A/N: If you still have finals, do not read this. Don't do that to yourself. You need all the brain-cells and IQ points you can get.


Chapter 3: Span


The snow continued to fall well into the next day, covering any remnants of the world in its wake. The streets no longer had cars, but soft lumps of snow with antennas poking through. Romano was still asleep in the closet, though they unlocked it and left it ajar into the night. Italy had brought him a blanket, knowing he would be cold without the warmth of Spain or himself.

The nations were hungry and not the most pleased when America ventured off for hotel food, returning with generic ill-prepared pancakes and packages of frozen butter and syrup. Canada was extremely offended by the terrible excuse for syrup and France stalked away with a few others to look for the apples and oranges America said were available but didn't bother to bring.

Prussia had been typing away on his tablet since he got up, taking breaks to steal bites of Canada's pancakes. The Canadian was just happy to be noticed, so he let it go, allowing the Prussian to take his share. He didn't want them anyway.

The closet was beginning to stir with swears and Italian grievances about being sore as Prussia was joined by a sleepy Spain. The tired man first sat on Canada, bouncing back up, staring at the seat in confusion, then taking a new one.

"Check this out, Spain! Someone posted a whale on tumblr!"

Spain narrowed his eyes at the bright screen of the iPad then snorted before lightly smacking his friend on the shoulder. "Prussia, that's a woman!"

"What's the difference?"

The Spanish nation tutted and put his head down, ready to get back to his dream. Romano was stumbling from the closet and found his brother, opting to use his foot to wedge himself between Italy and Germany. The blonde grunted and got up to abandon the one day he planned on sleeping in. Romano grinned in victory and laid down in his place with his half-awake brother.

Prussia was back to messing around on the internet, proudly proclaiming himself a "shitlord" to anyone willing to listen. Soon France had returned with an armful of fruit and everyone finally had a chance to eat… unfortunately, it would be breakfast with a show.

"Listen up, losers!" Prussia screamed to the room. "I will now be reading to you the next part of the awesome story of me!"

Groans filled the room.


I waz walking in Tilsit at night under the fool moon and I saw a tastey looking humin walking alone to and I was going to call span because Span is a vampire (that's hwy he looks so good for his age) and Span luves young meat. I followd the weirdo into a dark ally and I got my gun out becuz Im going to kidnap him and tye him to the radiator in my basement until Spin gets here from southern Italy (if u know what I mean, lol, perverts).

But the guy disappeared! That could only mean one thing! He was…a ghost!

A super spooky ghost that West is a afraid of! Its my mission as an awesome older brother to find that ghost and kick its ass back to hell so west doesn't see it and cry!

I got my best ghost killing boots on and chased it down! I was wearing my black combat boots and glow-n-de-dark shoelaces so I don't get lost and I had on my Prussian uniform so they know not to fuck with me but if they did I would beat them to death like in my glory days which is every day. My hair has silver streask in it and it look really good with my white hair and I had my super secret murder gloves on so I don't leave fingerprints Im not stupid but if it was ASStria I would let the cops get me because fuck Asstria I want the world to know I murdered his stupid prissy ass.

I was feeling extra confident so I chugged some super awesome beer from the tavern I own because Im a rich entreprenewer too and I own everything ever made. If u see something, its Prussian. Made in China tag? MADE IN PRUSSIA! But not like in me, in my country. Sickos!

I drank a bunch of ultra strong beer and listened to my new favorite band Ninnghizhidda and hit the streets again in search for the evil spooky ghost!

I chased that creeper down in my Mystery van (trademark © Prussia) until Grandenz and he stopped and I stopped and got out of my Spooky machine ( © Prussia! Fuck off!) and he looked scared.

"No, don't kill me!" he said and I laughed.

"I'm going to anyway!" I said and I went to attack him but then I realized he wasn't no ordinary ghost that makes West piss himself! It was….Old Fritz!

"oh my god Old Fritz!" I cried and he cried and he said "Yes it is I, Prussia, and I need you to do smething for me!"

"What is it"

He smiled and he said "I need you to… declair war on Austrian and take over his land and burn his women and rape his crops!"

"Okay" and we laughed and we went back to my mansion and got drunk and watched TV and then Hungary came by and I made sex at her and it was amazing and Old Fritz high-fived me

TO BE CONTINUED!1!...


There was a loud snapping and a pained exhale of breath—across the room Britain and France had been trying to pry open a window, which were all either nailed shut or completely frozen over. France was waving his hand around, moaning about a broken nail, as Britain cursed at his idiot ex-colony for having such weather. Day two of being trapped with Prussia's story-telling was not doing anyone any good, proven by people like France and Britain actually working together on something. France loved Prussia like a brother but he couldn't stand the constant iPad use.

Russia, on the other hand, was taking this weather like a champ. He even left the hotel a few times to bring back supplies. America was afraid to ask what stores were even open with this kind of weather… he also chose to ignore the lack of receipts, grocery bags, and the obvious pieces of broken glass stuck in the frost on the scarier nation's gloves.

The nations were trapped together for another day… they feared mostly for their lunch. Prussia would, no doubt, have another segment of story to force on them.


A/N: Sorry. There's supposed to be an ungodly amount of "..." and "!" but FF doesn't like me to be glaringly obvious with poor punctuation. Time for clarification!

*Shitlord: Prussia calls himself a shitlord after calling a girl on tumblr a whale. Sometimes when people see the overweight/obese online, they suddenly don't feel so afraid to shame them. Prussia is on tumblr because he loves to blog.

*Tilsit: I googled a map of the Kingdom of Prussia and this was one of the parts of the country. Tilsit was toward the top-right (North-East).

*Made in Prussia: There is a promo thing for the Hetalia movie, Hetalia: Paint It, White! where the voice actor for Prussia (Jonathan Brooks) gets in character and just talks like Prussia. He rants at one point that everything is made in Prussia.

*Ninnghizhidda: A German black metal band.

*Grandenz: Another location in Prussia, to the bottom-left (South-West).

*Old Fritz: Frederick the Great, Prussia's man-crush.

*France: In general, France will not be happy here. I read trivia that he is a technophobe, so Prussia's constant iPad use bothers him.