Wow, it didn't occur to me until after I submitted it that in the last chapter, Bonecrusher makes fun of Starscream for being scared of snakes...which seems pretty arrogant coming from someone who previously ran screaming from walruses. XD
This chapter was written after I met my classmate's daughter, who has to be the cutest human sparkling I've ever seen. She even smiled at me! :D
Also, before I begin... You will not believe what kind of conversations I've had this week:
Them: So, which one's Prowl?
Me: He's the one that transforms into a police cruiser.
Them: No, that's Barricade.
...and another...
Them: Wait, I thought Prowl turned into a motorcycle?
I think I've died inside...Especially since these weren't 7-year-olds I was talking to (which would have been understandable; sad, but understandable)... They were my classmates! I'm a fragging senior!
The Decepticons were making about as much noise as possible as they slunk through an alleyway late at night. "Quiet! No one can see us, remember?!" Barricade whispered harshly to his comrades.
"It's not our fault we've got so much bulk! It's these stupid alt-modes!" Blackout protested. "I mean look at Brawl! The poor guy can't even touch his head!"
Brawl was trying hard to scratch an itch on his head, but his arms wouldn't bend enough. "Oh god...it itches so badly!"
"See? We're all so very top-heavy!"
"Well maybe you should have chosen a smaller vehicle mode, like me!" Barricade retorted. "I don't know, maybe even one that blends in, maybe just a little?"
"Ouch! Brawl, move over! You're practically standing on me!" Bonecrusher growled, pushing him away.
"I said, be quiet!" Barricade snapped.
"He started it," Bonecrusher defended.
"I don't care who started it! I'll finish it!" he continued. Brawl and Bonecrusher continued to lightly shove each other while they listened to his rant. "We are in a narrow alleyway in a human city! You four don't exactly blend into a civilian environment very well!"
"What do you mean by that?" Bonecrusher asked in an offended tone.
"I mean, how many Buffalo armored vehicles do you see in the city?"
"I myself only see one, and it's standing in between the one tank and the helicopter," Starscream backed him up.
Brawl began to look around. "Really? I don't see it..."
"He means me, you moron!" Bonecrusher snapped.
Taking strong offense to Bonecrusher's insult, Brawl rammed into him, knocking him into Blackout and sending them both flying down. Starscream and Barricade groaned while they both struggled to untangle themselves from the parking garage they just leveled.
"Brilliant, Brawl!" Starscream growled.
"Oh, I bet the Autobots don't have to put up with anything this stupid..." Barricade sighed.
-Meanwhile, at the Autobot base-
"I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain!" Sunstreaker and Sideswipe sang in unison. "I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides which you see, I have confidence in me!"
"Out! Out! Get out of my medbay!" Ratchet snapped, pushing them both, laughing, out the door. "Both of you go be stupid someplace else!"
-Back with the Decepticons-
Frenzy heard something and jumped up on Barricade. "Barry-cade! Someone's coming!"
Barricade looked where Frenzy was pointing. "Crap! Human sparkling! Hide, quick!"
Frenzy plugged into Barricade. Blackout and Bonecrusher quickly scrambled to get up. As soon as the two were up off the ground they all quickly hid, with the exception of Brawl, who "hid" by standing in the open with his hands covering his optics, as if that would render him invisible.
"Brawl, what are you doing?!" Barricade demanded, running into the open, grabbing his wrist, and dragging him back to hide.
A little girl, about 7 or 8, peeked out the open window to investigate the sound. "Mommy, I heard something scary outside!" she called back to her mother.
"It was probably just the neighbor kids playing with live grenades again, honey. Don't worry about it," her mother called back.
"Can't you at least go check?" she asked.
"Go ask your father to check, sweetie."
"Daddy?" she called.
"Daddy? Are ya'll talking ta me? I ain't yo daddy! Alcohol's yo daddy!" her father replied. "There's a beer in the fridge! Ask him ta check for ya'll!"
"Alcohol was probably Bonecrusher's daddy too," Blackout whispered.
"That would explain a few things," Barricade agreed. They both started snickering while Bonecrusher growled at them and Starscream shushed them.
The sparkling wandered outside and looked around. She approached the fence that marked the boundary between the alleyway and her backyard and looked around. "Um... What happened to the garage? Hey, cool! A police-y car!" she said excitedly. "And look! A helly-copter! And a tank...and a jet...and I don't know what that thing is..."
"I hate human sparklings..." Bonecrusher growled.
"What else is new?" Barricade retorted. Starscream shushed them again.
The little girl stared straight at them. "Did they just...?"
Scorponok sneezed from the dust kicked up when Blackout and Bonecrusher smashed into the garage. "Gesundheit," Brawl said without thinking.
Blackout quickly transformed. "Eww! Scorponok, you sneezed in me!" Scorponok detached himself from Blackout, squeaked an apology, and quickly tried to clean out Blackout's moistened gears. "Yeah, that's right! You better clean it up!"
Everyone else transformed as well. Starscream smacked him in the back of the head. "Good going! You blew our cover!"
"Tell that to Scorponok! He's the one who sneezed!" Blackout countered, rubbing his head.
"Um, guys..." Brawl started. When he finally got their attention, he pointed to the little girl, who was gaping up at them. She suddenly started screaming, shattering their audio receptors and catching them by surprise.
"The child shrieks like a fruit bat!" Barricade screamed over the noise.
"Is someone slaughtering a baby pig, or is that horrible noise coming from the sparkling?!" Bonecrusher asked.
"It sounds like someone took a can of tortured souls and opened it very slowly, allowing them to escape one at a time!" Blackout groaned.
Barricade gave him a O.o look. "Nice comparison, Blackout..."
"Oh, will somebody just shut her the hell up?!" Starscream groaned.
"Hey! Demi-human! Shut up!" Bonecrusher snapped.
The little girl turned around and ran towards the house, screaming the whole time. "Mommy! Daddy! There are giant robots outside!"
"That's nice, sweetie," her mom replied.
"Don't come complainin' ta me! Go complain ta the beer! He'll make all yo troubles go away!" her father responded.
"That went well..." Blackout's optic twitched.
"Can someone scream in my audio receptors, just to make sure they haven't shorted?" Bonecrusher asked.
"Don't do it Brawl... He was being facetious," Barricade warned.
Yes, Blackout did just compare the cries of a child to the cries of the damned. You can tell he's never been a father, can you?
