C is for Cuddle
It's 4:45 on a Tuesday morning, and JJ's been laying awake in bed for at least an hour, watching the clock tick closer and closer to morning, feeling the good night's rest she so desperately needed slip further and further out of her grasp. She's trying to lay still, breathe deeply, and just enjoy this time. It's in the darkness of the night, wrapped up in the covers with Emily beside her that JJ can allow herself to relax in knowing that this is her life now. That she's happier than she's ever been. That she's at home, with all the people who matter most to her in the world, here, and safe, all under one roof together. But there's just something about seeing the numbers on the clock turn over and knowing how quickly morning is approaching, how quickly the perfection of their night is shattered, that makes it impossible for her mind to quiet.
And then Emily sighs beside her, turning over in her sleep and wrapping an arm around JJ's middle, and she feels her body melt back into the bed.
"Y'okay?" Emily asks sleepily. "You're thinking so hard it woke me up."
"Sorry, baby," JJ replies, and she is. She knows better than most how hard good sleep can be to find, and she hates to be the cause of Emily missing out on any. "I can't sleep anyway so why don't I go downstairs so I don't disturb you any more?"
"No," Emily protests, "stay." She pulls her girlfriend closer to her and spoons up against her back, pressing a lazy kiss to JJ's neck before she feels the other woman's fingers entwine with hers where they rest on her stomach. "Wanna tell me what you're thinking about?"
JJ pauses, then answers quietly, "You," and she's not lying. It's hard for JJ, sometimes, to reconcile what she knows about SSA Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit for the FBI with the Emily she sees at home, the Emily currently wrapped around her in her bed, the Emily that's going to disappear in a matter of hours and only peek through in private, stolen moments until they're back together again that evening. SSA Prentiss is all sharp edges and hard angles, whereas Emily, her Emily, is just soft. She's light-colored sweaters with comfortable jeans, her hair pulled up in a ponytail with Michael resting on her hip. She's quiet laugher and gentle touches and whispered words of affection. She's cuddly, and that, perhaps, is what JJ has the hardest time wrapping her head around.
She doesn't know why it surprises her, really. Emily (SSA Prentiss, she corrects herself,) has always been physically demonstrative. Even back all those years ago when she was new to the team, Emily wouldn't hesitate to run a hand down her arm or quickly brush across the small of her back. She'd never shied away from contact with her friends.
But outside of work, when it's just the two of them or they're with the boys, it's like Emily takes it up to a whole new level. She's always reaching out to make contact in some way, a hand on JJ's thigh while they're riding in the car, or a quick brush down her arm when she passes her a dish at dinner. She'll pull Henry right onto the couch with her and snuggle under a blanket while a Disney movie plays. Michael, who'd been going through a particularly fussy phase anyway, responded especially well to Emily lately, requesting bedtime stories only from her. JJ will forever treasure the grainy cell phone picture she'd snuck a week prior of her girlfriend and her baby, both asleep in the rocking chair in his room, a tattered copy of Michael's favorite Llama Lllama book fallen to the side, his light blonde head a stark contrast to her dark hair where he lay on her shoulder, face nuzzled against her neck.
But it's the way Emily's arms were wrapped around him that really hit JJ. She knows how safe he feels with Emily there to protect him, how much he must trust her to fall asleep like that. She knows how proud Henry feels when Emily wraps him in a hug and tells him what a great job he did during his baseball game and how his hustle in the outfield helped his team do so well, making him forget he struck out every time he was up at bat. She knows how content she feels when she's at the stove getting dinner ready, and Emily's arms snake around her and her hands rest low on her belly, while Emily whispers in her ear how good the food smells, and how nice it is to be there with her, and how she's the most beautiful woman in the world. It's so domestic, and so perfect, and, wrapped in her arms like that, JJ believes her.
"Should I be worried?" Emily asks hesitantly a moment later, and JJ almost jumps at the sudden voice bringing her out of her thoughts.
"I don't want you to leave," she responds, turning in Emily's arms so they're face to face, legs intertwined as JJ reaches a hand up to rest on Emily's cheek.
"I'm not going anywhere," Emily speaks, suddenly sounding more awake.
"I don't want you to leave in the morning. I don't want you to miss breakfast because you have to go back to your place to get ready for the day. I don't want to have that conversation this afternoon where we make a plan for the evening and pretend like we don't know you're going to end up back here to have dinner with us and help Henry with his homework before we get the boys down and you stay the night in my bed until we repeat exactly the same thing tomorrow."
"Jay…"
"I want to fall asleep next to you every night, Emily, and wake up next to you every morning. I want that to be a given. I don't want to lay awake in your arms counting down the hours and minutes until you have to leave and I have to be without you, without my Emily. Even if I know it's only going to be a couple hours, I don't want you to leave. We don't…our time together is so precious, and I don't want to waste it. Move in with me, Emily. Please. You're a part of this family now, and we should live like it."
"Okay."
JJ blinks, her further arguments freezing on her lips. "Really?"
Emily nods. "I would love nothing more."
"Yeah?"
"Duh," Emily grins, wrapping her arms even tighter around JJ's body and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Now go back to sleep, we can get at least another hour."
And as JJ relaxes into Emily's embrace and feels the other woman's fingers begin to draw gentle patterns up and down on the small of her back, she closes her eyes and does just that.
