Disclaimer: I do not own any part of twilight, including the characters. This is just my take on a character's thoughts. Enjoy.

Chapter 3

Murderous Mind

As she walked by me, I picked up her scent for the first time. The conundrum of her mind was long gone and I was no longer myself. I was no longer anyone. All I was left with was the insatiable thirst of the monster within me, and the new girl had the most unexplainably enticing blood I had ever smelt.

I clung to the edge of my desk, pulverizing a small part of it in the process, all the while glaring at my prey, contemplating the millions of ways in which to kill her. The others in the class room were already good as dead, but then she turned around and met my glare.

I could see myself as she saw me, reflected in those large eyes of hers, and it reviled me. No longer was I the cultured, contained vampire that Carlisle had brought me up to be, but a monster. I was one of them, one of the vampires that you normally see in movies or read about. The type that don't flinch at the thought of massacring thousands, but I didn't want to be.

I didn't have to be.

But the only empty seat was next to mine. She would be sitting next to me for the whole period.

I cut of my breath, it was merely a habit to breath, and sat as far to the edge of the table as I could, but to no avail.

I could still taste her scent on the back of my throat, it felt as though it was burning me. The want, the need for her blood. The monster inside me roared it's furry at being denied.

I won't kill her.

She sat down next to me.

Carlisle would understand. Even the best slip up sometimes.

He would be disappointed in me.

He would understand though.

I would be killing over twenty people.

The girl foolishly shifted, so that her hair hid her face, but not before I saw the pink tinge of a blush.

Her blood called to me, filling me with such an aching need that I hadn't felt in ages. I wouldn't be able to resist for much longer.

"It helps if you think of them as people."

Alice's warning words to Jasper sprung unbidden into my head, holding my fractured sanity and keeping the monster at bay.

She, Bella, was a person. She was Officer Swan's only daughter. She had friends, a family, a future, she was a person.

A person with the blood that I never could have imagined.

All I had to do was resist for an hour. What was an hour to me, a demon who had lived for well over half a century without sleep? The answer was eternity.

My mind was at war. The monster and I staring each other down. I managed to withhold for that hour, but at a price. I imagined millions of ways to kill her, ranging from a massacre of Forks High to a simple invitation to walk her to her next class, no one would see her again. I lasted the hour, but my resistance was shattered. I would quite literally bite the head off the next human who got too close to me.

As soon as the bell rang, I sprang out of my seat and ran out the door. Not caring if anyone noticed my inhuman speed.

Outside it was easier to collect my very scattered thoughts, to build my crumbling wall of resistance back up. Easier, but not completely possible. In a far off corner of my mind, I was still plotting ways to kill her.

I hid in my car, waiting for the school day to end, not having enough will power or care to go to my last class.

My mind went in circles again, coming up with only one, highly detestable, but still delectable option.

Bella's death.

My family would have to move again, we would have to completely uproot our lives due to my decision. I would disappoint Carlisle, I would hurt Esme. I couldn't do that.

At the end of the day I found myself in the office, inquiring, pleading with Ms. Cope, the secretary, to have my schedule changed. I could not resist if that girl was in the same room as me, much less sitting next to me.

I heard the door open behind me, but didn't pay attention to whoever came in. But the door opened a second time, blowing a gust of wind past the first person to enter straight to me. I almost lost control to the monster before I remembered not to breath.

I barely remembered choking out a something to close my conversation with Ms. Cope before I rocketed out of the room trying desperately not to notice the delicious girl with the tantalizing blood as I went past.

I slid into my car, barely noticing that the rest of my family was already there.

"What the hell's wrong?"

Emmitt was staring at me through the windshield, they all were. I must have looked a sight worse than hell.

Alice gasped as the visions hit her, and I saw it all play out in her mind.

Me following Bella home.

Me drinking her blood until there wasn't a drop left.

The satisfied look on the face of the monster I would become.

No, no

"No!"

I barely realized that I had shouted aloud until I saw the shocked looks on their faces.

"Edward, I'm sor-"

Alice cut off her apology as a new vision filled her mind.

An endless ribbon of highway and mounds of snow.

"Goodbye."

I drove off leaving my family standing on the sidewalk, baffled. Was it to satisfy the monster or to uphold my crooked sense of honor?

Wow, now I have a major headache from staring at my laptop for too long. Please make my headache worthwhile and review! Meanwhile, I'll go give myself another headache my writing more and playing mindless videogames in which I get to break things. Eiralyss