III.
It was only the second time his name had ever even made a list and Matt still felt as embarrassed as he did when he found out he was number 3 on Brittany's list of "Guys I'll Have My First Kiss With" in the sixth grade. Especially since he knew Puck had been her first kiss in fourth grade. (Then again…it was Brittany and numbers. Always a bad combination.)
But here he was; number 8 on the so called Glist Mr. Schue was currently railing at them about. Eight out of nine. A lowly plus 5, which if he even understood the so called evaluation system would probably embarrass him. The only person ranked lower than him was Rachel with a negative five. Of course there were four members of the club that weren't even ranked on the list, but honestly Matt would have preferred to be in their shoes. Because he was not hot. Not in the way that list implied. Every single person on that list had had more action than him this school year. Even Rachel. Sure he had made out with Santana and Brittany but who hadn't? Probably only Kurt and Artie at this point. The sad truth was Matt hadn't had a date all school year. He guessed not really being interested in anyone except maybe…..Matt shook his head to stop that line of thinking. Sitting in the choir room was not the time or the place to go down that dangerous road.
As ludicrous as it sounded, it was probably better to concentrate on the angry words Mr. Schue was spewing about the Glist.
A list of glee club hotness? Seriously? They had to win Regionals to even still be a club and this is what someone in the choir room spent their time doing? They couldn't have say, spent time researching what their competition had done in previous trips to Regionals? Maybe coming up with some song suggestions that would rival the ones Rachel kept in her rolling backpack every single day? How about finding some killer dance moves they could learn? Yeah clearly with no set list and the entire existence of the club on the line, the most intelligent thing to do was make a list and formula to measure the hotness of glee club members.
He really liked his teammates. Some of them he might even say he loved. (Not in that way. More like a brother kind of way) For certain he thought of them as friends. But sometimes, some days, he really had to wonder what the hell they were thinking. They may have more heart and spirit than Vocal Adrenaline, but Matt was willing to bet the Soulless Automans didn't get bogged down in stuff like this nearly every week.
Matt could only stare in disbelief as Mr. Schue repeated Figgins promise to suspend the entire club if the person responsible for the Glist didn't reveal themselves. That was a little…..harsh. First off Matt doubted anyone outside of this room really gave two thoughts about the list or even saw it. This was the glee club, not the Cheerios. They were the losers of this school. Everyone in here knew it. Some even embraced it as a badge of honor. But no one currently roaming the halls of McKinley spared them any thought outside of which Slushie would be more humiliating. So really outside of a little inner club squabbling (which they were going to do anyway), why did Figgins care so much? It wasn't like they were high profile enough to bring embarrassment to the school. Because, Matt reasoned, if being embarrassing was a criteria for getting funding pulled the football team would have been gone about a decade ago.
Besides if anyone spent longer than two seconds looking at the list for something other than where their name was, it seemed to him it was fairly obvious who wrote the Glist. It wasn't rocket science like the ranking formula apparently was. Quinn had written the list and if he was wrong, Matt would go in front of the club and sing Kurt's entire collection of Celine Dion's French CDs. No, Matt amended; he'd go in front of the entire school and sing those songs at the next pep rally.
First off only Quinn would leave Artie, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina off the list. She may not publically embrace them as friends but Quinn did seem to have a bit of a soft spot for those four. She had seemed genuinely happy when Kurt and Mercedes joined the Cheerios and kicked ass at that pep rally. And really they had kicked all kinds of ass on that number. He had heard her ballad assignment with Artie had been, to quote Santana, "so sickeningly cute Disney should have animated it". And Quinn had been the first one to applaud Tina getting the True Colors solo.
But Quinn would single Rachel out and rank her at the bottom. Even though Quinn swore up and down she was actually glad Rachel had told Finn the truth and neither girl was actually dating the quarterback, Matt knew from experience with his sister that girls could just hold grudges. Even when the original reason for the fight no longer existed.
Quinn had tried to cover her tracks by insisting Puck had written the list. But like Puck would actually take the time to write out where everyone else ranked below him? Matt fully believed Puck would have ranked himself first. Actually Matt doubted Puck would consider anyone else at all. If Puck had actually taken time to write a list (another thing Matt was skeptical of. That would take too much valuable "pool cleaning" time.) it probably would have gone something like "Number one, the Puckasarus. The rest of you losers can fight it out for second."
Those were all valid reasons, but it wasn't the real reason Matt knew Quinn was behind the Glist. It was the fact she was number one and Santana was number 2. A girl who had sex exactly once with one guy was higher up on a list than a girl who was proud of the fact she never turned a guy down? Matt didn't think so. Anyone who knew the circumstances (and honestly who didn't know the circumstances at this point?) would rank Santana higher. She would probably be in a tie for first with Puck.
Only someone who hated herself would rank herself number one. And Matt was willing to bet Quinn hated herself right now. He had tried to talk to her, be supportive. He even had his mom almost convinced to let her stay in his sister's old room before he found out Puck had done the right thing and had Quinn move in with him. He knew almost everyone in glee was trying to help her in their own way, and some days she accepted it with a watery smile. Other days? She was more likely to bite their heads off. She'd then later come up and apologize, blaming her baby hormones.
He for one would be thrilled when that roller coaster was over.
Quinn had written the list. Probably to justify the names he figured she was calling herself. He was sure of it.
Of course exposing her in front of the entire club wasn't a good idea. It would give Santana ammunition and that was never a good thing. And honestly Matt hated when glee club became a therapy session. Expressing themselves with music was great but sometimes he wished they could just sing the songs and go home. Quinn already hated people starring at her. Forcing her to defend her actions in front of the few friends she had left seemed to be especially cruel for something that no one really got hurt over.
He could confront her after glee. But then she would probably start crying on him. And he had never been able to handle a girl crying. He didn't know what to do and would resort to awkwardly standing there and patting a shoulder. It was way out of his comfort zone. He'd rather pull the Single Ladies play again than deal with a crying girl.
He would just wait. Wait and tell Mr. Schue when the teacher called them in individually for questions. That was the best course of action.
