A/N: "Voyager" not mine and such.
Janeway's ankles were wet.
The entire place felt wet. The trees, the ground, the rocks, the reptilian animals crawling and lounging about...
"Are we in a swamp?"
"Would seem so." Lady Q ducked casually to allow a pterodactyl-like alien to fly past.
"Wait a minute, is this…is this the planet where…"
An orange lizard emerged from the swampy waters, followed by a second.
"Oh no," Janeway shook her head.
A second lizard followed.
"No…"
And finally, three smaller ones.
"DID I SAY I WANTED TO BE REMINDED OF MY LIZARD SEX WITH PARIS?"
"Well, you said something about the lizard children,"
"SARCASM! LOOK IT UP!" Janeway groaned, grabbing her forehead. "Lizards. So what now, there's a timeline where I stayed here with Paris, and raised our lizard children?"
"And grandchildren," Lady Q smiled. "And great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren…" Lady Q gestured to the lizard family. "That's not you and the Helm Boy. Those are just some of your descendents." She jerked her head. "Let's see where they go."
Janeway sighed. "What've I got to lose."
She and Lady Q followed the salamander family through the swamp. It was a really boring journey, since the lizards moved about as slowly as they looked. As their journey progressed, Janeway began to see more and more lizards here and there, crawling through the underbrush or lounging on tree branches.
The lizards led them to what Janeway at first took to be a cave. But coming closer, she saw it was manmade. It looked like an Aztec pyramid, built from gray rock, stretching high above the swamp. She and Lady Q made their way up the pyramid stairs, past statues of salamanders, humanoids, and planets. Lizards were everywhere, all over the steps and statues, and Janeway stepped on more than one tail (twice on accident, the last time out of spite).
Janeway was startled to see another humanoid sprint up the steps past herself and Lady Q. It looked like someone native to the swamp, with his gray-green skin and long white hair. From his head poked two long curled antennae, that gave the impression of a swam-dwelling insect. He wore nothing but a necklace of lake shells and a white loin cloth, which was very unfortunate, since he was also old enough to be a great-grandpa. In his gnarled green hands he held a clay pot filled with fruits. As soon as he was past them, Janeway turned to Lady Q.
"There are people on this planet?"
"Why not?" Lady Q shrugged. "You and Tom didn't exactly have time to explore the whole globe, did you?"
Janeway watched as three more such humanoids hurried by, all in loincloths, and in the women's case, bikinis. (Funny, she thought, how 90% of the species in the galaxy not only looked so similar, but also had the same ideas about modesty as North American and European humans.)
"Okay," Janeway stopped to catch her breath, not even one fourth of the way up the pyramid. "I don't think I have quite enough coffee to conquer this mountain."
"Guppy."
Lady Q snapped her fingers, and they were at the top.
The gray pyramid was topped with a sort of stone gazebo. The pillars holding up the roof were shaped like salamanders standing on their hind legs, holding it up with their front ones. The roof itself looked like another massive lizard, simply snoozing. Within the gazebo, on a pile of fine cushions, sat two very familiar looking lizards. Janeway and Tom Paris stared impassively as natives left offerings around their gazebo.
"Great She-Lizard," a female native approached with a bowl. "I bring to you an offering of my finest cocoa beans. May it provide the energy you require to keep our great lizard population blooming."
"Okay." Janeway rubbed her temple. "Educate me Miss Q. Why do Tom and I rule this planet again?"
Lady Q shrugged. "Same reason cows get the right of way in India. Lizards are sacred to these people. And they figured out that you and Tom were the first two here."
"Oh, sure. That makes sense."
"And now," the native woman's voice echoed through the temple, "Great She-Lizard, and Brave He-Lizard, I beg of you, show me my brother!"
The lizards suddenly lifted their heads and opened their mouths, and an odd sound came out. The only thing Janeway could compare it to was a baritone opera singer being asked by a doctor to "say aaah." The noise was bad enough with two lizards. But the smaller lizards lazing around the temple joined in, and the chorus echoed through the swamp.
"Why do I feel like I've heard this god-awful singing before somewhere?" Janeway mused.
Lady Q shrugged. "Maybe you saw it in a movie or something."
As the lizards sang, a small mist began to form over a bowl of water that Janway hadn't noticed sitting in front of the two lead lizards. The native woman peered inside, and seemed pleased with what she saw.
"My brother is alive! He's a war hero! Oh thank you my gods, thank you!"
Janeway's jaw dropped. "I can see the future?"
"Not the future," Lady Q corrected. "Just things happening miles and miles—"
Janeway rushed to the front of the line, shoving the green-skinned native at the front out of her way.
"Mr. Paris!" Janeway put her hands on her hips. "And…Other Captain Janeway. I have a request. And seeing as I came from a lot farther away than the rest of these good people, I think I should get first dibs."
Her counterpart stared at her, unimpressed. The Paris lizard looked between her and his mate, and Janeway could've sworn she saw his wide lizard mouth turn up into a perverse smile, as if hoping for a three-way. Since it was Paris, Janeway wasn't fazed.
"What I want to—" Janeway suddenly remembered the offering ritual. She yanked her com badge off her chest. "To offer you, is a reminder of home." She set the com badge between the two unimpressed lizards. "And now, if it pleases you, I'd like to see how my crew is fairing in this universe, without me and Mr. Paris."
The lizards opened their mouths, and the awful singing commenced.
("The Dark Crystal," Janeway realized. That was what the lizard singing reminded her of.)
Janeway knelt down besides the misty bowl of water. An image was forming, yes. Voyager, flying through space. The scene changed to the bridge, where Chakotay and Tuvok sat in the command chairs. It was all surrounded by a foggy haze, like a dream sequence from a corny television show.
"All systems are operational, Captain." Tuvok, in a red uniform, informed Chakotay.
"Excellent." Chakotay replied.
"Captain," Neelix said timidly.
To Janeway's horror, Neelix was wearing a gold security uniform, and standing at Tuvok's old station.
"Who the hell put the hedgehog in charge of security?" Janeway hissed.
"You did," Lady Q said, "In the 'Year of Hell' timeline you don't remember. Both of them."
"What?"
"Captain" Neelix stammered, "I, I really think we should try and rescue Captain Janeway and Mr. Paris."
"No screw it, it's too late." Chakotay said in that solemn monotone voice of his. "They could be anywhere in the universe after that Warp 10 journey. The odds of them even being in the same galaxy as us is astronomical. We must continue onward towards home, and allow life to go on. Isn't that right Harry."
From his station, Harry Kim nodded. "B'Elanna and I both miss Tom, but we've found ways to cope—oh no. It's 0500! I'm late for our date!"
Janeway sighed. "Really?"
Lady Q glanced at her. "What would you prefer, B'Elanna and Chakotay? I can show you that universe if you'd like,"
"NO!"
B'Elanna stormed out of the turbo lift, looking even more irritated than usual. "Starfleet! Where the hell have you been? We're supposed to try out that Day of Mates program you helped me design! The pain sticks are heating up!"
"B-But B'Elanna, I've got wor—"
B'Elanna seized Harry by the collar and dragged him into the turbo lift, while Chakotay watched, looking amused. His amusement dropped into a sigh.
"Sometimes Tuvok, I really do miss the captain…and strangely, even Tom!"
"They were close friends." Tuvok agreed. "But fortunately we have managed to form new bonds on this journey without them."
"Sir!" Neelix exclaimed suddenly. "Borg vessels, from every direction! And…they're hailing us!"
Chakotay shifted in his chair, horror sweeping his face. "Onscreen!"
Janeway should not have been surprised to see Seven of Nine, in full Borg Drone getup, on the viewscreen.
"I am the new Borg Queen." Seven declared. "I have dismantled my old ruler and taken her place. I now offer you primates the choice of joining us willingly, or being assimilated by force."
"Evasive maneuvers!" Chakotay exclaimed.
At the helm, little Naomi Wildman yelled, "Aye Sir!"
The child took Voyager on a roller coaster of a ride through space, weaving through Borg cubes and dodging Borg blasts.
"They'll never make it!" Janeway exclaimed to Lady Q. "Not without Paris's piloting skills and my harebrained schemes!"
"I think you should have a little more faith in your crew, Captain." Lady Q said with amusement.
In the bowl-vision, Tuvok turned to Chakotay. "We are at a disadvantage, Captain."
"Seems so." Chakotay hit his com badge. "Bridge to Torres. How'd you like to test that bomb you and your dweeb boyfriend have been working on for the last month?"
From the other end of the com, Harry Kim's whimpering scream echoed, amidst the steaming sound of a pain stick. Janeway cringed.
"Why not!" B'Elanna replied. "It's ready now. Beam it over to the lead cube!"
"Seven!" Janeway gasped, but the visions of course couldn't hear.
The viewscreen was taken up by a blue light, as B'Elanna's bomb wiped out the entire Borg armada.
Over the sounds of the crew cheering, B'Elanna's voice came through the com again. "It's amazing what I can get done without those stupid Starfleet regulations getting in my way. I like having a captain who's willing to bend the rules!"
In the captain's chair, Chakotay laughed. Next to him, Tuvok turned to face his captain, his eyebrow turning up in Vulcan amusement. The two men stopped, Tuvok's eyebrow dropping back down, and Chakotay's laughter vanishing. Chakotay blinked at Tuvok. Tuvok lowered his eyelids, as if anticipating something. Chakotay's eyes darted around the Vulcan's face. Then, slowly, he began to lean inward. Tuvok likewise moved towards Chakotay, his lips slowly parting. Chakotay tilted his head, ready for the kiss…
Janeway shot up and turned away from the bowl. "I'm done with this timeline!"
"Alright." Lady Q shrugged. "Who do you wanna try out next? My former husband?"
"Why the hell not!" Janeway threw up her arms. "Show me what my life would be like if I'd accepted Q's offer to become his mate!"
Lady Q snapped her fingers.
