Ziva's second chance
Ch 3
I originally had this in one long chapter 2, but I decided to break it up! Hope everyone is still enjoying watching Ziva grow. I felt I might expound on the unusual relationship Ziva has with Ducky in this one.
As if an answer sent from above, the doors opened up to autopsy. Ziva and Ducky had an unusual chemistry. He would make tea and discuss what ever was troubling Ziva, never judging, just listening and offering some sage advice. As she entered autopsy, she heard Ducky finish up his conversation on the phone.
"Yes, thank you again." Ducky hung up the phone and turned towards Ziva. "To what or should I say whom, should I thank for the honor of having you visit me, my dear Ziva?" Ducky walked over to the teapot and started warming the water. He could tell by the look on her face, she needed his attention.
"Oh, I am sorry Ducky. If you are busy, I can come back later."
"Oh, no my dear, I am never to busy to help out a troubled member of this family." Ducky said with gentle nod of his head.
"Who says I am troubled?" Ziva inquired.
"My Ziva, even in your short time here, I have learned to read your face. It is so beautiful, but very descriptive of whatever battles your soul. Tea will be ready in a minute, have a seat." Ducky said as he pulled a metal stool out for her to sit.
"I do not know if I have a minute, I..um.." Ziva kept glancing nervously towards the door, as if expecting a Gibbs to storm through at any minute.
"AHHH! So you are running and hiding from someone, yes?" Ducky questioned her.
"No, I do not run and hide from anything, I have been trained to face…" Ziva started but Ducky interrupted her rant.
"Ah, dear Ziva, you are not in Tel Aviv, you may have been trained to face certain terrorist and death, but you were not trained in how to deal with the heart." Ducky replied as he poured her a cup of tea. "Let me guess. You are hiding from Gibbs?"
"Why would I hide from Gibbs? He is….He is…." Ziva started but found that the feeling of peace that she had when she was talking to Ducky made it hard for her to lie to him. "Yes…He is going to kill me."
"Oh, you are jesting, our fearless leader is not a killer." Ducky had walked around and gently laid his hand on her shoulder. He could tell that she was on the verge of breaking down some of her walls, but the constant fear that Gibbs would arrive at any minute, made her hesitant. "Give me a minute, and I will be right back, just sip on your tea." Ducky strode over to his phone and pressed one number. "Ahh! Jethro, I am going to step out for lunch for a minute, so if you need me just call my cell. What? No, I haven't, but if I do I will ring you." Ducky hung up and returned to Ziva and their tea.
"Ducky, I am sorry, I did not realize you had plans, I will return…"
"You will do no such thing Miss Ziva, I just told Gibbs that so that you would feel safe that he would not be coming down here anytime soon. So let's finish our tea, and you tell what is troubling you." Ducky said as he pulled his chair over to Ziva and rested his hand over hers. "Now, explain, why you believe that Gibbs is trying to kill you?" Ducky had not misunderstood her, he was just trying to get her to speak out loud and listen to her own irrational fears.
"Oh, Ducky, I do know that Gibbs would never hurt me. Well, let me correct that statement. I know that he would never kill me, that is just one your silly English sayings, but…I…" Ziva stood up and ran her fingers through her hair. "I just don't know!" She exclaimed with a sense of frustration.
"Don't, know what little one?" Ducky asked, probing deeper into her psyche.
"What he wants." Ziva said as she felt a burden roll off her back.
"What do you mean, he wants? I think it is pretty clear what he wants, Ziva." Ducky answered. "But the true question is what do you think he wants?"
"I think..I think.. Oh, that is the problem. I do not know what to think he wants. I am not innocent and sweet like Abby. I am not super smart with computers like Tim. I am not his trusted backup like Tony. I am just me."
"And what exactly is wrong with just you?" Ducky asked with a glimmer in his eye. He had seen a shadow outside the cracked autopsy doors and wanted Ziva to continue to empty out her fears.
"I was trained to deal with terrorism, highly difficult interrogations. I can kill a human with my bare hands." Ziva raised her hands to her face and surveyed them. "I have killed with these hands. I have tortured people. I have seen things that others can not fathom in their worst nightmares. I have been taught to trust no one and that I can only rely on myself. I will follow orders, but have always had a back out if I disagreed. I can be stubborn and impatient. I have been held captive and faced uncertainty and yet I come here and I become weak."
"You weak? Never."
"Ducky, Gibbs..this morning, I sort of did not follow his orders and I decided that I should try to disable the bomb. Gibbs had instructed all of us to evacuate, but I was thought I could disable it in time and then save all the evidence that was tied to the warehouse. I snuck around the corner and re-entered the building and was half way to the bomb, when I felt a pair of steel hands clasp me around my back and drag me back out of the building, just as the bomb exploded. I did not realize at the time who had saved me, but when I opened my eyes, I was looking at Gibbs. Ducky, his look scared me. ME! A trained assassin was scared of one look at Jethro Gibbs. And then he did not give me time to explain myself, he did not even ask if I was OK. He just uttered a few sentences in a voice I have never heard come from him before. He just said 'NCIS interrogation as soon as we return. DO NOT LEAVE, until I come and get you. Clear?' That was it."
"Oh, I did not realize just how close to death you had been? No wonder you were scared of him. I have only seen him that scared once before." Ducky mumbled.
"He wasn't scared. He was mad and then to add to the already well fueled fire, I just sort of disobeyed him again and ran." Ziva stopped pacing and looked at Ducky with a sense of amazement. "You were right, I did run. But….but, do you know what HE did to ME!" Ziva was now ranting and waving her hands. "While I sat in interrogation waiting for him, I started feeling stupid for feeling that fear back at the warehouse. I had built this big argument up in my head to hope to prevent him from sending me back to Israel. He said that…that…he thought of me as a daughter, and that he would be proud to be a father to me. Me! A killer, assassin, torturer. It took my breath away, I had never felt so safe at one time in my entire life."
"So my dear, why the running?" Ducky knew that she was working her way through her muddled emotions trying to come up with a simple answer.
Ziva sat down with her back towards the door, placed her head in her hands and answered quietly. "Because I was scared. I mean as I said before, I am not Abby, Tim or Tony. When he told me I was grounded to my desk and that I had to write lines, I felt like a child that had gotten caught doing something wrong. It threw me off kilter. I mean I am used to being in control. Then I let my temper get the best of me and I did not write what I was supposed to and then when Gibbs wanted me to show him what I did, I took the chicken way out and ran. If he doesn't kill me for disobeying then I am afraid that he will take back what he said." Ziva was so wrapped up in her talking that she failed to see, Gibbs squeeze through the crack in the door.
Ducky looked up and gave him a nod to acknowledge that he was here.
"Dear, dear Ziva, to be so young and so old at the same time. Yes, in your past you make have killed and tortured people, but that was the old Ziva that you left in Israel. This Ziva in front of me has the heart of a lion and spirit of a child. You are scared because you have never felt a fathers love. This love is a strong love. It is easily given to someone when they have a place in their heart. Your fear was not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of acknowledgement that you are no longer alone. Having someone you love almost get themselves killed because they ignored a warning you have given them invokes not only feeling of anger at the person for not listening, but protectiveness to make sure they never do something so stupid again. Gibbs punishment was not done in the sense to humiliate you, it was to make you realize that what you did was wrong, and that taken unnecessary risk with your life in unacceptable here. This team is all one family. Gibbs has taken to you like a father, for good and for bad. There are going to be times when you have to TRUST that his decisions are in your best interest. You are going to have to rely on HIS strength and true love to know that no matter what actions and punishments are decided on, they are only done to protect the ones he cares for."
Ziva looked up at Ducky as his words penetrated the walls around her heart. "I never thought of it like that before Ducky. I can only hope you are correct in your assumptions about Gibbs and his feelings."
"Don't worry there Zi…He was right." Gibbs spoke from behind her.
Ziva was caught off guard by his presence and quickly jumped up and ran around to the other side of the table. "Oh, Gibbs, How long have…wait a minute. You knew I was here the entire time didn't you. Ducky some how let you know that I was here and that I was talking, that was why you had not burst into here earlier. I…I…"
"I heard everything Ziva, and I think there are a few things we need to clear the air with now. When I saw you enter the warehouse AFTER I had told you to evacuate, I was furious and scared at the same time. After the explosion, I realized that you were OK and then my feelings reared their head. Damn, right I wanted you to be scared. I was scared you could have died. It was on the way back to NCIS that I realized just how much you have come to mean to this team and myself."
"But, Gibbs, you heard me tell Ducky what I am and yet…" Ziva started to argue.
"Yes, I did hear you tell Ducky what you are, and I will tell you what I know you are and then I will tell you what I want you to be. You are a smart, beautiful young lady, who was never been given the chance to grow and mature the way daughters are supposed to. You try to act all gung-ho ninja on us and yet I know deep inside you are lonely and want some sense of stability and guidance. Well here is what I want you to be. I want you to be a beautiful, smart young lady who knows that she is never alone. I want you to become a wife and mother to some special man at some point in your life. I want you to be willing to TRUST and RELY that I am here for the long haul. No matter what you do, you will always be my daughter." Gibbs started to walk towards her and Ziva started to walk backwards.
Ziva felt overjoyed in the words Gibbs had spoken, but she knew that with this good, there was also some changes that were going to more difficult.
Ducky sensed that Ziva was now comforted by Gibbs words, but at the same time he saw a glimpse of that fear again. Not wanting Ziva to run before this was finished, Ducky rolled the chair behind her and she fell into the chair, all the while Gibbs was still coming towards her. "Ziva, my dear, I am going to let you two finish this alone." He said as he saw that Gibbs now had his hands on either side of the chair to prevent her fleeing. "But, my child, let me give you this strong warning from this old Ducky. I ever hear of you putting yourself in undue danger again, I will resort to a more biblical way of dealing with a spoiled child myself." Ducky said as he put on his hat and left the room.
"Is he saying what I think he said?" Ziva asked as the thought of spare the rod and spoil the child.
"Oh, and he is not the only one." Gibbs said with a gentle nod of his head.
"But…"
"No buts, you are going to sit here and listen to what I have to say. You may not like it but, tough." Gibbs let go of the chair and walked back toward the table. Ziva started to rise to feel like she was on more even ground. "I said sit!"
Ziva quickly sat back down and looked up at Gibbs.
"One, when I tell you to do something, you do it. Two, I can not protect you,..and before you argue, a father always protects his kids, if you lie to me. The rules are there for a reason. Each one has a purpose and they may not make sense to you, but you are to follow them. Three, if I ever catch you doing something that I feel is wrong, I will punish you. Not to humiliate but to teach and reinforce my commitment to you. You will accept the punishment or if you fight it, it will only increase the severity. The fear you feel when I punish you is there to remind you to fear what will happens if you even start to think of doing something that you know is wrong. That is one of the purposes, to prevent future act of wrongdoing. Are we clear on this?" Gibbs said as he leaned against the table, hands grasping the ends and his legs crossed, giving off a sense of certainty and ease.
Ziva looked back at Gibbs and saw the love in his eyes and knew that this was what she wanted. Not the punishments, but the love. But she now understood that with love comes consequences. "Yes, I am clear Gibbs. I am sorry for running…"
"Oh, I know, and now for the consequences." Gibbs walked over to Ziva and gently raised her to her feet. He wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders and started talking as they exited autopsy and headed for the elevators. "Since I can not keep you grounded here, you will go back to your desk and grab your to go bag, you will drive to my house and go to your room….."
Ziva's temper started to flare up as she heard him lay out her punishment. "Wait just one second here, there is no way in hell that I am…" Ziva stopped abruptly as Gibbs flipped the emergency switch in the elevator. She never saw what was coming. Gibbs grabbed her arm and turned her and landed two hard SWATS! SWATS!
The pain was not unbearable, but it was enough to make her stop herself. That and the look in Gibbs eyes that said do not challenge me. "You want more of that now, Ziva?"
Ziva was speechless, she had never been spanked before. All she could do is shake her head.
"Good, then listen. You will go to your room and stay there. You will finish the lines you were supposed to have done this morning. No TV, no music and no phone unless it is NCIS. You will stay there until I get in, you are grounded to NCIS and my house over the weekend."
"Grounded?" Ziva asked with a sense of unbelief.
"Yep!" Gibbs remarked as he flipped the switch.
He watched as she rounded her desk and sat down. He saw her eyes get a little wider as she felt the heat of his two smacks reignite as she sat down. But he just shook his head with a smirk as he watched her eyes light up as she really heard what he had said.
She just turned and looked at him with a silly grin and said, "My room?"
This story has taken a life of its own, I was only intending a two or three chapter story, but the character of Ziva in my head has a couple more trial to go through here. Hope I don't lose any readers, but I love her complexity as a character. I feel she does not have enough stories about her and her relationship with this team.
Thanks
