Word count before A/N is 2,220

If you recognize it, I don't own it.

Chapter 3: Bittersweet

Lily wasn't proud of how she spent her last day at Hogwarts. But, she totally didn't spend it in the back corner of the library, in the back of the Restricted Section – the librarian loved her, and let her go with no note – on a bench in behind some shelves where you couldn't see her if you didn't know she was there. But, if she had, no one needed to know. Okay, so maybe she had. And, maybe she was hiding from her friends – well, friend, she realized glumly – and her not-friend, who would probably also be looking for her. It was, she knew, pretty pathetic when you would only have four people looking for you if you were missing. And two of them probably wouldn't be if it wasn't for her not-friend Potter.

She didn't leave the library until five minutes before curfew, and barely made it to the common room on time. She really didn't want to face Marlene, so she decided to just crash downstairs. She pulled off her shoes and robes, setting them on the ground in front of her favorite armchair by the fire. She curled up in a little ball, and put her head in her arms. It doesn't sound very comfortable, but for Lily, it was. She didn't mean to start thinking about everything, but it was a habit. Every night, she would lay in bed, and sort out her head. Get her thoughts in order.

She should've forced herself to think of other things, but she didn't. She didn't think she'd start sobbing, but hey. Every girl needs a good cry every once in a while. She didn't realize however, how loud it was. Which it was, very loud. When she realized, she grabbed her wand, and muttered the spell Severus had taught her. "Muffliato." When she remembered the origins of the spell – her ex-friend had made it up, only a few months ago – she only cried harder.

She cried for the unfairness of life. She remembered an old wish, that Sev had been Gryffindor like her. None of this would have happened if it weren't for those terrible Slytherins. They had taken her best friend, and turned him into something she no longer recognized.

She cried for what she had lost. She'd lost her oldest friend. She had gotten out of a poisoned friendship, but that wasn't what she cried for. She cried for the boy that had told her she was a witch. The boy who had sat at the ice –cream parlor with her, and never told her when she got it on her nose. The boy who had listened to her rant about her sister, and taught her how to balance in the highest branches of a tree. The one who had explored Hogwarts with her, and made snow angels on the grounds. But, most of all, she cried for what that boy could've been. The future they could've had together.

Her small frame shook with sobs, heard by no one. She cried until she ran out of energy, and fell asleep, her tears still wet on her face. She never consciously noticed the person who had heard, who was there. She wouldn't remember the soft voice, saying her name, and assuring her it would be okay. She wouldn't remember the hand rubbing her back, and pushing her hair out of her face. She would continue to be blissfully ignorant of how much that someone really cared.

She woke to Marlene shaking her shoulder, and looked up, her eyes bloodshot, porcelain skin flushed and blotchy. She was glad that Mar didn't try to make her talk about it, and just led her back up to the dorm, both oblivious of the boy sleeping in the other chair.

Lily didn't want to think, or move, or talk, or be whispered about and looked at, but there was nothing she could do. So, she absently folded clothes, placing them in her truck atop her books, potions things, and everything else she'd already packed. She wasn't thinking, but luckily Marlene was. She didn't even notice when her friend snagged a pair of jean shorts and striped blouse out of the pile that she was packing. She also didn't notice when a pair of light yellow sneakers were removed. She finished packing, and snapped her trunk closed.

She picked up her messenger bag, already filled with a few books, her notebook, and a quill for the train ride. "Oh!" She said, realizing her mistake. "I've forgotten muggle clothes," she sat down hard on her bed, not quite sure why the little mistake was bothering her so much. Her muggle clothes were under all her robes and uniform clothes, sure, but it wouldn't take to long to get one pair of clothes. Lily was almost sure she was going insane, because she felt like she would cry. She was Lily Evans for Merlin's sake! She was strong. Little things like this didn't bother her. Usually, at least.

"Lily, hey. I grabbed some of your clothes while you were packing. You looked like you'd forget…" Marlene said, and Lily felt a rush of affection for her friend. It calmed her down to know that, no matter what she did, Marlene would always be there, knowing exactly what she needed. There would always be someone standing right there beside her.

"Thanks, Mar. Really. You have no idea how much that means to me," Lily said, pulling her friend into a hug.

"Here," Marlene grabbed Lily's bag, and carefully put the clothes in, and handed Lily the shoes, which she pulled on. Lily stood up, brushed off her clothes – trying in vain to get the wrinkles out –and pulled on her robes.

"Emerald! Oh, I almost forgot about Emerald! Come here baby," Lily cooed, scooping the little cat into her arms. Technically, you were supposed to leave pets with your luggage, in their cages, for the house elves to take to the train, but Professor Dumbledore tended to turn a blind eye to Lily's little dark grey cat, with its green collar and matching leash. Marlene had never seen someone put a leash on cat, but Lily Evans was full of surprises. "Will you hand me her leash?" Lily asked. " Its on my nightstand."

Marlene picked up the leash, and handed it to Lily, who clipped it onto Emerald's collar. She wrapped the slack around her hand, not wanting to set her down. So, that's how they walked down to Hogsmeade: Lily holding her cat, walking shoulder to shoulder with Marlene, who was keeping a vigilant eye out for any and all 5th year Slytherins. She refused to let any of them within a fifty-foot radius of Lily, who was currently smiling, cooing amusedly at Emerald. The cat was playfully swatting at Lily, trying to catch a coil of auburn hair, glittering in the sun like a pillar of flame. It was a scene Marlene had seen a thousand times, but this time, it was a smile that could be wiped away by even the sight of the wrong people. So, she'd decided, Lily wouldn't even hear a mention of them today.

When Lily ran out of the Hall, James didn't know what to think. Did she hate him more than ever? Probably. Was he supposed to follow, or leave her alone? He suspected the latter, but followed anyway.

He raced out of the Great Hall, hot on Lily's tail. This, of course, did not help the whispers. He came out just in time to see a flash of red around a corner. He chased after her, but after rounding the corner himself, he found a deserted corridor. No hint of red hair, no echo of footsteps. There was no sign of her. To make it worse, there were three different ways she could have gone. Up the stairs, left, or right. And, Lily had a reason to go all of them. Up –Gryffindor Tower. Left –library. Right –her little hideout under the Astronomy Tower that she thought no one knew about. All of this went through James' head in a split second, and so, he made a split-second-decision.

James bolted up the stairs, hoping he was following Lily. Upon finding an empty Common Room, he'd gone and gotten Marlene. She'd checked the dorms, but Lily wasn't there. James cursed himself. He hadn't been fast enough, hadn't known her well enough to guess where she'd gone. But, he was James Potter. He wouldn't give up. He would find her. He didn't know what he'd say, or what she'd say, or if she even wanted to be found – she probably didn't, but oh well.

He didn't find her.

He had to have checked every single room in the castle at least twice. Mar, Sirius, Remus, and Marcus had been looking, too. None of them had seen hide nor hair of Lily Evans since lunch. Since it was now nearing curfew, James wondered if she'd eaten dinner. He hoped she had. If she hadn't, that would the last time she ate – well, ate more than two bites of sandwich – was lunch the day before. If she didn't eat until the trolley tomorrow, that would be 44 hours with no food. That wasn't healthy.

James, upon hearing the bells telling him curfew was quickly approaching, sighed in defeat. He turned, and headed into the Common Room. What he didn't know, was that if he'd stayed only a few minutes longer, he'd have seen a small, redheaded fifth year girl slip in the portrait hole, and curl up in an armchair by the dying fire. But, he didn't wait, and went about getting ready for bed, and finishing his last-minute packing.

No one said much, which was a rarity in the dorm of the Marauders. But James was glad, needing the silence to sort through some of his jumbled thoughts. When they were all ready, and lying safely in their beds, Marcus whispered "Nox" and the lights faded to an almost pitch black. James knew Sirius and Marcus fell asleep pretty quick, since he could hear their snores, but he wasn't sure about Remus, who did not snore.

It couldn't have been long, when James heard the crying. He didn't know who it was, but he had a hunch. Also, he knew he would've gone down anyway, even if he had no clue, because, he was a truly good person, even if some people – cough Evans cough – didn't believe it. He pulled back his blanket, and crept down the stairs, cautious not to wake anyone in the silence. Wait, he thought, silence? He continued down the steps, wondering how the sobs had just stopped, all of the sudden.

When he saw, his heart broke, just a little bit. To see his precious Lily-flower in pain – especially because it was partially his fault. If he hadn't been tormenting the git, there would have been no reason for Lily to step in, or for Snivellus to blow up. He wondered, somewhere in the back of his mind, how she was crying silently. If it was a charm, it was one James had never seen.

He walked over to her, and perched on the arm of the chair. "Shh, Lily. Shh. It'll be alright," he said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. She didn't respond. "Hey, it's okay, shh… Lily. Oh, Lily. Shh, you're alright…" he continued like that for a while, rubbing her back, and talking to her quietly, reassuring her. He wasn't sure if she even knew he was there, but he wasn't just going to go back to bed. Even after she stopped crying and fell asleep, he stayed. He settled into the chair next to hers, and whispered "Goodnight, my Lily-flower," and closed his eyes, finally allowing his exhaustion to take him away.

When he woke, Lily was gone, and the Common Room was empty. He glanced at his watch – 9:17. The train left in about 45 minutes. He walked upstairs, thanking Merlin that none of his fellow Marauders were up yet. But, he decided mischievously, that definitely needed to be changed. He turned the lights up all the way, and threw open the curtains, singing nonsense about rising, shining, and facing a beautiful day. It was all rubbish, in his opinion, but it was funny to see all their expressions.

He grabbed his unpacked-clothes, and retreated into the bathroom, before his friends had a chance to get up and murder him. It appeared, to most people, like a normal morning in the life of a Marauder, but to James, it was the first morning of operation Show-Lily-I-Am-Not(-Always)-A(-Complete)-Child. And he would. Show Lily that he wasn't (always) a (complete) child, that is.

James desperately needed to talk to Lily. They didn't usually talk, at all. Especially after an… episode, it was like Lily failed to notice he even existed anymore, and James just continued to be, well, James. But, now, they had issues. Tension. It made him uncomfortable. On the train, they would talk. Alone. And they would work out whatever this was. Maybe, they could even possibly start to be friends. He knew it was probably a foolish hope, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself this summer if he didn't at least try.