Author's Notes: As promised, here's the last chapter. Enjoy!


"I'm in love with you okay! Happy!" he exclaimed.

Oh.

"And... and you leaving is not something I've gotten a handle on!"

The people who believe that Fuji Syusuke was a genius would never have any doubt he can handle any situation. But matters of the heart is an entirely different thing.

Tezuka softly let go of his arms as the words slowly sunk in. His eyes clearly showing that his brain is trying to process everything. Fuji? In love with him? He thought everything was purely physical. His train of thoughts were halted when the smaller boy spoke in a softer tone.

"Because... I know that after this goodbye, there wouldn't be a hello."

What he saw in those azure eyes wasn't anger anymore, but sadness—so overwhelming. The tears that Fuji have been keeping at bay with sheer will power are threatening to fall.

That look was something he never saw on Fuji. But it felt like one hand gripped his heart and the other gripped his throat. It's getting harder to breath seeing Fuji so shaken. He made a move to close the space between them and wrap the other in his arms until he was okay.

"So don't..." Tezuka stopped. "...don't do this. And don't come near me and hold me like you mean it. Because I might believe that there's really something when there's none. Please don't hurt me like this... Tezuka."

If Tezuka holds him now, he might delude himself to believing again. Thinking of everything they had as reality means leaving the bubble of pretenses he used to create for his own benefit. And if Tezuka leaves, everything will crumble down to nothing... leaving him with nothing again but emptiness.

Fuji's shaking with tears flowing. Gosh, he feels so pathetic but he can't stop himself now. He's sure he's gonna regret it later. From where he stood facing Tezuka he looked sideways to at least remove his face from the other's direct line of vision.

"I've always told myself I'm never a selfish person when it comes to you. But this, I've come to realize... is already a part of my own selfishness. I chose to live in this pretend world I've created for myself because in this world, I know I can have you. And it's my selfishness that pushed me not to say anything... or confront you about anything because I didn't want to let go of this."

Aside from being a sadist, he discovered, he's also a masochist. Instead of letting go of everything that relates to this man, he had chosen to keep what they shared close to his heart.

"This is the only thing I have of you... I was not willing to let it go. Even if it's pretend... even if it's just me thinking this... feeling this."

Tezuka raised his hands to caress him but something's stopping from doing so. He's afraid that Fuji would break even more. He can't have that. Even though he never admitted out loud, Fuji Syusuke was precious.

He was looking at the brunette when he raised cerulean eyes to face his. Tear stricken and desolate. It broke his heart piece by piece. For me to affect Fuji have such an effect on Fuji...It made him want to scold himself.

"I know my place and I've fought to keep it that way because I know I can't keep you. You made it pretty clear yourself... I never had a hold on you. You gave me permission to own your body as I did the same. But you... never gave your heart Tezuka... and that was the one thing I wanted the most."

Hazel eyes widen at the declaration. Before he noticed, his hands moved and pulled the sobbing lad to him, hugging him, almost clinging to him... he caressed his hair and kissed the top of his head.


They stayed like that for quite some time before Fuji let out an empty chuckle... "You were always too caring for your own good..."

Tezuka kept silent at that. Slowly, Fuji wrapped his arms around the lean torso like he did so many times before and waited as comfort slowly crept into all of his nerves and his entire system. He's not sure what's going to happen after this, all he knows is the warmth of Tezuka's embrace.

"Forgive me if I can't say congratulations with a happy face, but do believe that I'm really proud of you. And I'm sorry if I won't be able to send you off properly, because I don't know how to without breaking."

It's true. Tezuka put this barrier around everyone. And though he admitted that Fuji was the one closest, there was still this gap he was afraid to cross. But because he didn't, Fuji's hurting.

Who were they kidding, with the type of relationship they have, eventually falling for the other is inevitable. Fuji held up well because he didn't want Tezuka to be uncomfortable, this the taller boy realized.

He was in deep thought when the beautiful brunette raised his head to meet his eyes. "This is this only thing I'd ask of you. Leave me with the beautiful memories. I can live with that."

When Fuji smiled that painful smiled, he made a silent vow to himself that he never wanted to see that ever again. With a firm resolved, he easily dipped his head to claim the shorter boy's lips.

Fuji's eyes widened a fraction. What's he doing? The warmth and gentleness was something Fuji only imagined in dreams. Kisses were always rough or teasing. At certain times it was soft, but never gentle.

With a heartbeat, he responded with everything he had. And in the next second, it was over. But Tezuka was still holding him close.

"It's not because I'm caring..."

"Huh?"

"I'm holding you like this not because I'm a compassionate person..." Tezuka lowered his forehead to connect with Fuji's.

"Then wh-"

"It's because I'm selfish too. Holding you, kissing you... I did for my own gain. Because I know I couldn't go on without those things."

Fuji's at loss for words. What is Tezuka trying to say? It seemed that Tezuka caught on his confusion so he continued to explain.

"I came here with every intention of kissing you and holding you... if possible be inside you, before I leave. I just didn't expect this. But because you told me, I now know how unfair I had been and how it must've hurt you. And if we continue like this... I might continue hurting you as well. Assurance is what you need and I'm not sure I can give it."

Fuji halted his thoughts. So it still comes to this. This was it. The inevitable goodbye. Tezuka's going to let him go now. At least he had good memories, the photographs and the last kiss.

"But... just as I expected... I can't let you go."

Wait what?

Tezuka placed his chin on Fuji's shoulder and hug him tighter. "Call me selfish, arrogant, unfair... but the thought of not being able to hold you like this, I can't. I... need you Fuji."

The brunette gasped. Fresh tears welling up. It wasn't clear and there was no declaration of love but Tezuka did confess something. For the first time in what felt like a long time, he allowed a small smile.

Breaking the hug so he can see the other's eyes directly, he continued "And I want you to visit me from time to time."

A small nerve appeared on Fuji's head. "Germany's not exactly a bus stop away you know. And who gave you permission to make demands." He might be in love with this guy but there are other things he needs to do. He has school and his photography career.

"You can't say no."

"Bu-."

Tezuka's gaze intensified effectively cutting him off. "I want to see you whenever I could."

The depth of his need for the brunette was scaring him. But going through long durations of times without Fuji is even more dreadful.

Fuji brushed golden-brownish locks from the beautiful face. Instead of voicing his answer, he pulled Tezuka towards his waiting lips.

From their connected lips Tezuka then rained kisses all over Fuji's face. He's never done this before, but he found it quite enjoyable. Looking into his lover's eyes again he whispered, "I have one other selfish request."

Fuji inclined his head to the side in an inquisitive gesture encouraging him to proceed. Tezuka thought he looked cute doing that so he stole quick peck making Fuji's brows furrow.

If his hand wasn't around petite waist, he would've smacked himself in the head. Why did he do that, something so out of character?

Clearing his throat, he proceeded with all the sincerity he could muster "Wait... wait for me."

Fuji froze a little before he learned what he meant. Tezuka didn't mean his return to Japan. Tezuka Kunimitsu was finally willing to cross that bridge. And Fuji was more than willing to wait for him to get to that point, it was Tezuka after all.

With a smile he nodded. Hazel eyes expressed relief before his head dipped down again to claim the brunette's lips, and this time, he didn't let go.

Good things come to an end. Nothing's permanent. Habits need to change. And cycles? Even cycles were meant to be broken... to give way to new routines and accommodate new changes.

Then the time that seemed to stop for Fuji, started flowing again.

.

.

OWARI.


A/N: This marks the end of my first ever TEFU fic. To those who appreciated, read and reviewed this story, I humbly say Thank You from the bottom of my heart. You made me so happy that you took this journey with me, however short it was.

I'll still be waiting for reviews. Please feel free!

~Sang Mi