S.L. GIBBS, Y U ALWAYS FORGET DISCLAIMER IN THIS FIC? I not own da Saga of Darren Shan, yo.
Darren: I WANT TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO TALK!
SL: …
Darren: Steve always talks before me – I wanted to talk first.
Steve: …
Darren: Oh, come on. Someone say something!
?: I love you, Darren!
Darren: I love you too, Steve.
Steve: Er…that wasn't me. But I do love you.
Darren: I hope you don't mean in that way – I'm not gay.
SL: *Giggles* That reminds me of one of the things you'll be doing later today.
Darren: T_T Does it involve me making out with someone again?
SL: Sadly, no. We'll have no making out in this chapter for the readers' sake – I think everyone's still traumatized from the last chapter.
Darren: I doubt they're more traumatized than me.
?: Darren, be mine!
Darren: Steve, I told you – I'm not gay!
Steve: Since when was my voice so high-pitched and annoying?
?: Darren!
Darren: Boss, who is that?
Steve: Yeah, I recognize the voice. Whoever it is sounds annoying.
Debbie: *Falls from the sky* Ow! Darren, I love you!
Steve: Oh, no.
Darren: Er…hi, Debbie.
SL: Don't get too friendly with her, Darren. You must throw her in with the Wolf Man as requested by Tainted Black 13 and DarrenShanForeva123.
Steve: Yay!
Debbie: What? Darren, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?
Darren: Er…
Debbie: You shouldn't have to think about it!
SL: It doesn't matter, because he doesn't have any choice. *Pulls curtain from the top of the cage* Now, Darren! Kill her.
Steve: That wasn't there a moment ago, was it? How does she do that?
Darren: *Picks Debbie up*
Debbie: No, Darren! I love you!
Darren: I'm sorry, Debbie. *Opens the cage and throws Debbie in*
-Censored-
SL: So, Steve, now it's your turn. You must confess your undying love to *giggles* Paris Skyle.
Steve: What? But he's old! Who would request that?
SL: MOeMoE KaGAmI. Now do it so we can all find out something about Darren *giggles*.
Darren: Oh, no.
Paris: *Appears out of nowhere* What am I doing here?
SL: Steve has something he wants to say to you.
Paris: Steve? You mean…the Lord of the Vampaneze?
SL: Well, he was. Now he's just the father of my children.
Paris: Um…okay?
Steve: Erm, Paris? I love you. Bye! *Tries to run off*
SL: *Grabs him* Hey, Stevey-poo, that's not good enough!
Steve: *Sighs and gets on one knee* Paris, I love you. I always have. Will you marry me?
SL & Darren: *Rolling on the floor laughing*
Paris: No.
SL & Darren: *Laughing harder*
Steve: B-but why?
Paris: You are not my type.
Steve: T_T
Paris: *Disappears*
Steve: *Cries in the corner* Why are the readers so evil?
SL: Steve, come back. I think you'll enjoy this next thing.
Steve: *Looks up* Do I get to make out with Darren?
SL: No.
Steve: *Goes back to crying and muttering*
SL: So, Darren, also asked by MOeMoE KaGAmI, if you were gay, who would you hook up with?
Darren: Er…
Steve: *Rushes to Darren's side* It's me, right?
Darren: Er…
SL: It's Steve, right?
Darren: Well…
SL: No, wait! It's Evra!
Darren: Actually…
Steve: Me! Me! Me!
Darren: Not exactly…
SL: Kurda?
Darren: Hell no!
Steve: Me?
Darren: I already said no!
Steve: *Goes back to crying in the corner*
SL: Who then?
Darren: *Mumbles*
SL: What?
Darren: Mr. Crepsley!
Steve: …
SL: … *Clicks fingers and Mr. Crepsley appears*
Larten: Where am I? *Sees SL* Oh, no! Not this crazy witch again!
SL: *Witchy laugh* Anyway, Darren has something he'd like to say to you.
Darren: I do not!
SL: You do too! Go on, Darren. Tell Mr. Crepsley your feelings.
Darren: What feelings? T_T
Larten: Darren, do you have something to say or not? Because I do not take kindly to being woken up in the middle of the day for no reason.
SL: Go on – tell him, Darren!
*Momentary silence*
Darren: I love you, Mr. Crepsley! In a very homosexual way!
Larten: …
SL: Well, that definitely just upped the weirdness level around here.
Steve: You're telling me.
SL: Well, that concludes today's chapter. And here's a warning: there will be making out next chapter.
Steve: Me and Darren?
SL: No.
