S.L. GIBBS, Y U ALWAYS FORGET DISCLAIMER IN THIS FIC? I not own da Saga of Darren Shan, yo.


Darren: I WANT TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO TALK!

SL: …

Darren: Steve always talks before me – I wanted to talk first.

Steve: …

Darren: Oh, come on. Someone say something!

?: I love you, Darren!

Darren: I love you too, Steve.

Steve: Er…that wasn't me. But I do love you.

Darren: I hope you don't mean in that way – I'm not gay.

SL: *Giggles* That reminds me of one of the things you'll be doing later today.

Darren: T_T Does it involve me making out with someone again?

SL: Sadly, no. We'll have no making out in this chapter for the readers' sake – I think everyone's still traumatized from the last chapter.

Darren: I doubt they're more traumatized than me.

?: Darren, be mine!

Darren: Steve, I told you – I'm not gay!

Steve: Since when was my voice so high-pitched and annoying?

?: Darren!

Darren: Boss, who is that?

Steve: Yeah, I recognize the voice. Whoever it is sounds annoying.

Debbie: *Falls from the sky* Ow! Darren, I love you!

Steve: Oh, no.

Darren: Er…hi, Debbie.

SL: Don't get too friendly with her, Darren. You must throw her in with the Wolf Man as requested by Tainted Black 13 and DarrenShanForeva123.

Steve: Yay!

Debbie: What? Darren, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?

Darren: Er…

Debbie: You shouldn't have to think about it!

SL: It doesn't matter, because he doesn't have any choice. *Pulls curtain from the top of the cage* Now, Darren! Kill her.

Steve: That wasn't there a moment ago, was it? How does she do that?

Darren: *Picks Debbie up*

Debbie: No, Darren! I love you!

Darren: I'm sorry, Debbie. *Opens the cage and throws Debbie in*

-Censored-

SL: So, Steve, now it's your turn. You must confess your undying love to *giggles* Paris Skyle.

Steve: What? But he's old! Who would request that?

SL: MOeMoE KaGAmI. Now do it so we can all find out something about Darren *giggles*.

Darren: Oh, no.

Paris: *Appears out of nowhere* What am I doing here?

SL: Steve has something he wants to say to you.

Paris: Steve? You mean…the Lord of the Vampaneze?

SL: Well, he was. Now he's just the father of my children.

Paris: Um…okay?

Steve: Erm, Paris? I love you. Bye! *Tries to run off*

SL: *Grabs him* Hey, Stevey-poo, that's not good enough!

Steve: *Sighs and gets on one knee* Paris, I love you. I always have. Will you marry me?

SL & Darren: *Rolling on the floor laughing*

Paris: No.

SL & Darren: *Laughing harder*

Steve: B-but why?

Paris: You are not my type.

Steve: T_T

Paris: *Disappears*

Steve: *Cries in the corner* Why are the readers so evil?

SL: Steve, come back. I think you'll enjoy this next thing.

Steve: *Looks up* Do I get to make out with Darren?

SL: No.

Steve: *Goes back to crying and muttering*

SL: So, Darren, also asked by MOeMoE KaGAmI, if you were gay, who would you hook up with?

Darren: Er…

Steve: *Rushes to Darren's side* It's me, right?

Darren: Er…

SL: It's Steve, right?

Darren: Well…

SL: No, wait! It's Evra!

Darren: Actually…

Steve: Me! Me! Me!

Darren: Not exactly…

SL: Kurda?

Darren: Hell no!

Steve: Me?

Darren: I already said no!

Steve: *Goes back to crying in the corner*

SL: Who then?

Darren: *Mumbles*

SL: What?

Darren: Mr. Crepsley!

Steve: …

SL: … *Clicks fingers and Mr. Crepsley appears*

Larten: Where am I? *Sees SL* Oh, no! Not this crazy witch again!

SL: *Witchy laugh* Anyway, Darren has something he'd like to say to you.

Darren: I do not!

SL: You do too! Go on, Darren. Tell Mr. Crepsley your feelings.

Darren: What feelings? T_T

Larten: Darren, do you have something to say or not? Because I do not take kindly to being woken up in the middle of the day for no reason.

SL: Go on – tell him, Darren!

*Momentary silence*

Darren: I love you, Mr. Crepsley! In a very homosexual way!

Larten: …

SL: Well, that definitely just upped the weirdness level around here.

Steve: You're telling me.

SL: Well, that concludes today's chapter. And here's a warning: there will be making out next chapter.

Steve: Me and Darren?

SL: No.