Chapter 3: Soul Memories

Driven by the rut made by repetition, William Thiessen retraced his steps back from Xerxes General Hospital to a stunted stone villa on the Eastern side of the city. He took the same route with the same careful steps. He needn't worry about a wrong turn or the fact that he couldn't see the direction of sun between the tall city buildings that stood high above his head. Before he knew it he stood outside the front door with a key in his hand as he fumbled with the lock. He stepped inside the small foyer and slipped his shoes off.

The simple décor did not radiate the same vibrancy as Cassius' villa had and it was smaller, just comfortable. As luck would have it, doctors, though highly respected, were not highly paid. That seemed not to worry Will as he sniffed thoughtfully at the clean air and strolled into the main room. A few children toys sat on the floor next to a lounge chair. Sun streamed in through the open windows. In the distance he could hear the sounds of the city, but they seemed far off. No other sounds penetrated the silence around him. He frowned.

His study remained just as messy as when he'd left it early that morning. Alkahestry books and pieces of parchment with his own scrawled handwriting layered the mahogany desk resembling something that might have been called organized chaos. Will's eyes landed on the large leather-bound text in the center of it all. His lip twitched as slight panic rose up in him. He had left the book open when he'd left. How foolish of him. Anyone could have come across it…

He closed it carefully now and looked out the window at the courtyard centered within the villa. The silence was still complete.

Then, "Daddy?"


Envy's eyes shot open. The hospital bed on which he lay was half doused in sunlight coming in from the window on the side of the room. A sigh escaped him. He was back in Central, back in the present day.

Wiping sweat from his forehead, he rolled over and noticed he was being watched by big blue eyes. Blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders like a golden waterfall. Blue met violet for a split second before they both looked away. He groped around in his mind for a name to fit to the girl, but none came. He knew her. He knew he knew her. Somehow, he also knew he wasn't supposed to be lying in a hospital bed being watched by a former enemy. Something was wrong about it. Maybe he hadn't really woken up at all.

He sat up and pain wracked his body like he had never felt before. A blur of images and senses assaulted his mind at that moment. The taste of blood was prominent on his tongue; Father in all his glory being destroyed by a swarm of humans, one of which Envy knew very well; A flash of fire accompanied by a searing pain in his side.

Envy looked down at his body and noticed a patchwork of pale-colored scarring along the left side of his abdomen. But that was wrong. Why had he healed like that? It was ugly. He tried to shift his state into a flawless from, but all he had managed to do was give himself a headache. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Van said it would be difficult for you to use your powers at first," came a small voice from next to him. It shook him out of his reverie. He turned to face her. He had completely forgotten about her.

"Van?" at least his voice hadn't suffered any change. It still lingered between sexes, but it was something he had grown accustomed to. Years of being a shapeshifter had caused him to forget what he used to look like, but sound always triggered memories, even those from centuries past.

"Ed and Al's father, Van Hohenheim," the girl said. She looked at him with slight pity in her eyes, which made Envy's blood boil. His memory might have suffered a bit of drawback, but it definitely didn't give him a reason to pout about it. He was still remembering things from centuries ago like they had been yesterday. He frowned in thought. Then, why was he having difficulty remembering recent events? Names and faces were his specialty and he still hadn't come up with a name for the girl who sat in front of him.

He glanced at her again and studied her face. Blonde hair, blue eyes – typical, he thought. She had rounded features, a small nose and silver band earrings road up each of her ears. He counted three piercings on each. Odd, for a woman to have a piercing at all… He mentally slapped himself. Why was his conscious mind getting confused with facts from the past?

"You should be lying down," she said. She looked as if she wanted to help him, but didn't want to touch him. That revelation stung deeply. Envy scowled.

"I'm more comfortable sitting," he replied more stubbornly than normal. He wondered why she was there at all if all she was going to do was stare at him with pity looks and offer lame advice.

Suddenly, she stood, "I've dealt with more stubborn patients. Do you want me to force you?"

Envy blinked at her in surprise. Then, out of the depths of his mind, a name finally formed itself. "Winry Rockbell, automail mechanic…"

Her look softened. "We've met before," she said, a little amused, "But you were pea-sized and green."

If it were possible, Envy felt a little heat rise up in his cheeks. So, she'd seen him as that, had she? How embarrassing. He wasn't surprised to find anger rise with the heat. "I wasn't myself then."

"I can see that," Winry said. A small smile played on her lips, "Now, please lie down."

Before Envy could respond the door opened and a young man about Winry's age appeared. Envy recognized him immediately, and found it rather amusing. Edward Elric held a tray of food and let the door close behind him with a thud. He stopped when he saw Envy and almost dropped the tray.

"Winry, get away from him!" he said sharply.

"But Ed –,"

"Go and get Hohenheim, Winry," he added. He put the tray of food on the night table as Winry reluctantly left the room. Envy noticed her cast a glare at the back of Ed's head before she closed the door. He put a hand over his eyes to block out the cold white light of the infirmary. He had started to get a headache. Odd, he normally wasn't susceptible to small strokes of pain. It brought him back to when he used to deal with more than just simple headaches. When he was human.

"Why…" Speech seemed, for the moment, extremely difficult, "Why am I alive? How am I…?"

"Father's been defeated and Amestris is safe. I don't know how you survived after getting severed from Father, but so did Pride," Ed explained.

"Pride?" A mental image of darkest within darkness consumed Envy's mind. Pride, the first homunculus and Father's favored child, had survived the war between monster and human. God and human, Envy remembered Father correcting him far too many times to count. Though, no matter how many times he did, Envy couldn't help but think of his own reflection and doubt him. To be homunculus was not becoming of a god; far from it in his opinion.

"Did you hear me?" Edward's voice sharply cut in, "You've lost the war. Don't try anything funny."

"So, Pride survived did he?" Envy asked with half a mind to stir the pot a bit, "Are you sure it's safe to keep him alive. He's the most dangerous of all of us, you know. I wouldn't keep him out of sight for a second."

"You're both going to be watched closely," Ed replied, and Envy realized he wouldn't take the bait that easily. He knew Envy too well. His tricks were becoming old news. "You're lucky Mustang and Grumman are easy-going. Mustangs giving you another chance –,"

"He's saving face, is he?" Envy scowled, "Coward. He should have just finished it, but you humans are all too sentimental."

"Perhaps, but we've overcome you homunculi," Ed frowned, "And if either you or Pride decided to fight us, we'll wipe you out just like we did to Father and the others. You're not all-powerful or immortal. We know how to defeat you. Don't try anything stupid."

"So, you expect me to live alongside you humans even after everything Father's done? How humiliating…" Envy twisted the bed sheets in his fists angrily. It had been a long time since he had felt what he felt now; angry, yet grateful, and too proud to admit it.

"I know everything, Envy…" Ed's voice penetrated into Envy's mind like nothing had ever done before, "Hohenheim told Al and I everything about Xerces, about you – William –,"

"Don't say his name!" Envy snarled. He almost leaped from the bed. He wanted so much to strangle the air out of the boy sitting in front of him. How dare Hohenheim! It was none of their business. He had buried that life a long time ago, and forgotten it. It was for the best, and now that insolent little bastard had decided to resurrect it.

"You were human once," Ed persisted in disbelief, undaunted by Envy's maddened expression, "You knew my father. You were… a doctor."

Envy pulled at his own hair and hid his face in his hands, trying to drown out Ed's voice. His voice had become lost in his throat. He wanted to scream at the little bastard. He wanted to tear his tongue from his head.

"You… had a family."

Silence closed around him now. He had pulled his hair so hard his scalp had gone numb with pain. His eyes, bloodshot, stared widely at the sheets draped over his legs. If he had a heart for his undying body, it would have stopped.

He had a family. Father and Lust had been as good as any, but he knew the runt wasn't talking about them.

He had – William had – had a family. Could he even remember what they looked like anymore? What had been the color of his daughter's eyes? Or the sound of his wife's voice when she sung a lullaby to his infant son? Could he remember any of it anymore?

Despicable.


Xerxes is most beautiful on the edge of summer. Fruits ripened, harvest came and the sky would turn deep red at sun set. Beautiful.

Natural.

The summer before the world ended, William sat in his work shop eyeing up a few forgotten projects. His work for the hospital had absorbed most of his spare time, but sitting there, puffing absently at a pipe, he suddenly felt full of inspiration. Alkahestry was his job, and he was good at it, but mechanics was his fascination.

Metal was difficult to come by in Xerces. He had saved a small fortune for the tools he could pay for and built what he could out of what he found. When he was younger he fashioned toy animals or objects out of wood and stone for his daughter, but his interest had moved to a more malleable resource. It was both strong and flexible, and engineers had started using it for the rungs of carriage wheels, structure support of buildings, and even utensils in place of wood. It was expensive, but it was the best.

His eyes fell on an old sword leaning against the wall and he wondered. What new horrors would people dream up now? It seemed that every new technology always ended up being driven towards a new, more efficient way to kill.

He sighed. That would make his job that much more difficult.

His reflection stared back at him from a polished piece of silver he held between his fingers. Black hair, pulled back out of his face, fell past his shoulders. Grey eyes followed the shallow lines around the corners of his mouth. His complexion and coloring differed from the typical Xerces inhabitant. His father had come from Xing in his youth with prospects of traveling the world and instead ended up settling down with a woman in Xerces. His father had strong genes, and the black hair had won out, but the grey eyes. He smiled a bit. They were from his mother's side.

He supposed that's how he had managed to hook a woman like Larissa. She had a taste for the exotic, and unlike him, she was outgoing and sociable. She was also much younger than he. William sometimes felt that he had harnessed her too soon. He had wanted children, and she had obliged.

They left the raising of the children to the keeper of the keys, Slave Number 14. Larissa had insisted they buy a few slaves to help with the housework, and William provided like a dutiful husband. He felt he needed to give Larissa as much free time as she needed. Since, he felt guilty for taking it away from her too soon.

"The horse broke, dad."

William turned his attention to his daughter. She had inherited his coloring and her mother's soft features. She held the wooden horse figure up to him. One of the legs had snapped. He smiled.

"That's an easy fix," he said, taking it from her.

"Are you going to work tomorrow?" she asked. Big eyes stared up at him expectantly.

"Bright and early. You know that. Why do you ask?"

"I don't want to be left with Fourteen anymore. She makes me sit in the playroom and I'm not allowed to go out of the house," his daughter complained.

"Is your mother going out tomorrow again?" he said. He found a nice piece of chalk and started drawing a transmutation circle on the surface of the desk with it.

"She said she's going to see a friend."

He placed the horse at the center of the circle and there was a flash of blue light. After it had finished, he gave it back to her, fixed like new. "Good as new," he said.

"Thanks, dad."


His eyes opened slowly and blinked to clear his vision. A haze had settled on his mind, making him feel as though he were still in a dream. Hohenheim sat next to the bed, looking at him with an expression of concern. Someone shifted in the background and Envy noticed Ed stood, leaning against the wall next to the door. His arms were crossed and his eyes were angry. Being the most observant homunculus, Envy noticed with disbelief that his right arm was of flesh and not automail.

So… it's really over. The war is over.

"Those flashbacks are normal and will continue to happen for any length of time. Eventually they will become few and far between and stop completely," Hohenheim said.

"What are they? Dreams?" Envy muttered.

"I think you know what they are, William," Hohenheim replied, calmly, despite Envy's obvious jerk at the name, "They're memories; Soul memories to be more specific. Your philosopher stone has been damaged beyond repair and only a few souls remain attached to you including your original one."

"You told them about me?" Envy hissed, glancing over at Edward with a look of fury.

"After your little display at headquarters after Father had been defeated I had to," Hohenheim bowed his head a little, "Forgive me, but it was the only reason Roy Mustang kept you alive."

Envy frowned and gingerly sat up. "Kept me alive out of pity? Stupid human. He should have finished it when he had the chance. Just goes to show you humans are fool-hearted. Trusting enemies like friends, running around flapping your mouths about friendship and love and every other stupid attachment you can come up with."

"I'll have you know, Mustang has also decided to place Scar on to help with Ishballan relations, and Pride is being raised once more by Mrs. Bradely. He is giving you all a second chance to redeem yourselves," Hohenheim explained. With a small smile he added, "I attested to your account. I believe you have it in you to work with humans, especially after you admitted to wanting to be incorporated within that network of friends you envy so much. I also know that William's soul is strong and kind."

"I am not William!" snapped Envy, "And you can tell these memory flashbacks to fuck off! There's no way I'm going to lower myself to work with the likes of you humans."

"You worked with us when we were trapped in Gluttony's stomach," Ed suddenly piped up, "You did it because it was a life or death situation, but think of this in the same way. Mustang's giving you one chance to work with us again. If you try to turn on us, we'll just have to take you out."

Envy looked between the son and the father. Neither looked particularly happy about giving Envy another chance. In fact, they looked like he was about to go on a killing rampage at any given moment. It pleased him to see that they hadn't completely given into the idea of him as a soft-hearted, used-to-be human. He was still very much a homunculus. He still very much hated humans.

But Fullmetal was right for once. It didn't look like he had much of a choice, and he hated that even more.

"What exactly am I being kept alive for? What job are you going to force me into?"

Hohenheim's lip turned up a bit. "You're a very cunning strategist and you know a lot about Alkahestry. The Fuhrer wants you to work for him. Also, as a homunculus you complete the variability of races within the government."

Envy blinked. "The Fuhrer?" It couldn't be…

"Roy Mustang has been appointed Fuhrer," Hohenheim replied.

"What that flame lunatic?" Envy blanched. He hadn't known the Flame Alchemist personally, but his relationship with him had been a rich one. It was difficult to erase that look of dark hatred from his mind, and the scorching heat of the alchemic flames.

"Tck, if only we knew you knew about Alkahestry from the very being…" Fullmetal mumbled. He walked forward and dropped a folder on Envy's lap. "Welcome to the human side. You are now a dog of the state. Here's your first assignment."

Envy scowled at the pint-sized alchemist and opened the folder. His eyes fell on some paperwork, outlining his job description and his jaw dropped. "Bodyguard?"

"For me," Ed looked about as happy as Envy did about it.

"Fuck no. Why the hell do you need a bodyguard? Doesn't that stab at your pride, pipsqueak?"

Fullmetal's hand jerked into a fist. "I'm not happy about it either, but I can't do alchemy anymore and Al has decided to take a year off for courtesy calls. Everyone else they offered it to declined and you were the last they could give it to, assuming you decided to not be an ass."

"You can't do alchemy, eh? That sucks," Envy snickered, "How can you call yourself a state alchemist if you can't even perform?"

"I'm doing research now," Edward replied, ignoring the implied insult, "I plan to go to Xing and visit Ling and May first and get some knowledge on Alkahestry. That's why I need you with me."

"I don't remember half of it," Envy said. He scanned through the folder again and noticed he had been bumped to Major. He found that interesting. When Wrath had been in charge he had been eternally stuck down at the Lieutenant rank. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. He could push a few people around and pester Fullmetal a bit.

That's when it dawned on him. Fully dawned. He was free. Father was dead. He was free to do whatever he liked, assuming he didn't tread on Mustang's toes.

He felt a weight lift from his shoulders, a weight that had been there since what felt like the beginning of time. This was it. This is what he'd worked so hard to accomplish.

"Sounds good," he suddenly said. Fullmetal and Hohenheim gaped at him. He supposed they had expected him to argue a little more, but if he had to be honest with himself, he was tired of fighting. For once he just wanted to go with the flow of things and see where he landed.

"Uh… alright then," Edward glanced over at Hohenheim, "We'll leave as soon as you're able."

Envy turned his attention to Hohenheim and said, "Will you tell me more about these soul memories? Are they real?"

"They are as real as any memory, and like a memory they can be altered by your perception of things," Hohenheim replied, "So don't put ultimate trust in them. They can be changed to reflect your bias. Things as simple and basic as color can be different from reality."

"In the last one I saw my reflection… It's hard to remember. I don't remember what I looked like, but the dream was so vivid," Envy said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was admitting that he was, at least, William in theory, something he had tried to avoid.

"If I recall, you had black hair and grey eyes," Hohenheim said suddenly, catching Envy off guard. He stared at him in disbelief.

"So, it's the same. Does that mean it's real? That it wasn't just my mind patching things together?"

Hohenheim nodded. "It's possible."

"Hohenheim," Envy started a little awkwardly, "Did you ever meet my children?"

Fullmetal shifted awkwardly and Hohenheim smiled kindly at him. "Just the once."

"Could you… refresh my memory?" Envy asked, "Could you… tell me about them?"