Harlan returned to the Starcademy four days before his companions. He refused to tell Suzee, Radu, the Commander and Miss Davenport why he had come back early, or why his parents weren't with him. Radu was obviously concerned and kept gently prodding Harlan for information, but Harlan would just retreat to his dorm room. He had seen more in those three days than he had intended, and he wanted to forget them all. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up. As he lay in bed he imagined himself in his own private space shuttle, gently being rocked through clouds of stars and emptiness, forever.

The graduation ceremony took place as planned. Each of the honorary graduates gave a speech. Suzee announced that the Starcademy had offered her a permanent position, teaching engineering classes. Rosie had already begun an internship at a hospital on Mercury. Bova was thankful that his mother had cooked him his favorite meals seven days in a row. Radu would begin an apprenticeship with Commander Goddard, training to go on rescue missions. Catalina had decided to become a safety equipment designer.

When it was his turn, Harlan gripped the podium and opened his mouth. Then he shut it again and thought for a moment. "I was going to give a speech on teamwork," he said, "and how we all managed to work together even though we're so different from each other. But today I want to talk about a real hero. My father. He followed his dreams and he tried to pave the way for me to follow my dreams, too. But unfortunately he found out, and so did I, that it's more difficult to overcome differences than some stupid group of kids makes it out to be."

Dalia and Gunter Ianni clapped heartily, but Rosie placed a stern hand on her father's arm. Harlan stepped down from the podium and went back to his room.

A few hours later he heard a knock on his door. "What?" he called.

"Hey, it's Catalina."

Harlan shuffled to the door and opened it. He leaned his head against the doorframe, realizing he hadn't been able to bring himself to eat all day. "Hey," he said wearily.

"Hey, do you want to join us at the bar for a drink?" Catalina asked, smiling too broadly. "We could talk."

"Yeah, okay." Harlan went back to his bed and threw on his jacket, then followed Catalina to the Starcademy canteen, where he had always wished he was old enough to visit when he was a student. Rosie, Radu and Suzee were sitting at a booth, chatting, and Bova and his parents were at another booth, eating peanuts. Harlan and Catalina sat at the bar, and Catalina ordered two drinks.

"We were all pretty confused about your speech today," she said.

Harlan shook his head sadly. "I know, I know. I shouldn't have said all those things. I was upset."

"What's up?" Catalina asked.

Harlan scanned her eyes for a knowing sign. Hadn't she heard anything about the devastation of Earth? Or did other planets not care? Or did they find it inevitable? "Everything's gone," he said as the drinks arrived. He had no idea what they were, some sort of blue-green cocktail, but he took a long sip of his before continuing, "Earth's been completely devastated by a war. It's all over, Cat. I don't have anywhere to go back to."

Catalina gasped. "And your parents?"

Harlan shrugged. "Gone. Just gone. Don't ask me where. I don't even know if I'd want to find them - what remains of them."

Catalina put her arm around Harlan's shoulder and put her head on his chest. "I wish there were something I could do. You know, when my parents died-"

"Cat," said Harlan.

Catalina backed away. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear about it. I know."

"No, maybe it would help to talk it through. I know it was a long time ago for you, but I know you must still think about them. I mean, I miss my dad so much. And now my mom's gone. And my stepdad. And my planet." Harlan started on his second drink.

"It was pretty hard for me." Catalina lowered her head. "They did so much for me. I could just tell how much they loved me. But I felt like I never gave back to them. I know that's stupid because I was just a kid, but I look back at home ungrateful I was and how much I took advantage of them."

"That's kind of how I felt when you disappeared," said Harlan. Noticing Catalina's drink was empty, he waved at the bar android to replace it. "Like we had all taken advantage of you, and then you were just gone."

"Yeah, but you got Suzee." Catalina smiled slyly. "She was the real genius."

"But she's not the same."

They told each other everything about their entire lives, it seemed. As they drank more and more, the hours whirled by. Rosie and Radu slunk off, and Suzee followed them, glancing back at the bar but barely catching Harlan's eyes before she retreated to her own room. Bova and his family had stumbled out of the canteen to sleep off their food consumption. Still Harlan and Catalina kept talking until their throats were so dry they could hardly say a word.

Harlan finished his - seventh, eighth? - he had lost count - drink and set down his glass. "Oh, man," he moaned, "I don't think I should drink anymore." He waved his hand in front of Catalina's face. He couldn't tell how many fingers he had.

Catalina laughed. "You have six eyes, Harlan. Six! Six eyes! That's a lot of eyes!" she slurred.

"We need to go to bed," Harlan yelled, and then laughed at how loud his voice had turned out. He hopped down from the bar stool and then grabbed Catalina's hand and helped her to the ground. They stumbled out to the hallway.

"Wait," said Catalina, "I don't remember where my room was."

"What?"

"I don't know!" Catalina laughed so hard she almost screamed. "Oh, Grozit, it could be anywhere. Aha ha ha ha."

"Come back to my room," said Harlan, taking his hand and pulling her down the hallway. "It's just a few doors away."

"Okay," said Catalina drowsily.

Catalina removed her shoes and climbed into Harlan's bed. He climbed into the other side.

"Cat," he said, looking her in the eyes, "my life sucks. But you're so pretty."

"I know," said Catalina, flashing him a lopsided grin. "I mean, you. No. I'm the one who's pretty. No. But you, you're so cute, you really are, Harlan, you kind of..."

Harlan kissed her hard on the lips. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into her, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. He lay back on the bed and pulled her on top of him, desperately sliding his tongue in and out of her mouth. He was so dizzy. Her hands scrambled over his face. He couldn't feel anything except for her sweet mouth against his. "Hrln," she said, smooshed up against his cheek. She pulled away for a second. "Oh, ha, ha ha, ha ha ha," she squealed, "your - your tongue - it's blue! Ahahahaha, Harlan! Harlan, it's blue!"

He sat up and pulled her into him again. He wanted to be inside of her. He felt inside her mouth until he found the back of her tongue and swept it onto his. This was infinity. There could never be enough. He grabbed for her waist and she playfully swatted at his hands. Their wrists tangled up in each other and their lips kept coming together and pulling apart, over and over. Please, please, Harlan thought, just let this last forever, just somehow, forever, please. He turned her onto her back and suddenly felt an explosion in his head. He fell back against his own pillow and closed her eyes, putting his hand to his head. Catalina snuggled into him. "Isn't this nice?" she whispered, and rubbed his shoulder. "Mm, Harlan, you're so nice."

The headache had begun to fade and the urge for sleep replaced it. "Yeah," said Harlan, putting his arm around her shoulder. "Yeah. I'm nice."

...

Harlan woke up to a dull chirping that grew louder and louder. It was Catalina's Compupad alarm, sitting next to his head. He punched it off and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Cat," he said, nudging Catalina, who was breathing deeply next to him.

"Wha-?" She opened her eyes and sat up, then looked at him. "Oh. No," she moaned.

"Hey, Cat, what happened last night?"

Catalina frantically pulled back the sheets, patting herself down, checking to see if her clothes were intact. "I don't think we-"

"No." Harlan shook his head. "No, we didn't. We were too drunk."

"Yeah, we were wasted," Catalina clarified. "How did I get in here?"

Harlan's face fell. "You don't remember anything?"

"Just bits and pieces." Catalina rubbed at her forehead. Then her eyes lit up. "We kissed, didn't we?"

Harlan nodded. "I don't think that part was a dream."

"Uh, weird," said Catalina.

"Was it that weird?"

"Maybe not at the time."

"It was actually pretty good."

Catalina stumbled out of bed and stepped into her shoes. "I don't remember, Harlan," she sighed. "I just know I won't be drinking tonight."

"All right, I get it," Harlan said angrily, not moving from his spot on the bed as he watched Catalina disappear behind the bathroom door and heard her splash water on her face.

She peaked back into his room. "I'm not insulting you. I'm sure it was. I honestly don't remember." She filled a glass with water and came back into Harlan's room. "Here, you should drink this. I bet you're really dehydrated after drinking so much." She held the glass out to him but he grabbed her wrist and lurched out of bed, shoving her against the wall. The water spilled everywhere as Catalina's arms tensed up and she dropped the glass. "Harlan!" she cried, terrified.

"Why the hell won't you tell me why you don't want to be with me? Is there something wrong with me?" he roared, pushing her back harder into the wall.

"Harlan, please, stop." She tried to squirm out of his grasp but he dug his fingertips into her skin. "I know you're angry, Harlan, but you're not thinking. You're in mourning. You need to give it time."

"I just want to hear the truth! What do you have against me?"

"I don't have anything against you! Why would you think that?" Catalina's voice was the pitch of a violin. She was afraid to breathe.

"Because I thought you liked me! I thought we had something going." He loosened his grip on her arms and scrunched up his face. His plea came out a wail. "I don't have anywhere to go, Cat. I have nothing to go back to."

"I know. I know," she soothed, and stroked his face with one finger. "It's so hard, Harlan. I know. Please don't take it out on me. It'll just make it worse for you."

"Why did you have to kiss me last night?" he whined. "Why would you do that to me?"

"I'm sorry. It was a mistake."

"Everything's a mistake. A huge mistake. Going home was a mistake. I wish we were still lost in space." Harlan turned away from her and sat on his bed, trying to catch his breath.

"No," said Catalina. "You're going to do something amazing with your life, Harlan."

"How would you know? I'm such a screw-up. Hell, we are all. But I'm the only loser who spends all his time feeling sorry for himself. I put on a brave face but I have no idea what I'm doing. I just boss people around because of my own insecurities. Who does that?"

"We all saw you as our leader," said Catalina, inching toward the door. "Even if you didn't feel brave, you were. You made the rest of us feel secure. You took control. Don't underestimate yourself."

"Yet I'm still not good enough for you."

"Harlan, why do you keep going back to this? I'm just one person. There are so many other people out there."

Harlan rose from the bed and walked toward Catalina. She flinched, but he pulled her into a light embrace. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"I was on Yensid for five years," she said. "That's a long time."

"Are you saying you had someone there?"

Catalina looked down at the floor. "I had to start my life over. It's hard on all of us. I can't ever go back there again, either."

"Cat, I acted inappropriately-"

Catalina backed away from him slowly. "You really need to face your problems. For your own good. I care about you, Harlan, and I don't want to see you destroy yourself from the inside." She opened the door to the hallway. "Let's go to breakfast."