A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

Here is the next chapter. Hope you like it. I don't know if Melinda would ever be this understanding with Amanda or if Amanda would be willing to have a conversation with Melinda the way I envisioned it, so I hope it turned out believable enough.

Thanks again and happy reading.

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own any of L&O:SVU or its characters.


Chapter 3

Olivia put her cell phone in her coat pocket. Now that, thanks to her conversation with the paramedics, they knew the exact location where Amanda had been dumped, she asked the CSU to canvass the area for any evidence they could find. They haven't heard about any crimes with a similar MO and therefore, she was hoping that the perp was stupid enough to leave something behind. She was counting on it.

Turning her attention towards her subordinates, she seized her options. On the one hand, she wanted Nick to work the case with her, but looking at the anger displayed in the younger detective's eyes, she decided it was best to leave him at the hospital with Rollins and to take Fin with her instead.

She needed this case to be worked with cold head and Nick was not an option given his current estate of mind, as he was upset and angry for what had happened to Rollins. They all were, but Nick seemed to be much more affected.

Walking to where Fin and Nick were standing, she started giving instructions.

"Nick, stay here. Keep and eye on Rollins and, as soon as Warner finishes, talk to her, ask Melinda about her findings and report back to me asap. Rollins' injuries are the only evidence we have so far."

"Fin, let's go back to where the paramedics found Rollins. The CSU is already there waiting for us. I'm pretty sure it is not our primary crime scene, but I'm hoping to find something useful. Something that will help us find whoever did this to Rollins." Olivia was determined. Her face was an unreadable mask, but both Fin and Nick knew she was deeply concerned for Rollins, despite the differences they might have had in the past.


When Melinda finished her examination of Amanda, she handed her a hospital gown and helped her into it.

Amanda was fully awake, but she wasn't willing to talk. Her head was turned and her eyes were fixed on the wall, as if she were miles away instead of on the same room.

"Thank you, I can take it from here" Melinda told her subordinates and, handing them some of the evidence they've collected, she asked them to take it to the lab. "I'll catch you there".

She saw her colleagues leave before Melinda turned her full attention to the woman in the room. Amanda looked so small and frail in the hospital bed. Moreover, Melinda noticed that she'd been extremely quiet. Amanda didn't make any sounds or comments during the examination and that scared Melinda a little. Not that she expected Amanda to be chatting or willing to have a conversation, but she had heard about the episode when Amanda was first taken to the hospital and she was afraid that, if she didn't do something, Amanda may end up sinking into the darkest places of her mind once again. Melinda knew the importance of bringing Amanda back from the place she seemed to be slipping to.

"Amanda, detective Rollins!" Walking closer to Amanda, Melinda said in a soft voice. Ever so gently as not to startle her, she placed a hand on Amanda's arm. "Detective, can you hear me?"

Once again, Amanda was fighting hard to get back from the darkness her mind insisted on taking her to. She wanted out. She wanted to be back to reality, even when something deep inside told her that reality was not any better. What she wanted the most was to feel safe, she wanted and needed to be strong again.

Suddenly, she wasn't that scared anymore. She could tell someone was with her, she was not alone in the darkness, someone was there with her and that made her feel good. There was a hand on her shoulder, but this touch was so very different from the one she felt in the shadows. This one was not violent or aggressive, but pure comfort. The hand on her shoulder was trustworthy. It reassured her and that was exactly what she desperately needed to keep her afloat.

Amanda became aware that, her name was being said in a soothing voice. She knew the timbre, it was a female voice. And even when it wasn't a voice she normally listened to, she knew she trusted it.

"Dr. Warner." She croaked

"Welcome back, detective" Melinda smiled when Amanda turned her head to see her.

When she tried to sit, she noticed the hospital gown and turned to look at Warner, a puzzled look in her face as Melinda was fast to answer the unspoken question. "We took your clothes as evidence, detective"

It took some time for Amanda to register what Warner has just told her, and when she did, she nodded her understanding. "Do you…" Her voice was hoarse, she barely recognized the sound and it felt like sandpaper was stuck in her throat. She swallowed, before speaking again.

"Do you… ? Do you know what… Do you know happened to me?" Amanda finished the question with a lot of effort.

Warner noticed how hard it was for Amanda to form sentences. She was struggling to keep the train of thought even when the questions were not that difficult to produce and the conversation wasn't complicated to follow. Looking at Amanda, it was obvious the lack of nutrients in her body, but Warner was worried Melinda that, Amanda's condition was caused by drugs that might've been administered to her during her captivity.

"Not yet" Shaking her head slowly, Melinda answered honestly.

"Was I…? She focused her attention on her battered hands. It took her some time to form the question in her mind, not only because what she was about to ask was emotionally difficult, but because she found herself struggling to remember and to know which words to use. Her mind was so messed up, it was as if she had lost the ability to speak.

"Was I raped?" The question finally slipped her mouth.

Warner looked the worry written all over Amanda's pale face and she considered sugar coating her answer, maybe even lying, but first and foremost, she was a doctor and even when Amanda wasn't her patient, she knew the woman, she respected her and Warner knew that Amanda deserved the truth, no matter how hard this one turned out to be. "I'm not sure, detective. You were hurt, badly. Your entire body is struggling against the wounds and abuse you suffered in the past weeks. I didn't find any fluids, though." Melinda tried her best at reassuring the younger woman.

Amanda nodded her head once again. She felt like crying, but she knew crying wasn't going to do any good to her current situation. Memories of victims being questioned by her came to her mind at that moment. Now she knew exactly how they felt when she or any of her co-workers questioned them about their experience as victims of a heinous crime. She couldn't help but to realize that it was the second time since she was out from wherever she had been kept that she compared herself to a victim and that made her feel vulnerable and scared.

"May I?" Melinda asked Amanda, pointing her finger to the bed, but she didn't wait for Amanda to answer as she sat down at the end of the bed. "Fin told me you don't remember anything. But the whole time me and my crew were here, you seemed to be in deep thought. Has something come to you?" Warner knew it was a delicate subject and that, maybe someone else should be asking these kind of questions, but she also knew that, considering her current estate, it wasn't going to be easy for Amanda to open up to a stranger.

Amanda closed her eyes and went back to the dark abyss of her memories, searching for something that might shed some light into what happened to her, searching for the answer she so desperately needed.

"Not quite," Amanda said, her eyes still closed. "I was in a basement, maybe," she continued, her brow furrowing deeply each time that something came to her mind. "I was… tie… tied up to a hard surface. I think my hands and feet were bound with a rope"

Warner nodded slightly, she had seen the marks on Amanda's wrists and ankles, which proved that Amanda's memories were accurate.

Amanda took a fistful of the white sheet covering her body as a flashback came to her. "I tried to get free, but every time I moved too much, he would force a cloth into my mouth and nose" Amanda's breathing became raspy, as if she was fighting against the cloth on her face at that moment. It took her some time to realize it was just a memory, a very vivid one, but nothing more.

Opening her eyes, Amanda looked at the ME. "Did he…?" she showed Melinda her nailless fingers.

"No" Warned shook her head in sympathy. "I don't think so. I didn't find any marks on them that may suggest that they were removed by an object. I think you did that to yourself in an attempt to get away."

Amanda was quiet for a while, trying hard to process Melinda's words. She remembered scratching the hard surface. She focused hard, maybe now that some bits of what happened were coming back to her, she'd be able to remember something more, so she focused.

"I'm sorry, I can't" Amanda turned away and rested her head on her shoulder, sinking a little on the bed; the memories becoming too much for her to bear. She has always been strong and independent. She was the one who protected the ones in need, the one who conducted the interrogations. But right now, she was the one in desperate need of help and in truth, she was ashamed to admit it.

Melinda seemed to read Amanda's thoughts. "Whatever happened to you, it was not your fault, detective. You have done nothing wrong. You were held against your will, you were weakened by every injury and yet, you never stopped fighting for your freedom. You're…"

"I'm not a victim" Amanda turned to look at Warner. Deep fear masqueraded as anger in her blue eyes. She had seen bad times and she had come through them stronger and this time, it wasn't going to be different. She was not a victim.

"I know, I wasn't going to say that, detective" Melinda said calmly. "You are a fighter, detective. You are alive and you are here." Warner gave Amanda a pointed look.

Amanda closed her eyes and when she opened them again, Warner saw there was no longer anger or scare in them just deep sadness.

"Would you like me to get something for you? Would you like me to call someone, or to get you anything? I think detective Amaro is still outside, would you like to see him?" Warner asked as she stood up from the bed, sensing it had been too much for Amanda already. She needed to rest and to be checked by the medical staff.

Amanda flushed at the idea of Nick seeing her like that. She'd never let her guard down. Yes, he had seen her vulnerable, but she always managed to mask it with anger, to fight with him, to argue with him, but right now, she was not strong enough for that. But then, she remembered. He'd seen her like that already. Just a couple of hours earlier, he had cradled her in his strong arms, he'd been nice to her, moreover, he'd keep true to his promise of waiting outside. A ghost of a smile caressed her lips, she's never seen that side of him before.

But the tranquillity in her face turned to deep horror as she looked back to Melinda. "The clothes I was wearing when I was found…"

"What about them?" Melinda looked at Amanda with concern

"They're not mine"


Olivia felt frustrated. She and Fin had spent a lot of time at the place where Amanda was dumped – the crime scene, she thought grimly- and they came back empty.

"Let's call Nick and tell him how we did, hopefully Melinda's findings are more useful" Olivia said walking towards the car.

Fin looked intently at her. "I know what you're thinking Liv and it's not your fault"

Olivia felt Fin's eyes on her and she stopped. "Believe it or not, I'm not blaming myself, Fin. It's just that…" She slowly turned to face him "I should've known" She said, shaking her head.

"How could you? Fin reached for her arm "You two had an argument on that morning, there was some tension between the two of you, we all noticed"

Olivia closed her eyes briefly, "no, Rollins sometimes borderline insubordinate, but she's not a coward. I should've known that, if she wanted some time off, she would have come and ask for it in person. Anyway, there's nothing we can do to change what happened. But there's a lot we can do to catch this bastard and make sure he pays for what he has done. Let's go to Rollin's place. This guy must've picked her up somewhere. Maybe he was bold enough to go to her house, maybe someone saw something in the days prior to Amanda's disappearance, or even better, maybe we can get something out from the surveillance cameras near her place. Call CSU, ask them to meet us at Rollins place." She said, as they resumed their walk to the car.


"Got it, Liv. Warner is still with Rollins, but as soon as I know something, you'll know" Nick finished his call as he saw Warner leaving the room and walking towards him. He ran a hand over his face trying hard to get rid of the frustration he felt after his conversation with Olivia.

"CSU found some hairs and blood, but they are not sure they belong to Rollins" He let Melinda know once she was standing next to him. "Liv and Fin say that, the bastard who did this to Rollins, tried hard to get rid of the evidence. They found that some dirt has been removed and they were unable to find tire marks or footprints."

Nick realized he'd been rambling when he saw Warner looking at him. She was clearly letting him get out what was inside of him before sharing her findings.

"Sorry, doc. Tell, me, how is she?" He said with a sigh.

"Not good, detective" Warner pushed her lips together before she continued. "She has some broken ribs, and, besides the bruises you've already seen, there are other injuries throughout her body. Most of them purposely inflicted to weaken her. Some of them are fresh, but, what called my attention is that, some of the injuries are either healed already or in a healing process" She said, narrowing her eyes as she spoke.

"She was gone for three weeks, I think it's enough time for the healing process to start, it's just natural" Nick reasoned.

Melinda shook her head. "No, it's more than that. It's as if someone has taken care of them. They were properly treated and bandaged". She shook her head. "I don't understand, but it's as if, whoever took her, hurt her in order to the play hero by helping her and fixing her wounds next. As if he had wanted her to become dependent on him. I don't know, but it's scary"

"Could we be looking for more than one perp?" Nick was trying hard to find a logical explanation to what Warner has shared with him.

"Everything is possible, detective. Also, the medical staff will need to draw some blood in order to run some tests. As I said, she's in a very bad shape physically, she's malnourished, but only God knows what is going on with her internally. She needs to be hooked to an IV, and to have some proper food. I don't know if she's struggling because of whatever substance the bastard use to subdue her or because of the lack of nutrients in her body".

"She doesn't trust them. That's why Fin called you" Nick reminded her.

"I know, detective. But right now, she's not as shaken up as she was when she was first brought in. I think she'll let them do their work now."

"Was she raped?" He blurted out. The question had been bugging Nick since he first saw Amanda, and even when he promised himself not to ask it, it found its way out of his mouth.

Melinda sighed. "I don't know. As I told her, there's severe trauma, but it's not necessarily consistent with rape as most of her body has been badly hurt and the trauma I noticed could be the result of her body fighting to recover. We're talking about two, maybe three weeks of torture. The lack of hygiene and poor diet are almost as evident as the bruises. I didn't find any fluids though, which I take as a good sign." There was nothing good about Amanda's situation and she knew it. But in the midst of all the negative findings, she mentioned what she considered important to put both his and Amanda's mind at ease.

Nick smiled with rage. He could barely contain the hate and anger building up inside him, his fists clenched at his sides as he felt the need to beat to the death the bastard who dared hurting Rollins this bad. "Anything else?" He asked, trying to get his emotions in check, but failing miserably.

"For what is worth, I think she's a real warrior. Anyone else would have succumbed to such torture, but she has lived through it instead.

Of course she will need a lot of help to recover and get through it, but as I told her, she's a survivor. She was badly hurt and she'll need a lot of recovery time and time to regain her trust in herself and in others. But with help and patience, she'll pull through. Also, she's started remembering. I think she knows perfectly well what had happened to her, but considering how difficult it was and still is for her, she's dealing with it by locking it inside. She may remember clearly or she may choose, unconsciously of course, to forget about it forever. And given the circumstances, I don't know what would be the best for her."

Melinda looked at Nick, she could tell he was about to explode with anger and she couldn't blame him. She's worked at SVU long enough to know how bad it was for them when they came across a victim in a similar condition to Amanda's. The rage and impotence they all felt. But knowing it had happened to one of their own, to a woman as strong and determined as Amanda, made it all worse.

"Keep that anger and hatred for when you find the bastard who hurt her, detective." Melinda said, as if she could read his desire to kill the bastard himself and put him through the same hell he's put Rollins.

"Go to her, detective. She needs you, as much as she needs all the help and support she can get right now." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Looking intently at the white door that separated him from Rollins, he said, "But you said it will take time for her to trust people"

"I did, but she didn't seem guarded when I was talking with her, and I'm not as close to her as you are." She offered Nick a sympathetic smile. "I'm going to find a nurse willing to come to draw the samples we need, but after what happened this morning, something's telling me is not gonna be easy". Taking the paper bag containing the last of the evidence collected from Amanda's body, she left, leaving a hesitant Nick standing in the corridor, facing the door to the room where Amanda was. Debating whether his presence would indeed be good for her. Fearing that he may not be what she really needed in this difficult moment.

tbc…