"My cows!, My bees! My cabbages!" I wept in front of my house.

Right, time for a small recollection.

After placating the innkeeper and reassuring her I was okay she gave me a fur coat and let me be on my way. "I can't just let you go in that sorry state of dress but make sure you come back and tell me what made you so distressed"

A bit warmer and fuller I hit the road and started the trek back home. I did not bother to seek Haskill out, I was not going to inflict myself with his treatment again.

And I get assaulted by a Minotaur.

"Can't you see I'm in a hurry!?" I yell to both the beast about to strike me and the obnoxious voice in my head. That's what you get for ignoring me.

"Well, SORRY I don't respond to every commentary you do!" I shift to the right, evading a downwards swing and striking with the shield. No good, didn't faze him a single bit. "And I had a good excuse to keep to my thoughts this time!"

I feel you are exaggerating. Also be careful of those calves Ah shit, jump! "Thanks." I evade the sudden backward thrust of the minotaur and stab with all my might with my sword.

The beast yells in pain and I take advantage of his downstate. A couple of hits afterward and I'm forced to retreat. Damm feeble arms.

"Some help would be appreciated!" Whatever are you talking about? You have this fight in the bag. Bitch.

I take my shield again and throw myself to its feet. The minotaur didn't expect it and went down. This time I just hack down merciless until the beast no longer tries to move.

"Returning to our conversation". I remark while cutting the horns of the minotaur and cleaning my garbs of monster guts. "I'm worried because our house is not exactly hidden, and It's not as if guards would patrol a Manor that suddenly appeared in the middle of the woods."

I complete my harvesting and start the trek again ."If anything we started a new ghost story about abandoned houses attracting unsuspecting, innocent people, and forced to deal with the rampant pervert with no concept of restraint inhabiting inside"

I'll let that one pass, If only because I can't find another Minotaur nearby


Almost an hour later I was in the clearing in front of my house, lamenting over my very apparent loses.

"My cows! My bees! My cabbages!". What cabbages? "Look at what they've done!".

The house itself was actually okay' ish. The reinforced door had signs of been hit over and over by an ax, but it was clear the bandits were not too strong, as they could not pierce through it. Of course, they just went after the second best thing.

"My harvest! What I'm gonna eat now?!" You never had crops.

I kneel next to my poor desecrated yard. Oh, my babies *sniff* you were too good for this world.

"Ok, that's it!". I'm yanked up strongly by a pair of arms. "Quit your self-pity and start doing something already"

"But my cabbages~" I whine a little. "YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY CABBAGES!" Ugh, my head is spinning.

"Ok, ok!" I stop her before she tries to pop my head for real. "Sheesh, can't a man have some time to mourn his possessions?" I get cheesed as a response. "Careful! You want me to end like a certain sex-crazed Irish queen?!". She lashes against me, her arms crumpling the front of my robes and her nose almost touching mine. In any other situation, I would love to be in this position, but by her huffing, I can tell she would tear my tongue off the moment I try anything funny.

"Bandits. Mine. Revenge. Now" She chews out the words and pushes me aside.

"Tch, so needy". Cue cheese wheel. This time I was prepared though. "You coming or what?" I ask her once I was on the mountain road.

"And I'm the needy one. You better entertain me this time, or you'll sleep on the couch."

I stop my cheese munching. "We don't have a couch" She pats my cheek. "Then you better do your best."

And off we go, up through the mountain trail. I pray the snow doesn't get heavier as it is difficult to recognize the path already. I'll take this chance to describe my life partner better.

Naia's current form is petite but clearly feminine. Long eyelashes; clear, bright red eyes; small breasts and wide hips. Her blonde hair dances wildly with the wind and is kept just above her shoulders. Her bronze skin doesn't seem affected by the climate, and she is just wearing a white dress and sandals. All in all, she was beautiful, the perfect image of the cute girl-next-door.

Of course, anyone that pays enough attention to her face would feel an immediate disgust; an urge punch her; a nauseous feeling, akin to the vertigo of being at the top of a precipice. Not because she had an ugly face, no way, but because her face details were too perfect, too symmetric. And yes, I was (mostly) immune to her mind games, if only thanks to how long have we been together.

After some time we reached a small clearing on the edge of the mountain. I glanced down and just as I predicted, I could see the form of a bandit a few meters down, sitting on a trunk without a care of the world. "Enjoy your last moments while you can. You are going to die here, bandit. You are going to die."

I turn to face Naia. "I need a wheel." She gives me one and I immediately toss it to the guy below.

"OUCH!" Perfect. Sword downwards, shield on my back, here I go.

"LEEEROYYY JEEEEEENKINS!" "Gahg~!" "This is for my cabbages you bastard!" "THE CABBAGE IS A LIE!" Cue flying kick to my head.

One bilateral ass-whopping later.

"Let's go inside already, I want to keep the element of surprise." The mine's exterior was deserted except by the late bandit. By the untouched barrels wrapped by cobweb they just got here today or last night.

"Can I also have my sword back please?" I ask her for my sword she wrestled out of my hand after beating me to the ground.

"Sure~!" She smiles sweetly at me. "I'll trade it up for your other sword if you want to." RETREAT, RETREAT.

"No thank you!" I say quickly trying to prevent irreparable damage to my self. "You can keep it." I smile my best fake and totally not frightened smile.

I take the shield off my back and get into the mine, Naia following after and closing the door once she is inside.

I advance covertly through the narrow tunnel, thanking my forethought of light footwear. I reach the bridge and peek down. No mattresses there, figured they were not many bandits. I keep going and follow the intersecting bridge into the mine's deeps.

Good, they don't seem to - "Hey" FUCK! "Wha-!" Shit, I forgot Naia was here. I just hope- "Who's there?!" Aaaan there goes my cover. I start a sprint and sure enough, three bandits are going up the ladders of the innermost cave.

Fortunately, none seem to have anything better than leather armor and iron axes and remembering they couldn't break down a single wood door I'm not wary of their physical strength.

"Fuck it." I rear back my shield the most I can and take aim of the one closer to the floor. "Cover me, I'm going down"

She probably nods as I throw the shield. It serves just to startle him but I'm already jumping down to the fray.

I quickly reach him, grapple his ax off him and bashes my recovered shield in his face. Man, normal people are way squishier than minotaurs.

"AGH- You bastard! I'm gonna kill you!" I bash him again and deck him in the throat for good measure. One down, two to go.

I turn my sight to the upper levels and see Naia taking care of the other two in the distance. Uh, she actually has good sword form.

"Oy!" I get her attention. "Want to pitch me one?" She smirks maliciously and trips one of the bandits over the bridge ropes. I was already in the position below and shield-punches him at mid-fall. Naia gets bored of the last bandit and severs his head from his body.

"You having fun?" I ask her while she climbs down. "A bit. Your suicidal tactics are good for now I guess"

Just as she reaches the bottom the adrenaline starts to leave my body. I get lightheaded, and I realize I got hit a couple of times in all the grappling. Before I drop down I'm caught by Naia, who places both of us on the floor.

And like this I end my first day in Tamriel, surrounded by bodies and cuddling with my girlfriend. Truly, just another Wednesday.