this is way overdue but real life got in the way. The stress of having my first apartment is pretty intense but I hope things will get easier with time. I hope everyone had a good Holiday, my birthday was the 27th!
This chapter breaks my heart but it might be my favorite one of all time.
Thank you to MadeleineJade and Twilight is love, I hope you stick with me in this because I can't do it without you.
All Characters Belong To Stephenie Meyer.
I was already fuming when I arrived in front of his door. I was trying my best to reign in my anger because I knew making a big fucking spectacle of myself would just make her angrier. But when I raised my fist to knock, I could hear her laughter inside his apartment, and all previous notions of "keeping it cool" went out the window.
I pounded on the door and waited for someone to answer.
"Who is it?" Jacob asked through the door.
"It's Edward. Open the fucking door."
He wretched the door open and looked visibly angry at my presence. "She doesn't want to see you," he growled at me.
"I don't care!" I pushed past him to find her sitting on the couch wearing nothing but what I assumed to be a pair of Jacob's boxers and one of his button down shirt.
"What the fuck?" I asked, trying to come up with a logical reason as to why my girlfriend was wearing another man's clothing.
"Jake lent me some clothes to sleep in," she responded casually.
"Do you have any idea how fucking worried you had me? You had no right to run out like that on poor Rosalie," I chastised her.
"Poor Rosalie? What about me? I'm tired of seeing everyone move on and be happy while you and I stay in this rut!"
"What the hell do you want from me, Bella? I changed who I am for you, so that I could be worthy of you, but all you do is make me feel like I'm still not good enough." I hung my head in defeat and tried to ignore the fact that I was completely vulnerable in front of one of my worst enemies.
"You always manage to turn things around and make them about you, Edward. Get a fucking grip. The world does not revolve around you."
"You're upset because Rosalie is pregnant and because two of your best friends are getting married. Is that what you want? If you want a baby, then I'll give you a baby. If you want to get married, then let's go to City Hall or fucking Vegas. Anything you want, Bella. I love you."
"You idiot. That's not how you propose," Jacob interjected.
"Shut up," Bella and I responded almost in unison.
"I want it all," she replied in almost a whisper.
"I can't move forward with you if you are sleeping with Jacob."
Her face fell at my accusation. "Why do you always assume the worst of me? I can't keep doing this with you. It's always the same shit. 'Bella, I'm an emotional cripple and I treat you like shit half the time for no reason, but I love you so please deal with my shit 'cause I'll never love again.' You say you can't live without me, but you don't do much to keep me around." Her words stung like hell, but mostly for the fact that she was right.
"I know. Come home or not. I'm not going to beg, grovel, or guilt you into it. Come home because it's what you want. I wanted that, baby, for what it's worth, and I want us to work through this together." I didn't bother to get her reaction or hear what Jacob had to say. I began my walk home, trying my best to ignore the flashing lights that followed close behind. I was living in a fucking fish bowl.
***
For once in my life, I didn't try to numb my feelings with drugs or alcohol. Instead, I laid in bed with my head buried in her pillow. I gave up on thinking she'd come home after midnight. If this was what she wanted, then I'd give her the space she needed.
I could move overseas and try to garner some success there, try to get as far away from her as I could, because the closer I was, the stronger the pull to her would be.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the key turning in the door. I didn't move from my place, which was currently on my back with my eyes fixed to the ceiling. She crept into the room slowly, not a word falling from her lips as she undressed for bed.
She knew I was awake. Her eyes were trained on my open ones as she climbed into bed beside me. There were no words to say because she was home. I laid on my side to face her and pulled her into my arms because I wanted to be home, too.
I could feel her tears soaking through my t-shirt as she sobbed silently, and I didn't bother to hide my own. We were mourning the loss of a child that didn't physically exist, but that baby existed in our hearts.
She pulled her head away from my chest and looked in to my eyes, her thumb reaching out to dry a tear on my cheek. Her brown eyes were sparkling, her eyelashes stuck together from her tears. I'd never seen her look more beautiful than in that moment.
"Will you marry me, Isabella?" I asked in barely a whisper.
She nodded silently. Her eyes were mirror images of my own, which said everything we couldn't bring ourselves to say. I needed her desperately, like air. We clung to each other for dear life that night, knowing that we could never survive without each other.
the next one is not written but I hope you can inspire me to get on it. I promise to update as much as I possibly can. I love you all more than words can say.
