Chapter three
In the hospital Jack continued to avoid his ex-teammates, but one evening he got a visit from Daniel. Knowing how persistent the younger man could be, Jack wasn't really that surprised. After a few minutes of pleasantries, Jack tried to get rid of him.
"I'm tired, Daniel, so if you don't mind…"
"I do mind, Jack. I've got something else I need to say to you. Just because you're hurting doesn't mean you have the right to hurt the people who care about you."
"I'm not!"
"Yes you are! Why are you refusing to see your friends? I had to bribe a hospital employee to get in to see you just now! Teal'c and Sam are very worried sick about you. Well, Sam is. You know Teal'c; he doesn't say much, but I know what he's thinking. I'm worried about you too!"
"You don't need to be. I'm fine! Or at least I will be as soon as I get outa here," Jack complained.
"When will that be?" Janet had told him that Jack's doctor had spoken to her just today, and the news had not been encouraging. He was refusing to talk to the on-staff psychiatrist, and he was refusing to even talk about getting a prosthesis fitted.
"Another week, and then it's adios, Colorado!" Jack replied with mock cheerfulness.
"Where will you go?" The thought of Jack leaving the state, going someplace where they'd never find him, entered Daniel's mind, leaving him feeling panicky. When Sam found out, she'd be devastated!
Jack had been thinking about nothing else lately, but he still wasn't sure where he would go or what he would do once he got there. He just knew he had to get away from anything and everything that reminded him of what he'd lost. It wasn't just his career; it was Sam. He didn't want to risk running into her, because he never wanted to see the look of pity he knew would be in her eyes. He wasn't the same man she had known. He wasn't the capable CO she had followed into battle, or the strong man she had loved. He was nothing but an empty shell now with nothing left to offer anyone, least of all someone like her.
But he knew he had to give Daniel some sort of answer, so he lied, mostly. "I've got a friend in Alaska. He wants me to come up there and work for him."
"That's great, Jack! What sort of job is it?"
"Eh….he has an airstrip. He needs someone to help him run it." His friend from his Black Ops days did live in Alaska last he'd heard, but he had no idea what the guy was doing, or if he was even still there.
"That sounds like something you'll enjoy, Jack. I'm happy for you."
"Yah, well now you know, so you can stop pestering me."
Daniel didn't say much more before he left, except that Sam was no longer on SG-1. And though Jack wondered why she had chosen her lab work over gallivanting all over the galaxy, he didn't ask. Later when he thought about it he felt relieved, because he wouldn't be there to watch her six.
Sam was in her lab running a simple test for the third time. It was a test she'd run many times before, so it wasn't really that difficult. But lately her mind just wasn't on her work. Practically all she could think about was Jack and how he was feeling, and what he planned to do now that he was no longer in the Air Force. The truth was she was worried sick about him. She wondered how he was handling being a civilian, and how he was dealing with the loss of his leg.
As for telling him he was going to be a father again, she wasn't sure that was something she should burden him with, now or ever. Besides, she could handle it on her own. She was used to taking care of herself, had been since she was twelve, and she didn't think it could be that hard taking care of a baby too. But she knew about Jack's past problems with depression, and that was what worried her the most. Could he handle another major setback in his life without going off the deep end?
She had tried seeing him both here and in the hospital in town, but each time she had been given one excuse or another. At first she had figured he just needed more time to adjust to everything, but after three weeks of being put off, she had decided that this was the way he wanted things to stay between them. So she had finally stopped trying to see him, but that didn't mean she no longer cared. She would always care about Jack. How could she not? She was carrying his child inside her, a fact that would be harder and harder to forget as her waistline grew.
At twelve weeks along she was sure everyone could see the slight swelling below her BDU shirt now, so she kept it buttoned all the way down the front. Sam suspected by the stares she was receiving lately that there were already rumors floating around about the reason she had been removed from SG-1, especially when she wasn't assigned to another off-world team. So as she made her way up to Daniel's lab, she kept her head down, at least hoping to avoid the blatant stares of those who were the most curious.
"Hey, you got a minute?" she asked as she hung in the doorway. Just that morning General Hammond had mentioned that Daniel had spoken to Jack the day before. So, since he hadn't come to her to share the news, she had come to him.
"Sure! I'm sort of tired of Ancient Sumerian anyway. I can finish this translation some other time. Sit down," he said as he picked up the stack of books that had been occupying the only other chair in the room. "I'll make us a cup of green tea," he said as he lifted the tea kettle from the propane burner, testing its weight to see if there was enough water inside. Satisfied he set it back down on the burner and lit the gas with a long-handled lighter. Then he began locating another mug and the tea, which he kept on a shelf in an old spice tin that had belonged to his mother.
Sam looked around her at the many shelves and tables covered with dusty books, pottery, statuary and other things, some of which she recognized. She picked up the Eye of Ra necklace which had been a gift to him from Katherine Langford before his first trip to Abydos. She could still recall the first time she'd seen it and the story he had told her about how the Abydonians had thought he was a god when they saw it.
"What's she doing now, do you know?" Sam asked.
"Actually I talked to Katherine just last week. She's writing a book of her memoirs. You're in it, by the way."
"Me? Really?"
"Yes, in fact she's dedicating a chapter to you….the one about the stargate and the time she spent working with….and I quote, 'a brilliant young physicist as beautiful and brave as she is smart.'"
"Wow! But she can't ever publish it." The stargate was a secret worth keeping. She believed that, and she thought Katherine did too.
"Not now maybe, but she hopes that one day maybe her descendants will."
Sam nodded. She understood completely. She often wished things could be different, that the world could know what they did here. But for now it was one of those things that she was being paid to protect.
Daniel put some tea leaves into the ceramic teapot, and then he poured in the boiling water. He suspected that Sam had heard he'd spoken to Jack. He couldn't blame General Hammond for telling her, but he dearly wished he hadn't because Daniel didn't want to be the one to tell her that Jack still didn't want to see her.
"How are you enjoying life in the lab so far?" he asked, hoping to steer her in another direction.
"It's okay. At least I'm still here at the SGC. I don't know what I would do if I was given another assignment."
"They'll never let you go, Sam. You're irreplaceable around here," he assured her, but she shook her head as though she didn't believe it.
"General Hammond said you saw the colonel yesterday."
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I did." He had seen him twice, but he wasn't about to say so, as he knew it would hurt her feelings.
"How does he seem?" she asked as she watched him pour the tea.
"Oh, you know Jack. He always acts like nothing matters that much to him, but I could tell he misses….being here," he said, choosing his words carefully.
"But apparently he doesn't miss me."
"Sam…."
"It's okay, Daniel. I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. After all, I was the one who broke up with him."
"You did? I mean….Sorry, you just never said what happened between the two of you, and I assumed…. Well, Jack can be very hard-nosed and private, so I thought he was the one who…"
"No, it was me. I just couldn't go on living a lie. You know how it is, Daniel; my career has always come first with me. So when it came down to it, I chose the Air Force over him. I hurt him, Daniel, so it's no wonder he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"I think you're being too hard on yourself. No man should expect you to give up everything you've worked so hard for."
"Oh, he didn't! Actually he offered to retire again, but I wouldn't let him. He was needed here, Daniel, just as much as me. He still is," she said insistently. "Which reminds me, I wasn't surprised that General Hammond offered Colonel Reynolds the lead on SG-1. Do you think he'll accept?" For the past three weeks SG-1 had been on stand-down, but then on Monday the news had come down that Reynolds was being offered the lead.
"I'm not sure. I'm sure he hates to leave his men."
"What about Teal'c?"
"Teal'c approves of Reynolds, but I'm not sure it will be enough to keep him here. You know he came here because of Jack." Sam nodded. "Actually I'm moving to another team myself."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I heard that Balinsky is leaving SG-13, so I talked it over with Hammond. He agrees that I would be a good fit." The original team members had all been military, but they also had various degrees in the sciences, and Balinsky had been their archaeologist.
"Colonel Dixon seems easy going," Sam remarked, thinking that Daniel and Jack hadn't gotten along so much as they'd agreed to disagree.
"Yes, he seems to be. They'll be moving Carpenter up to lead his own team, so he'll be replaced too."
"Wow, there are a lot of changes happening all of a sudden." Sam was beginning to feel left out, not that she hadn't expected to feel that way eventually. It just seemed to be happening too quickly.
"You miss gate travel already, don't you?"
"Yes, but it's okay. Soon I'll have so much to do that I won't have time to think about what you and Teal'c are doing out there. Just be careful. You won't have me watching your back anymore."
Daniel just smiled and nodded. He'd miss her too, but at least they would still get to see each other every week. Whereas them seeing Jack ever again seemed doubtful. He hadn't told her that Jack might be going to Alaska. He figured why step on her while she's down?
TBC
