Disclaimer – Please see chapter 1
A/N Thank you all so very much for the wonderful reviews & adding the story to your favourite's lists. Here is the final chapter, I hope the ending is what I think many of you may want & answers some questions unanswered in the last chapter! Beta'd by myself so any remaining mistakes are all mine, so I apologize in advance. Please take the time to leave a review at the end. R & R Enjoy!
Burning out, moving on – Chapter three
As Grissom slowly walked out of the lab, he glanced around taking in a last memorable look around the place that had been so central in his life for over 20 years now, a little smirk lifted the corner of his mouth as he recalled the last few weeks.
Catherine guessing he was leaving CSI, telling him so and probing to see if she could get any information out of him about what he intended to do with all his new free time.
David Hodges going all moody on him at first for not being there when he made his announcement to the team, then later telling him that the bad guys would win without Gil being there to help out.
Grissom chuckled slightly as he remembered the awkward chat he'd had with one of his best friends throughout the years, Jim Brass who waxed on about them celebrating 4th of July celebrations with a BBQ in the future. And what was the boat thing all about, he knew he didn't have one even though he almost led him to believe he did.
Heathers call to him to see if he was doing okay in general, then tentatively asking if he'd had any contact with Sara, which luckily he managed to evade answering just as the case seemed to take another dramatic turn.
His face then became slightly sombre as he remembered how badly David Phillips seemed to have taken their brief chat, almost loosing his composure rushing from the morgue.
Then Al admitting that he didn't fancy telling all his jokes to a new guy in the lab, that he liked the old guy just fine, but out of all of them he'd been the closest to touching upon where his life path was heading.
Nick and Greg were two of the hardest Gil had found talking with after his announcement was made, because of the nature of his last case and the need to get their newest serial killer behind bars, he'd not had much time with either of the two, but when he did both extended their gratitude towards him, but without them getting all emotional on him.
These two along with Warrick had come to be almost like son's to him over the years, Warrick's passing had been very hard on him, now leaving Greg and Nick to fend for themselves at the lab was proving almost as hard, but it had to be done.
Finding the remembrance card from Warrick's funeral as Gil packed up some stuff in his office somehow seemed very apt after speaking with his other two pseudo son's.
Finally his thoughts shifted in to a new happier direction as he approached the lab doors, a seldom seen full Grissom smile graced his facial features as today's memories receded to be replaced with recent memories from just a fortnight ago;
Flash back 2 weeks ago;
Slowly the elevator ascended as if unusually slower than it should, as urgent questions suddenly assaulted his worried mind.
What do I do when I first see her?
Do I embrace her in a hug?
Kiss her?
Let Sara initiate any contact?
If I don't initiate the contact, will she think I've erected all my emotional defensive walls around me again?
Has she already done that herself? Did my last comment to her make her feel like she has to protect her heart again?
Did I really hurt her again so much, after promising that I never would again intentionally?
Why do I do this to her continually? Am I still subconsciously pushing her away? Are these just my old insecurities resurfacing again?
And why does she keep letting me? I'm no better than her Father and his abuse, even though I wouldn't physically hurt her ever?
But why does she forgive every time? I don't deserve her, I never have, but yet she has loved me unconditionally, quirks and all throughout.
'Has''!. Past tense 'has loved me', but does she still love me enough after all this time apart to take another chance on me, on us?
Is this really what love and emotions are all about? Are they supposed to have me this confused? This....This unbalanced and....And crazy. Yes crazy.
It's official. My beautiful wife has finally succeeded in driving me, Gil Grissom crazy!
But oh God what do I do now? He thought a little panicked just before the lift indicated it had reached his destination.
Several deep cleansing breaths taken to centre his thoughts and calm his racing pulse, he stepped out of the elevator and locating the room quickly, his palms felt clammy as he raised a tentative hand to knock on the door gently.
After only a short wait, the door opened to reveal an apprehensive and nervous looking Sara as she forced a smile saying "Hi, come on in" turning away quickly, then walking back into the hotel room to take one of the seats at a small table in the room.
"Hey" he said quietly in return.
Shocked by her simple and guarded greeting, her healthy appearance struck him first off, she'd gained some much needed weight he thought as he hesitated momentarily, before walking into the room slowly, closing the door.
His senses and mind going into immediate investigator mode as his eyes slowly took in the appearance of the room.
Her jacket slung over the arm of a comfy looking chair, a trolley type suitcase unzipped and open by the closet, towels and discarded clothing items to the side, clean night ware placed upon the end of the bed, small leather back pack dumped to the side of the bed, journal, iPod and two pill bottles sat on the night stand.
Stopping his perusal abruptly at seeing and registering they were prescribed medication containers sitting there, he turned to her with a questioning worried look as he spoke "Sara......?" and trailed off afraid to voice what he might be afraid to hear in return.
Sara had watched him with a soft smile and given him time to adjust to their surroundings, she took in his tense tired posture as his gaze landed on her night stand, then met with her own in question as her name rolled of his tongue laced with concern.
"We'll get to that later...........Please sit Gil.........Tea?" she said reaching for the teapot off the tray in front of her trying to hide the slight tremble in her hands as she pored.
Sensing an ominous feeling, Gil reluctantly took the other seat directly opposite Sara at the table, his strong instinct right now told him he wanted physical contact with her desperately, but the barrier she'd placed between them prevented that from happening.
Are these deliberate obstacles between us on her part, I can barely even grasp her hand in mine from this distance. And I want to, need to. He thought as he watched her nervous movements and studied her more closely.
I don't think I've ever seen her look so beautiful, healthy and alive, she's got colour and freckles on her skin now, and the few extra pounds certainly agree with her, but why the prescription pills?What's wrong with her? Why is she delaying telling me?Is she ill? Or god forbid.....No. Don't think like that!
Why all this cloak and dagger stuff meeting here and not at our home?Is she going to deliver bad news to me about her health, our relationship?
Feeling more and more at unease with his racing thoughts and the situation of the awkward silence that had enveloped the room, Gil decided to tell her of his intentions of leaving CSI, hoping that it would prompt her to get to the point of this almost clandestine meeting.
Taking a deep breath and searching her face for an expected reaction, he spoke as their eyes met cautiously "I've handed in my resignation at the lab........I have one more week to serve of my notice" he said hoping she would understand that with his leaving the lab now, he could concentrate more on their relationship.
Blinking a few times in mild shock, she then refocused and frowned "Oh............Why?" she asked the loaded question, putting the ball back in his court.
Smirking ever so slightly knowing she'd not been expecting that news, Gil reached a hand over the table top to grasp her unoccupied one, he watched her whole body tense briefly before she relaxed again as he rubbed his thumb tenderly over the back of her hand.
He was going to be truthful and open with her, she deserved that from him after delaying his decision to go to her for so long.
Giving her a soft smile he then spoke "When you suggested we go away for a while, after....." He took a deep breath "After Warrick was killed" he paused as he struggled to voice the fact that Warrick was dead and no longer with them, purposely avoiding using the word 'died'.
"I honestly did want to just get away from it all, Leave Vegas and all the crimes behind to go away with you, follow in Darwin's footsteps together and explore the Galapogos Islands. But......It wasn't the right time for me Sara" he said pleading for her to understand his dilemma at that time.
Sara gave him an understanding look, then gave him a small nod for him to continue.
"Everything was a mess at the lab, the guys were grieving, we were so short handed and yet we still had to cover the cases. I couldn't leave them like that......They needed me. Please understand that Sara, I was torn between you and the lab" he said squeezing her hand for emphasis.
Sara squeezed his hand "I know, and I do" she said quietly, then added "But you have to also understand that after all those months away from Vegas dealing with my ghosts, I just couldn't stay and risk slipping back with my healing process".
Nodding in understanding Gil said "Yes I do, and it was hard knowing that, knowing that we were in a catch 22 situation, I couldn't go and you couldn't stay" he paused before brushing his thumb across her hand again "I really never meant to hurt you that day in my office, with my comments.............I guess I was just so resigned to the fact that for nearly a year we'd been apart, and I felt that the short personal time we had together after the funeral was coming to an end, so I knew you'd be leaving".
Sara moved to pull her hand out of his grasp to pour more tea, but Gil saw that as her pulling away from him again, as a bad sign of perhaps things to come, so spoke quickly "Sara I'm sorry, I really never meant for you to think that I wanted our relationship to be over, for you to walk away thinking I didn't care any more. Please believe me".
Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze and a weak smile she said "I was just going to pour us more tea. Do you want some?" she asked as she pulled her hand free before grabbing the teapot again, she knew he would be feeling quite vulnerable and insecure right now.
Gil wordlessly shook his head feeling a little foolish for automatically thinking she was pulling away from him, his insecurities had been re-surfacing ever since receiving her cryptic e-mail.
"It did hurt hearing you say those words, but on reflection now" Sara paused taking in a steady breath before she continued "I understand your point of view and the fact that you were still grieving for Warrick, and the situation with the lab. So I accept your apology, but I also want to apologize for being overly sensitive that day too" she said placing the pot down and rejoining her hand in his as reassurance to him.
"Accepted" he said with a soft smile, then picked up his cup to drink.
Sara looked into his eyes and decided to get them back on track with their conversation, so said "So you're leaving the lab".
Gil smiled, Sara was always the one to refocus their conversations when they veered off in another direction "Yeah we have a new female CSI on the night shift. Riley Adams, you'd like her, and Ecklie is finally gathering information on candidates for a new CSI level one position, so they shouldn't be so short handed" pausing a little he then added "Oh and Catherine is going to be offered my position, when I finally get round to telling the team that is" he finished with a wince knowing Sara would chastise him for not telling them yet.
"You haven't even told them yet that your leaving?" she said looking exasperated " You only have one week left. You have to tell them Gil. Are you on shift tonight?" she asked him.
"No I'm scheduled off for the night, I made sure I was so I wouldn't have to rush back to the lab" he said quietly "I've also left my cell and pager in the car too" he added letting her know she had his undivided attention and that they wouldn't be interrupted.
"Right" Sara said looking away, then turning back to him "You have to tell them, you can't leave it until your last shift, that wouldn't be fair to them Gil".
"I know, and I will tell them next time I'm in the lab, I just don't want any fuss about it" he said hoping she would sympathize with him not wanting any kind of cake or party.
A short awkward silence ensued as they both contemplated the conversation so far, Sara was still wondering why he hadn't really answered her question of 'why he was leaving the lab', while Gil worried that she still hadn't explained the pills on her night stand.
Clearing her throat Sara decided to ask again but with a different approach to it "Are you really sure you want to leave the lab? I thought you loved your work".
"I'm sure. In fact I'm more than sure now. It hasn't really been the same for me since you switched to swing, then with Warrick now gone" he paused and took a deep breath "I don't seem to have the enthusiasm for it all that I used to have. Besides lately the cases have been getting to me more and more, wearing me down and tiring me out like never before. I've been getting more and more distracted lately too".
He chuckled, what he was about to tell her, he knew she would be shocked, maybe even amused herself "I even made a mistake in the trace lab one night that David spotted and offered to take over and redo for me" he said waiting for her response.
"Oh and I just bet Hodges loved that one, his hero making a mistake" she smiled shaking her head, but non the less a little shocked at Gil making a mistake, but for him to admit it showed he had come a long way from their early tentative steps in a relationship.
"Actually he was very understanding about it and never mentioned it again" Gil added with smirk knowing Sara would be shocked at his admittance to her knowing she could use it in future to tease him, that's if they had a future.
The last though made the smile disappear and a sombre look appear on his face as he gazed at her, he had to know, he had to find out if they would be together after today.
Making a quick decision, he gathering all the courage he could muster then took a deep breath and asked "Sara...Where are we at..........Are we....Are we okay now.....I need to know honey" he said almost pleadingly as he swallowed the large lump in his dry throat.
Sara broke her gaze with him and shifted a little in her seat nervously as she felt his hand hold on hers tighten, it's now or never, you've got to tell him before you can make any future decisions, she thought as she swallowed a couple of times and tried to regain her former courage and determination.
Looking back at him, her eyes connecting with his, she could see love, adoration, worry with the tiniest hint of fear in his blue orbs as he patiently awaited her to answer him.
Trying to smile at him, but only weakly succeeding, she spoke "Gil there's something I have to tell you.....That's important in all this, something that you need to be aware off before either of us can make any further decisions" she paused taking a deep breath "There's someone else in this equation that we have to take into account for now" she said feeling less brave about what she had to tell him.
Immediately Gil let go of her hand and pulled his back to his lap breaking their gaze, he felt like he'd been hit by a mack truck in the chest, she'd said in the web-cam message that she was happy, she even mentioned the marine biologist, is it him, have I finally been stupid enough to loose her to some damned fish expert? No this can't be happening! were the thoughts that assaulted his frenzied mind right now.
Sara saw how upset Gil had become, although he was trying valiantly to hide it from her by looking away from her, then she realized with a start that he must think she had met another man, and god forbid that she would when she still loved him as she had always done, but her words had led him to that hurtful conclusion.
She needed to do damage control, and quickly before she lost any courage she had left to deliver her news.
"Gil" she said softly, but he didn't look at her "Gil look at me please" she said as tears stung at her eyes seeing him in turmoil and hurting "There isn't another man in my life, you know there could never be, there's only you, you should know that" seeing that her words were still not doing their desired effect, or looking at her, she decided to deliver what she had meant to say to him in the first place "Gil I'm pregnant......We're pregnant........I'm going to have our baby" she said as tears filled her eyes, and she searched his face waiting for his eyes to connect with hers.
The softly spoken words 'Pregnant and baby' managed to filter their way through his tumultuous mind and register, and he quickly turned his head to lock gazes with her again "What was that?" he said in a shaky emotion filled voice "Say that again please honey".
As the first tear spilled over her cheek, she gulped trying to hold them in as she spoke "I'm pregnant. I'm going to have our baby Gil. That's what I was trying to tell you, what the pills are for. Prenatal vitamins and an iron supplement for anaemia prescribed by my doctor........I needed to tell you before we....." she was rambling and she knew it, but was cut off from finishing as Gil suddenly threw back his chair, and came around the table quickly to her pulling her up into his arms holding her close to his chest.
"Shhhh.... It's going to be all right honey, this is wonderful news Sara" he said as she cried softly into his chest overcome with how emotional and relieved she felt at finally feeling a little more secure than she had been for some time now.
"I..I....I found out after I sent you the message..........But I'd told you........Already told you that I was happy.....And....And not to worry about me any more" Sara's muffled and broken voice spoke as Gil held her tightly and rubbed her back soothingly.
"It's okay honey, we're okay, we're going to be fine. We'll deal with this together" Gil said as he kissed the top of her head and guided her over to the end of the bed "Come on honey sit down".
End flashback.
Throwing the lab doors open for possibly the last time in his life, his eyes quickly sought out the Mercedes parked just off to the front of the main doors, his eyes locked with the driver as he quickly walked over, opened the passenger door, he sat down grinning as he clipped his seatbelt in place.
"You doing okay?" the driver asked with a soft sympathetic smile.
"Yeah.....I am now......Lets go home honey. We have a drive to Frisco in twelve hours and we both need some rest before then" Gil said placing his hand on Sara's small developing baby bump, rubbing it gently, as he leaned over and kissed her tenderly.
"Okay, lets go pick up Hank from the sitters, then nap time for us all" Sara said happily as she started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.
The End
A/N - I so hope to god you all liked how I finished this short story and it was fitting in with the characters profiles so far in the show. I originally wrote this as a one piece story having written this chapter but not chapter two, then I decided to do things a little differently to what I would normally do, adding the flashback to keep you all guessing until the very end like I thing CSI tptb etc will do on Thursday. More stories & updates on others to come soon!
Please take the time to leave me a review to let me know what you thought of the story as a whole, if you think I filled in some of the blanks CBS have left out for us, or if I did or didn't keep Grissom in character. I really do appreciate any feedback.
