3.
LAST time on Total Drama Island, the teams were told to race to the top of Mt. Wawanakwa, pulling me and Chef on dog sleds, and there was some action and drama. Including people getting hurt, Exhibit A: Owen getting a Tranq dart to the neck. And there was some Drama: Like Justin hitting on Courtney. But the challenge was the priority, and the Bass took the win, and sent the Gophers to the elimination pit, who in turn sent nonathletic Beth packing. Will the Gophers drop a second straight challenge? Will the Bass self destruct? Will This series win the Gemini? Wait, I can answer that one... yes, yes it will. But, for the answers to the other questions, stay tuned for another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. ISSSSLLLLLAAAANNNNNDDD!
TDI
"Oh, yeah, that's good" Duncan moaned in his sleep, waking Geoff in the bunk above him.
"Um... dude?"
"Yeah, that's right you know how I like it," Duncan continued.
"What's he going on about?" Trent said, walking back in from a shower.
"Don't know," Geoff said staring at the sleeping punk, "I heard him say something about how he 'loves how demanding you are' so it must be Heather."
"Probably," Trent sat down on his bed as Tyler and Noah returned from their showers, "Those two have really gotten on my nerves, did you listen to them last night?"
"I know," Geoff leapt down from his bunk, "I think they said 'I love you more' like 50 times each. I get it you're in love, stop whipping it out and hitting my face with it."
"That's what she said." Trent laughed.
"Dude, it totally is!"
The two high fived.
"Really, are you two going to trod that dead horse out?" Noah said as he pulled his shirt on.
"What dead horse?" Trent questioned as he ran a comb through his hair.
"The whole 'that's what she said,' guffaw guffaw," Noah said as he rolled up his sleeves, "I mean, frankly that joke is more worn out than Ezekiel's mom."
"Dude!" Geoff turned and looked at Ezekiel, "Are you going to take that?"
"Take what?" Ezekiel looked confused, Seriously, take what?
"So, Noah, bro," Geoff said adjusting his hat, "Is this who you're going to be, the total $$ hole?"
"I'm here for the money," Noah said checking his hair in the mirror, "And if that means I have to demean a few simpletons to take away their focus, causing them to stumble down the dock to the boat, I won't lose any sleep at night," Noah walked over and looked at Geoff, "You may call it being an $$ hole, I call it being a winner."
"And I call it being a pussy," Duncan said rolling out of bed and landing in a push up stance, "Because you don't have the physical strength to back it up."
"So you think I'm all talk?"
After completeing a set of push ups, Duncan stood up and stared Noah down, "My only question, are you going to bark all day little doggy... or are you going to bite?" Noah stared in silence, unwilling to answer Duncan's question.
"Man," Geoff finally broke the awkward silence, "Reservoir Dogs is such a bad ass movie!"
"Yeah, it is," Duncan smiled as he walked out the door, "I'll see you at BreakfaAAAHHHHHHSSSTTT!"
"What just happened?" Justin said pulling his sleep mask off his eyes.
"I don't know," Harold said walking to the door, "Let's just hope he's gone for goooOOOOOODDD!"
"Nobody leave," Trent said slamming the door shut, "Some one is picking us off as we.. luh-luh-eeeeee-" Trent failed to finish his sentence as the gas from the canister that had just been thrown through the window began to take effect.
TDI
"Where... where are we?" Leshawna said rubbing her head, as she awoke from a gas induced sleep.
"Yerr on a boat, me hearty!" Chris said from a small dingy in between the two 30 foot boats that the teams were on, "And yee've bin shanghaied!"
"OH NO!" Ezekiel panicked, "I agreed to save myself for marriage!"
"Are... are you actually mentally impaired?" Courtney said staring at Ezekiel.
"No, I'm at the top of my class!"
"Um, Zeke," Trent put his arm around Ezekiel, "You're an only child that's home schooled... of course you're at the top of your class."
"Will some one shut the land lubber up?" Chris scowled, "Today's challenge is a booty raid."
I rock at raiding for some booty. Duncan smiled.
"O're yonder be Skull Island, and on the beach of the island be an X," Chris pointed with his toy cutlass at an island in the distance, "The challenge be as this, you are to steer yer boats through the various booby traps and seas beasts, and get to the island, secure yer treasure, and bring it back to that bell or one of the losers will walk the plank!"
"Huh?" Lindsey scratched her head.
"Oh, also act as pirate like as yee kin, So, sabotage, kidnapping, and high seas warfare be encouraged," Chris smiled and pulled out a pistol, and aimed it in the air, "On the sound of me pistol..." Chris pulled the trigger and the boats listly drifted, "Why aren't you going anywhere?"
"I don't think any of us know how to work the boats," Cody said.
"I do," Duncan smiled and the Bass shot off from the starting line.
Okay, so I may have exaggerated when I said I could drive the boat... I mean... I played GTA and there are boats in that... so... I know how to, right?
The boat began to careen when Duncan realized he didn't know how to drive the boat, much to the chagrin of his team.
"I thought you said you know how to drive boats?" Courtney screamed.
"Yeah, bro," Geoff said looking at the Gophers, who began to leave the starting line.
"I thought I did, Sweetheart," Duncan said glaring at Courtney.
"Sweetheart?" Courtney grabbed Duncan's mohawk and smashed his face into the steering wheel, "NEVER CALL ME SWEETHEART YOU SCRUFFY YAK HERDER!"
"Scruffy..." Duncan began crying.
"Dude," Tyler turned and looked at Duncan, "You're crying?"
"Yeah, I had a spider named Scruffy... he got crushed by a rent-a-cop when me and my team were pulling a job at the mall..." Duncan sniffled.
"I HOPE YOU ENJOY LOSING!" Eva sneered as the Gophers made their way past the Bass.
"Eva, we need to talk like pirates!" Owen said pounding his fist on the bench in the back of the boat, "YE BE LAND LUBBERS! See, Eva, that's so much more in the spirit of the challenge."
"Bite me, Owen."
So... Eva kind of scares me, I think see might have more Y chromosomes than me... if you catch my meaning. Don't tell Eva I said that.
Owen is a weakling and I'm ashamed he's on my team. Eva Snarled.
"Guys, let's focus, we're in the lead..." Cody said, "Let's keep it that way."
"Cody's right," Gwen said putting her hand on Cody's shoulder, "We need to remember we're a team, and keep the caddy infighting to a- Cody are you okay?"
"Yeah," Cody said from the deck of the boat, "I just got a little light headed." Gwen smiled at Cody.
TDI
"Alright, I'm back," Duncan said wiping his eyes, "Let's win this."
"Hey, Guys, I got an idea!" Trent said opening the box in the back of the boat, "Seems like we got a paintball gun."
Um, Doesn't giving Teenagers paintball guns on boats they don't know how to drive seem a little dangerous? Anyone? Courtney lamented.
"Nice!" Geoff high fived him, "Duncan, you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"If you're thinking we pull up next to the Gophers and shoot them with paintballs... the answer is #&%% to the %#$& yes." Duncan smiled and speed closer to the Gopher boat.
TDI
"Look what I found!" Harold said grabbing the Gopher's Paintball gun.
"Hmmm..." Heather looked around the boat, "What to do? What to do?"
"Wouldn't it be prudent to get beside the Bass, board their ship and take one of their players, ergo giving us leverage with which to blackmail them later in the challenge and guaranteeing us a victory?" Noah said looking up from his book briefly.
"I was going to suggest we just shoot them," Justin said, "But I like Noah's plan.
"Yeah..." Heather nodded, "Good plan, Noah."
TDI
"They're driving right towards us!" Bridgette exclaimed.
"DJ," Trent said, "Are you ready to start shooting?"
"What?" I've never fired a gun, even a paintball one, in my entire life," DJ pushed the gun back at Trent, "I'm a wannabe actor, not a gunslinger."
"Geoff?" Trent turned.
"Dude, the closest thing I've ever come to firing a gun is my beer glass that's shaped like a tommy gun."
"Ladies?"
"Nope," Katie said.
"No way," Sadie agreed.
"I'm a TV host," Bridgette shrugged, "That's what I have a body guard for."
"I bet Duncan could do it," Courtney said, grabbing the gun from Trent and thrusting it into Duncan's lap, "Go shoot them!"
"First off, Princess," Duncan pushed the gun away and kept driving, "If you say $#!% I'm not going to ask what shape you want, and second if I don't drive the boat... who will?"
Duncan is probably the most annoying person I've ever met. I mean seriously, who does he think he is? I'm a CIT he should be taking my orders! And he thinks he's so great, I mean has he done anything other than go to Juvie? What's so great about that?
"I'LL DO IT MYSELF!" Courtney grabbed the gun back and went to the side of the boat, and saw the approaching Gophers, "You wanna play rough? OKAY I'll play rough! SAY HELLO-"
"Uggh," Duncan moaned, "That is so cliche!"
"What's wrong with it?" Courtney said, lowering the barrel and turning.
"Have you even seen Scarface?"
"That's from a movie?" Sadie said sitting on the bench, leaning on the side of the boat, "I didn't kn-AAAAAHHHH!"
"TAKE THAT BASS-HOLES!" Eva laughed as she pulled Sadie onto the Gopher boat.
Should we censor that? Chris looked around Anyone know?
"SADIE!" Katie ran to the port side as the Gophers pulled off, making obscene hand gestures and taunting, "Duncan, we need to go get her!"
"No, we need to go get the treasure!" Courtney said.
"I agree with Princess," Duncan said, "We win the challenge, THEN get her back."
So, I saw this opportunity as a chance to team up with Duncan. He may be a scary bro, but he's a tough bro. And I need to attach myself to someone who can carry me. Geoff said.
"Yeah, let's get the treasure!" Geoff said, putting his arm around Katie, "Maybe she'll destroy them from within, she's a fighter."
TDI
"So now that we have her..." Cody said staring at Sadie, who the Gophers had sat on the deck, "What do we do?"
"We wait," Noah smiled cruelly, "We wait and let the Bass dig up the treasure."
"What?" Eva grabbed Noah and lifted him off the bench, "Do you want us to lose you like $#!%head?"
"No, Eva," Noah said as she set him back down, "With my strategy... we can't do anything but win."
"I agree with Noah," Harold said, "I think I know where he's going with this."
TDI
"There's the 'X'" Trent said jumping off the boat onto the beach.
"Congrats me Bass Hearties" Chris smiled from his spot about twenty feet from the X, "Now that yer here, ye can begin with the digging up of the treasure."
"Let's go!" Tyler grabbed a shovel and started digging, "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! I FEEL SO MANLY!"
So Tyler's kind of weird... like really weird. DJ slowly nodded. REEEEAAAALLLY WEIRD.
"Well," Chris said climbing into the dingy from earlier, "See you back on Wawanakwa."
TDI
"So everyone understands the plan?" Noah said as the Gophers pulled up to the shore.
"Yes sir, captain sir!" Owen saluted, jumped off the boat and belly flopped on the sand.
"Let's go people!" Heather said jumping onto Owen's back, using him like a springboard, "We have a challenge to win!"
"Oh crap!" Tyler said, "It's the Gophers!"
"Yes it is," Justin smiled and took off his shirt, causing everyone except Duncan, Trent, Geoff, Harold, Cody, Ezekiel, DJ, and Noah to stop and stand still.
So far so good, Noah smiled.
"Was that supposed to stop all of us?" Trent laughed.
"Nope, just distract most the people while we help you dig up the treasure," Noah said grabbing a shovel... then dropping it, "Well, at least while Cody and Harold help you dig up the treasure."
"Why would you help us?" Geoff looked puzzled.
"Because if we both return at the same time, we'll tie and nobody goes home."
"Crafty," Duncan nodded.
"Hey Cody," Trent asked, "Has that Gwen chick been showing any interest in any of the guys here?"
"Yeah," Cody smiled.
TDI
"1-2-3- HEAVE!" Noah commanded as the coalition pulled the chest up, "NOW!" Cody and Harold turned and tripped Trent and Duncan as Justin pulled his shirt back on.
"What happened?" Bridgette rubbed her head.
"We were bamboozled!" Geoff yelled, "Grab the treasure chest."
"Not so fast!" Noah said as Eva pushed Sadie in front of the Bass, pointing the paintball gun at her, "Any movement and she gets a red dot on her back."
"Guys! We can't let them hurt Sadie!"
"It's just a paintball gun," Duncan said getting up and running after Owen and Ezekiel who were pushing the chest onto the boat.
"NOOOOOOO!" Katire leapt forward and tackled Duncan, allowing the Gophers to jump back on the boat.
"What the #&%%?" Courtney leapt forward and pulled Katie to her feet.
"Guys, one of our team mates was in danger!" Katie said, "Are you seriously telling me you wouldn't do the same if Duncan was at the point of that mad she-man's gun?"
"Why'd you pick Duncan?" Tyler said looking from Katie to Courtney.
"Isn't it obvious?" Katie said, "Her crush on Duncan is the closest thing to me and Sadie's friendship."
"I do NOT have a crush on..." Courtney turned and looked at Duncan, who winked, "That."
"Fine, I guess I just misread EVERY sign that a girl has a crush on a guy."
TDI
"Gophers," Chris said, "All you have to do is solve this riddle and you'll get the key to open the chest, revealing the hammer to hit the bell and thus win the challenge: What has a face, but no head? and Hands, but no arms?"
"A HOT DOG!" Owen exclaimed with glee.
"No."
"It's a clock, moron," Noah said extending his arm for the key.
"But hot dogs do have faces and hands in them," Owen said.
"Yeah... but that's just disgusting," Chris gagged, "Not the correct answer. But Noah on the other hand solved the riddle, and gets the key." The host passed the key to the schemer and allowed him to open the chest. Eva reached in, grabbed the hammer and threw it at the bell, causing it to ring loudly.
"And the Screaming Gophers win the Pirate Challenge, as a reward you not only get to avoid elimination, but you also get a champions feast that is waiting for you in the Mess Hall."
As Chris was explaining the results, the Bass boat pulled up and the angry losers got off.
"Ah, speaking of elimination," Chris said, "The Bass will be joining me at the fire pit tonight for the first time... I'm looking forward to it."
TDI
"So here we are," Chris scanned the Bass, "To be honest I expected a little bit more diversity in the voting, but it was a vote of 9-2. And as a result everyone except Courtney and Katie... you're safe. Courtney and Katie, you each recieved votes... but Katie, you prevention of Duncan stopping the Gophers got you 4 and a half times as much hate as Courtney, which means you're the second person to be voted off the island. Chef's waiting for you at the end of the dock."
"KAAAATTTTIIEE!" Sadie yelled as she ran down the dock after Katie.
"Sadie," Katie turned, "Stay and win this for me."
"I will, I'll make sure I eliminate Courtney for-"
"No you won't," Chef said as he knocked Katie onto the boat and pulled off.
And there you have it loyal viewer, Katie got the axe when she stopped victory, and she made an out of left field accusation about Courtney's love life! Will Katie's assertion prove positive? Will Sadie actually strike the blow against Courtney she promised? Will our ratings go up even more? Find out next time on Total. DRAMA. !
