Sirius stood in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter, completely flummoxed. There was so much to say, and absolutely nowhere to begin. This was a big conversation, much bigger than the oblivious five-year-old sitting at the counter across from him, who was currently preoccupied with a half finished coloring page.
Yes, the other party in this difficult discussion would be his tiny godson, Harry Potter. Harry had accepted everything so far – from explanations of same-sex couples to introductions of magic – with nothing but happiness and enthusiasm. This, however, would be different. Would Harry smile if Sirius mentioned that their beloved Remus was a fairytale monster?
No, no, he'd never use the "M" word. He didn't even let Remus use it, to describe himself. Still, the word would hang like a suspended dagger. Sirius didn't know how any of them would cope if Harry lost his trust in Moony.
"Pup," Sirius finally managed to begin, "that's a great fish that you're working on. Good job staying inside the lines, too."
"He's purple." Harry casually informed Sirius, still totally absorbed in his art.
"He is, isn't he? Nice choice, though I would've chosen gold, myself."
"I know." Harry worked diligently at the contours of the fins. "You always color everything gold. I don't have any more yellow crayons."
Sirius laughed. "We'll get some more, then."
"Kay." Harry put a finishing touch on his paper – a big "H-A-R-R-R-R-R-Y" (R was his favorite letter to write, so he tended to get carried away) in the lower right corner. "Then I'll make a picture for you. This one is for Moony, since he doesn't care 'bout the color. Is he still napping? I want to give it to him."
"He's still napping. We'll hang it on the fridge, and it can be a surprise for when he wakes up! How about that?" Sirius took the picture and affixed it with a googly-eye magnet.
"Why's he still napping?" Harry complained. "He naps more than I do, and he's a grown up! I want Moony to come play with us."
Here it was. "He'd love to, Pup, but he just can't right now."
"But why?"
Sirius sighed. "I'm having a chocolate milk. Would you like one, as well?"
Apparently, Harry wasn't up for any circumvention (though he did accept the drink). "Why won't Moony play, Padfoot?"
Sirius took the barstool beside his godson. "I'll tell you, Harry, but you have to make me a promise – you can never, ever tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's a secret between you, me, and Moony."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Or I'll be in trouble?"
Damn the Dursleys. For all he and Remus had done to help Harry – and the child had taken impossibly huge strides – he still associated punishment with physical and emotional trauma.
"We're never, ever going to hurt you, Harry. You know that. This isn't about trouble for you or me: Moony would be in big danger if this secret ever got out."
Harry nodded, solemn. "I won't tell anybody. Even if Mr. Albus gives me a candy."
Sirius had to smile at that one. The child had apparently already picked up on the headmaster's manipulation tactics. Impressive.
"Thank you. I trust you, and know you'll not tell anyone. So, Moony, he's… He's got… He's a bit sick."
The green eyes blinked, confused. "Let's bring him a potion, then. And you can magic him if it doesn't work."
"It's a different kind of sick. It doesn't go away." Sirius took a long swig of chocolate milk. "When he was- well, he was just older than you-" He stopped, catching himself off guard. "Merlin, he was just older than you."
"When he got sick?" Harry asked after a moment of silence. "So he's been sick all this time?"
"Sort of." The man returned to reality. "It's a permanent sickness, but he isn't sick all the time. Just about once every month. That's why sometimes he takes a lot of naps. You see, most all of the time, he's our silly Moony who loves us to the stars and back. However, just for a little bit of time, only when the moon is out and only once a month, his body changes. He doesn't mean to, and he really doesn't want to, but he turns into a – a very grumpy, mean dog."
"Uh oh." Harry chewed his lower lip, apparently having picked up Remus's idiosyncrasies already. "Like when you're being Puppy Padfoot?"
Sirius wished, with all his might, that he could but a stopper on Harry's innocence right here, and never let any more slip away. That was impossible, though. "No, nothing like me. I can change whenever I want to, and inside my head, I'm still just me. Moony, though, can't stop himself from changing, no matter how much he wishes he could. When he's the mean dog – it's called a werewolf – he thinks and acts like the mean dog. He wouldn't recognize you, or me, or even himself if he saw a picture."
Harry's eyes were downcast. He broke his crayon in half.
"You understand, Pup? Are you okay? It's all right if you have any questions."
No reply.
"How are you feeling, Harry?"
Both halves of the crayon dropped to the ground. "Sad."
Sirius tilted the child's chin up, and towards him. There was a pout on the little face. "It makes you sad that Moony is sick?"
"It makes me sad that he can't get better." Harry began to get worked up. "And it's not fair! It's not fair because Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon and Dudley were the meanest people in the world, and they hardly ever got sick, but Moony is the nicest person in the world and he has to be sick forever! It's not fair, Padfoot!"
"Oh, Puppy." Sirius squeezed Harry's hand. "I know. I know it's not fair."
"But there's magic! Why can't we magic him? Please?" Harry begged.
Sirius didn't realize he'd have to deal with this conversation today, too. "There are some things even magic can't fix."
Harry thought for a second. "What if you used two wands, and a potions?"
Sirius shook his head "no."
"What if you ask Mr. Albus? I wont say anything, but you or Moony can ask him. He's really smart. You can tell him I'll clean up his office and look after Fawkes for a whole year if he can fix Moony."
"No one needs you to act the House Elf, Harry. Mr. Albus can't fix this either. All we can do is make Moony as happy and comfy as possible before and after the transformation."
"Then we will." Harry was so resolute to help, so quickly – so like James. "How do we do that?"
"It's complicated." Sirius took a break to refill his chocolate milk (frankly, he wished he could add something a little stronger in there, too). "As much as werewolves don't get along with humans, they're fine with other animals. They even like to play, sometimes."
"But I thought they were grumpy?"
"They are." Sirius sighed. "They're grumpy and very dangerous. You're never to be near a werewolf during the Full Moon, even if it's Moony."
"Moony wouldn't-" Harry began to protest.
"He would, Harry, that's the scary part. He would still be dangerous, because he isn't in his right mind. Then you'd be hurt, and Moony and I would never, ever forgive ourselves for letting you be hurt like that." Sirius scolded.
It wasn't often that he took that tone, and Harry bowed his head. "I just want to help."
Sirius took the stool beside Harry. "Of course you do, Pup. Your picture is going to help him a lot."
Harry jumped down from the stool and grabbed his picture from the refrigerator. Before Sirius could stop him, he ripped his coloring sheet in two.
"Harry!" Sirius lifted the child up to sit on the counter. "What was that for?"
"S'just a dumb picture. S'not gonna help Moony."
"I'm taping it back together. He really does –"
"No!" Harry yelled. Sirius stopped like a stalled broom.
"No!" Harry continued. "Don't put it back together!"
"Harry, calm down-"
"No!"
Sirius had no idea what to do. The kid hadn't even put up a fight about eating broccoli yet! Where was this coming from?
"I don't want Moony to have it. No, no, NO! No, Padfoot!"
"Fine." Sirius conceded, palms up in surrender. "I'll tape it back and put it on the fridge like before. You, Pup, need to calm down."
"No." Harry pouted. "And don't put it back together."
Sirius sighed, putting the drawing down to lift Harry up. "I think it's time for a nap."
"No!" With all the power his little arm could muster, Harry hit Sirius in the bicep.
Well, this was new.
"Harry James Potter, you are to use your words, not your hands." Sirius barely recognized his own voice, summoning those words so often said to him, a generation ago.
"Let me go." Harry pouted.
"Apologize, then, Harry."
Instead of an "I'm sorry," Sirius only got another punch to the arm.
Sirius hated to be the disciplinarian. He hated to tell Harry that he was doing anything wrong. This couldn't be ignored, though, could it? He knew be doing worse by Harry by letting it slide.
"Go to your room." Sirius put Harry to the floor and pointed him down the hall.
Harry was confused. "Why?"
"You're getting a time out, that's why. You'll stay in there and think about why hitting is wrong." Or, at least, that's what Sirius thought the child was supposed to do. He wasn't too well versed in the time out.
"Fine. Don't want to talk to you, anyway." Harry stomped down the hall and slammed his door.
Sirius sighed. He took a moment hope that this was a youthful phase and not a foreshadowing of adolescent behavior, and then followed down the same hall, into his and Remus's room.
Remus was sitting up in bed, holding a cool, wet rag to his forehead. This was a painfully common sight around the full moon.
"A headache, Moony?" Sirius asked, quiet.
"Nope." Remus replied, eyes still closed. "Just feeling warm, and a little shaky. Not too bad, though, all things considered. This feels like an easy moon."
Remus always found a way to slip that term into conversation, to mollify Sirius. They both knew it was inane – Remus never knew how easy or difficult a transformation would be until all was said and done. Pretending there were signs and omens of a "good" moon made it easier on both their minds.
With that, Sirius climbed into bed, next to his partner. He tried to take his hand, but Remus pretended to miss the offer. Sirius felt grim – that was a frequent sign that Remus's hands were beginning to cramp, in anticipation of the claws that would soon spring out.
"When are you taking him over?" Remus asked, casually.
"Shh." Sirius comforted. "After I tell him." He spoke in a whisper, hoping Remus wouldn't fully comprehend the words.
It was a stupid tactic, of course. When had Remus Lupin ever misheard anything? He was part wolf, for Merlin's sake.
"You haven't told him?" Remus groaned. "Sirius, we had an agreement. We had a plan. You can be such a-"
"Wasn't my fault! He hit me!"
Remus let out a laugh, and Sirius was grateful that he was able to, albeit unintentionally, lift his lover's spirits. "He must pack quite a punch, to knock the responsibility straight out of your head. Or, well, I guess in your case, one wouldn't have to be trying so hard to do that."
"He's in a time out. I'll tell him when he's out."
"Right. Good. He'll think it's more punishment, then we've established this arrangement to be something bad right from the get go." Remus lightly backhanded Sirius on the chest, wincing at impact. "Now I'm going to be in time out too, aren't I?" He teased.
Sirius smiled, mischievous. "You'll be in trouble, all right, but I think we should save that punishment until after the moon."
Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius kissed him.
"I'm going to go talk to him now. I'll make it right as rain, and you'll see, he'll barely want to wave 'bye' to you on our way to the floo."
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"NO!" Harry wailed, bundled deep beneath layers of quilts and comforters. He'd gotten into the under bed storage while in time out, and set up a sort of bunker of blankets for himself, on the floor. "Not going anywhere! You can't make me!"
"Harry," Sirius tried to reason, "They're very, very nice people. They're my family. They'll only be watching you for one night. I'll be back for you in the morning. It'll be a sleepover, Harry! Doesn't that sound like fun?"
There was a great, loud inhale, and Sirius braced himself for another impossible yell. How could children that small make that much noise?
"Moony says neither of you are sending me away, not ever. But now you're tryin' ta' send me away. You're a LIAR!" He ended in a screech that would give a banshee a run for her galleons.
"It's not like that." Sirius heard his own voice rise slightly, in frustration. He forced himself to calm down. "You know we love you, Puppy, and we'd never, ever actually send you away. It's just a night! They have a daughter named Tonks, who can't wait to meet you. She's on holiday from school right now. I bet she'll want to color with you."
Nothing. Sirius kept trying.
"Mr. Ted is a better cook than anyone I know. Even Moony. Mrs. Andromeda is the best storyteller in the world – you can ask her to tell you about dragons, Harry. She's met real live dragons."
Harry poked his head out from underneath the mound. "What if something happens to Moony while I'm gone?"
"Oh pup," Sirius sighed. "You don't be worried about Moony, love. He'll be fine. I promise."
"You promise-promise?" Harry asked.
"I promise-promise-promise." Sirius confirmed.
"You promise times infinity?" Harry added to the negotiation.
Sirius could accept those terms. "I promise times infinity-infinity. Up you get."
Harry shimmied out of his self-imposed swaddling. "Can I say bye to Moony?"
"Of course." Sirius picked up the small overnight bag that Remus had packed for Harry last week. "Just be extra gentle."
Harry smirked. "I'll be extra-extra gentle."
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"Don't be sad, Moony. It's only just a night. And Mr. Ted is a better cook than anyone. Even you and Padfoot. 'Specially Padfoot."
The words only made Remus hold Harry tighter to his chest. Though the man's muscles ached, the pain in his heart was greater, now that he follu realized their little boy would be gone 'till tomorrow. "That's right, Pup. I'm not sad."
Sirius pried Remus's hands away. "You'll support that argument better by easing up on the death grip."
"Was this a bad idea?" Remus mouthed to Sirius.
Sirius shook his head. The past several moons had been particularly bad, and Sirius knew it was because he wasn't there to run with the wolf. It would be best for all three of them if someone else supervised Harry. Besides, Andromeda had been positively itching to meet, as she said, "Lily's darling boy."
"Bye Moony. Love you." Harry said, pushing himself up.
Remus brought the child back for one more kiss on the forehead. "Love you too. Behave."
"Kay."
"'I'll be right back. Toss and yell into the floo if there's an emergency."
"Yes doctor." Remus said, sardonic.
"Hey." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Though I told you, none of that until after the moon."
Remus flushed. "Not that – Not in front of Harry, you dolt!"
No matter the child was already in the hallway, waiting impatiently for Sirius, totally oblivious to the connotation.
Sirius laughed and followed the child. Remus was able to hear a small voice, right before the two floo-ed away: "You're Moony's doctor?
