All characters are Stephenie Meyer's.

We're finally getting closer to the lemons, but not yet. This chapter is a little steamy, though.

Chapter 3 - What are you thinking?

BELLA

I had searched the halls for him, as I walked through the doors of the school. I wanted to see him, but I also understood if he felt the need to stay away from me. I would have to endure the distance, but I hoped his family would be there. I thought I saw glimpses of them all day, but at lunch, I would know for sure. I would know if they were there or not; if I was crazy and hallucinating or not.

I pushed the large double doors open, and when my eyes fell on their table, with all family members present, I let out the breath I was holding and felt my face explode into a giant smile. Edward's eyes were on me, studying me, and it made me nervous. What did he think of me? Emmett and Alice were both bouncing out of their seats, trying to get my attention. I waved to them both. Emmett actually bumped into Edward, and it looked like he might have growled at Emmett. Did it bother him that Emmett was my friend, or was he just in a crappy mood because I made his throat feel like an atomic bomb had just exploded? I got into the food line and just grabbed a bottle of lemonade. I was nervous and didn't feel like eating. Besides, if I did settle down, I could always snag some of Alice's food; it was not like she was actually going to eat it. I was paying for my lemonade, when I heard Emmett's booming voice across the room.

"BELLA!"

I heard Jessica gasp, and I was sure she was shocked that the Cullen's were talking to anyone. Lauren and her both sneered at each other, and I just rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.

"BELLA!"

I shook my head and smiled at Emmett jumping up and down on the other side of the room. He blew me a kiss, and Lauren and Jessica gasped even louder, voicing their shock. I looked at Edward and gave him a concerned smile. I didn't want to hurt him more than I had to. I shook my head no. Then, Emmett yelled across the room, "Come on, baby, please!"

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him, and then, I looked at Edward. Emmett leaned over and whispered something in his ear, and Edward smiled. I wondered what it was, but then, I saw Edward motion for me to come over. I just about melted. He wanted me; he wanted me to come over.

"Bella, catch!"

Emmett blew me another kiss. This time, I caught it, laughing, and then, I smacked my butt. My eyes were on Edward, his eyes widened when I smacked my butt, and I noticed it took several paces before his focus shifted back up to my face. Interesting. I had never caught Edward ogling before; this was new. As I approached the table, Emmett jumped up, grabbing me and flinging me around.

"Did you just tell me I should kiss your butt?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "That's the only thing you'll be kissing on me," I stated, and at that, he spanked me, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make a loud smack. I was still laughing, when he put me in my chair. My eyes found Edward's as I settled down. I noticed he was standing.

"Are you okay?" I suddenly felt insecure. "Do you need me to move further away?" He raised an eyebrow at me and then looked down at his hands, before he quickly sat down and shook his head no.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked. He gave me a concerned smile.

"I'm fine, are you okay?" Then he glared at Emmett. I laughed to myself. Some things never changed.

"I'm fine, Edward, me and Emmett were just goofing around. Geez, I don't break that easily."

He looked hurt by my last comment, and I had to remember this Edward had not been overprotective yet.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

He looked down at his food and tore apart his chicken strips. I reached over to his tray and snagged a piece, putting it in my mouth. He looked up at me, shocked. I swallowed the food and spoke.

"What? It wasn't like you were going to eat it." The table burst into laughter. When it finally died down, he spoke.

"You're hungry?"

I just shrugged in answer, and he picked up another piece and brought it to my lips. I took his hand in mine and forced his fingertips into my mouth, so I could suck them clean. When my eyes met his, they were wide with shock, and his mouth was open in disbelief. I released his hand. "What? It wasn't like you were going to lick your fingers, either."

At that, he swallowed hard and shifted in his seat. Granted, the Bella of twenty years ago would have never said or done anything like that, but when I had been with Jacob, he had brought the vixen out in me, and I could see it resurfacing again. I heard Emmett give a low chuckle.

"Bella, you do have such a dirty mind."

I took the cue; he was ready for the game.

"Get out of my head, Emmett. You know it's not that dirty."

He slid a notebook over to me. "Well, let's see?"

Edward raised a curious eyebrow again, and for a moment, I thought about licking his face. I quickly shook that thought out of my head; Edward in any time would never go for that. I took in a deep breath and noticed Edward carefully studying my expression, and I hoped he hadn't learned to read me yet.

"Okay, Bella, you write a word, and I'll tell everyone what it is, and then, we'll decide if it's dirty or not."

I scowled at him, and he grinned at me. That wasn't part of the game, but I supposed it could be interesting. Edward eyed us both suspiciously. I scribbled down the first word. Cooking. It was clean enough.

Emmett said, "Cooking." Then, he grinned and bumped Jasper. "We could see how the food affected Edward, but how did it affect Bella?" Jasper gave me an evil, knowing grin. I blushed, and Edward's eyes found mine. He looked surprised.

"Alright, so, we all agree, cooking is dirty."

Emmett grabbed the notebook, flipping it open for everyone to see. Edward eyed him even more suspiciously, as Emmett wrote the word "dirty" next to cooking, and then, he slid it back to me.

"Okay, next."

I quickly wrote the word "books." Surely he couldn't find anything dirty about books. I looked up at Emmett and grinned, letting him know I was ready.

"Books, Bella? What kind of books have you been reading?" he said in a shocked tone I didn't fully understand. I turned and saw Edward's face; he looked eager. Did he want me to answer?

"Jane Austen."

"ROMANCE!" Emmett boomed. He grabbed the notebook and flipped it open and quickly scribbled "dirty" next to the word "books." I shook my head.

"This is easy." He looked over at Edward and nudged him. Edward just scowled at him. "Let's make this tougher, Bella. How about you give me four words now instead of just one?"

I gave him an annoyed look. The words separately were not dirty, but yes, putting them together was less than pure.

"Come on, Sis, I want a challenge."

"Fine," I snapped and started scribbling the words down. When I looked up, Edward gave me a concerned look. Emmett started chuckling.

"Really, Bella, this one is too easy."

I let out a sigh. "Just write dirty, Emmett."

I slid the closed notebook to him, but Edward grabbed it and opened it. Sun-Sparkly-Edward-Kissing. His eyes met mine. He looked confused, and I blushed. Edward's eyes quickly found Alice, and I could tell they were having a silent conversation. I felt my insides twist, as I bit my lip, waiting for the outcome of his discussion. Had I gone too far? Emmett's voice broke the silence.

"What's the matter, Eddie, a girl thinking about kissing you too much for you to handle?" I blushed a deeper shade of red.

"Enough, Emmett, I don't know what you're playing at, but leave Bella alone."

"Ah, come on, Bro, I thought you'd appreciate me reading her mind for you, since you can't!"

"I highly doubt you're reading her mind. You're obviously making her uncomfortable."

I wasn't sure what did it, but I snapped. I did not need Edward's protection, especially from Emmett of all people. I snatched the notebook from in front of Edward and slid it over to Emmett. Emmett's dimpled smile graced everyone at the table, and he let out a chuckle.

"Our little sis, Bella bug, was thinking Sun-Sparkly-Edward-Kissing."

He flipped it open and wrote dirty next to it. I leaned back and crossed my arms across my chest, trying to look smug and comfortable with the exchange. Emmett slid the notebook back.

"Do another long one."

I nodded in his direction. We both knew the next one was Claire de Lune by Debussy. In true Emmett fashion, he tried to make it dirty.

"Claire de Lune my pussy? Bella, are you saying you like girls?" I rolled my eyes.

"Try again, Emmett." He shrugged and made a show of putting his hands on his temples and concentrating.

"Oh, Claire de Lune by Debussy. Sorry about that, Bells, it's hard to concentrate with Rosie sitting next to me."

Rose smirked at him and squeezed his arm.

I smiled at their exchange, and then, I looked over at Edward. "You know Debussy?" he asked excitedly.

I smiled. I remembered his surprise the first time, too. I just grinned and nodded.

"Since I struggled with the last one, Bella, why don't you just do one word now?" Emmett was ready to continue our game.

I nodded. He was smooth; the next word was "piano." I wrote it, and then, I smiled at Edward, thinking of how his hands glided across the keys.

"Piano? Bella, I know you don't play, but why do you like pianos?"

I blushed a little. "I like to listen to people play the piano, Emmett."

"People, or more specifically, Edward?"

Edward's eyes seemed to darken, and he got his heart-stopping crooked grin on his face. I imagined him taking me on his piano, but my fantasy didn't get very far, when Jasper bumped Emmett, smirking. "That one's dirty, too."

Emmett let out a chuckle and snatched the book up.

"I think Jasper should just stay out of our little game." I gave him a pointed look, and Jasper put his hands up, like What? I didn't do anything. Alice let out a giggle.

"Fine, we'll just ask quick questions. So, what do you think of Edward?" I just shook my head. We both knew the next word was "sexy." I wrote it down.

"Fine, but this is just one of many things I think of him."

Emmett smiled widely. "Sexy."

I thought if Edward could have, he would have blushed. I just shook my head.

"Okay, okay, we'll give your guy a break. Why don't you tell me what you think Rose is thinking," Emmett smirked at Edward's discomfort.

I smiled. I thought I could handle this. I gave him a nod and quickly started scribbling down the next row of words. Big Strong Muscle Man Emmett. Emmett recited the words as planned and smiled, as he flipped the notebook open and looked at Rosalie.

"So, babe, is this what you're thinking?" She gave him a silent laugh. "I'll take that as a yes. So, is it dirty?" He grinned at her, and she took the pen from his hand and wrote "dirty" next to the words.

"Alright, Bella, tell me what you were thinking when you were eating that chicken."

I laughed and shook my head. I remembered my own addition to this list.

"Fine, Emmett, you got me, but last one!"

I quickly wrote down "tasty Edward," and before I could slide it to Emmett, Edward grabbed it again. I blushed, as his hand touched mine. I knew he could hear my heart racing at his touch. His eyes met mine, as he slowly opened the notebook, and then, he looked down. I watched a wide smile spread across his face.

Emmett sniggered. "Tasty Edward is definitely dirty, Bella."

Edward looked over at Emmett. "Okay, how are you two doing it?"

Emmett grinned widely. "I just happen to be a mind reader, too."

"Oh, really, then what am I thinking?"

Emmett feigned hurt. "Edward, really? I'm your brother." Then, Emmett grinned. "I also know that other thought you're having, the one about Bella." Emmett's deep dimples reappeared. I grabbed Edward's hand that was sitting on the table, and I would have sworn he jumped. He looked at me, shocked.

"Edward, we have to get to class."

His shocked look turned to one of understanding, and he nodded okay. I grabbed my books and headed for the door. I felt someone's eyes on my backside and quickly turned my head to see a smiling Edward looking at my face. I just shook my head. No wonder I'd never caught him ogling, the boy had vampire speed. I chuckled to myself and hurried to class. He came in and sat down next to me. I shifted my chair, so I would be farther away from him. We were finally alone. Well, we were in the middle of class, but no one else would be trying to talk to us. I pulled out my notebook; I noticed he was holding his breath.

"If it gets to be too much, just let me know, and I'll leave or something, okay?" He gave me a worried look.

"Don't try to talk," I shoved my notebook to him, "Just write what you want to say." He nodded and picked up his pen.

You shouldn't leave. I will if it's too much. You need to stay where there are people.

I knew what he meant; the monster in him would hunt me down if I was alone. I nodded in understanding. He was so close to me, and I wanted to touch his face, hold it in my hands and kiss his lips. I was lost in my thoughts, when I felt my notebook bump my hand.

What are you thinking?

I laughed to myself. I wondered how long it would take him to ask me that. I leaned over and whispered close to his ear.

"I'm worried I'm hurting you." I heard him growl and quickly scoot away. He was pouting now. "Sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so close," I whispered, as I scooted away from him. His sad eyes met mine.

Then, he quickly wrote, Please don't be sorry, it's not your fault.

I gave him a tight smile, as I whispered, "I know I shouldn't push you, Edward, I know my neck is a bit of a problem area for you. I shouldn't have gotten so close." Now, he looked downright depressed. My hand reached over to his. "It won't be like this forever," I reassured him. His sad eyes focused on our hands. "It'll take time, but we'll get there. I know you don't want to hurt me."

My words seemed to just hurt him more. Then, I realized he did want to hurt me, the monster in him wanted to kill me, and he was fighting that battle now. I let out a sigh. "Okay, I know you want to kill me, but the stronger part of you doesn't, and that's what counts, right?" The depressed look wasn't leaving him. He started gathering his books, and I grabbed his sleeve. "Please, don't leave me," I begged. "Please, I need you, Edward, in ways you don't even understand. Please, don't go."

He looked at me kind of lost and then spoke. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't, the only thing you can do to hurt me now is to leave, so just don't."

He settled down in his seat. "This is wrong, Bella."

"No, it's not; you just need to take the time to get used to me. Be patient, Edward, and I will be, too."

I grabbed his hand and gave him a supportive smile. "Do you still have my shirt?"

He reached into his bag with his free hand, and I could see the corner of it. "Good."

"I've been meaning to ask you about your music choice. Depeche mode? Really, Bella?"

I just shook my head. "We can't all listen to just classical."

"I listen to more than just classical." I smiled, knowing that already.

"Maybe you can expand my musical horizons."

He grinned. "I think I'd like that. Do you play any instruments?"

"No, I'm not that cool."

He chuckled a little. "For a human," he glanced around to see if anyone had heard him, "You're very cool."

I smiled. "Thanks. So, you still play piano, right?"

He gave me his heart-stopping grin in response, and then, he nodded a quick yes.

"You'll have to play for me sometime."

He just smiled, and then, he started to pay attention to class. As I sat there, I wondered if the shirt in his backpack was losing my scent. It needed to stay strong for him to desensitize. I should find a way to trade it out for a new one. Maybe after class. My hand held Edward's. I should have released it so he could take notes, but I knew he didn't need to. I didn't want to let him go. When class was over, I was lingering behind, taking my time getting my stuff together. I saw Edward make his way to the door, but I whispered his name, and he stopped.

"Hold up a second. I want to do something real quick."

He poked his head out the door and took a deep breath, and then, he stepped inside again, holding his breath. When everyone had filed out of the classroom, he shifted uncomfortably. I knew this wasn't safe.

"Turn around real quick."

He looked like he wanted to say, "What?" but I just made a motion with my hand for him to turn around. Once he turned around, I quickly stripped off my shirt.

"Okay, give me the shirt in your bag."

He pulled it out, but oh, sweet innocent Edward had no idea that I had taken my shirt off. So, when he turned around, holding the shirt in his hand, he let out a gasp, releasing all the air he was holding and took in a mouthful of fresh Bella. His monster growled, and he pounced on me with black eyes. The monster in him wanted to savor me, and though I was sure I was about to die again, I was happy it was Edward doing it.

I smiled, as the monster in him pressed his face into my hair and inhaled deeply. He brought up a finger to my neck and pressed in. I knew once blood broke the surface, I would be dead in a matter of seconds. I wanted to enjoy my last few seconds with Edward, and so, my hands found his face like they had been craving to do, gently caressing him, and then, they moved down his neck and ran over the taut muscles in his chest. I was exploring his body, as he was getting ready to savor mine.

I noticed he had stopped moving, and I looked up into his eyes. The monster was confused. I smiled up at him. The finger that was pressing into my neck now caressed it gently. His monster wanted me. I moaned under his icy touch, leaning into him. I felt him squeeze me tighter against him, and when he did, I felt him press against my thigh. My body ached with want. I'd always wanted Edward. With my eyes locked with his, I let my hand slide down his chest to the front of his pants. As my hand ran over him, a purring sound emanated from his chest.

Emmett suddenly burst into the room, and Edward quickly took a defensive stance to protect his prey. He knocked me to the floor, and I noticed the black shirt lying there, so I quickly threw it on. I started to head for the door, when Edward growled. I looked over at him and smiled.

"I'm still yours, Edward," I whispered and headed out the door. Jasper made his way into the room, and I hoped he could calm him down.

After sixth hour, I quickly made my way to the parking lot, looking franticly for the silver Volvo. I wanted to see If Edward was okay. I spotted him sitting alone, one hand digging deep into his hair. One leg was up on his seat, and he hugged it to himself. I think if he could cry, he would have been. His face was twisted up in pain, and it made me ache for him. I needed to let him know I was okay. I knocked on his window, and he looked up at me with sad eyes. I pulled his door open, and he scooted away from me.

"You need to stay away from me, Bella," he said, as he was practically crawling into the passenger seat to get away. I leaned a knee on the driver seat, crossed my arms on the roof of the car and hung my head in the door so I could see him.

"Settle down, Edward."

I had experience with Jake, settling a wild animal. I needed Edward to know I was okay with what he was and what had happened.

"I'm fine, you didn't hurt me."

He cringed away from me. I reached out and touched his knee.

"Edward, look at me."

I slid onto the edge of the driver's seat, and showing him I understood his problem, I hit the button that rolled down the windows in the car, making sure there was plenty of fresh air to carry my scent away from him. I rubbed my hand up and down his shin, trying to comfort him.

"I know this is hard on you, and I'm sorry I pushed you. I shouldn't have."

"I was going to kill you," he whispered.

I smiled. "I know."

His eyes snapped up to mine. "No, you didn't, you smiled."

I gave him another smile, "I know, Edward, I was okay with you killing me, as long as I was with you."

His face twisted in pain. "Bella, you can't say stuff like that, you can't mean that."

"Oh, Edward, will you just let this go? I know you want to kill me, and I'm okay with that."

"Don't say that. You can't mean that."

"Edward, you won't want to kill me forever, I promise, you'll get a handle on this, and being with me will be easier."

"How do you know?"

"I do, okay, I just do."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just look at how much progress you've made already. You're sitting there, talking to me. You'll get the hang of things eventually."

"I'm not safe for you, Bella." I remembered this speech; it was coming too fast, too soon, he was going to leave me.

"I'm more of a danger to myself than you are, I assure you. Now please, just settle down, okay? Relax, just practice sitting here with me."

He looked at me, concerned. I reached for his radio and turned it on.

"What are you listening to?" Claire de Lune filled the air, and I smiled.

"I like this song."

He smiled widely. "I know."