"Where can you see lions?
Only in kenya
Come to kenya we've got lions
Where can you see tigers?
Only in kenya
Got lions and tigers only in kenya
Forget norway
Kenyaaaaa
Oh kenyaaaa
Where the giraffes are
And the zebra
Kenya kenya kenya kenyaaaaa
Kenya we're going to kenya
Kenya believe it"
(repeat ad infinitum)

I have that song stuck in my head but I don't care! The lion and tiger are adorable and I want their plushies! Yes that's right, there are Kenya lion and tiger plushies on Weebl's site but they've been out of stock for freakin' EVER! GAH!

Cliff Notes for Ninjas
A series of "Coulda Been" Shinobi's Guides
By Kaori

Part Three: The Shinobi's Guide to Girl Scout Cookies Part One

"You know," Kiba said. "You've asked us to do some pretty demeaning missions, but this one takes the cake Hokage-sama."

"It can't be helped." Said Tsunade. "Until we catch the weirdo who's been harassing girl scouts, somebody has to sell the cookies."

"I understand that, but why does somebodyhave to include me?"

"I don't know why you're complaining, at least your skirt reaches your knees." Growled Sasuke, tugging at the hem of his skirt in a futile manner.

"But you at least look like a girl! I look like a boy in a dress!" whined Kiba.

"I look like a what!" twitched the Uchiha.

Naruto, in his oiroke no jutsu and clad in the same outfit as Sasuke and Kiba, rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just use a henge? Unless you want the whole village to see you in those getups." Sasuke hit him upside the head. "Ow!"

"Idiot, we're not chakra factories like you, we can't keep a henge up all day long." Sasuke turned his attention back to the Hokage. "Why don't you get Neji to do it? He looks more like a girl than I do."

"Neji is on a mission with his team and before you ask, Kiba, we can't let any of the girls do it because Sakura is needed elsewhere, Ino and her team are also out on a mission, and Hinata is completely out of the question. The last thing I need is Hyuuga Hiashi ranting at me." Sighed Tsunade.

"Hung over again, baa-chan?" Naruto was sent flying into the wall for his insolence.

The trio walked down the streets of Konoha only getting a few odd looks when several men got cold cocked for trying to pinch Sasuke's butt. Naruto wasn't sure whether to be offended (because his oiroke no jutsu form was way sexier than Sasuke-teme in drag) or amused (Saskue-teme is getting more hits than a porno site). Somehow they made it to the residential area without being assaulted (or attacked by children with a Girl Scout Cookie jones).

"You knock." Sasuke said to Naruto.

"Why me?" whined the blonde.

"Because that way you'll be in the front and whoever answers the door will have all their attention focused on you and not us. We had to drop our henges when we got here or we'd be out of chakra."

"Tsk, fine. Pansy." Naruto snorted and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" a tenor voice called from inside.

"Konoha Girl Scouts!" called Kiba, pulling off a fairly decent falsetto.

"We've got cookies!" chirped Naruto. The door opened.

"Ah, I was wondering when you'd get here. I'll take two boxes of double chocolate chip, and four boxes of peanut butter supreme."

"With or without nuts?"

"Without."

"Sa…Satsuko, you heard the man. Make with the cookies already." Naruto gave a mental sigh; he'd almost said Sasuke. As amusing as the result of that would be he couldn't jeopardize this mission with his need to embarrass the Uchiha. Sasuke wordlessly handed Naruto the cookies. "Let's see, double chocolate chip is twenty ryou a box, and peanut butter supreme is fifty ryou a box so your total is two hundred and forty ryou. (1)"

The man fished out his wallet and gave Naruto the money, plus an extra fifty ryou for "being so cute."

The next door they knocked on was answered by a woman who looked like she hadn't slept in a few days. "Yes? Oh! Girl Scouts!"

"Yes ma'am, we're selling cookies, would you like some?"

"Oh, yes. Come in, please while I get my purse."

The trio did as they were asked. While they waited they looked around the living room.

No wonder the woman looked tired, there were pictures of children everywhere. Judging from the pictures, there were about fourteen of them (2). Amusingly enough, in the family portraits where more than six of the children were present, the father was desperately trying to get as much of himself in the picture as possible. In the most recent one, all you could see was his arm.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." The frazzled woman said. "I'll take seven boxes of fudge surprise, and three boxes of the macadamia nut cookies."

Feeling sorry for the woman, Naruto threw in a two boxes of chocolate chunk cookies for free before proceeding to the next house.

The house was as normal as a house could possibly look. Four walls, a roof, windows in the places you'd expect to see windows and a plain gray door. Looks are incredibly deceiving. Naruto hadn't even raised his fist half way when the porch disappeared and the three genins in drag were sent plummeting into the darkness.

"Wow it's dark in here, but at least I landed on something soft." Kiba said as he sat up and patted the thing he was sitting on.

"Eep! Kiba get off of me!"

"Sasuke said "eep"!" Naruto broke out in obnoxious laughter.

THWOCK.

"Ow! What'd you hit me for?" yelped Kiba.

"Hn." Grunted Sasuke, seeing no need to apologize.

THWOCK.

"Ow! Dammit Sasuke-teme that hurt!" Naruto complained.

"Good. Now let's get out of this room and beat the tar out of whoever did this to us."

Exiting what they now saw was the basement, they entered the hallway and immediately began looking for the owner of the house. They didn't get more than two steps down the hall before a hail of shuriken fell from the ceiling.

With no other choice than to back up or be turned into pincushions, they ended up retreating into the living room.

"You'll get the manuscript when I finish and not a day before." Someone said behind them. "Wait a minute, you're not my editor (3)."

"Er no, we're selling Girl Scout Cookies." Ventured Naruto, as he and the other two boys turned around slowly. "Eh? Ero-sennin?"

"Only one person calls me that… Naruto! You've come to pose for me at last! And I see you've brought friends!"

"Baka Ero-sennin! We didn't come here to pose for your sick books! We're here to sell cookies!"

"Wait, you mean Tsunade actually found someone desperate enough to take that mission?"

"No, she's forcing us to do it."

Jiraiya blinked and then slowly looked the other two people up and down. He burst out laughing. "HA! A cross dressing Uchiha! I never thought I'd see that again!"

"What do you mean again?" glared Sasuke.

"You mean you don't know? Your father used to run around in dresses quite a bit when he was your age."

"WHAT!"

"He didn't look nearly as pretty as you do though…"

"DIE!"

Kiba and Naruto calmly watched Sasuke attempt to kill Jiraiya for a few minutes before using the distraction to raid the older man's refrigerator.

As you've probably noticed, this is only part one. The next part has more cross dressing in it. In the meantime talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you the topic: If Naruto is using Orioke no Jutsu and wearing girl's clothes, does that make him a cross dresser or a transsexual?

1) I'm using the Rollercoaster Tycoon money conversion system where ten yen (or in this case ryou) 1 dollar. So basically two hundred and forty ryou is twenty four dollars.

2) Thirty years ago, in my country (the Bahamas), people would think this is perfectly normal and wonderful. I am eternally grateful that this is not the case now. What the heck do you want fourteen children for? You only need two (a boy and a girl) and a pet of some sort and you've got yourself a nice complete set. If you end up with two boys or two girls cut your losses and get a pet of the opposite gender. I'll excuse those people who have triplets, quadruplets etc. naturally (and by naturally I mean without the aid of fertility drugs), the rest of you need to be monitored and tested for rabbit DNA! Given the world's population and the number of children in orphanages worldwide, there is no reason for this level of procreation outside of the aftermath of severe depopulation.

3) Small Fruits Basket reference. Gotta love that Shigure!