira-
- No, if it hadn't been for him...

L would still be alive.

He realized too late that there were tears rolling down his face, and he closed his eyes; feeling them burn as he tried to force them away. He wouldn't cry in front of L, not again. L deserved every slither of happiness that Light could possibly give him, in return for all the miseries that he had caused him.

When the teen had opened his eyes again, both men were staring at him and he lowered them uncomfortably before he nodded. "You looked like you might have woken up at any second, I wasn't thinking straight... I-" He trailed off, feeling uneasy confessing his feelings while Matsuda was in the room. "I'm sorry, L..." The words were whispered so gently that the detective was at a loss to reply. He stared as Light left, closing the door behind him and he felt his heart sinking in his chest.

His death had seemed to cause Light so much pain. This was entirely his fault... if only he could have remembered...

"Matsuda-san?" L questioned quietly, drawing the young mans attention away from where Light had just left. "Yes, Ryuzaki?"

L let out a small sigh. "... How did I die? I have a feeling that I remembered yesterday, but I can't seem to recall it anymore. Was it painful?"

Matsuda hesitated before his expression softened, and he looked down to the floor as he considered it. It must have been incredibly painful, but how could somebody not remember his or her own death? "It was a heart attack." He explained quietly, "We think...we think that it was..."


'Kira...'


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L remained by Light's side for the rest of that day, peering over his shoulders to glance at case files, but instead of feeling a curiosity about this killer known as Kira, he felt like distancing himself from it altogether. He eventually settled to crouch on a chair, peeping over the back of it so that he didn't feel so open to everybody else that was walking past who couldn't see him- sometimes accidentally walking through him. It was a sensation that he didn't find himself growing all that fond of.

He had glanced over at Light continuously noticing that he still seemed troubled. That evening, he had told his father, Soichiro, that he would be staying at head quarters for at least the next few nights, and when everyone had left, he and L were again alone. He followed Light up the stairs as he walked into the bedroom; glancing over at the wardrobe hesitantly, then pulled it open to be met with an array of white and blue. The teen frowned and pushed the hangers over, hoping that he might see something that would provide a little more warmth than a thin shirt. However, in the end he picked up two and held them out to the pale detective who regarded them blankly, picking them up with thumb and forefinger, then looked up at Light questioningly. "What are they for exactly?"

The brunette smiled. "I thought we could go out somewhere, and it gets pretty cold in the evening..."

"Out?" L repeated, slipping them each over his head quickly. Growing up in England, he'd grown practically immune to cold climates, and he wasn't sure if he would still be able to feel it either although he dismissed these thoughts anyway, touched by the gesture. "To where?"

Light bit the inside of his cheek, then walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge as he looked away, blushing slightly. "Well, I thought... you never got to do anything before. So, I wanted to do this, as a..."

An apology? An acknowledgment? What was it exactly? He just wanted L to be happy...

The detective nibbled on the pad of his thumb, then walked over to stand in front of the brunette. "Like a date?" He asked suddenly, causing the teen to redden even more. He waved a hand nervously. "Of course not, it's just that I wanted to take you somewhere-"

"Like out on a date." L repeated quickly, his lips tugging up into a childish grin as he enjoyed watching Light twitch and feel so uneasy from it. "No-! I mean, I just..." He trailed off. He and L had both already kissed, they'd even slept in the same bed for months, but something about it seemed oddly embarrassing. Maybe, he had just never cared that much about anyone before...

He unfolded his arms, and his amber eyes slid back to look at L however they caught as he felt something soft sweep against his lips for a second before the detective pulled away, smiling at him. "So, where are we going?"